Elf

My nose ring is infected *cries

i have a bandage and everything;l i look like im from Fight Club 

*double cries

i also have to take like a gazillion painkillers and they make me feel sleepy and out of it and i have to study through that since i want to get ahead 

*triple cry

Im sincerely sorry I keep putting out status updates. 

But I have decided to take the plunge. 

I am going to delete every app on my phone that sucks up my time. I will delete instagram, pinterest, netflix, prime video, and I will disable youtube. 

Because i find myself checking my phone far too often for my comfort and it is not like these apps are necessary. Hell, most of the times these apps end up making me feel worse for the wear once I'm done scrolling for six hours. 

Time i could have spent reading or studying or writing or cooking, or any multitude of activities that are stimulating and I actually enjoy.

I'm not saying its entirely bad to see some mindless entertainment when you're dead tired but for me i never even got the chance to be tired because i keep scrolling. I can't even read two pages without checking my phone these days.

And sometimes instead of sleeping early because i am tired i end up awake till like 2 am on my phone which is entirely counterproductive.

So yeah, enough is enough man

Soooooooo 

Im getting the dregs tattoo 

Like right now 

The artist is getting the stencil ready

Ashely Gavin and Colleen Balinger make me lose my faith in humanity 

The tiktok drama is deep these days

Im actually kinda glad tiktok is banned here so i dont have to see the actual sources

So

Im writing a cosmic horror story about sapphic vampires 

Does that sounds like at least a tiny bit of a decent idea?

I have just noticed 

My ring finger curves towards my other fingers!?? 

i 

What

How 

Why 

You can see it right? Im not crazy? 

Is this something i should be concerned about!?

So my textbooks came in, but ive been feeling a bit bad and guilty for not feeling like studying recently, even though college is like a month away since all the registration work hasn't even finished. 

But, you know I've been having a really bad week and I think i realised that if im not feeling my best, stressing out over something not even here yet is a straight up recipe for worse mental health. 

I think, sometimes you have to realise that your mental peace is the most important thing. Its the thing you need to protect at all costs. 

And sometimes slowing down, taking a deep breath and giving yourself some TLC is the best thing you can do. 

Sometimes all you need is to paint your nails and watch youtube for a while. Or Netflix. Sometimes all you need is to listen to calming music and read for like six hours. Sometimes all you need is to take a walk and listen to a podcast.

And thats...thats okay.

It makes me wonder, why do we as a society put so much emphasis on "hustling"? On getting as much work done as possible; why do we get called lazy for not filling every second of every day with "productivity"? (What even is productivity anyway? Shouldn't it be subjective? It is defined as "how efficiently an individual completes his/ her goals". What if my goal is to binge watch the entirety of a Netflix show?) (I'm not saying that its all you do. But we shouldn't have set parameters for what productivity means)

And i mean, this is an excuse that at least my parents have used in the past, "If you're not well enough to do (insert work or chore) then you're not well enough to (insert thing you enjoy)" 

Which is absolute crem. Doing that work would be more physically and mentally taxing than the thing you enjoy. And i can guarantee you that doing something you enjoy while you're sick will help you get better that much quicker. It took me a long time to stop feeling guilty for being "well enough" to read even though i was too sick to study or do some chores. 

You don't have to just lie in bed like a log of wood. 

(Went on a slight tangent there but eh)

Thing is. This is your life. And you get only one shot at it. 

Isn't it your responsibility to make the absolute best of it? 

And sure. 

That means chasing your dream; it means getting work done; it means getting to a particular level in life. 

But if you're sacrificing your mental health and peace for it, then you aren't really making the best of your life. Because life is inherently meant to be lived. To have fun, to do things you enjoy and to be happy. 

This was way too long, and idk why i wrote it but I'll end with this. 

Quote

Are we living a life that is safe from harm?
Of course not. We never are. But that’s not the right question. The question is are we living a life that is worth the harm?

In short, its okay to chill out. Chase your dreams, don't get caught up in useless drama and enjoy life for what it is. 

PAUL ATREIDES???? 

(i really need to read Dune Messiah)

Soo 

The witcher 

It is one of my absolute favourite shows ever (among there with arcane and shadow and bone at the top) 

And season 3 comes out on June 29! Two days from now (well really i should say one day from now because its late night on june 27 here) 

And thats great! 

Except....

I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THERE IT WAS RENEWED FOR A 3RD SEASON I AM NOT PREPARED FOR THIS WHY AM I SUCH A DISASTER

Raindrops, like falling glass. Shattering on the pavement, like your heart. A million pieces of hard lines and sharp edges, ready to cut and hurt. 

Hurt, like you were hurt. 

Broken, broken. 

Sprawled limbs and lolled head. 

Bleeding heart, and numb veins. 

When will it ever end?

It is noon 

I am starting The Priory of the Orange Tree and I have decided I am going to read all of it in the next twelve hours 

Wish me luck