Aspiring Writer

I tax with Duke Cards-1 Coins-8 @Whysper Yours. @Whysper hello?

@Ookla The Female Chicken yellow?

I'd keep a lot of TFA the same, though I'd try and fix the plot to be a little less contrived and make small changes and hints for what I plan to do next. TLJ, trash. The only thing I'd keep is the supremacy. The plot would go like this. The FO, after the destruction of Star Killer base, retreated into the unknown regions. In this version, Snoke is not the Supreme leader but instead an ambassador or leader of an alien faction in the unknown regions that agreed to assist them against the Republic, which would explain how they were able to make all their ships and equipment. The Republic is enraged, and all the planets are assembling fleets to help the Resistance pursue the FO. Leia is the one to go to Luke and convince him to join the fight, and the reason Luke banishes himself is that he trusted Kylo too much, put too much pressure on him, and Kylo broke and betrayed him, and Luke blames himself for not seeing it. Leia forgives him and we also get to see the man grieve for his brother-in-law. Meanwhile, Finn wakes up paralyzed and unable to fight, but helps by being a guide for the Resistance. The FO contacts for help from the alien government(s) and Rey is forced to fight enemies with Cortosis, making her lightsaber useless, and she's too inexperienced with the force to rely solely on it. She'd be wounded and the Resistance is outmatched, unable to fight an enemy with cortosis and with such different technology and tactics like cloaked ships, connecting the Sequel Triology the Thrawn Triology and giving more reason to read those books (their great). The Resistance would be helped out by another faction, probably the Chiss, and the FO are forced to retreat even further, and Luke would join the fight with Leia, having caught up. Also, yeah, never mind, get rid of the supremacy. And hyperspace tracking and ramming. I'd try and keep Poe and Finn together and make them the series couple, though I am not sure how'd I write that because Poe didn't really have a character in TFA for me to go off of. Movie would end with the Chiss and Resistance talking and agreeing to help each other. TROS, I'd have Rey use her tinkering knowledge to build herself a kypercrystal weapon that would actually help against the cortosis, introducing maybe a lightsaber blaster, Finn would be the relations guy between the Chiss and Leia due to his knowledge of the Unknown regions and knowing a bit about the chiss as they were potential threats to the FO, Luke would see Rey and think about taking her in for training when this is over, and now that I think of it, I'd probably remove Kylo from the series. The resistance would finally track down the FO, and with the help and knowledge of the Chiss, are able to beat them even with the Grysk reinforcements. The Grysks decide to retreat back to their base, leaving the FO to surrender and be taken back as prisoners. We'd get a scene of Snoke explaining to maybe Hux why they had to cut their losses, Rey would be taken in by Luke for training, Poe would introduce Finn to the republic, showing him around in his wheelchair/hoverchair, maybe another scene of the Grysks, and end. This all was thought in a few minutes. There are defiantly problems, as I realize a lot in TFA would not happen, which means TFA will definitely need some heavy rewriting, but that would be the direction I would go, using the resources that writers had available in other series, and giving us a new plot of rather two equal sides or a small rebellion versus all powerful empire, we would get to see the full power of the republic track down the FO to destroy them, and give us far more answers than we actually got. I'd probably need more time to think it all through and plan it out, but that would be that basic framework. I would have something planned and have answers prepared. Again, this was done in a few minutes so it's not very good, but it's something.

Some books don't start answering questions for a while, the introduction being a sort of slow burn. You brought up the questions, yes, but others might be interested in answers while you get annoyed at not getting them fast enough. I hear you, but I'm not sure how much is a problem of preference or writing.

There is a reason, but it's kept secret from her. That's why she wants to know what's happening to the targets.

The reason for the fight was mentioned in the previous chapter. It's a civilian uprising that she has been ordered to take care of.

@Ookla the Bored Really now. @Somebody from Sel @Whysper @Chasmgoat You were saying?

Must everything move the plot forward? The chapter is building their character and relationship. And I doubt you'd care about plot if you didn't know anything about the characters. One is consuming the souls of enemy combatants she already killed. Another went out of his way to kill someone for their soul.

Kinda, yeah.

Yes. That or a pet brought there.

It is alien, though it can survive in an earth environment like a forest. Normally it acts on instinct.

Is this abur RoW? Does it mess things up? I'm about to read it?

The difficulties of playing over the internet.

@Ookla The Female Chicken Your move.

I'm just going to throw my hat here, seeing as this movie was so bad I ended up making a Video on some of its issues. A lot of you are trying to figure out why TROS didn't work, and I see things like it wasn't Star Wars, lack of communication, and Disney meddling, and while those are also valid, there is a very simple reason it didn't work. The writing was crap. The pacing was very, very off at the beginning and honestly throughout, rushing the start and rarely giving moments for the audience to breathe or for characters to talk and interact meaningfully. The Plot was nonsensical and reminded me of a really bad video game with numerous contrivances. How does Kylo know where the first Wayfinder was? What are the chances that they fell into the sandpit that the knife would be in? Why in the world would the map to the Wayfinder, the map to Palpatine, be on one of his assassin's knife? Why give people a way to find him? Why risk it? if the Assassin knew where the Wayfinder was, why did he need to write it on his knife? Why did the snake not attack Rey when clearly upset? Why does Rey just walk off to face Kylo rather than just leave? How does Chewie get captured without anyone noticing until it's too late? Why is Kylo trying to ram his ship into Rey? If he wants her dead, just shoot her with your cannons, and if he wants to turn her, what if she went splat or successfully killed you? Why not just land and push her like he does after? Why is this the first we hear of a captains medallion when up to this point, all ships have required codes being sent or talking to the pilot, not some chip that should be deactivated the second the captain realizes it's missing or confirmed dead. How did they know the exact spot to stand on in the shore for the knife to work? Any other angle and it fails. Why does Rey constantly keep leaving without them? Can she not communicate to her friends and technically, Poe is her superior seeing as he was second in command to Leia. Also, this next issue needs its own paragraph. How the hell is the Death Star here? It was vaporized! We saw that in RotJ. And if there were pieces this big, this should've burned upon reentry. It should be burned beyond recognition and certainly wouldn't be glass still in the throne room window. How does the Death Star still have power? Why haven't Scavengers crowed to the death star for parts? They'll scavenge star destroyers on Jakku but not the Death Star on Endor/Endor's moon? And how lucky the throne room isn't underwater, That would've made that scene so difficult, now would it? Moving on, why does Leia stop Kylo in a middle of a fight to get stabbed? Did she not think of a better way to stop her son that wouldn't have him be impaled? Or did she just not care at that point and wanted him gone? Becuase he would be dead because of Leia if not for force heal (We will get to that) Why does Rey just decide to pull a TLJ and remain on the Island? How in the world did she from fighting Kylo and saving him to self-imposed banishment? ANd does she not tell her friends anything? Do they know why she left? Do they care? is this so normal that they don't even ask? Especially when they failed their mission, you'd think you'd want to tell them that. Imagine if they kept searching the throne room for it and confused on what happened. (I'm going to make a disclaimer that while I am sure that they didn't know what the hell they were doing when they made Luke catch the lightsaber, there are ways to explain it without causing problems, so while I do fault JJ for being stupid and not considering the ramifications, it at least can be fixed, so it gets a pass.) Why does Palpatine tell Kylo to kill Rey if he wants to possess her? What if he did kill her? Would you possess him? Which makes me wonder why not let Kylo kill you in the beginning and possess him and go to Rey and either kill her or have her kill you and possess her? Why does the Dyad let him come back to life? Why does he not strangle/crush/zap Rey and Kylo while their defenseless? Why did you not stop using lightning when it was clearly not working? Why does Rey not get possessed? And those aren't even all the issues. Worldbuilding wise, SW is screwed. Who were the FO? How much of the galaxy were they in control of, what resistance where they facing besides the resistance, were there worlds very against their presence? Is the fact they destroyed five planets with Star Killer just forgotten? Does nobody care that the FO is trying to take over? What was the strength of the First Order? They seem Galaxy spread with patrols on planets yet we don't see more than one FO ship. How is the rest of the galaxy faring? What are free worlds? Have the Free Worlds tried starting a collation against the FO? How has Palpatine made a fleet on exogul? Where are the shipyards, materials, manpower used to man the ships, fuel to power them, and speaking of power, how can all the DSD have enough energy to destroy a planet, previously seen in planet-sized constructs, constrained into something that can fit into a ship? It has been 30ish years sense RotJ, how has technology evolved that much that fast? And since I'm on the topic of those ships, let's talk about the battle. because of the sheer number and power of the ships, JJ had to somehow give his heroes a chance to win and said these three things. One, shooting the cannons, which are very vulnerable for some reason, will destroy the entire ship. Doesn't need to be charged up, just shoot it. Fine. Second is that there are no shields in the atmosphere. Battle of Hoth, the main goal of the Empire was to take down their shield generator. In this movie, during the desert chase scene, there are shields on the FO tredders. Love seeing that consistency, JJ. And three, and by joly, this is ridiculous, ships, without a towar, don't know which way is up. WHen has any ship needed a tower to know which way is up? WHen has then been a thing? They are space ships, they just need to go the opposite direction they came from to come from the ground earlier. Why do you not have your own navigation? Why si there only one tower if it is such vital target? We see that the towers can be installed on the ships, so put on on every ship! JJ basically said all the DSD are one-shot kill in atmosphere, and with the tower, they can't get out of atmosphere. Why? Why not just make the Final Order Fleet something else? Why not have something original that doesn't blow up planets? there are all sorts fo different techniques for ships in legends and even in your own canon, just use one of those, and make them in manageable number like, not 1000? or 10,000? I don't know which it is, but both are dumb and overkill. The Empire never had that many ships in one place for a reason, it was unnecessary, the fleet in RotJ was the largest ever in one battle at the time (For now). Why did you write yourself into this corner? And the force. So in this film we have teleportation, flight, and healing. Let's start with flight. Jedi have hovered but need to be meditating/concentrating. Rey appears to be able to do this like she's breathing. So why not use it when she is on the quicksand? Or when jumping in the deathstar? Or any other time in this film? And why did you add flight, Jedi have super jump and capable of falling at any height already, they didn't need flight. Teleportation. So what exactly can they do to each other? Can Kylo pull Rey's weapons through, her clothes, HER? Can Rey pull Kylo into the middle of an ambush? Can their body parts be severed mid-teleport? What are the mechanics to this? And healing. *Rubs forehead.*Alright, mechanics first, then consistency. So healing is something that needs to be added in carefully, as to not make it extremely overpowered, and the limits and mechanics need to be made clear. The healing in the movie is shown to be able to heal wounds, even fatal wounds, extremely quickly, making it on the more powerful end of healing, so how does this affect Rey? It doesn't. they say it takes some force energy, but we see know signs of this cost on her, which would be easy to do with a bloody nose. And then we find out it can revive the dead, and then we see the cost of Kylo killing himself, a cost never before seen. And now we know people can revive the dead. I wonder who that could be used for... Wonder how many people would and should have known about that... (Also, for some reason Rey healed a snake but not Poe's broken hand. ) As for consistency, Rey supposedly learns this from the Jedi texts (That's the best theory for it because it's never actually explained in the movie, and let's give this movie a chance.) If the Jedi texts had this, then that means this was an ability the Jedi were well aware of from their inception, so why does the jedi not use this in any of the movies? How does Obi-wan not help Qui-gon, how does Anakin not save his mother, how does any jedi or any character die when there is a force user nearby to heal them? And if you want to say the Jedi forgot, then why can't that be said in the movie? It is the movies' job to explain this stuff, not for us to make assumptions out of nothing to fill in details they neglected. And that isn't the end. What was Snoke? He was a clone. Who was he? Was he a puppet, did have his own personality and motives, was he aware Palpatine created him, were they in contact, how did he become the leader of the FO? This doesn't explain anything, it just give us more questions. How did Palpatine survive? The darkside is a pathway- no. You can't literally say, 'the force', as an explanation in your movie to a guy coming back from being vaporized. Twice. C3PO gets his memories wiped? gets them back. Chewie dies? he's not dead. The girl on that planet that gets blown up? She's not dead. Rey dies, she's not dead! Why all the death fake outs? Either kill a character or don't, don't keep beating us multiple times over. At one point, we just don't care because characters clearly have plot armor than JJ's skull. Character's need a way to Palpatine? There's a map to him. Don't know where the map is? There a map to that on a knife. Need to get on a SD? Here's a token that can get you in. And there is more, but this is already really long and I'm really tired. I didn't even get to the hyperspace skipping and how it doesn't work like how we see it in the film. There are numerous problems with this film, and that's why it fails. The writing has so many cracks, you... I have no metaphor anymore. The writing is bad. Yeah, the spectacle is nice, the sound is nice, but what is it, without the substance that storytelling gives it, the reason we spend hours upon hours engaged in it?

Yay. My loss would have been guaranteed if you stole. I tax with my Duke Cards-1 Coins-5 @Whysper Your move.

Maybe we should make this Great Houses themed, and everyone has to pick a great house. Makes perfect sense. Just put the house name next to each name on the list for reference.

I am tempted to unleash Szeth on a genocide run of the world and just have him kill everyone.

Oohh, that is interesting. Especially since you need to work with that while at the same time crippling them to gain an advantage later in.

The entire game rests on whether or not Whysper can block. How did we get here? OH THANK GOD!

Of course, that's the one I see. No, still can't, haven't taken the test. TPBM has a Switch

Whysper, please tell me you can block that. Pleas tell me you have a captain or ambassodor.

Syl. She'd enjoy it.