Aspiring Writer

Bit unfair considering the book hasn't been out for a month and I use the Shard for other purposes. I avoid going anywhere that has spoilers, but clicking someone's profile and seeing the top post that has to do with RoW and/or reading a very suggestive topic name is hard to avoid.

Yeah, no, she's going for historical fantasy and I was confirming which side she was leaning more towards. I know it did happen, the Greeks are a nice example of an old civilization okay with gay couples. The setting she provided made me question, but I'm fine with it.

I... I literally said that. I said go for it if she's going for fantasy, and I said to look for a civilization that do it, I didn't say it never happened. As for the dialogue comment, I gave my honest reaction.

Metal detectors, perhaps? We are able to see a swallowed scissors today. (Not kidding)

i don't... rap.

Mr.Goat still does the card exchange and answers any question I have. I normally clarify I can do something before executing it. I did literally use a captain a turn ago on you, and You literally said this I don't have two contessa. If I did and won, tho, I'd make everyone suck it as I won with two nearly useless cards that were never used. As far as you know, I have a Captain or Duke, and none of you know which. and challenging me means death, so you guys are going to want to be damn sure which one us real and which one isn't.

what is this?

Here, you have to reveal and have to be truthful. Also oh. The only person you can steal from is Whysper. Oohh. Interesting

yes, you have to.

Love the trail off there, you dead man. Hmm. I want to take a risk and tax again, that way Whysper will very much want you dead and i can coup you, taking you out of the game, but seeing the last time i tried to have a big mind game moment i ended up behind, I'll just do the simple move. I coup Chicken. @Ookla The Female Chicken Cards-1 Coins-2

me when my family don't get why I'm annoyed they failed to get my RoW for over a week.

I kinda want to know everything you know...

Um, when should i expect the explanation?

Well, seeing as nobody is posting anything, You can if you want.

Or I'm faking my duke. Remember, I used my ambassodor while I had a captain. Maybe I have captain and contessa. Or I'm trying to mess with you and have a duke. or maybe I have neither. You can never know once someone exchanges. They can have anything. And I doubt you're going to risk anything seeing as you have one card. And chicken, I suggest stealing from Whysper in case she gets an assassin. She's one coin away from using it.

Pg1- "succeeds" wrong tense. Pg2- day old— week old cadavers;" which is it? You could either say it's old and not be clear how old or give us a number. one day to a week is a big difference. Pg3- "this rust town.” If you want to be realistic, I would suggest looking up how people used to curse back in the day, cuz this sounds a bit modern. There' a video by Shadiversity on cussing in medical times that might help. And if you have fantasy elements, you might want to try making some up. "objectively gloomy state," Not a good word to use here. "alive people." Living. Use living. Pg5- “What is it they say? Curiosity is the cousin of courage- both will get you killed,” Love that line. Pg6- “I lost my wife not long ago," Hmm, if you're going for realism, I might want to look at old civilizations that allowed gay relationships. If not, go for it. Pg7- "there was chaos in my town." odd phrasing and unspeakable things happened." Delete. Sounds super forced. Pg9- "a few pills from his bag." Pills? What/how are they made? “- if severed, will result in a quick, painless death.” Is this based on science? I can believe it, but I'd like to confirm you looked this up first. Pg10- “Should we… burn her instead?” yay, the characters are smart Okay, to be blunt, the dialogue is bad. Fantasy gets some wiggle room to weird phrasing, but a lot of your lines were just cringe. Interesting concept with the rising dead, and an intense scene with the woman asking to die. The main character clearly has a hidden past. Intriguing, but the execution turns me off. Refine it and fine-tune it and it would be a nice hook.

hmm. Well, I'm about to throw a Monkeywrench into everything you all thought to be true. I let you Coup My Contessa. I tax with my Duke Cards- 1 Coins- 9

No idea. Just hearing him talk gives me anxiety. It's interesting, but... yeah.

Again, the S? warning is nothing, it happens between chapters and is barely referenced, there is no description of any kind. Anyways, new POV, really interested in what you think.

Anyone watch the Sanderson lectures and have a spike in anxiety watching them? I started doing it, and it definitely made a blood pressure rise.

Assassin might be more dangerous, acctualy, especially if she gives up her duke.

I decided the risk was worth it, and maybe she'll decide to target you rather than me because I can't target back as quickly, and as of now, you are a wild card. She knows my cards, and currently has the upper hand against me. You are the one nobody knows and her biggest risk of losing.

hmm, I suspected that was going to happen. Eh. @Whysper please tell me you have a plan. Preferably one that doesn't screw me over.

You are correct, i had forgotten. thank you for the reminder. As Captain, I steal from chicken Not that it does much, as you still have seven. Coins-8 Cards-2

Where's chicken, she was just on. @Ookla The Female Chicken please make your turn, the game is nearly at its conclusion. We need to see who wins. Will you, the obvious winner, win, or will I pull a fast one out of nothing, or even better, will whysper the underdog somehow get us to kill each other and let her come out on top?