Zephrun’s Imperium

You know when you're reading a book or watching a movie, and you've seen/read it before, and something bad is about to happen, and you're hoping that somehow it'll go different this time... and you're just saying, "Just DON'T DO IT!" because you hope that maybe the characters will be smarter this time, forgetting it'll always be the same?

I hate that.

You know when you're reading a book or watching a movie, and you've seen/read it before, and something bad is about to happen, and you're hoping that somehow it'll go different this time... and you're just saying, "Just DON'T DO IT!" because you hope that maybe the characters will be smarter this time, forgetting it'll always be the same?

I hate that.

So it's well past midnight for me, and things just aren't working.

I've been taking medication to help me sleep, but those seemingly aren't working anymore. I just sit and stare and think and think and it goes on for hours now. It's been days and I haven't actually rested.

Scud's been hard over here. I don't know why, but it's just all really bad. It's not that things are happening, even. Nothing's happening. I'm not doing anything. Nobody else is doing anything.

Like... life is about doing, right? Then what the hell am I living for?

I've ranted before, and you always have some kind words to share. I appreciate them so much. You let me know that I'm safe here, that I can talk, that you can listen. That means the world to me - what little world there is left, anyways. But it's not enough to just... fix it.

Right now my eyes are too tired to stay open but everything else is too awake to even stop moving for a second or two. This horrible ache in my chest just won't go away, no matter how many times I try to breathe it out or think my way through it. Anxiety's that one pebble in the heel of your shoe sometimes, and itsomehow that's just as bad as the massive, gutting kinds. When I have real panic attacks I can scream, cry, get it all out... with this I just shake. And wait.

The problem isn't that there's nobody there for me. The problem is that there isn't anybody here for me. It's been epochs since I last had an actual hug from a real friend that actually meant something more than just a quick goodbye. As a physical touch sort of fella, I can comfortably just sort of... cuddle with people. Obviously not a weird way. Just to let each other know that we've got our backs. We're safe.

So please don't discontinue your messages and encouragement. That's not what I'm trying to say. It's just that I'm surrounded by all you amazing people but also so alone at the same time.

I can't sleep. I can't write. I can't draw. I can't play my piano. When I dream it's about horrible things - just nightmare after nightmare full of panic and anxiety. For once I just want to be sick and feel justified doing absolutely nothing, but I'm not. It's all my fault that I'm never going outside and breathing fresh air and moving these god-forsaken bones and muscles of mine. It's my fault that I won't be going to college this semester and finally getting a move on in real life. It's my fault that not a cell left within me has the will to do anything at all anymore.

It's probably my fault I don't have any real friends anyway.

Sorry for rambling. Thank you for your time.

I'm no longer dead!

Rings of Power!

Here's hoping.

The trailer doesn't look promising. But trailers never look promising.

I notice other Sharders using nicknames for each other...

Despite being not a very well-known member, I kinda want one, but I haven't thought of one.

Any ideas?

I notice other Sharders using nicknames for each other...

Despite being not a very well-known member, I kinda want one, but I haven't thought of one.

Any ideas?

ignore that dramatic announcement about how i'm gonna be gone all summer cause I'M BACK!

(Long story short, thought i would be wayyyy busier than i'm turning out to be.)

How have you guys been?

A few things to update y’all on. 

First of all… I made it into the college I applied for!  I don’t think I’ll apply to any other colleges, because I really want to go to this place; it’s perfect for what I want to do. (which, in case you didn’t know, I want to be a middle school English teacher. I plan to major in English education and minor in art) The college is here in Iowa, so unfortunately I won’t be moving out west to see more of y’all. But I’ll be plenty happy where I’m at! Plus, a lot of my family lives out West, so I’ll have more than enough opportunities to visit those of you on the flip side. 

Second of all… it’s ma birthday!! Heck yeah, I’m seventeen, benches. I had my birthday party last night with friends and it was fantastic, I may or may not have peed my pants laughing so hard. We had cake and pizza and played What Do You Meme, Apples to Apples, BANG!, and Killer Bunnies. Of the four, the latter was the favorite. It was such a blast. 

Third - I don’t know how I haven’t mentioned this - I’m reading Fablehaven to my two little sisters and Mistborn to my brother. I’ve read Fablehaven twice all the way through, but that was years ago. Reading it again now is such a joy, I’m picking up on so much more! It’s interesting though, because it is definitely not the kind of book I would enjoy now; WAY more plot than character driven. And yet, it changed my life forever. Y’all, if I hadn’t read Fablehaven, I would never have gotten into Sanderson. And now, I get to pass that gift down to my sisters. 

And finally, today is my anniversary with @The Ward's Guard. 365 days ago I was just arriving at his house to spend the day with him, and I had no idea that he would be the love of my life. Now, after that fateful day, it’s been a year since we’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend and I wouldn’t trade him for all the stars in the sky. To my darling dearest, I love you forever. You’re my treasure and we’re all better off for having you here. 

Finished Owl House

It's weird to think of myself as one of the old guard, I'm so new here and I still see people who have been here long enough to put me to shame.

And yet, they've all gone away, or at least into inactivity. Of the active sharders I'm one of the oldest. It's kinda wild. I have mixed feelings about this.

Frustration's status update got me wondering. How long do you think you'll be active on the Shard? Answer and in a few years, we'll see who was correct.

I think I'll be active for about a year and a half, and then I'll lose interest and my activity will gradually tail away into nothingness. I hope it won't be so, but that's what usually happens.

I feel like it is in my nature to get into too many RPs and then get burned out.

Ok gois, vibe check time! But this time it's songs :3

If you reply, I'll give you a song that i think matches your vibe. If i don't know you as well, it might be harder, but i'll do my best heh.

Come hither!

Did a thing:

Go answer the question:

Four updates for y'all: 

Open mic night is TONIGHT and I decided to read a bit of the first chapter of the book I'm writing with Fadran. (It's called Masquerade if you're unaware (yes, based on the RP Masquerade: These Masks We Wear)) The reason I chose this over Sanderson stuff is twofold. 1) My Sanderson books are currently lent out to multiple friends, so I didn't exactly have access to what I would have otherwise liked to read. And 2) publicity, man!

I have two days left of school not counting today! Those two days will be dedicated to my second semester Junior year finals! Crazy! 

I was just reminded that pride month is coming up and, like... I am literally so excited.  I drew something for it I think two years ago??? But I really want to do something again. I'll have to find a suitable reference for Star, Sierra, Heather, Nicolae, Elgiloy, Rose, Jahora, Tamika, Gravel, and Fischer. All my fictional queer buddies. 

I recently discovered two new music artists; Cody Fry and AURORA. Ho. Ly. Crap. How I had I not heard of these humans before?! Their music is right up my ally, and I have both their stuff on repeat. Absolutely stunning musicians. Highly recommend you check out both of them. 

I fear I am losing myself.

Am I alive?

I need to take a break, I think...

Please don't forget me.

Thinking of starting my own RP… now that I’ve unofficially left all my other ones that have died.

I dunno what the current RP activity is looking like, if its all dead or currently too saturated to successfully start another. Or if anyone would even be interested.

So!

It's come to my attention that very little attention had come to y'all about this new RP:

Do me a scudding solid and join my Withergeist-hunting crew.

(Please)

((Also do it for Star))

(((If Star's the kinda person you'd want to do things for)))

The Witherhunt RP is still open! 

Ugh... thirty-four notifs? I'm not going through all those. I'll just click the important ones.

(I.E: "Mystic Syn commented on Sketches on the Bus, Because Syn Gets Bored Easily.")

((I can navigate to the RP subform plenty well by myself, thank you very much))

But anyways, I'm back! Hi! Just returned from the bestestestestestest days EVER. I guess I have to tell you guys allllllll about them:

The redraft of the Iconar Collective is seven pages--one chapter--long thus far.

That is all.

Proposal:

Remove the grammar-checking feature in google docs when the words are inside quotation marks. I don't care that "neither've" isn't a word; it's something that Lacy says, and therefore it counts!