shatteredsmooth

I used to be a little obsessed with The Dresden Files. Right now, my TBR is so out of control that I haven't even bough the book that just came out after the series being paused for years. My spouse goes to an engineering conference that seems to be in Chicago maybe every other year and keeps saying he wants to go back when it's not for work.

Me too, but I keeping thinking it's less and less likely. DC would be so easy to get to.

Swans can be vicious.

WorldCon 2024 sounds far enough in the future that cons and international travel might be safe-ish again. Of course, I'd have to stay in Scotland long enough after the con to hike at least two or three of those Munros.

That is beautiful!

Yeah. That's the Ossipee Mountains and the Belknap Range. My mom used to call them "the foothills." They're mostly between 2,000 and 2,500 feet. We've got those kind of people here too. I'm not sure how many mountains there are in each state, but there are all these list people go through. My cousin just finished the "48 4000-Footers of New Hampshire." Now she is on the "52 with a View" which are mountains in NH that are under 4,000 feet but still have a view. I'm sure when she finishes that, she'll find another list. Mt Washington is the highest in NH, at 6,288, though there are much bigger mountains in other parts of the country. I've never counted to see how many I've done, though I'm sure I could check off a handful on either list. However, I've hiked most of the mountains and hills in Acadia National Park, which are short and steep (500 - 1500). They tend to start right from sea level. That's a four hour drive though, so I haven't been up there this year. Hotels and house rentals are open to people in the five New England states plus New Jersey and New York, but I don't think overnight trips are really safe, even if COVID cases are relatively low in Maine compared to other parts of the US. What I find really interesting is that I have a friend who lived in Colorado for a few years and did a lot of hiking out there where the mountains are much, much higher. She claimed hiking in the Rockies was easier than New England hiking. I heard at least one other person say the same thing. I guess they have a lot of switchbacks out there and the trails in New England tend to go straight up the face of the mountain. Some day, when COVID is under control, and I get over my flying issues, I want to go hike in Scotland.

Last week's hike had better views. And a snake. Whenever I see snakes now I think of @Snakenaps

I hate running. There was one summer where I worked my way up to a mile and a half day, but it was torture. Then my mom got a puppy dog, and when he got big enough, I tried trail running with him, and he got to excited and bit my rear end. Not hard enough to break the skin, but just hard enough to leave a giant bruise. Now I have my own dog and I stick to walks with him. However, competing in a triathlon in on my bucket list. The local one is a 10 mile bike, 5k run, and 1 mile swim. I'm not sure why they put the run in kilometers and everything else in miles. I can bike 10 miles no problem (though I'm not fast because I don't bike often) and I can swim the mile. But I've never run a whole 5k. Ha ha ha I was doing one of the New Hampshire 4,000 footers and those are no joke. They may not be the highest mountains in the country, but they are steep. And I didn't make it to the summit. The top was in a cloud. It started raining. The last few tenths were big scrambles, which were too dangerous to do if they were wet, so we had lunch at an overlook just below the cloud line and turned around. This is looking south as some of the smaller mountains. The best views would've been from up top.

Mostly, yes, but only in the summer (June-August, maybe September). I'm planning to buy a wet suit soon so I can extend my season a bit. However, by Nov, it will be too cold even with a wet suit, and the lake will start to freeze. I will skip a day if it is pouring really hard all day, however, I will swim in light rain. I'm already wet if I'm in the water. I won't swim when there is lightening, but thunderstorms don't usually last a whole day. This week, I didn't swim the day I went hiking since we left early and got back late, and then I had to skip he day after because I fell when I hiked and my shoulder was too sore. But before that, I think I had a two or three week streak of not missing a day.

t/w animal violence (swans fight, but they both live)

I was very engaged in this chapter and didn't make many notes. This chapter hooked me from the start, and I am rooting for H. I really don't like her dad and hope she gets some kind of revenge on him for being abusive. I thought it had a good arc and ended on a suspenseful note. However, I feel like I haven't really spent enough time in this world with the other characters to get a sense of how this might be related to the plot. I can see this is in the same world, but in some ways, I feel like I am reading a different book. I'd like to settle into one character for a few chapters before being hit with a new POV. Once the reader has settled into the story more, I think alternating every other chapter works. Sometimes, when there is a very clear connection, like when the second POV character plays a significant role in a chapter with a first one, switching right away can work, but so far with this book, the POV switches are making it hard for me to immerse myself in the overall narrative. I agree with a lot of this. I was engaged enough to not really think about when I was reading, but there was so much emphasis on P that I was curious about him and everything that was going on. Wanting answers was one thing that hooked me, but I never got them, and then was distracted because I was hating H's dad and wanting her to have some kind of victory.

I'm getting ready for my 5th attempt at finding an agent. Getting traditionally published is still my goal even though the industry has a lot of flaws. I've published with small publishers (not the best experience ever), but since I have a tendency to get excited about things and then not follow through, I'm afraid to self publish. I worry I'll get the book partially ready and then never actually publish it. Or put a lot of effort into part of it and slack on the rest.

As I read: "...allow her weakness for cuisine to cause...no matter how tempting." I love this line. "..cud is giving him problems." Once I looked up cud, I appreciated this line. "...of pastries and fresh bread..." You are making me hungry! "...civilized dogs, goats..." So take this with a grain of salt, because sometimes I see random tweets about things and the spin out of proportion in my head, but I'm not sure civilized is the best word here. It makes me think of colonialism. It feels like a word oppressors or colonist use to justify being colonizers because they think they're civilized therefore groups they see as uncivilized are below them. I might be wrong about this though. "Pem decided..." Why did we switch POVs? It confused me, didn't add much, and seemed really short anyway. "..." Irene raved... While I was talking, I was thinking she was still talking to P, but I think the formatting might have just gotten messed up when I downloaded it to my kindle, so I missed the white space. Still, P's POV section was short and jarred me so I was less engaged while reading. Nice imagery in the last line! Overall, I loved some of the descriptions in this section. They were rich and vivid. I felt like I was in the kitchen with I. However, I was left wondering what happened. It didn't feel like the plot really moved forward. There was a hint of an arc at the begining, with I enjoying herself, feeling sympathetic to P, and feeling guilty about both things. However, that fell apart after we switched POVs. I don't think you don't necessarily need to scrap and redo the whole chapter, but you could make what you have work harder by adding something to it. Maybe I sees something in the kitchen and chooses not to report it or something.

If it is under 5,000 total, it only counts as one submission. The slots are by word count, not chapters. You can send two chapters any time if it is under 5,000. You don't have to just do sentence stuff. Your regular style comments are awesome!

Hi! So BOM is still on hiatus, but I am currently doing a close to final pass on a book I sent through the group last year. I'm hoping to query it at some point this summer and I was wondering if I could submit the first two chapters one more time. Together, they're 5,000 words. I'd be open to content feedback, but more interested in LBLs or sentence level feedback since I've already revised these chapters several times. I won't be resubmitting the whole book. Just these two chapters.

I agree with @kais and @Mandamon. There were definitely too many characters in this section. That made it confusing for me. I wasn't fully sure how they all related, and what the arc was. Just when I would be settling into one POV, then it would switch. I didn't really make notes as I was reading because I was struggling to follow the arc and figure out how everything related. The characters and the world really are interesting. However, I would follow the plot better and be more engaged if we stayed with one or two characters per chapter. Personally, I like one character per chapter, though I've read plenty of published books that switch mid-chapter. I think the one I liked the best was the first scene since it was a character I was familiar with. The one I liked least was Y's chapter because it felt like summary and recap more than an actual scene. It wasn't lost, but I kept waiting for something to help me settle into the moment and it didn't really come. With the last POV, I did find myself rather confused. Despite my confusion, I am looking forward to reading more in this world.

I didn't make a whole lot of comments on the chapter while I was reading. I think the heart of it happens out on the sail boat, and I don't think getting to the sail boat is really necessary. I would've been happy to start with some imagery out on the water and then dive into the conversation. I already know that I is really close to her sister, so I don't necessarily need a paragraph explaining that (I think there was one in there). I enjoyed how so much of the conversation with the sister was paired with sailing, capsizing, and righting the boat. I had thought that the sister hadn't joined the rebels yet and was just thinking of it, but that could be WRS on my part. Either way, I think there could have been a little more reaction from I when the sister told her. I had mixed feelings about the part of the conversation where I explains her job. I feel like that was repeating information we already knew. What I would like a little more information about is the rebel goals. What kind of government are they going to set up? Learning about the rebels was definitely interesting. The reveal about the attempt on BK's life was interesting, but I's reaction to it fell a little flat. I also find it interesting that I is starting to feel a little sympathetic to the BK. I like how that thread has built. I'm looking forward to reading more!

@TheDwarfyOne Your art is fantastic!

@Snakenapsone more middle grade rec! Anya and the Dragon by Sofiya Pasternack is historical mg fantasy with a Jewish heroine. This was a great story!

And I'm late to reading responses to my own post. I'd be happy for you to read it if you are still interested. And if you have any stories you want me to look at, let me know.

@Turambar I'd be happy to take a look, but when I read a whole draft straight through, I tend to focus more on big picture or overall things. I could give you feedback on things like world building, plot, character or pacing, but when reading the whole thing, I'm not good at focusing on smaller things, like commenting on individual scenes or style. I've been neglecting this thread, but I saw you had offered to read my short story. If you're still interested in reading that, let me know and I'll send it to you.

One of my recs, A Song Below Water, could be considered political because it delves very deeply into how racism affects Black women. However, I don't think that would be a reason to exclude it.

Ghost Squad by Claribel Ortega is great if you are looking for something middle grade. The mc is a hispanic girl. Her family is from Dominican Republic. A Song Below Water by Bethany Morrow is a new YA contemporary fantasy with a black female lead. A Blade So Black by L. L. McKinney is a black urban fantasy retelling of Alice in Wonderland. I also loved Once and Future by Amy Rose Capetta and Cori McCarthy. There is a lot of LGBTQIA rep in this book. It's a YA science fantasy King Arthur retelling, where King Arthur is a girl. Edit: Some of the chapters in Once and Future are told through Merlin's POV, and he is a guy. Katherine Arden (white author) great at writing strong heroines, both YA and MG. I liked her Winternight Trilogy, a YA historical fantasy that drew on Russian history and folklore. My only complaint was that I kept thinking a cishet character was queer and then getting disappointed when I realized she was straight and cis. Any of Holly Black's (white author) female led books are awesome. However, the lead in her newest YA series, Folk of Air, is probably one of the toughest ladies she's written

Hi Everyone, Here is my next submission! Chapter 1-6 have had some significant revisions, but I'm still thinking about what to do with 7-9. If you've given me feedback and I haven't replied, it's because I'm still contemplating it and haven't figured out what I'm doing. After this week, I might take a week or two off from submitting this book. I have multiple versions of Ch. 11, and I think I'll need to revise the earlier chapters before I figure out what to do with it. I have no specific questions about this chapter. Whatever feedback you have to offer will be appreciated. Thank you!! Recap: Ch. 1 The night before classes start, M saves a guy from a Demon. Next day, she meets a cute girl in class and realizes the guy-she-saved is the TA (Mi). Ch. 2 (revised) M follows Mi, chats with him, reads his mind to find out he doesn't recognize her and talks to him way more than she planed. Later, she goes to a LGBTQIA mixer with her roommate, A, and the girl she met in class. Ch. 3 (revised) M meets Mi on a rooftop. Tasha has a skateboarding accident and breaks her arm. M and T almost kiss. M heals Tasha's arm, but messes up and uses too much energy. M flees to her room, but Ally has company. Ch. 4 (revised) M missed the masquerade because Mi's ghost hunter friends went missing. Turns out they summoned some demons. M almost died fighting them. Ch. 5 (Revised): Mike said the ghost hunters are alive. M goes out for pizza with Ally and Tasha, where there is lots of flirting. Mi shows up and begs her to go with him to meet the ghost hunters. Fearing he's in danger, she goes, but their office was empty, and then a possessed driver tried to run Mi over with a car. Ch. 6 (Revised). M was alone with Mi. They cuddle and talk a little about feelings and a lot about the paranormal. Ch. 7 (revision in-progress): A sparring match with T turned spicy. M's mental shields and telepathy malfunctioned at a very inconvenient time. Ch. 8 (revision in-progress): M had dinner plans with Mi, but she gets called away to hunt a demon. There was a telepathic battle. She got some information from the demon and her head got messed up. Ch. 9: (last time / revision in-progress) M's telepathy and shielding weren't working right after the demon fight. She was a mess, and sought out T, but T was a sleep, so she went looking for Mi and ended up staying over at his house. Ch. 10: (This time): M has a hangover. Mi fixes her phone and reads messages M should have deleted.

I have a chapter ready I'd like to submit Monday if there is room. However, if it fills, I can wait a week. After this , you might get a week or two off from this WIP while I finish up something else and get caught up on feedback I already have.