Yezrien

I have a few comments. First, if you're serious about writing a play, you might want to work on the formatting. There are plenty of free programs that will do stageplay or screenplay format for you automatically. Or, if you want to keep using a simple word processor, keep in mind that you need to create clear, visible distinctions between the three kinds of text: character, dialog, and stage direction. Right now the characters are the same as the dialog, which can get confusing. Second, you're missing a lot of punctuation. Take a sentence like "He is a liar the troops were well fed." This is actually two sentences. I've made one bold and the other italic. If you're not going to put a proper sentence break between them, you at least need a comma, a semicolon, or an em-dash. (And well-fed should have a hyphen.) Show, don't tell. For instance, the Angel tells the audience that this story "has far more to it than meets the eye." If this is true, the audience doesn't need to be told. They will figure it out by watching the play. In general, you'll want to cut down all the exposition. Too many of these characters give long speeches to explain things. Try to convey only the information that's absolutely necessary, and in short, meaningful bursts, then get right to the point of the scene. Have you written any more, or outlined the rest of the play? I'm curious to see where it's going.

I guess it depends what you mean by "too drug-like." The fact that it's drug-like isn't inherently bad. Unless you're trying to get this published in a middle-grade book, I'm sure you won't have any problems with censorship. The problem, as I see it, is that it's too drug-like not to be about drugs. It looks like a story inspired by drug use, commenting on drug use. I can't tell if the commentary is pro-drug or anti-drug or somewhere in between, but this story will say something about drugs whether you want it to or not. So you should probably figure out what you'd like to say about drugs, and make sure you're not inadvertently saying the opposite. Or, of course, you could make it less drug-like. If that's your goal, I recommend you remove everything about burning moss and inhaling smoke. Find a way to get into the smokeworld that doesn't involve ingesting strange chemicals.

Even if you could control it, and use it to motivate people for good causes, manipulating people like that is still pretty dishonorable. I doubt Dalinar would approve. All told, it sounds like a recipe for disaster. You might even be giving it an opening to work its magic from inside the gem.

I proposed a shard called "Artifice" a while back. It doesn't quite capture cleverness the way Ingenuity does, but it gets the creativity angle.

@Kureshi Ironclaw, At a glance, I'd say this is well-written and interesting. I'm intrigued by this setting and I'd like to see more of it. By way of feedback, I have three notes. Nothing really happens in the scene. There's a lot of thought and exposition, but no event. Nothing changes or propels the story much, although it does feel like you're building to something. I get the feeling the next scene is where the story really starts. I'm a little lost vis-a-vis Dorian's motivation. Why is he cleaning up the blood? What exactly does he hope to accomplish? Watch those unnecessary apostrophes! You have quite a few plurals that look like singular possessives. I like the idea of this thread. I'm going to look through all my unfinished novels and see if there are any first scenes that look decent enough to post.

Actually I was wondering the same thing. Not only are sand and rock basically the same, but they both contain metals and crystals. And shadow runs into a problem because it doesn't really exist; it's just the absence of light. All of these are categories that exist mainly in human perception, so if you're going for hard, logical magic, you should probably explain that the system is generated or influenced by cognitive forces.

Well, lightning produces heat, light, and sound, and sometimes fire. And it's usually generated in a context with a lot of vapour (which is actually water). So you can probably put it in air, fire, water, or light. Maybe you explained this in an older thread, but why are there seventeen? That seems like a lot.

I've been trying my own glyphs ever since Oathbringer. I'm so glad this doesn't completely invalidate everything I've done! I may finally have the confidence to post more of my glyphs!

Most stereotypes do have some basis in fact. Stereotypes exist because, when you see someone (who's different from you) doing something objectionable or ridiculous, your instinctive reaction is not to ponder the social, economic, and cultural pressures that might press that person into doing that thing. The instinctive reaction is to shrug your shoulders and say, "I guess they're just like that. Those people. All of them." It's cultural behaviour falsely attributed to biological ethnicity. It's the archaic belief that nature is everything and nurture is nothing. So, in describing racial prejudice on Roshar, I think the word you're looking for is "realistic."

I'd pick 2 for the first, but 1 for the second. I think 4 hours is a good balance of freedom and restraint. In fact, make it a five-hour movie with an intermission. That's how Hollywood made epics back in the old days, and I think it could work again.

@BitBitio, whose perspective is this written from?

I suspect it's related to the earth being somehow invested or alive. It might be the same principle as the Lastclap.

It's an interesting theory, but I'm content to think that Dalinar will Unite them, and then Kaladin will Protect them. But if Kaladin must bond the Stormfather, I think it should be instead of Syl, not in addition to her. I can see a super dramatic scenario where Dalinar and Syl both end up dead, leaving Kaladin and the Stormfather free to bond each other. Maybe Kaladin will be responsible for Syl's death, and Stormfather will hate him for it, but he'll honor Dalinar's memory by choosing forgiveness.

Oathbringer spoilers:

I do recall the alliance sticking a spike in her head.

Personally, I'd restrict each person to one power. I think that fits better with their perpetual underdog status. I think F-Gold is a great match for Mal. He does have an uncanny ability to suffer horrible injuries (including multiple gunshot wounds, and the loss of an ear) and then miraculously recover from them. He keeps getting beaten, but he won't stay down. River is an atium misting. That accounts for her combat skills, and for her mysterious sixth sense. Inara is a Soother (A-Brass). That should come in handy in her line of work. A-Zinc could also work, though it seems a bit less classy. Zoe is a Pinnacle (F-Electrum). She seems like an extremely focused, determined person. She fills her metalminds when she's alone with Wash, then taps them throughout the day. Kaylee is a Lurcher (A-Iron). It's every mechanic's dream: she can summon tools from across the room, climb all over the engine, and rip out faulty components. Simon is an Augur (A-Gold), so he can obsess over the live he left behind. Book is F-Copper. He's a storehouse of scripture, and of secrets. Wash is a Skimmer (F-Iron). He can reduce his weight to the point where he can float, like a leaf on the wind. Jayne is a Thug. That is all.

Sabriel by Garth Nix.

I'm not surprised that the Alethi know about halberds. They probably encountered a lot of them when Sunmaker invaded Azir, and experimented with them in the subsequent years. But the prevailing Alethi military tradition just prefer swords and spears.

I think the worldbuilding in Era 1 feels limited because so much of the story is confined to Luthadel and the surrounding area. If we got to explore the Final Empire, I'm sure we'd see more cultural diversity. Even under the Lord Ruler's homogenizing influence, a world without instantaneous communication can't possibly maintain a universal culture. Regions outside the Central Dominance would inevitably drift from the norm, driven by the personal preferences of the ruling Nobles. It really is a shame that we haven't seen more of that. But it just wasn't relevant to the story Brandon wanted to tell.

Sadly, Brando has passed away. He will not be finishing any novels. We can honor his memory by enjoying his performances in The Godfather and Streetcar Named Desire.

I've only played 5. I enjoy it despite the weak AI.

Glad I could help!

Well, what's actually happening? What is Michael doing other than having hallucinations?

Maybe one of them was in Classical Scadrial, with the Worldbringers. He probably did something that ended up inadvertently helping Ruin.

Interesting. Do you think Ba-Ado-Mishram has already been released? Or are you saying she might join with the Everstorm some time in the future?