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Yezrien last won the day on February 2 2017

Yezrien had the most liked content!


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    Herald of Puns

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  1. In Marasi's epilogue, the Ghostblood symbol is described as "interlocking triangles." Pretty sure that should be diamonds. (It's on 'page 469' of my Kindle edition. Right when the messenger girl delivers the note.)
  2. Greetings, people of the Shard! Some of you may not remember me; I haven't been active for a while, and back then I used a different name (long story). I've been quiet for the last couple years because I went back to school, and I've been focusing on my studies. But they were fun studies. I've been learning to make games. And the final project for one of my classes was a game jam. And the theme was just vague enough that I used it as an excuse to finally prototype a Mistborn game, built around Allomancy. I know a couple of people have already done something like this, but this is my take on it. https://jezrien.itch.io/magno-the-robot A few notes: Being a game jam project, this entire game was built in under 48 hours. As a result, it's a little rough. It should definitely be viewed as a prototype demo, not a real game. The physics of allomancy had to be simplified a little. You can't modulate the strength of your pushes and pulls. The magnitude of the force is always the same. When you push/pull on a metal object, it does not apply force to both the object and Magno. It just compares the object's mass with Magno's mass, and applies force to whichever is lighter. When a smaller metal object is pressed against the floor or a wall, it does not realistically 'acquire' the mass of the floor or wall. I.e. you cannot launch yourself into the air by standing on a small metal object. (But you can with large ones!) The game is only available for Windows at this time. Sorry. I might continue to iterate on this prototype. If I do, all of the issues listed here will eventually be dealt with. I hope you like it! (Here's the complete playthrough video.) 2021-04-26 12-21-04.mp4
  3. I'd like to play the Devil's Advocate and point out that sharing your book online could also be a good thing. If people like it, you could generate a following. Your own fandom. Publishers like that. If you can show them that the thread with your book has 800,000 page views, that's major currency. Even if you can't publish this particular book, you can still parley that success into a deal for your next project. Moreover, the real concern is that publishers will shy away from a story that's "already published," and I don't think that'll be the case. It sounds like you're talking about a first draft (or a similarly early draft), which is guaranteed to be very different from the version that you would ultimately publish. And don't underestimate the value of feedback. This is a good community. We're supportive, and we try to be helpful. If you can learn a few things about your own strengths and weaknesses, that's priceless. Like you said, the odds of getting your first attempt a novel published are a million to one. But if you make the most of that first novel as a learning experience, that's how you make the odds a little better for your second book. No pressure, obviously. I second Condensation's recommendation: post a couple chapters. See what people think. See if they ask for more.
  4. I see what you're saying, but sovereignty also has a slightly different meaning, related to independence. It can mean rule over others, like dominion, but also self-rule. When one people is ruled by another, they have been deprived of sovereignty: self-determination, and freedom from the wills of others. The American Revolution and the Irish War of Independence, for instance, were fights for sovereignty. Not just to remove British sovereignty, but to acquire their own. To have sovereignty is not necessarily to rule over others, as a sovereign. When we use the word today to refer to "sovereign states," it simply means autonomous.
  5. Maybe someday we'll learn that "Autonomy" is like "Passion." It's just Bavadin's way of putting a good spin things, and the shard's true (or at least more accurate) name is something a bit more sinister, like "Exclusion" or "Sovereignty."
  6. To further clarify, "sentient" comes from a Latin root meaning "feel," just like "sense." In science fiction, "sentient" is usually used to mean "alive." A computer can demonstrate very sophisticated behaviour, but you wouldn't call it "sentient" until it starts to feel emotions. "Sapient" comes from the Latin word for "wise." (Homo sapiens means "the wise man.") It refers to person-level intelligence. For example, dogs and cats are most likely sentient, but not sapient. You wouldn't call them sapient until they start doing calculus. There's a lot of confusion because people often say "sentient" when they mean "sapient." These animals sound a lot like spren that bond Radiants; they also gain sapience from bonding a human, and grant magic in return. My advice would be to focus on the story you want to tell, and let that determine how the magic works. For example, if you want to write a story about a war, like The Stormlight Archive, you should probably focus on how different animals fight, and what kinds of combat magic they could bestow. Who are your human characters, and what to the Centers mean to them?
  7. Maybe the cut broke the skin, but it can't drain Stormlight unless it touches flowing blood. This is looking more and more hemalurgic. Also, what about Navani's "something beyond Shadesmar" theory? She's almost figured out that there's a Spiritual Realm, and that she can potentially use it as an unlimited power source. Holy crem, fabrial technology is about to storming explode!
  8. I hope Lirin isn't too proud to bond a spren and get Progression. He could really put the surge in surgeon. Also, I love this new Fused. Cool powers, clever combat skills, awesome appearance, great setup for a recurring antagonist. I love the image of Kaladin holding the severed head like Yorick, watching it turn to dust.
  9. Fair enough. Just keep in mind that "life is easy" usually means "story is boring." So it might be best to do the shattering sooner rather than later. But I do look forward to seeing that twist.
  10. Thank you! I do my best. We're all in the same boat, after all, us aspiring authors. The least I can do is pass on the best advice that I've been given. I think you're assuming that "conflict" means "action," but these are not the same thing. Conflict is any obstacle that stands between a character and their goal. It is anything that threatens you, or threatens something you value. For example, when Aurora and Lacy realize they've left their ticket in the carriage, and the guard won't let them into the parallarity gate without it, that's conflict. Their whole journey is suddenly at stake. The problem is that the conflict is resolved too easily: they basically get the guy to bend the rules and let them in by saying "please." If the guard was a little more stern, then Aurora and Lacy would have to get creative. They'd have to talk their way through with some clever bargaining, or an elaborate lie. Or maybe sneak past the guards and slip through the gate illegally. In other words, they'd be forced to do something interesting that reveals a lot about what they're capable of, and what they're willing to do to get what they want. In other words, conflict is character development. The friendly banter is nice and fun, but we reveal our true selves when there's trouble. So true. I can't even commit to writing a first draft until I have that chapter-by-chapter (or scene-by-scene) breakdown, but you still never really know how it's going to go until you get into the actual writing.
  11. Very interesting stuff so far. The prose is pretty solid, the map is delightful, and I'm intrigued by the elemental heavenly bodies. Normally I'm skeptical of any magic system based on the four classical elements, but you seem to be approaching it in an interesting new way. Right now I think your biggest problem is a serious lack of conflict. These scenes have either no conflict at all, or conflicts that are resolved very easily. The result is a general feeling of mawkishness. Like what the fanfic community refers to as "fluff." You might be thinking that you don't need conflict yet because it's still early in the book, or because this is targeted at younger readers. I assure you, both of those assumptions would be wrong. Even if the main conflict of the book hasn't started yet, a scene still needs its own conflict. That's what gives it drama, emotion, and structure. It's what makes it a scene, not just a series of things that happen. Consider the fact that none of the POV characters have been seriously challenged yet. Nothing has been immediately at stake. This is just a first draft, so everything is forgivable. But think about this as you go forward. Conflict in every scene. Problems that put the POV character to the test. It'll seriously level up your writing. Regardless, you certainly have my attention. I look forward to seeing where the story goes!
  12. I've thought along similar lines about oathbreaking and shard-death. That's why Radiant-spren are "killed" when the Radiants break their oaths; the nahel bond makes the human and the spren into one being, so when the human betrays the ideals that their spren represents, that's the same as the spren betraying its own essence, becoming its opposite and cancelling itself out. I don't think it's a stretch to think that a shard might be killed or splintered in a similar (albeit larger) method.
  13. How exactly are the four forms related each other? I see two possible explanations: It's exactly what it says on the tin: Occultists get their power from dark gods, druids from nature, etc. They all use the same access techniques, like gestures, but to draw from different sources. In cosmere terms, the spells, gestures, and materials are the focus for this planet, but that focus is being used to channel investiture from four different Shards. They're actually all the same system, drawing on the same power source, but divided into four specializations or schools based on culture. In cosmere terms, the magic's abilities are shaped by Connection and various cognitive forces.
  14. Sounds interesting. Is there anything you can tell us about the story?
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