Tournament: Cosmere Character Roast Battles

[Herowannabe he/him]

4 hours ago, hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

Thanks! I really think yours was great, especially this part:

Really my wife is kind of upset about how long I spent on my roast... We ended up not going camping because we didn't get out early enough to get a campsite (because I was working on this ).

Secretly I was excited that camping didn't work out so that I could get more time to work on this, and I could use my computer to format it.

Wow! Now that’s dedication to your art! 

[Ink he/him]

5 hours ago, hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

It makes you sound like a used chull salesman

OOOF....

thats all I can say.

Dont worry, this just means I have more fodder for my cannon. (Maybe I should put that line in there.)

and serious dedication to you all. I applaud you. 

Edited August 25, 2018 by Inklingspren

[Rhapsody she/her]

those 2 were already really good....I'm really excited to read the other ones =)

But I think we have a lot of strong roasts this tournament!!!

[+Ark1002]

And weak ones (mine)

[AonEne he/him]

Just now, Ark1002 said:

And weak ones (mine)

Lies, delicious lies.

[+Ark1002]

I give up...

[AonEne he/him]

Good. It was a perfectly fine rap. All of them so far have been good.

[Furamirionind They/Any/All]

2 minutes ago, Ark1002 said:

I give up...

"Life before Death

 Strength before Weakness

 Journey before Destination"

 

[+Ark1002]

My mom was confused when as a joke I told her the Radiant oath is:

"Death before Life

Weakness before Strength

Destination before Journey"

[Furamirionind They/Any/All]

1 minute ago, Ark1002 said:

My mom was confused when as a joke I told her the Radiant oath is:

"Death before Life

Weakness before Strength

Destination before Journey"

Maybe you could say those and become a voidbinder?

(That was a joke...)

[Ink he/him]

Oh storms. I gotta write mine. I've been at work. I'll post it later tonight/tomorrow.

[Ink he/him]

Spoilers for SA, ES, and maybe others.

Spoiler

Here we are, the three of you and I

Your pathetic burns show how little you try.

I'm a shard, now what were you again?

Three little humans, worth a trash bin

I'm Odium, the shard of Passion

My roasts to you, I'm afraid I must ration.

If I showed you my true power

You would become a small ash shower

I've seen you struggle, I've seen you fight.

Now its time to witness Odium's might!

 

Lift, little girl, I'll start with you.

I could smash you under my massive shoe

You entertain me, I'll give you that.

To me, you're like a baby cat.

You're so small, moved by a stiff breeze

While I am as mighty as the seas!

Your anger stems from the loss of a pancake

And you rely on others for your pathetic sake

Think you're so slick,

Though you're dumb as a brick

Your only use is small comic relief.

And maybe finding Nightblood's special sheath

Trying to fight me, and winning at that

Its just as likely as you getting fat

 

I see two chickens, one on the other.

Oh, its Mraize, the Ghostblood's mother.

Think you have talent, well there, you're wrong.

None of your spies have lasted that long

Sitting up high, king of your domain

Hate to break it to ya, but thats too vain.

You give your minions tasks, hoping that they'll do

What was too hard for lazy old you.

Hope to take Anat, my rebellious daughter?

That just fills my cannon with more fodder.

You hide behind masks, closed doors and underground.

There are ways through, behind, or around.

Take it from me, you're going next

Your organization is permanently hexed.

I killed Honor, Devotion, Dominion and Ambition.

I've done more than you could be wishin.

 

Ah, Shai, the best at faking

Your art is worse than Lift's baking.

Your powers wouldn't come, had I not been around

Trust me, you don't know what you've found

Trapped in prison for a whole entire book.

Just so you could give Emperor a whole new look.

Sure, you can change personality

But that isn't even the full reality.

Your powers are weak, inconsequential to mine.

What would you do? Fight me with lines? 

Dearest girl, your skills come short

Of what could be considered a mediocre sort.

Off your world, there's nowhere to run.

So just stay put, its a battle far from won

 

I leave you with a message, of the Passionate sort of kind

Im sure in your future, its possible you'll find

A way to kill me, oh wait, there's none.

So relax, enjoy your forms of fun.

You should know, from what you've heard and seen.

Odium comes, most powerful of sixteen

 

 

Edited August 26, 2018 by Inklingspren

[+Sorana she/her]

Good rap, really good to be honest!
That's some hard competition to go against.

[Ashspren]

@Edgedancer Jak, 2 hours left! If you can’t write a rap, please let me know within these next two hours, and I will call upon a “pinch hitter” to take your place. 

Edited August 26, 2018 by Ashspren

[Edgedancer Jak]

@Ashspren

I'm sorry! What a time to go camping... If y'all give me an hour, I can do it! If not, totally understand.

 

Just saw that @hoiditthroughthegrapevinegave up camping to do this... hahaha.

Edited August 26, 2018 by Edgedancer Jak

[Ashspren]

16 minutes ago, Edgedancer Jak said:

@Ashspren

I'm sorry! What a time to go camping... If y'all give me an hour, I can do it! If not, totally understand.

 

Just saw that @hoiditthroughthegrapevinegave up camping to do this... hahaha.

No problem!

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine he/him]

Great roast @Inklingspren!

I'm glad that you're not going to Shai away from the challenge @Edgedancer Jak, I think the stakes have been Mraized quite a bit, so you better be up for some heavy Lift-ing. Hope it not's too Odious finishing your roast on short notice.

Can't wait to read your roast, glad you can get it in!

[Ink he/him]

16 minutes ago, hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

Great roast @Inklingspren!

I'm glad that you're not going to Shai away from the challenge @Edgedancer Jak, I think the stakes have been Mraized quite a bit, so you better be up for some heavy Lift-ing. Hope it not's too Odious finishing your roast on short notice.

Can't wait to read your roast, glad you can get it in!

I want to give you more than one upvote for that paragraph.

[Edgedancer Jak]

21 minutes ago, hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

I'm glad that you're not going to Shai away from the challenge @Edgedancer Jak, I think the stakes have been Mraized quite a bit, so you better be up for some heavy Lift-ing. Hope it not's too Odious finishing your roast on short notice.

Haha well-played. Man, great raps everyone! Lovin' it! Thanks for being patient!

Spoiler

 

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit's Lift time!

Get ready for the rhymes to sublime

Your sense of Identity

...Except for you three.

 

Your Pancakefulness is here,

Please, hold your cheers,

This awesomeness you behold,

Won't ever grow old.

 

… unlike the Odiferous Odium,

Robbing emotion

Stilling the notion

Of life full as an ocean

With your thirst for control.

I understand hunger, but get ready to fast,

Your bid for conquest will never last.

This Knight Radiant’s just beginnin’,

Invadin’ your vision,

Nervous? You should be. I’ve just started winnin’.

 

Mraize, Mraize, you should know better,

I won’t waste my time with a washed up upsetter,

Hidin’ away from this stormy weather,

You pull about as much weight as a feather,

Have you stormin’ done anything but make the flame flicker?

You prob’ly even have your own henchman-nose-picker,

An unlucky age, and ugly, too,

That chicken on your shoulder looks better than you.

Enough of your lyin’ n’ schemin’,

We all know in the end,

It’s as good as crem.

 

Speaking of lies,

Time to talk to Shai,

Can you trust yourself, what’s your best?

When you change your own soul like a dress?

You robbed a palace… Oh wait, not quite,

Unlike me you didn’t get away all right.

Usin’ my Growth to create a new emperor,

Anything you can do, I’ll do better,

Just admit it now, you’re not the winner,

Go ahead and watch out, I’ll still eat your dinner.

 

That’s all for this round, we’re callin’ it quits,

I’m done, and I’m stickin’ a Shardfork in it.

 

[Ashspren]

Here’s the link: 

https://goo.gl/forms/NJws96Kn1u5l8znz2

VOTE VOTE VOTE!

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine he/him]

Rad, nice clutch roast @Edgedancer Jak!

But I have one question, how is this a bad thing?

43 minutes ago, Edgedancer Jak said:

You prob’ly even have your own henchman-nose-picker,

If lift stayed in Azimir she'd probably have one too.

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine he/him]

12 minutes ago, Ashspren said:

VOTE VOTE VOTE!

Hey Ashpren, thanks as always for running this, but the vote page says Mraize is ToasterRetribution.

[Ashspren]

54 minutes ago, hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

Hey Ashpren, thanks as always for running this, but the vote page says Mraize is ToasterRetribution.

Ack, sorry! Forgot to change that one. Dang, I seem to be forgetting a lot of stuff lately... 

Fixed it. Sorry again. 

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine he/him]

1 hour ago, Ashspren said:

Ack, sorry! Forgot to change that one. Dang, I seem to be forgetting a lot of stuff lately... 

Fixed it. Sorry again. 

No worries at all, this competition is a ton of fun...beats camping...kinda

[Herowannabe he/him]

Dang this is a hard choice for this round. All of them were fantastic! Hmm....