Tournament: Cosmere Character Roast Battles

[Ashspren]

1 minute ago, AonEne said:

Ha, Shallan, Stick, and Pattern. This is going to be so great

Honestly, I’m looking forward to Syl vs Pattern: The Epic Spren Showdown.

[Ink he/him]

15 minutes ago, AonEne said:

Ene comes to watch, and facepalms. And upvotes. And totally isn't biased in cheering Ink on.

GO ODIUM!

(Ha, Shallan, Stick, and Pattern. This is going to be so great)

I didn't realize you had been odium until I chose him. He is going to be fun to write. And that trinity battle. That and Pattern V Syl. This round will be entertaining for sure

[Wyndlerunner he/him]

I agree wholeheartedly!

[AC12 he/him]

It is my pleasure to present the first rap of the second tournament.  Beware the OB spoilers 

Spoiler

Yo my name is Pattern, I'm a Cryptic, your #1 pick
Here is my rap, now listen while I spit this
I'm a liespren, highspren, a pretty storming fly spren
When I'm through with you, you'll be attracting cry spren

Well look it's Shallan, or is it Veil?
Maybe you decided to try out Radiant for a spell?
Yo get your self together, maybe try the surge of Transformation
I for one could do with a whole lot less of your Illumination
YOU killed your parents but it's ME that your hating?
Oh and while I have you here's a reminder: NO MATING!!

And stick I guess it's your turn
When I'm through you could be fire, can't handle these burns
The very definition of one dimension
The mere thought of your own interlude fills me with apprehension
Your popularity is a huge red flag
I mean, come on, your part was just played for a cheap gag

Now time for Syl, your probably think you're so wise
Man I do love me some good lies
Defying the Stormfather, thinking you are so cool
Just remember I was doing this way before the year 1172
Though I must admit your boy Kaladin is pretty dope
But trying to pair him with Shallan? That's just a big nope

 

 

Edited August 20, 2018 by AC12

[Spaceferring he/him]

Where do we vote again? 

[Ashspren]

4 hours ago, Spacefaring Ferring said:

Where do we vote again? 

After 48 hours are up, or if all four people have posted, I will send a survey. It will be completely anonymous, but please only vote once to keep it fair!

[Matias he/him]

@Ashspren but how could you know if someone votes more than one?, if you don't, would it be better to do another thing? Like another program or maybe counting the "likes" on every rap

[Ashspren]

1 hour ago, Matias said:

@Ashspren but how could you know if someone votes more than one?, if you don't, would it be better to do another thing? Like another program or maybe counting the "likes" on every rap

I really can’t know if someone does, but messing with upvotes is generally seen as a bad idea. I just have to trust people’s integrity, I guess. 

Also, the program I use (Google Forms) is easy to use, and anonymous. 

Edit: @Herowannabe, @Rhapsody, @EdgedanceroftheDawn About 24 hours left!

Edited August 20, 2018 by Ashspren

[EdgedanceroftheDawn she/her]

Post number two for tournament two! I apologize in advance for my terrible sense of rhythm XD

Spoiler

Before we start, I have something to say

I can beat y’all anywhere any day.

I can give Wit a run for his money

And you think you can beat me? Ha! So funny.

No one can beat me when it comes to roasting

It’s common knowledge, not even boasting.

My name is Shallan, or Radiant, or Veil

And you all should leave now ‘cause you’re destined to fail.

 

Pattern, you’re a weird mess of lines

One of the Almighty’s odder designs

I know you like lies, so I’ll speak in nothing but

You’re not at all creepy, I don’t hate your guts.

It’s not that you killed my mother

(though that’s totally your fault)

You’re just such a bother

Could you act like an adult?

You think by helping me you could be a hero?

That makes about as much sense as dividing by zero.

 

Syl, I must admit you’re kind of hard to roast

But up against me? Ha! You’re toast.

You’re idea of being clever is playing a stupid prank

I try to remember you being smart and my mind pulls a blank.

Hey, I like you but let me just be frank

When it comes to helping Kaladin, you kind of stank.

He was about to kill himself and you gave him blackbane?

Come on Sylphrena, have you no shame?

You’re lucky you’re Radiant lasted past your ‘help’

You think you’re a good spren? Welp

I hate to say it but it’s true

But you’re really not good at this

Your own bonded killed you

What was it like to visit the abyss?

 

Hello there Stick, how was your day

Oh, that’s great, now get ready to pay

You humiliated me once

And I never hear the end

Well you’re a monosyllabic dunce

And you don’t have any friends

It’s true, my anger may be making me petty

I’m just collecting my thoughts. Now, get ready.

You could be fire

It’s what I desire

Don’t draw my ire

Or I’ll snap you in half.

The truth is, you’re frail

Next to the rest of us, you pale

You’re one line’s getting stale.

And your fans makes me laugh.

 

 

 

 

[Ashspren]

@Herowannabe @Rhapsody 12 hours left!

[Ink he/him]

7 minutes ago, EdgedanceroftheDawn said:

That makes about as much sense as dividing by zero.

 

That was just great. Ugh! Both Pattern and Shallan were good! Dont make me choose!

[Rhapsody she/her]

ok here comes Syl!

spoilered for lenght and because OB spoilers =)

Spoiler

Hi my name's Syl, the stormfathers daughter,

now all here prepare for the slaughter,

I'm gonna start. Now it's me on the mic

get out your medicine. This is gonna get sick.

I'm a piece of god- a little one at least

so it's no feat for me to best

all of the rest of you

at everything you do

So without further ado

let's start this show.

 

So Stick, you're first on my list

I don't even know where to begin.

Your relevance to the story is so thin

it could as well not exist.

Your part is overrated

how can everyone be so fascinated

by a little piece of driftwood

that has only one sentence in such a large book

and even that has to be translated.

 

So is it Shallan today, or Radiant or Veil?

You know, your mental afflictions are slowly getting stale

Can't confront what you've done

so now you have gone

creating new personalities to prevail.

I just cannot feel sad

for someone so clearly mad.

with a mind that is dangerously frail.

So you killed your next of kin?

Now I'm actually glad you didn't choose Kaladin!

 

So Pattern, you little mess of lines

don't you know how to read the signs?

Your radiants maddening

isn't it saddening?

That you can't even see the result

of you not acting like an adult?

All you think abouts mating

don't care who Shallan is dating

while her mind is gone wrong

YOU should stand strong.

not joking around

but get her back on some ground!

 

My name is Syl, the stormfathers daughter

you must agree no one's bars here are hotter

a piece of god innate

let's just agree no one is as great!

 

Edited August 21, 2018 by Rhapsody

[+Sorana she/her]

7 minutes ago, Rhapsody said:

ok here comes Syl!

spoilered for lenght and because OB spoilers =)

 

You put it in a quote and not a Spoiler Box. At least for me I can only see the first line and the rest is missing.

[Herowannabe he/him]

1 minute ago, Sorana said:

You put it in a quote and not a Spoiler Box. At least for me I can only see the first line and the rest is missing.

The rest of her rap exists only in the cognitive realm.

J/k, I'm seeing the same thing. I assume that she's working on fixing it...

Working on my rap now, I hope to have it up soon. 

 

[+Sorana she/her]

1 minute ago, Herowannabe said:

Working on my rap now, I hope to have it up soon.

I look forward to it. The other two entries are really strong. But if you're better then I don't have to choose between them

 

[Herowannabe he/him]

Just now, Sorana said:

I look forward to it. The other two entries are really strong. But if you're better then I don't have to choose between them

 

I'll do my best.

[Rhapsody she/her]

@Sorana yeah I accidentally sent it while still writing. don't know how i did that.

It should be fixed now =)

and complete

[+Sorana she/her]

18 minutes ago, Rhapsody said:

@Sorana yeah I accidentally sent it while still writing. don't know how i did that.

It should be fixed now =)

and complete

No problem. I just wanted to make sure that you can fix it.

*scrolls back to read it*

Edited August 21, 2018 by Sorana

[Herowannabe he/him]

My opponents' all set the bar high, but here's my rap. I may have gotten a bit carried away.... nah!

Spoilered for length, but no major spoilers. 

Spoiler

(Here comes my rap it’s extraordinary

But you might need to grab a dictionary

To understand all of the mockeries

And somebody tell my adversaries

I will allow them to use all of these

Sick verses for their obituaries.)

 

Yes, I am a Stick,

but not any Stick

For I am THE Stick!

My verses are sick

My burns are epic

My bars: Deific

My rhythms all click

And fricking metrics

Are kind of my schtick

But this bag of tricks

Is propaedeutic

To the imminent flick

And the clock goes tick

Tock so here’s a quick

Mock that I just picked

To kick all these hicks

That think they’re so slick

But they will be ticked

When they all get licked

By this little toothpick

The one. The only.

Stick

 

First up is the pathetic Cryptic spren

More like an anuretic Septic spren

Your manifestation always changes

But I remain fixed throughout the ages

You said you were dead, your memory weak

So dumb for so long you barely could speak

I guess I was wrong ‘cuz some things don’t change

You’re still a melange of all things deranged

I shouldn’t be so hard on you Pattern

Let’s blame it all on your cling-on slattern

 

Yes I’m talking about you Shallan

Don’t like it? Find a shoulder to bawl on

Or get yourself a notepad to scrawl on

‘Cuz unlike you,

You shrew,

It’s true

I knew

All too

Well who

I was intended to be all along

You thought that you could turn me into flame

And you wish you could burn me in this game

But now I’m about to double your shame

You can change your name, or wed whatshisname

But one thing’s the same, you’ll always be lame.

 

They say you should save the best for the last

Sylphrenia? The best? You’re making me gasp

You’re so proud you’re the Stormfather’s daughter

I’m going to blow you right out of the water

Less filled with Honor and more filled with sass

Your attempts to help are barely half-baked

Why won’t you say things that Kal needs to know?

You’re holding him back, not helping him grow

Maybe he wouldn’t be so dang morose

If you stopped withholding crucial info

You gave it your best but you’ve been outclassed

Go be depressed with your bridgeboy outcast

 

Edited August 21, 2018 by Herowannabe
formatting

[Toaster Retribution he/him]

Storms, all those ick-words...

[Spaceferring he/him]

5 hours ago, Herowannabe said:

My opponents' all set the bar high, but here's my rap. I may have gotten a bit carried away.... nah!

Spoilered for length, but no major spoilers. 

  Reveal hidden contents

(Here comes my rap it’s extraordinary

But you might need to grab a dictionary

To understand all of the mockeries

And somebody tell my adversaries

I will allow them to use all of these

Sick verses for their obituaries.)

 

Yes, I am a Stick,

but not any Stick

For I am THE Stick!

My verses are sick

My burns are epic

My bars: Deific

My rhythms all click

And fricking metrics

Are kind of my schtick

But this bag of tricks

Is propaedeutic

To the imminent flick

And the clock goes tick

Tock so here’s a quick

Mock that I just picked

To kick all these hicks

That think they’re so slick

But they will be ticked

When they all get licked

By this little toothpick

The one. The only.

Stick

 

First up is the pathetic Cryptic spren

More like an anuretic Septic spren

Your manifestation always changes

But I remain fixed throughout the ages

You said you were dead, your memory weak

So dumb for so long you barely could speak

I guess I was wrong ‘cuz some things don’t change

You’re still a melange of all things deranged

I shouldn’t be so hard on you Pattern

Let’s blame it all on your cling-on slattern

 

Yes I’m talking about you Shallan

Don’t like it? Find a shoulder to bawl on

Or get yourself a notepad to scrawl on

‘Cuz unlike you,

You shrew,

It’s true

I knew

All too

Well who

I was intended to be all along

You thought that you could turn me into flame

And you wish you could burn me in this game

But now I’m about to double your shame

You can change your name, or wed whatshisname

But one thing’s the same, you’ll always be lame.

 

They say you should save the best for the last

Sylphrenia? The best? You’re making me gasp

You’re so proud you’re the Stormfather’s daughter

I’m going to blow you right out of the water

Less filled with Honor and more filled with sass

Your attempts to help are barely half-baked

Why won’t you say things that Kal needs to know?

You’re holding him back, not helping him grow

Maybe he wouldn’t be so dang morose

If you stopped withholding crucial info

You gave it your best but you’ve been outclassed

Go be depressed with your bridgeboy outcast

 

I wish i could give more upvotes... 

[Life&Death]

5 hours ago, Herowannabe said:

 

My opponents' all set the bar high, but here's my rap. I may have gotten a bit carried away.... nah!

Spoilered for length, but no major spoilers. 

 

I thought for sure that you would do this.

Spoiler

I am a stick

And then call it good.

[Ashspren]

All four raps are in! The voters have a difficult choice today. Who is the winner of this battle? 24 hours to decide!

https://goo.gl/forms/oxIoW8UYKkr7GapO2

[Herowannabe he/him]

2 hours ago, Toaster Retribution said:

Storms, all those ick-words...

Aren’t they fantasTIC?

j/k I’m going to be unintentionally rhyming words in my head for days now. 

46 minutes ago, Life&Death said:

I thought for sure that you would do this.

  Reveal hidden contents

I am a stick

And then call it good.

Nah that would have been too easy. Plus I wanted a chance at winning.  

[Spaceferring he/him]

1 hour ago, Herowannabe said:

Nah that would have been too easy. Plus I wanted a chance at winning.  

Dude everyone would've voted for you