The Longest Thread (Misadventures)

[whattheHoid she/her]

whattheHoid was on the side eating some Reese's Puffs, a delicious and nutritious breakfast. She also decided she needs some Cookie Crisp and Nutter Butters cereal in a big ole bowl with some tasty milk. She offers a bowl to the Stormfather.

Yo Krave is delish.

Edited September 11, 2018 by whattheHoid

[Ink he/him]

The Stormfather accepts, making breakfast cereal a part of the highstorms. He makes sure the cereal goes in before the milk.

[whattheHoid she/her]

Now all of Roshar will luxuriate in the new and improved Stormlight infused breakfast cereals. Everyone will get that enhanced grain, some Vitamin D, and Stormlight for the Radiant in you. 

[Gancho Libre he/him]

Only years later did scientists find that it was a scam.

[whattheHoid she/her]

You see the Stormfather hoarded all the cereal for himself. He had an excellent marketing team though, so people were tricked for at least a generation.

[Gancho Libre he/him]

And once the team all died, he replaced them with Kandra, adding at least another hundred years to his scam.

[whattheHoid she/her]

The Kandra were an even better marketing team that came up with a catchy jingle...

Ooh, a Highstorm's comin!

Better get ready for that Highstorm crunchin!

Yummy, yummy delicious Stormlight cereal!

Better get yourself some storm-proof gear, 

because that Highstorm is near!

Tasty, Yummy cereal!

*Jazz Hands!

The Kandra came up with a whole line of "storm proof" bowls and cups and spoons for this "cereal." And it cost a boatload of money. The Stormfather didn't get the money though, he just wanted to get back at all the humans who killed his spren friends 

 

 

[Borio Singaldi he/him]

The money was laundered through Bridge Four's laundry baskets and filtered out to their honorspren, who used the money to buy all the things their dad wouldn't let them get on their own, rendering the Stormfather's enterprise redundant and meaningless. The kandra went on strike.

[whattheHoid she/her]

And now the people who made the Highstorm cereal gear started a union and went on strike as the Kandra weren't paying them either.

[Kidpen he/him]

But then the people who bought the cereal gear went on strike because they wanted the cereal gear and the people who make them were on strike.

[whattheHoid she/her]

So they wrote many letters to a Pepe Silva, a Kandra, who was in charge of H.R. 

[Borio Singaldi he/him]

But H.R. was known to be a prestigious criminal organization of dirty cops, and Pepe Silva was found out when he responded to their letters in refusal.

[GeneralHZRD he/him]

So H.R had him executed.

[whattheHoid she/her]

Or they would've if Pepe Silva ever existed. Turns out the Kandra team working for the Stormfather were ghosts, not to be confused with cognitive shadows. Only H.R. was a Kandra, therefore he executed himself.

[GeneralHZRD he/him]

Then one of the Kandra ghosts absorbed the bones of the now dead H.R. and became the new ghost H.R.

[Silva]

Then someone got confused.

[whattheHoid she/her]

A second someone got confused too.

[Silva]

They weren’t sure what had happened on this thread over the past two days. Except summaries were impossible to write.

[BitBitio he/him]

Bit spirals into confusionment.

[Darth Woodrack he/him]

And then small dogs invaded in the confusionment.

[Kidpen he/him]

The small dogs were given an intelligence enhancer by Sick Ranchez.

[Borio Singaldi he/him]

Who was secretly the creator of the Exploding Squirrels.

[+Doomstick he/him]

Whose lifeless command phrase was “almondgrass”

(the squirrels not sir ranchez)

Edited September 12, 2018 by I am a STICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Inky]

The Shard of Gluttony appeared on Roshar, and created the Lasagnastorm, a storm of pure Lasagna that moves from north to south

[Gancho Libre he/him]

Once such a storm was finished, it had covered the entire land in five feet of layered lasagna casserole.