Mental health club!

[Rynturning_Light She/Her]

Just now, NerdSandwich said:

I don't study

I mean like any homework assignment

Like, work on whatever paper or work you have for a little bit then go do something else for like 10 minutes then come back refreshed

Study timer just sounds better (i use this and the division tactic for my psych notes/reading :))

[Shatter He/Him]

2 minutes ago, NerdSandwich said:

I don't study

But I'll use it for homework thx

it works well. I can attest.

[SpartanBrigade He/Him]

@Kansas Stormcursed

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

Ok so here's kinda the reason I was gone plus some other ranting stuff, spoilered for length (I straight-up doubled the Discord length limit without Nitro )

Spoiler

*sigh*

Alright

So I suppose outside my head it wasn't that bad

But there was more going on in my brain that made it worse

So I think I've mentioned before at least in passing that I have a tendency for self-sabotage

And that's entirely what this was

It dates back to my freshman year, when my dad had his affair and everything kinda went up in the air, and I figured out that missing the right amount of school assignments was the perfect way for me to get in trouble without losing the dojo. And I figured out that I liked it.

And then I kept doing it. I joke about having an addiction to dice, or to books, or to martial arts, but in all honesty my addiction is to my own pain. I love it and I hate it at the same time. As time goes on I recognize more and more how very Lightweaver I am. I have a few personalities, and in this issue there are two main ones. There's the Dylan who makes sure my actions never affect the dojo or my friends, and there's the Dylan who actively chomps at the bit, constantly wanting to test that line, to storm myself over and give myself a reason for hurting

I have no issue with using my parents to achieve this end, however. They're the only other ones that get stormed over by my skipping schoolwork, and the only part of me that feels guilty or bad at all is the part that knows I shouldn't do it

I don't feel bad for the action itself, or its consequences

I love the consequences

I am not a good person

I am not always a bad person, but there are times like this where I can not fit into the box of "decent person"

So I did it again. This time I got screen use restricted, really by my own effort—mom was ready to swap it for another punishment when she realized there was no real way to monitor and police that.

It's rather ironic, really. Taking my phone away was something I knew would happen, and part of the pain-infliction I was seeking. Not having contact just sent me deep down the spiral

And I liked it

It gave me something to attach a reason to

Something to hate

And love

At the same time.

Through that, I was stuck with my own thoughts, and I realized something. I'm tired. I'm so storming tired.

I'm tired of hiding from the people I love. I'm tired of not being able to trust them, of constantly fearing nothing real.

I'm tired of being a child playing dress-up. My closest friends are all mature and well-put-together, and I'm over here barely holding together the illusion of functionality. I'm just a little kid wearing a mask I've cleverly constructed, and I have been for years, and probably will be forever

I'm tired of being support without being able to make myself rely on others for support. I'm a lone brick holding up a whole goddamn building, and there's nothing but open air beneath me.

I'm tired of it all being the same old rust

I'm tired of getting told the same old rust

I'm tired of people saying "you're a teenager, it's hormones"

"That's not who you are"

"I know you"

"No"

I'm tired of the same old responses that aren't right and don't do jack rust but make me angrier and angrier

I'm tired of hiding that I'm angry

I'm tired of being the peacekeeper

I'm tired of not knowing how to not be the oeacekeeper

I'm tired of knowledge

I'm tired of this

Really hoping it autocensors all that and that I didn't obstruct that with misspelling

 

3 minutes ago, SpartanBrigade said:

@Kansas Stormcursed

Danke sehr

[Myst He/Him]

2 minutes ago, Kansas Stormcursed said:

Ok so here's kinda the reason I was gone plus some other ranting stuff, spoilered for length (I straight-up doubled the Discord length limit without Nitro )

  Hide contents

*sigh*

Alright

So I suppose outside my head it wasn't that bad

But there was more going on in my brain that made it worse

So I think I've mentioned before at least in passing that I have a tendency for self-sabotage

And that's entirely what this was

It dates back to my freshman year, when my dad had his affair and everything kinda went up in the air, and I figured out that missing the right amount of school assignments was the perfect way for me to get in trouble without losing the dojo. And I figured out that I liked it.

And then I kept doing it. I joke about having an addiction to dice, or to books, or to martial arts, but in all honesty my addiction is to my own pain. I love it and I hate it at the same time. As time goes on I recognize more and more how very Lightweaver I am. I have a few personalities, and in this issue there are two main ones. There's the Dylan who makes sure my actions never affect the dojo or my friends, and there's the Dylan who actively chomps at the bit, constantly wanting to test that line, to storm myself over and give myself a reason for hurting

I have no issue with using my parents to achieve this end, however. They're the only other ones that get stormed over by my skipping schoolwork, and the only part of me that feels guilty or bad at all is the part that knows I shouldn't do it

I don't feel bad for the action itself, or its consequences

I love the consequences

I am not a good person

I am not always a bad person, but there are times like this where I can not fit into the box of "decent person"

So I did it again. This time I got screen use restricted, really by my own effort—mom was ready to swap it for another punishment when she realized there was no real way to monitor and police that.

It's rather ironic, really. Taking my phone away was something I knew would happen, and part of the pain-infliction I was seeking. Not having contact just sent me deep down the spiral

And I liked it

It gave me something to attach a reason to

Something to hate

And love

At the same time.

Through that, I was stuck with my own thoughts, and I realized something. I'm tired. I'm so storming tired.

I'm tired of hiding from the people I love. I'm tired of not being able to trust them, of constantly fearing nothing real.

I'm tired of being a child playing dress-up. My closest friends are all mature and well-put-together, and I'm over here barely holding together the illusion of functionality. I'm just a little kid wearing a mask I've cleverly constructed, and I have been for years, and probably will be forever

I'm tired of being support without being able to make myself rely on others for support. I'm a lone brick holding up a whole goddamn building, and there's nothing but open air beneath me.

I'm tired of it all being the same old rust

I'm tired of getting told the same old rust

I'm tired of people saying "you're a teenager, it's hormones"

"That's not who you are"

"I know you"

"No"

I'm tired of the same old responses that aren't right and don't do jack rust but make me angrier and angrier

I'm tired of hiding that I'm angry

I'm tired of being the peacekeeper

I'm tired of not knowing how to not be the oeacekeeper

I'm tired of knowledge

I'm tired of this

Really hoping it autocensors all that and that I didn't obstruct that with misspelling

 

Danke sehr

*hugs tightly* I’m sorry *hugs even tighter*

[CoderDrag0n8 He/They]

4 minutes ago, Kansas Stormcursed said:

Ok so here's kinda the reason I was gone plus some other ranting stuff, spoilered for length (I straight-up doubled the Discord length limit without Nitro )

  Hide contents

*sigh*

Alright

So I suppose outside my head it wasn't that bad

But there was more going on in my brain that made it worse

So I think I've mentioned before at least in passing that I have a tendency for self-sabotage

And that's entirely what this was

It dates back to my freshman year, when my dad had his affair and everything kinda went up in the air, and I figured out that missing the right amount of school assignments was the perfect way for me to get in trouble without losing the dojo. And I figured out that I liked it.

And then I kept doing it. I joke about having an addiction to dice, or to books, or to martial arts, but in all honesty my addiction is to my own pain. I love it and I hate it at the same time. As time goes on I recognize more and more how very Lightweaver I am. I have a few personalities, and in this issue there are two main ones. There's the Dylan who makes sure my actions never affect the dojo or my friends, and there's the Dylan who actively chomps at the bit, constantly wanting to test that line, to storm myself over and give myself a reason for hurting

I have no issue with using my parents to achieve this end, however. They're the only other ones that get stormed over by my skipping schoolwork, and the only part of me that feels guilty or bad at all is the part that knows I shouldn't do it

I don't feel bad for the action itself, or its consequences

I love the consequences

I am not a good person

I am not always a bad person, but there are times like this where I can not fit into the box of "decent person"

So I did it again. This time I got screen use restricted, really by my own effort—mom was ready to swap it for another punishment when she realized there was no real way to monitor and police that.

It's rather ironic, really. Taking my phone away was something I knew would happen, and part of the pain-infliction I was seeking. Not having contact just sent me deep down the spiral

And I liked it

It gave me something to attach a reason to

Something to hate

And love

At the same time.

Through that, I was stuck with my own thoughts, and I realized something. I'm tired. I'm so storming tired.

I'm tired of hiding from the people I love. I'm tired of not being able to trust them, of constantly fearing nothing real.

I'm tired of being a child playing dress-up. My closest friends are all mature and well-put-together, and I'm over here barely holding together the illusion of functionality. I'm just a little kid wearing a mask I've cleverly constructed, and I have been for years, and probably will be forever

I'm tired of being support without being able to make myself rely on others for support. I'm a lone brick holding up a whole goddamn building, and there's nothing but open air beneath me.

I'm tired of it all being the same old rust

I'm tired of getting told the same old rust

I'm tired of people saying "you're a teenager, it's hormones"

"That's not who you are"

"I know you"

"No"

I'm tired of the same old responses that aren't right and don't do jack rust but make me angrier and angrier

I'm tired of hiding that I'm angry

I'm tired of being the peacekeeper

I'm tired of not knowing how to not be the oeacekeeper

I'm tired of knowledge

I'm tired of this

Really hoping it autocensors all that and that I didn't obstruct that with misspelling

 

Danke sehr

*hugs*

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

1 hour ago, Kansas Stormcursed said:

Ok so here's kinda the reason I was gone plus some other ranting stuff, spoilered for length (I straight-up doubled the Discord length limit without Nitro )

  Hide contents

*sigh*

Alright

So I suppose outside my head it wasn't that bad

But there was more going on in my brain that made it worse

So I think I've mentioned before at least in passing that I have a tendency for self-sabotage

And that's entirely what this was

It dates back to my freshman year, when my dad had his affair and everything kinda went up in the air, and I figured out that missing the right amount of school assignments was the perfect way for me to get in trouble without losing the dojo. And I figured out that I liked it.

And then I kept doing it. I joke about having an addiction to dice, or to books, or to martial arts, but in all honesty my addiction is to my own pain. I love it and I hate it at the same time. As time goes on I recognize more and more how very Lightweaver I am. I have a few personalities, and in this issue there are two main ones. There's the Dylan who makes sure my actions never affect the dojo or my friends, and there's the Dylan who actively chomps at the bit, constantly wanting to test that line, to storm myself over and give myself a reason for hurting

I have no issue with using my parents to achieve this end, however. They're the only other ones that get stormed over by my skipping schoolwork, and the only part of me that feels guilty or bad at all is the part that knows I shouldn't do it

I don't feel bad for the action itself, or its consequences

I love the consequences

I am not a good person

I am not always a bad person, but there are times like this where I can not fit into the box of "decent person"

So I did it again. This time I got screen use restricted, really by my own effort—mom was ready to swap it for another punishment when she realized there was no real way to monitor and police that.

It's rather ironic, really. Taking my phone away was something I knew would happen, and part of the pain-infliction I was seeking. Not having contact just sent me deep down the spiral

And I liked it

It gave me something to attach a reason to

Something to hate

And love

At the same time.

Through that, I was stuck with my own thoughts, and I realized something. I'm tired. I'm so storming tired.

I'm tired of hiding from the people I love. I'm tired of not being able to trust them, of constantly fearing nothing real.

I'm tired of being a child playing dress-up. My closest friends are all mature and well-put-together, and I'm over here barely holding together the illusion of functionality. I'm just a little kid wearing a mask I've cleverly constructed, and I have been for years, and probably will be forever

I'm tired of being support without being able to make myself rely on others for support. I'm a lone brick holding up a whole goddamn building, and there's nothing but open air beneath me.

I'm tired of it all being the same old rust

I'm tired of getting told the same old rust

I'm tired of people saying "you're a teenager, it's hormones"

"That's not who you are"

"I know you"

"No"

I'm tired of the same old responses that aren't right and don't do jack rust but make me angrier and angrier

I'm tired of hiding that I'm angry

I'm tired of being the peacekeeper

I'm tired of not knowing how to not be the oeacekeeper

I'm tired of knowledge

I'm tired of this

Really hoping it autocensors all that and that I didn't obstruct that with misspelling

 

Danke sehr

*hugs a lot*

[Tam Tucker]

On 2/10/2026 at 1:17 PM, KnightSkye Reforged said:

 

*hug* I'm glad you're getting interviews. 

About your voice, what the heck!? I'm so so sorry that keeps happening to you and being brought up. I don't see why a high pitched voice should be a problem at all, though I can kinda understand what your caseworker might have been getting at. I don't agree with it, but maybe i get it? How do you carry yourself physically? Maybe you could adjust that to compensate if you come across as shy or timid?

Well, I have been getting more confident as of late, since significant relationships are growing. I try to be respectful to everyone, and I am learning that that humbleness to some is weakness to others. I am a strong individual; one of my favorite things to do is walk/run with my dog Polly. She loves it, and it just makes me happy to see her so happy. Thinking about going camping and hiking with her and my wife, once I get a job on my days off. 

I am thinking about going into the direct care path. I have such a compassionate heart, and I think that is where my talents lie. I just care about people, and I think that I will go to work every day with purposefulness, and it would just make me happy. 

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

7 hours ago, Kansas Stormcursed said:

Ok so here's kinda the reason I was gone plus some other ranting stuff, spoilered for length (I straight-up doubled the Discord length limit without Nitro )

  Hide contents

*sigh*

Alright

So I suppose outside my head it wasn't that bad

But there was more going on in my brain that made it worse

So I think I've mentioned before at least in passing that I have a tendency for self-sabotage

And that's entirely what this was

It dates back to my freshman year, when my dad had his affair and everything kinda went up in the air, and I figured out that missing the right amount of school assignments was the perfect way for me to get in trouble without losing the dojo. And I figured out that I liked it.

And then I kept doing it. I joke about having an addiction to dice, or to books, or to martial arts, but in all honesty my addiction is to my own pain. I love it and I hate it at the same time. As time goes on I recognize more and more how very Lightweaver I am. I have a few personalities, and in this issue there are two main ones. There's the Dylan who makes sure my actions never affect the dojo or my friends, and there's the Dylan who actively chomps at the bit, constantly wanting to test that line, to storm myself over and give myself a reason for hurting

I have no issue with using my parents to achieve this end, however. They're the only other ones that get stormed over by my skipping schoolwork, and the only part of me that feels guilty or bad at all is the part that knows I shouldn't do it

I don't feel bad for the action itself, or its consequences

I love the consequences

I am not a good person

I am not always a bad person, but there are times like this where I can not fit into the box of "decent person"

So I did it again. This time I got screen use restricted, really by my own effort—mom was ready to swap it for another punishment when she realized there was no real way to monitor and police that.

It's rather ironic, really. Taking my phone away was something I knew would happen, and part of the pain-infliction I was seeking. Not having contact just sent me deep down the spiral

And I liked it

It gave me something to attach a reason to

Something to hate

And love

At the same time.

Through that, I was stuck with my own thoughts, and I realized something. I'm tired. I'm so storming tired.

I'm tired of hiding from the people I love. I'm tired of not being able to trust them, of constantly fearing nothing real.

I'm tired of being a child playing dress-up. My closest friends are all mature and well-put-together, and I'm over here barely holding together the illusion of functionality. I'm just a little kid wearing a mask I've cleverly constructed, and I have been for years, and probably will be forever

I'm tired of being support without being able to make myself rely on others for support. I'm a lone brick holding up a whole goddamn building, and there's nothing but open air beneath me.

I'm tired of it all being the same old rust

I'm tired of getting told the same old rust

I'm tired of people saying "you're a teenager, it's hormones"

"That's not who you are"

"I know you"

"No"

I'm tired of the same old responses that aren't right and don't do jack rust but make me angrier and angrier

I'm tired of hiding that I'm angry

I'm tired of being the peacekeeper

I'm tired of not knowing how to not be the oeacekeeper

I'm tired of knowledge

I'm tired of this

Really hoping it autocensors all that and that I didn't obstruct that with misspelling

 

Danke sehr

*like sooooo many hugs* 

[Rynturning_Light She/Her]

I'm just gonna rant for a second. I'm having a bit of a rough time right now so

Spoiler

I've always been a bit of a perfectionist. This has been something that has not changed basically since I could form conscious thought. Therefore, it has also been an issue in that when I don't reach what I view as my "potential" or don't perform how I think I should I take it really hard and kinda internalize it

Recently, it's kinda been blow after blow. Not really wanting to get into details, cause some of it's still raw wounds. 

Usually, I'll have my cry, stew in it for a bit, then pick myself up and move past it. Realize that it doesn't really matter. But, that's not happening.

I am just angry. At myself for failing to meet my goals. At my parents for their repeated advice of "use this to do better next time." At my friends and peers who have achieved what I want to achieve with half the effort put it.

I'm at the point in my mind where the thoughts of "why even try if your effort isn't getting you anywhere." It's irrational and stupid but things aren't enjoyable right now and I don't want to live irrationally angry.

I get it, life isn't fair. I've had things come relatively easy and I need to get used to struggling with things.

But, I don't know how to deal with this. My parents aren't helping, even if they're trying to. I don't want to talk to my close friends about this because my angry is partially, irrationally, pointed at them.

I just, don't want to do this anymore, and I don't know how to pull myself out of the hole I'm spiraling into

 

[CoderDrag0n8 He/They]

1 hour ago, Rynturning_Light said:

I'm just gonna rant for a second. I'm having a bit of a rough time right now so

  Hide contents

I've always been a bit of a perfectionist. This has been something that has not changed basically since I could form conscious thought. Therefore, it has also been an issue in that when I don't reach what I view as my "potential" or don't perform how I think I should I take it really hard and kinda internalize it

Recently, it's kinda been blow after blow. Not really wanting to get into details, cause some of it's still raw wounds. 

Usually, I'll have my cry, stew in it for a bit, then pick myself up and move past it. Realize that it doesn't really matter. But, that's not happening.

I am just angry. At myself for failing to meet my goals. At my parents for their repeated advice of "use this to do better next time." At my friends and peers who have achieved what I want to achieve with half the effort put it.

I'm at the point in my mind where the thoughts of "why even try if your effort isn't getting you anywhere." It's irrational and stupid but things aren't enjoyable right now and I don't want to live irrationally angry.

I get it, life isn't fair. I've had things come relatively easy and I need to get used to struggling with things.

But, I don't know how to deal with this. My parents aren't helping, even if they're trying to. I don't want to talk to my close friends about this because my angry is partially, irrationally, pointed at them.

I just, don't want to do this anymore, and I don't know how to pull myself out of the hole I'm spiraling into

 

*hugs*

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

1 hour ago, Rynturning_Light said:

I'm just gonna rant for a second. I'm having a bit of a rough time right now so

  Hide contents

I've always been a bit of a perfectionist. This has been something that has not changed basically since I could form conscious thought. Therefore, it has also been an issue in that when I don't reach what I view as my "potential" or don't perform how I think I should I take it really hard and kinda internalize it

Recently, it's kinda been blow after blow. Not really wanting to get into details, cause some of it's still raw wounds. 

Usually, I'll have my cry, stew in it for a bit, then pick myself up and move past it. Realize that it doesn't really matter. But, that's not happening.

I am just angry. At myself for failing to meet my goals. At my parents for their repeated advice of "use this to do better next time." At my friends and peers who have achieved what I want to achieve with half the effort put it.

I'm at the point in my mind where the thoughts of "why even try if your effort isn't getting you anywhere." It's irrational and stupid but things aren't enjoyable right now and I don't want to live irrationally angry.

I get it, life isn't fair. I've had things come relatively easy and I need to get used to struggling with things.

But, I don't know how to deal with this. My parents aren't helping, even if they're trying to. I don't want to talk to my close friends about this because my angry is partially, irrationally, pointed at them.

I just, don't want to do this anymore, and I don't know how to pull myself out of the hole I'm spiraling into

 

*hugs*

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

2 hours ago, Rynturning_Light said:

I'm just gonna rant for a second. I'm having a bit of a rough time right now so

  Hide contents

I've always been a bit of a perfectionist. This has been something that has not changed basically since I could form conscious thought. Therefore, it has also been an issue in that when I don't reach what I view as my "potential" or don't perform how I think I should I take it really hard and kinda internalize it

Recently, it's kinda been blow after blow. Not really wanting to get into details, cause some of it's still raw wounds. 

Usually, I'll have my cry, stew in it for a bit, then pick myself up and move past it. Realize that it doesn't really matter. But, that's not happening.

I am just angry. At myself for failing to meet my goals. At my parents for their repeated advice of "use this to do better next time." At my friends and peers who have achieved what I want to achieve with half the effort put it.

I'm at the point in my mind where the thoughts of "why even try if your effort isn't getting you anywhere." It's irrational and stupid but things aren't enjoyable right now and I don't want to live irrationally angry.

I get it, life isn't fair. I've had things come relatively easy and I need to get used to struggling with things.

But, I don't know how to deal with this. My parents aren't helping, even if they're trying to. I don't want to talk to my close friends about this because my angry is partially, irrationally, pointed at them.

I just, don't want to do this anymore, and I don't know how to pull myself out of the hole I'm spiraling into

 

*hugs*

I'm sorry, that sounds awful. Your struggles are your struggles, so try not to blame yourself for having them? (Sorry, I'm not great with words)

*hugs even more*

[Vielence She/Her]

On 2/20/2026 at 12:02 AM, Kansas Stormcursed said:

Ok so here's kinda the reason I was gone plus some other ranting stuff, spoilered for length (I straight-up doubled the Discord length limit without Nitro )

  Reveal hidden contents

*sigh*

Alright

So I suppose outside my head it wasn't that bad

But there was more going on in my brain that made it worse

So I think I've mentioned before at least in passing that I have a tendency for self-sabotage

And that's entirely what this was

It dates back to my freshman year, when my dad had his affair and everything kinda went up in the air, and I figured out that missing the right amount of school assignments was the perfect way for me to get in trouble without losing the dojo. And I figured out that I liked it.

And then I kept doing it. I joke about having an addiction to dice, or to books, or to martial arts, but in all honesty my addiction is to my own pain. I love it and I hate it at the same time. As time goes on I recognize more and more how very Lightweaver I am. I have a few personalities, and in this issue there are two main ones. There's the Dylan who makes sure my actions never affect the dojo or my friends, and there's the Dylan who actively chomps at the bit, constantly wanting to test that line, to storm myself over and give myself a reason for hurting

I have no issue with using my parents to achieve this end, however. They're the only other ones that get stormed over by my skipping schoolwork, and the only part of me that feels guilty or bad at all is the part that knows I shouldn't do it

I don't feel bad for the action itself, or its consequences

I love the consequences

I am not a good person

I am not always a bad person, but there are times like this where I can not fit into the box of "decent person"

So I did it again. This time I got screen use restricted, really by my own effort—mom was ready to swap it for another punishment when she realized there was no real way to monitor and police that.

It's rather ironic, really. Taking my phone away was something I knew would happen, and part of the pain-infliction I was seeking. Not having contact just sent me deep down the spiral

And I liked it

It gave me something to attach a reason to

Something to hate

And love

At the same time.

Through that, I was stuck with my own thoughts, and I realized something. I'm tired. I'm so storming tired.

I'm tired of hiding from the people I love. I'm tired of not being able to trust them, of constantly fearing nothing real.

I'm tired of being a child playing dress-up. My closest friends are all mature and well-put-together, and I'm over here barely holding together the illusion of functionality. I'm just a little kid wearing a mask I've cleverly constructed, and I have been for years, and probably will be forever

I'm tired of being support without being able to make myself rely on others for support. I'm a lone brick holding up a whole goddamn building, and there's nothing but open air beneath me.

I'm tired of it all being the same old rust

I'm tired of getting told the same old rust

I'm tired of people saying "you're a teenager, it's hormones"

"That's not who you are"

"I know you"

"No"

I'm tired of the same old responses that aren't right and don't do jack rust but make me angrier and angrier

I'm tired of hiding that I'm angry

I'm tired of being the peacekeeper

I'm tired of not knowing how to not be the oeacekeeper

I'm tired of knowledge

I'm tired of this

Really hoping it autocensors all that and that I didn't obstruct that with misspelling

 

Danke sehr

*hugs*

*more hugs*

I frend and thus there if you need me

3 hours ago, Rynturning_Light said:

I'm just gonna rant for a second. I'm having a bit of a rough time right now so

  Reveal hidden contents

I've always been a bit of a perfectionist. This has been something that has not changed basically since I could form conscious thought. Therefore, it has also been an issue in that when I don't reach what I view as my "potential" or don't perform how I think I should I take it really hard and kinda internalize it

Recently, it's kinda been blow after blow. Not really wanting to get into details, cause some of it's still raw wounds. 

Usually, I'll have my cry, stew in it for a bit, then pick myself up and move past it. Realize that it doesn't really matter. But, that's not happening.

I am just angry. At myself for failing to meet my goals. At my parents for their repeated advice of "use this to do better next time." At my friends and peers who have achieved what I want to achieve with half the effort put it.

I'm at the point in my mind where the thoughts of "why even try if your effort isn't getting you anywhere." It's irrational and stupid but things aren't enjoyable right now and I don't want to live irrationally angry.

I get it, life isn't fair. I've had things come relatively easy and I need to get used to struggling with things.

But, I don't know how to deal with this. My parents aren't helping, even if they're trying to. I don't want to talk to my close friends about this because my angry is partially, irrationally, pointed at them.

I just, don't want to do this anymore, and I don't know how to pull myself out of the hole I'm spiraling into

 

*many hugs* 

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

Spoiler

I hate the way my brain works, but more than anything I hate the split personality that society has given me. I hold a lot of this against my parents, which is why although I'll never say I hate them, because I was told you can't hate somebody you love, I'm still eager to get out of this house. I've heard adults say that they wish they had spent more time with their parents, and honestly they can shut the storm up. I've heard that my whole damn life, and I swear to God that alone has given me whatever ODD-like rust I have. Every single time I hear that I just want to punch somebody, because I stormING KNOW. I KNOW THE SAME OLD stormING STORY. BUT MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, I'M NOT YOU.

Is it my fault, or is it hormones, or is it just life, or is it somebody else's fault? Make up your storming mine, because it can't be all of those. Everybody keeps telling me it's not my fault, when really, it is. It all traces back to me. It was my choice to listen to all those voices, to pull them in, and it's my choice to listen to them now. Because they're right. Everything they said is right. My mom can't be wrong. If she's wrong, then I was stormed up for nothing, and she can't be wrong. She's never wrong. She knows me better than I know myself.

There's a part of me that truly does love myself, and accepts that maybe it's not all my fault.

There's a part of me that tries to blame it all on others.

I shut those parts down real quick. Tie them up, lock them away, hamstring them, cut their Achilles, take their tongues out, take away any of their ability to do anything. They're wrong.

I can't even really tell anybody about it. I love my friends, on here and irl, but I don't trust them. I do with small things, but I have never told a single person all that's going through my head. They matter more. I'm here to hold them up, keep them going, and I'll keep going for that purpose. I'm just a childish person who, if I let myself talk, would be the most whiny slontze ever heard. storm, it messes me up just to have a mild response from someone about something I'm excited about, or for the response to be delayed. That alone sends me spiraling deeper. So I just cut myself off. I get burned and shut myself in storming Fort Knox.

I'm not even good at helping people. I'm not good with words. People tell me I am, and I wonder what they want from me. I try to pick apart what they're saying, find what they really mean at the core of it.

I use others just to hurt myself. Why shouldn't others use me for what they want?

Honors Ghost was rather surprised the other day when I told her I did not, in fact, want to "pull." I joke about wanting a partner, somebody to love, just to hide what's inside. I hurt and use those close to me. I'm addicted to my own pain, and I will gain it at the expense of others—especially at the expense of others, to cause myself more pain at the sight of their pain. So I steer clear of love, relationships, because I know who I'd be, and I won't do that.

I'm just well and truly stormed up.

I don't even really know why I wrote this. Ignore it I guess. If you read this far...why? There's no reason to.

General rant: the shard should censor where it needs to. No offense really meant to anybody, this is just me being angry and pissed off

[#1 Taln Fan he/him]

Advice/response, if you want it. (also spoilered for length)

Spoiler

17 minutes ago, Kansas Stormcursed said:

I hold a lot of this against my parents, which is why although I'll never say I hate them, because I was told you can't hate somebody you love, I'm still eager to get out of this house. I've heard adults say that they wish they had spent more time with their parents, and honestly they can shut the storm up

That's completely valid. Parents play a huge role in the psychology of their kids, either good or bad. Unfortunately a lot of the time it's bad. Not out of any malicious intent, but just some people are bad parents. Sure some people should spend more time with their parents, but some people should get out of their house and not interact with toxic family members more than necessary. It's completely case by case.

17 minutes ago, Kansas Stormcursed said:

Is it my fault, or is it hormones, or is it just life, or is it somebody else's fault? Make up your storming mine, because it can't be all of those. Everybody keeps telling me it's not my fault, when really, it is. It all traces back to me. It was my choice to listen to all those voices, to pull them in, and it's my choice to listen to them now.

It's never as simple as one or the other, unforunately. It's always gonna be some form of mix. Yes some things are partly the fault of your parents, society, etc. But also you have your own agency in how you handle outside sources of distress. But that also means you have the ability to improve aspects of your situation, even if it's in small ways. Sometime situations just suck, but the one thing you always have control over is your mindset, which can go further than you think.

17 minutes ago, Kansas Stormcursed said:

I can't even really tell anybody about it. I love my friends, on here and irl, but I don't trust them. I do with small things, but I have never told a single person all that's going through my head. They matter more. I'm here to hold them up, keep them going, and I'll keep going for that purpose.

Imo, a one sided relationship isn't a relationship. It's not at all sustainable to just pour into others without anything in return. Please have at least one IRL person you can vent everything to. You don't have to dump everything on them at once, but work up to it, trust them with things important to you, and be vulnerable. Ofc it's fricking hard, but it's necessary. I would've gone insane long ago if I didn't have a best friend I could tell literally everything. 

17 minutes ago, Kansas Stormcursed said:

I'm just well and truly stormed up.

There's not a person on this Earth who isn't in some way, at some point in time. Trust me. But just because you're struggling doesn't mean you're any less valuable as a person or a friend. And it won't last forever, you'll change, and your environment will change. And if life sucks horribly rn, that just means it's going to get better at some point.

17 minutes ago, Kansas Stormcursed said:

I don't even really know why I wrote this. Ignore it I guess. If you read this far...why? There's no reason to.

Easy, cuz I care. Duh.

 

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

8 hours ago, Rynturning_Light said:

I'm just gonna rant for a second. I'm having a bit of a rough time right now so

  Hide contents

I've always been a bit of a perfectionist. This has been something that has not changed basically since I could form conscious thought. Therefore, it has also been an issue in that when I don't reach what I view as my "potential" or don't perform how I think I should I take it really hard and kinda internalize it

Recently, it's kinda been blow after blow. Not really wanting to get into details, cause some of it's still raw wounds. 

Usually, I'll have my cry, stew in it for a bit, then pick myself up and move past it. Realize that it doesn't really matter. But, that's not happening.

I am just angry. At myself for failing to meet my goals. At my parents for their repeated advice of "use this to do better next time." At my friends and peers who have achieved what I want to achieve with half the effort put it.

I'm at the point in my mind where the thoughts of "why even try if your effort isn't getting you anywhere." It's irrational and stupid but things aren't enjoyable right now and I don't want to live irrationally angry.

I get it, life isn't fair. I've had things come relatively easy and I need to get used to struggling with things.

But, I don't know how to deal with this. My parents aren't helping, even if they're trying to. I don't want to talk to my close friends about this because my angry is partially, irrationally, pointed at them.

I just, don't want to do this anymore, and I don't know how to pull myself out of the hole I'm spiraling into

 

*hugggsssss* I said some stuff in ur su abt the fire drill but I’m not one who believes in academic stress, believe me I’m in orch and band and advanced classes I am friends with the kids that go home play call of duty or Minecraft or whatever until one am scroll on TikTok until three and then get a one hundred on the test the next day, and it pisses me off sometimes but at the end of the day, I put forward as much effort as I wanted too, sometimes it’s my best, other times it’s not, but at the end of the day it happens, and having a mom who’s a college proffesor I promise you they aren’t gonna care whether you got a 98 or a 99 in that one math class in eleventh grade, and knowing you, I am sure you will be fine, you seem bright hardworking and dedicated, and that is a killer combo, ur gonna do great things one day, just yk when your famous make sure to like let people know we were friends before you were famous yk

3 hours ago, Kansas Stormcursed said:

  Hide contents

I hate the way my brain works, but more than anything I hate the split personality that society has given me. I hold a lot of this against my parents, which is why although I'll never say I hate them, because I was told you can't hate somebody you love, I'm still eager to get out of this house. I've heard adults say that they wish they had spent more time with their parents, and honestly they can shut the storm up. I've heard that my whole damn life, and I swear to God that alone has given me whatever ODD-like rust I have. Every single time I hear that I just want to punch somebody, because I stormING KNOW. I KNOW THE SAME OLD stormING STORY. BUT MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, I'M NOT YOU.

Is it my fault, or is it hormones, or is it just life, or is it somebody else's fault? Make up your storming mine, because it can't be all of those. Everybody keeps telling me it's not my fault, when really, it is. It all traces back to me. It was my choice to listen to all those voices, to pull them in, and it's my choice to listen to them now. Because they're right. Everything they said is right. My mom can't be wrong. If she's wrong, then I was stormed up for nothing, and she can't be wrong. She's never wrong. She knows me better than I know myself.

There's a part of me that truly does love myself, and accepts that maybe it's not all my fault.

There's a part of me that tries to blame it all on others.

I shut those parts down real quick. Tie them up, lock them away, hamstring them, cut their Achilles, take their tongues out, take away any of their ability to do anything. They're wrong.

I can't even really tell anybody about it. I love my friends, on here and irl, but I don't trust them. I do with small things, but I have never told a single person all that's going through my head. They matter more. I'm here to hold them up, keep them going, and I'll keep going for that purpose. I'm just a childish person who, if I let myself talk, would be the most whiny slontze ever heard. storm, it messes me up just to have a mild response from someone about something I'm excited about, or for the response to be delayed. That alone sends me spiraling deeper. So I just cut myself off. I get burned and shut myself in storming Fort Knox.

I'm not even good at helping people. I'm not good with words. People tell me I am, and I wonder what they want from me. I try to pick apart what they're saying, find what they really mean at the core of it.

I use others just to hurt myself. Why shouldn't others use me for what they want?

Honors Ghost was rather surprised the other day when I told her I did not, in fact, want to "pull." I joke about wanting a partner, somebody to love, just to hide what's inside. I hurt and use those close to me. I'm addicted to my own pain, and I will gain it at the expense of others—especially at the expense of others, to cause myself more pain at the sight of their pain. So I steer clear of love, relationships, because I know who I'd be, and I won't do that.

I'm just well and truly stormed up.

I don't even really know why I wrote this. Ignore it I guess. If you read this far...why? There's no reason to.

General rant: the shard should censor where it needs to. No offense really meant to anybody, this is just me being angry and pissed off

*hugs* Dylan, listen, I was surprised bc most of the teen boys your age Ik only want to “pull” so ye that’s why, and we have been friends for almost five years best friends for I’d say at least two and I don’t think you’ve used me once, in those five years you have been nothing but loving caring and compassionate, like even while your cussing me out bc I’m being stupid your cussing me out bc your worried abt me or want me to be happy. So like cut yourself some slack man your awesome

[Rynturning_Light She/Her]

5 minutes ago, Honors Ghost said:

*hugggsssss* I said some stuff in ur su abt the fire drill but I’m not one who believes in academic stress, believe me I’m in orch and band and advanced classes I am friends with the kids that go home play call of duty or Minecraft or whatever until one am scroll on TikTok until three and then get a one hundred on the test the next day, and it pisses me off sometimes but at the end of the day, I put forward as much effort as I wanted too, sometimes it’s my best, other times it’s not, but at the end of the day it happens, and having a mom who’s a college proffesor I promise you they aren’t gonna care whether you got a 98 or a 99 in that one math class in eleventh grade, and knowing you, I am sure you will be fine, you seem bright hardworking and dedicated, and that is a killer combo, ur gonna do great things one day, just yk when your famous make sure to like let people know we were friends before you were famous yk

Thanks, that means a lot:)

I talked to my parents, and we’re gonna get me a sit down with a therapist cause these are reoccurring issues and I think I need professional help lol

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

1 minute ago, Rynturning_Light said:

Thanks, that means a lot:)

I talked to my parents, and we’re gonna get me a sit down with a therapist cause these are reoccurring issues and I think I need professional help lol

*hugss* ofc girl, and therapy’s good it’s helped me a lot

[TwinStorm He/Him]

guys

I don't know what to do

Spoiler

my mother is rly struggling with depression and idk how to help her besides just not being a pain

thoughts? ideas? I love her and want to help her but idk how

 

[Verdance he/him]

37 minutes ago, TwinStorm said:

guys

I don't know what to do

  Hide contents

my mother is rly struggling with depression and idk how to help her besides just not being a pain

thoughts? ideas? I love her and want to help her but idk how

 

Is there a specific thing that’s triggering depression for her or do you not know?

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

41 minutes ago, TwinStorm said:

guys

I don't know what to do

  Reveal hidden contents

my mother is rly struggling with depression and idk how to help her besides just not being a pain

thoughts? ideas? I love her and want to help her but idk how

 

*hugs*

I'm sorry, that's kind of all I can offer for now

[Aeoryi she/her]

1 hour ago, TwinStorm said:

guys

I don't know what to do

  Hide contents

my mother is rly struggling with depression and idk how to help her besides just not being a pain

thoughts? ideas? I love her and want to help her but idk how

 

 

The approach may differ depending on the individual characteristics

 

[TwinStorm He/Him]

1 minute ago, Aeoryi said:

 

The approach may differ depending on the individual characteristics

 

shes just bored and finds everything kinda sad, its hard to explain

she has OCD but its less so that rn

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

21 hours ago, Kansas Stormcursed said:

  Reveal hidden contents

I hate the way my brain works, but more than anything I hate the split personality that society has given me. I hold a lot of this against my parents, which is why although I'll never say I hate them, because I was told you can't hate somebody you love, I'm still eager to get out of this house. I've heard adults say that they wish they had spent more time with their parents, and honestly they can shut the storm up. I've heard that my whole damn life, and I swear to God that alone has given me whatever ODD-like rust I have. Every single time I hear that I just want to punch somebody, because I stormING KNOW. I KNOW THE SAME OLD stormING STORY. BUT MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, I'M NOT YOU.

Is it my fault, or is it hormones, or is it just life, or is it somebody else's fault? Make up your storming mine, because it can't be all of those. Everybody keeps telling me it's not my fault, when really, it is. It all traces back to me. It was my choice to listen to all those voices, to pull them in, and it's my choice to listen to them now. Because they're right. Everything they said is right. My mom can't be wrong. If she's wrong, then I was stormed up for nothing, and she can't be wrong. She's never wrong. She knows me better than I know myself.

There's a part of me that truly does love myself, and accepts that maybe it's not all my fault.

There's a part of me that tries to blame it all on others.

I shut those parts down real quick. Tie them up, lock them away, hamstring them, cut their Achilles, take their tongues out, take away any of their ability to do anything. They're wrong.

I can't even really tell anybody about it. I love my friends, on here and irl, but I don't trust them. I do with small things, but I have never told a single person all that's going through my head. They matter more. I'm here to hold them up, keep them going, and I'll keep going for that purpose. I'm just a childish person who, if I let myself talk, would be the most whiny slontze ever heard. storm, it messes me up just to have a mild response from someone about something I'm excited about, or for the response to be delayed. That alone sends me spiraling deeper. So I just cut myself off. I get burned and shut myself in storming Fort Knox.

I'm not even good at helping people. I'm not good with words. People tell me I am, and I wonder what they want from me. I try to pick apart what they're saying, find what they really mean at the core of it.

I use others just to hurt myself. Why shouldn't others use me for what they want?

Honors Ghost was rather surprised the other day when I told her I did not, in fact, want to "pull." I joke about wanting a partner, somebody to love, just to hide what's inside. I hurt and use those close to me. I'm addicted to my own pain, and I will gain it at the expense of others—especially at the expense of others, to cause myself more pain at the sight of their pain. So I steer clear of love, relationships, because I know who I'd be, and I won't do that.

I'm just well and truly stormed up.

I don't even really know why I wrote this. Ignore it I guess. If you read this far...why? There's no reason to.

General rant: the shard should censor where it needs to. No offense really meant to anybody, this is just me being angry and pissed off

*hugs*

16 hours ago, TwinStorm said:

guys

I don't know what to do

  Reveal hidden contents

my mother is rly struggling with depression and idk how to help her besides just not being a pain

thoughts? ideas? I love her and want to help her but idk how

 

*hugs*