Nightwatcher Boon/Bane (Game)

[Honorless he/him]

2 hours ago, Condensation said:

Granted. It tastes like dirt.

I wish for Rhythm of War early.

Granted, you now have the power to make Rhythm of War (or any other book you've been waiting for) release early! There's a catch: human sacrifices. For every one person you kill, the release date moves closer by the exact amount of time it took your sacrifice to die after you inflicted the first cut.

 

I wish for perfect health

[Condensation she/her]

Granted. You are also immortal. More of a catch than you realize.

I wish people wouldn't swear.

[Honorless he/him]

2 minutes ago, Condensation said:

I wish people wouldn't swear.

Granted, people are now incapable of swearing oaths or making promises

I wish for the ability to inflict mandatory gender, sexuality, racial, socio-economic, religious sensitivity training towards all of human population 

[Condensation she/her]

Hey, that's kind of a win-win.

Granted. They won't listen.

I wish more people who I do stuff with were on late at night.

[Honorless he/him]

13 minutes ago, Condensation said:

Hey, that's kind of a win-win.

Granted. They won't listen.

I wish more people who I do stuff with were on late at night.

Granted, but you fall asleep early

I wish for magic to be real

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine he/him]

2 hours ago, Honorless said:

I wish for magic to be real

The Nightwatcher looks at you with her adorable "Whatchoo talkin' bout Willis" look and the studio audience laughs uproariously.  

In sibillant tones she says "Such an easy bubble to burst, I could have given you just a "magical" bane, proving that magic is real, and then sent you on your way, but instead I will grant your true wish. I will grant a small application of magic to the pale blue little dot of a planet upon which you reside."

Turning to camera two with the same canned expression she says, "How'd he get to my Valley Willis?". The studio audience is in stitches.

You wake up in your bed with the over the top laughter still reverberating in your skull. In that special hyper lucid state that sometimes occurs during the transition from sleep to wakefulness, you realize it was no mere dream, and further you have an intuitive understanding of how the magic system that is now at play on earth works.

You realize that the key to practicing magic on Earth is the plucking of and the magical consumption of unsightly body hair. Back hairs when plucked and burnt as fuel for the magic grant increased physical strength. Shoulder hairs when plucked and burnt grant superhuman speed. Nose hairs grant the power to slow down time. Ear hairs grant the practitioner telepathy for short periods of time. Knuckle and finger hairs grant the power of telekinesis.

The longer and coarser the hair the more potent the magic and the longer it's effects can be sustained.

Your bane is related to your boon, in that you have been endowed with enough fuel for the practice of this magic to be the most powerful magic user on earth.

But it's pretty dope, you can connect the bushy bunches of hair sprouting from both of your ears into a sweet pony tail, and you have enough hair coming from your nose to make it appear to be a handlebar mustache.

I wish for half of something.

Edited August 23, 2020 by hoiditthroughthegrapevine

[Honorless he/him]

26 minutes ago, hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

I wish for half of something.

You are granted a half-life: you'll have a very fulfilling next few years of life, but the more fulfilled you are, the sooner you'd die. You can have a fulfilling life or a sad long life.

 

I wish for the ability of libriomancy

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine he/him]

25 minutes ago, Honorless said:

You are granted a half-life: you'll have a very fulfilling next few years of life, but the more fulfilled you are, the sooner you'd die. You can have a fulfilling life or a sad long life.

 

I wish for the ability of libriomancy

I'm halfway satisfied with that.

Granted.

You can instantly master any skill/discipline written about in book form even if you don't consciously understand what the book is saying. You could read army training manuals and instantly be proficient in hand to hand combat. You could read journals on brain surgery and instantly be one of the world's foremost brain surgeons.

Your bane is that all you want to read are books about tying flies for fly fishing and Keto diet cookbooks.

I wish for something dappled and exquisite.

[Honorless he/him]

2 hours ago, hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

I wish for something dappled and exquisite.

Oh how I wish you had said that on Reddit's Monkey's Paw threads

[I Am A Fish he/him]

6 hours ago, hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

I wish for something dappled and exquisite.

Granted, it's a tumor,

I wish for a scone

[Honorless he/him]

12 hours ago, I Am A Fish said:

Granted, it's a tumor,

I wish for a scone

Granted

 

I wish for the Philosopher's Stone

[Eluvianii he/him]

Granted, but you have to gather the materials. Still, you don't have to perform the otherworldly magic needed to actually make it so be thankful.

I wish for days to have 34 hours.

[Chinkoln he/him]

Granted, each hour only has 42.352 minutes.

I wish for infinite boons that retroactively work to remove all of my banes.

[Channelknight Fadran]

Granted! Your bane is that you have infinite banes that retroactively work to remove all your boons.

I wish for the motivation to write more of my book.

[Chinkoln he/him]

Granted, it never gets published

I wish for a pet otter (Don't you dare do anything to hurt an otter!)

[I Am A Fish he/him]

Granted, it's pregnant, and gives birth to 5 children, who run around your home destroying everything. (VOTE FISH!)

 

I wish for another fish on the shard. 

[Condensation she/her]

Granted. It is a fake fish.

I wish that I had more sleep.

[I Am A Fish he/him]

Granted, next time you go to bed you will never wake up.

I wish I could be reincarnated.

[Channelknight Fadran]

Granted, but you must join my staff!

 

I wish for Fish to be on my staff.

[I Am A Fish he/him]

1 minute ago, Channelknight Fadran said:

Granted, but you must join my staff!

 

I wish for Fish to be on my staff.

Granted, you now have a fish on your staff.

I wish Fadran would stop bothering me about this stuff, and I don't have to join his staff.

[Condensation she/her]

Granted. You have to join his personnel.

I wish for some ibuprofen.

[Experience he/him]

Granted, but it weighs 15 pounds.

I wish for time.

[Condensation she/her]

Granted. You now have an extra 7 seconds.

I wish my siblings would stop bugging me.

[Mat he/him]

Granted. Now your parents are.

I wish for the untainted powers of a Nicroburst/Sparker Twinborn

[Condensation she/her]

Granted. You can't use them.

I wish for another cat.