The Battle for the Sandwich

[Unintelligenius he/him]

6 hours ago, Clarkmon22 said:

me and the sandwich go to croquet at the top of a Horneater Peak and dive into the water just for fun

You die.

[NerdSandwich she/her]

And I steal The Sandwich.

You explode because I brought dynamite for good measure

[Clarkmon22 He/Him]

I undie and I grab my wife (? idk and IDC at this point) and we go to... the Czech Republic to eat whatever cool food they have there

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I visit you and inquire if you would like to eat some lizard skin.

 

Also, I think it should be spelled unintelligenius but if you really are uninteligenius ig it would make sense

[Immortal Platypus]

15 hours ago, NerdyAarakocra said:

As a restaurant was mentioned, it's lunchtime now. I put the Sandwich in the Sandwich Safe® and invite @Immortal Platypus to join, as he's one of the few people who consistently uses the lunch bit.

I order the spinach and mushroom quiche. It's taking a while to arrive.

It has been a long time  @Edema Rue

Naturally, I cannot simply refuse a lunch summons, so I show up. Then I have to lecture people on the importance of lunch breaks. That's a lot of work, so I take the sandwich to reward myself. Then, because it is a lunch break, I put it somewhere hidden that has a magic password which is the only way to get the sandwich. 

Then I order a filet mignon, rare. I also ask for some lemon on the side.

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I lock The Sandwich in a magical safe. This safe will only open if I say the password three times. I lock myself in a magical safe. The safe I am in will only open @ChipsAHoid says the password three times. My dad locks @ChipsAHoid in a magical safe. The safe @ChipsAHoid is in will only open if my dad says the password three times. My mom locks my dad in a magical safe. The safe my dad is in will only open if my mom says the password three times. My little sister locks my mom in a magical safe. The safe my mom is in will only open if she says the "ruby's red rainbows written on rulers" three times. We all have unlimited foods, as in our safes are Soulcasters that can convert carbon dioxide to oxygen and water as well as food. (Also good luck getting my sister to say "ruby's red rainbows written on rulers" three times, she can't pronounce her r's even though she got tongue surgery.

[Edema Rue she/her]

1 hour ago, Immortal Platypus said:

It has been a long time  @Edema Rue

Naturally, I cannot simply refuse a lunch summons, so I show up. Then I have to lecture people on the importance of lunch breaks. That's a lot of work, so I take the sandwich to reward myself. Then, because it is a lunch break, I put it somewhere hidden that has a magic password which is the only way to get the sandwich. 

Then I order a filet mignon, rare. I also ask for some lemon on the side.

Weeping with joy, I arrive for lunch. 

I order a French dip sandwich, which reminds me of the joy of the real sandwich. I begin talking Platypus into giving me the sandwich. Subtly, of course, as it would be rude to just ask, especially at a lunch with him and Nerdy.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

19 hours ago, VieB13 said:

HEY

No actually @Ashkaloda stole it already 

I applaud your work

Wait I thought she was dueling me?? Did everyone miss the part where she DROPPED A HIGHSTORM ON ME???

Mmm. Yes true. You are a sandwich terror, you  are.

 

I sneak up and steal the bride and then convince her to drop the wedding and run away with me to have a girls movie night in (                                                       ).

BYE!

That was more like a skirmish. This is a more formal duel. Also I am he/him

3 hours ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

I lock The Sandwich in a magical safe. This safe will only open if I say the password three times. I lock myself in a magical safe. The safe I am in will only open @ChipsAHoid says the password three times. My dad locks @ChipsAHoid in a magical safe. The safe @ChipsAHoid is in will only open if my dad says the password three times. My mom locks my dad in a magical safe. The safe my dad is in will only open if my mom says the password three times. My little sister locks my mom in a magical safe. The safe my mom is in will only open if she says the "ruby's red rainbows written on rulers" three times. We all have unlimited foods, as in our safes are Soulcasters that can convert carbon dioxide to oxygen and water as well as food. (Also good luck getting my sister to say "ruby's red rainbows written on rulers" three times, she can't pronounce her r's even though she got tongue surgery.

Your sister says ruby's red rainbows written on rulers three times, then your mom says the password three times, then your dad says the password three times. It doesn't matter in the end, because I phase through the walls of the safe and snatch the sandwich. 

[Immortal Platypus]

3 hours ago, Edema Rue said:

Weeping with joy, I arrive for lunch. 

I order a French dip sandwich, which reminds me of the joy of the real sandwich. I begin talking Platypus into giving me the sandwich. Subtly, of course, as it would be rude to just ask, especially at a lunch with him and Nerdy.

I am, naturally, expecting this. Everyone wants the sandwich. Fortunately, I am all but impervious to manipulation, especially at lunchtime. Thus, I don't give Eddie the sandwich, so we can have peace. Fortunately for that cause, the real Sandwich remains in a hidden location. @Ashkaloda would realize, if they looked closely, that their sandwich was actually a sad witch. 

I also order a grilled cheese, cause I really want one.

[NerdSandwich she/her]

33 minutes ago, Ashkaloda said:

That was more like a skirmish. This is a more formal duel. Also I am he/him

Your sister says ruby's red rainbows written on rulers three times, then your mom says the password three times, then your dad says the password three times. It doesn't matter in the end, because I phase through the walls of the safe and snatch the sandwich. 

I, seeing my flaw, have expected this and had created a decoy. I lock The Sandwich in a magical safe. This safe will only open if I say the password three times. I lock myself in a magical safe. The safe I am in will only open @ChipsAHoid says the password three times. My dad locks @ChipsAHoid in a magical safe. The safe @ChipsAHoid is in will only open if my dad says the password three times. My mom locks my dad in a magical safe. The safe my dad is in will only open if my mom says the password three times. My little sister locks my mom in a magical safe. The safe my mom is in will only open if she says the "ruby's red rainbows written on rulers" three times. We all have unlimited foods, as in our safes are Soulcasters that can convert carbon dioxide to oxygen and water as well as food. (Also good luck getting my sister to say "ruby's red rainbows written on rulers" three times, she can't pronounce her r's even though she got tongue surgery. All of the above are phase-proof and Investiture-proof.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

14 minutes ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

I, seeing my flaw, have expected this and had created a decoy. I lock The Sandwich in a magical safe. This safe will only open if I say the password three times. I lock myself in a magical safe. The safe I am in will only open @ChipsAHoid says the password three times. My dad locks @ChipsAHoid in a magical safe. The safe @ChipsAHoid is in will only open if my dad says the password three times. My mom locks my dad in a magical safe. The safe my dad is in will only open if my mom says the password three times. My little sister locks my mom in a magical safe. The safe my mom is in will only open if she says the "ruby's red rainbows written on rulers" three times. We all have unlimited foods, as in our safes are Soulcasters that can convert carbon dioxide to oxygen and water as well as food. (Also good luck getting my sister to say "ruby's red rainbows written on rulers" three times, she can't pronounce her r's even though she got tongue surgery. All of the above are phase-proof and Investiture-proof.

I create a clone of myself in the safe that you are in and twiddle my thumbs as I wait patiently for you to realise that the sandwich you have in your other safe is evidently a sad witch. 

[NerdSandwich she/her]

The sad witch uses witchcraft to put the sandwich in a compound where no one can enter, not even myself. It is also indestructible.

Edited August 27, 2025 by YouCantHaveMySandwich

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

A happy witch uses witchcraft to remove the sandwich from the compound where no one can enter, not even @YouCantHaveMySandwich which is also indestructible. 

[NerdSandwich she/her]

The sad witch uses witchcraft to remove the sandwich from the compound where no one can enter, not even @Ashkaloda, which is also indestructible. She adds an anti-cloning, anti-witchcraft, and anti-Investiture covering. so that people cannot use witchcraft, cloning, and/or Investiture to get in.

Edited August 28, 2025 by YouCantHaveMySandwich

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

1 minute ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

The sad witch uses witchcraft to remove the sandwich from the compound where no one can enter, not even @Ashkaloda, which is also indestructible. She adds an anti-cloning, anti-witchcraft, and anti-Investiture covering.

The happy witch is confused by the use of the word remove but nevertheless proceeds to buy the compound and its contents off eBay for $20. 

[NerdSandwich she/her]

Yes, but the sandwich was not in there. I took it out and place it in a compound where no one can enter, not even @Ashkaloda, which is also indestructible. I add anti-phasing, anti-cloning, anti-witchcraft, and anti-Investiture covering. People cannot use phasing, witchcraft, cloning, and/or Investiture to get in. It also belongs to me and is guarded by 20 Inquisitors, 20 Allomancers, 20 witches, and 20 Feruchemists. They are all immensely loyal to me and if they disobey a command, their own DNA will kill themselves.

Edited August 28, 2025 by YouCantHaveMySandwich

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

6 minutes ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

Yes, but the sandwich was not in there. I took it out and place it in a compound where no one can enter, not even @Ashkaloda, which is also indestructible. I add anti-phasing, anti-cloning, anti-witchcraft, and anti-Investiture covering. People cannot use phasing, witchcraft, cloning, and/or Investiture to get in. It also belongs to me and is guarded by 20 Inquisitors, 20 Allomancers, 20 witches, and 20 Feruchemists. They are all immensely loyal to me and if they disobey a command, their own DNA will kill themselves.

Must I relentlessly continue to prove that you cannot defend the sandwich in a compound?

I send all of the people guarding it and the compound to the CR, leaving the sandwich floating in space, which I take. 

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I am in the cognitive realm already and the sandwich you took was a decoy.

I hiiiiide the saaaaaaaaaaaaaandwich.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

I lop offffffffffff your heaaaaaaaad. 

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I PUT IT BACK ON AND PERMANENTLY SEVERE YOUR PINKY TOE.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

I laugh at your assumption that I have a pinky toe in the first place and murder you. 

[NerdSandwich she/her]

Miracle Max revives me.

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

1 minute ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

Miracle Max revives me.

I interfere with the revival, pointing out that you requested revival "to blathe."

[NerdSandwich she/her]

Even though you interfere, the revival still works and I escape.

[Born of Mist He/Him]

I descend down take the sandwich, give it back sentience, and explode @CoderDrag0n8 violently.

Edited August 29, 2025 by Born of Mist