The Battle for the Sandwich

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

4 hours ago, Uninteligenius said:

I agree to a duel and run at you with my lightsaber.

I parry with my plasma fish.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

2 hours ago, NerdyAarakocra said:

I parry with my plasma fish.

The plasma fish screams and melts into a pile of goo. 

[Unintelligenius he/him]

21 hours ago, NerdyAarakocra said:

I parry with my plasma fish.

I use the force to lift you into the air and start to force choke you.

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

5 hours ago, Uninteligenius said:

I use the force to lift you into the air and start to force choke you.

I trim the leaves, remove the choke, and deep-fry the artichoke, in accordance with a traditional Italian recipe.

[Unintelligenius he/him]

6 hours ago, NerdyAarakocra said:

I trim the leaves, remove the choke, and deep-fry the artichoke, in accordance with a traditional Italian recipe.

I stab you with my honorblade.

[KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren He/Him]

2 hours ago, Uninteligenius said:

I stab you with my honorblade.

An honorblade has been found! Which is it?

My clones and I have been hard at work all this time getting the Ninth Heightening so that we could re-create Nightblood. I merge Nightblood with the 20 honorblades possessed between me and @sneak spooky spook guy (1 super-mega honorblade, 10 ordinary honorblades). This creates a sword so highly Invested that it spontaneously summons black holes that can consume Investiture.

I stab @NerdyAarakocra, @Uninteligenius and Bartholomew. You all get sent to a place Beyond the Beyond. 

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

4 hours ago, KaladinsSenseOfHumorSpren said:

An honorblade has been found! Which is it?

My clones and I have been hard at work all this time getting the Ninth Heightening so that we could re-create Nightblood. I merge Nightblood with the 20 honorblades possessed between me and @sneak spooky spook guy (1 super-mega honorblade, 10 ordinary honorblades). This creates a sword so highly Invested that it spontaneously summons black holes that can consume Investiture.

I stab @NerdyAarakocra, @Uninteligenius and Bartholomew. You all get sent to a place Beyond the Beyond. 

Unfortunately for you, @sneak spooky spook guy exited the Spiritual Realm decades into the future and does not exist in the current time. 

Do not invoke my wrath! Leave Bartholomew be! 

14 hours ago, NerdyAarakocra said:

I trim the leaves, remove the choke, and deep-fry the artichoke, in accordance with a traditional Italian recipe.

You forgot to add oil, and the recipe comes out tasting terrible. 

[Unintelligenius he/him]

5 hours ago, KaladinsSenseOfHumorSpren said:

An honorblade has been found! Which is it?

My clones and I have been hard at work all this time getting the Ninth Heightening so that we could re-create Nightblood. I merge Nightblood with the 20 honorblades possessed between me and @sneak spooky spook guy (1 super-mega honorblade, 10 ordinary honorblades). This creates a sword so highly Invested that it spontaneously summons black holes that can consume Investiture.

I stab @NerdyAarakocra, @Uninteligenius and Bartholomew. You all get sent to a place Beyond the Beyond. 

I sigh in annoyance, snap my fingers, and appear in the Beyond. Then I snap again, appear in the normal world, and wait to continue our duel for the Sandwich.

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

I walk around the Beyond and wind up in the CR. I then deep fry an artichoke, correctly this time.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

5 hours ago, NerdyAarakocra said:

I walk around the Beyond and wind up in the CR. I then deep fry an artichoke, correctly this time.

FRED appears in front of you and eats the artichoke. Then he promptly dies of food poisoning. 

Edited May 25, 2025 by Ashkaloda

[___ He/Him]

Plot twist... I am FRED

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

1 hour ago, sneak spooky spook guy said:

Plot twist... I am FRED

You are a dead FRED (see the previous post). 

 

Bartholomew ended up dying after all, I guess. In a furious rage, FRED (a different FRED) steals the super Nightblood and traps it in a self-sustaining bubble of stopped time, then absorbs its Cognitive aspect and encases it in silver to remove all Connections to it, destroying its spiritweb. FRED then blasts @KaladinsSenseOfHumorSpren with an absurd amount of raw Investiture, causing him to die of Investiture radiation and decaying his spiritweb as well. He then sets up a mechanism such that if KaladinsSenseOfHumorSpren should ever be detected upon any of the three realms, they would be instantly Connected to the area next to the super Nightblood and then immediately launched through the silver into the bubble of frozen time, causing them to congeal as a two-dimensional blob on the very outside of it and be effectively removed from relevance. 

 

The FREDs that are still surrounding @Uninteligenius swipe the sandwich from him while he is distracted by Bartholomew's tragic end and deliver it to me without him or @NerdyAarakocra noticing. 

 

I warned you. 

Edited May 25, 2025 by Ashkaloda

[___ He/Him]

28 minutes ago, Ashkaloda said:

You are a dead FRED (see the previous post). 

 

Bartholomew ended up dying after all, I guess. In a furious rage, FRED (a different FRED) steals the super Nightblood and traps it in a self-sustaining bubble of stopped time, then absorbs its Cognitive aspect and encases it in silver to remove all Connections to it, destroying its spiritweb. FRED then blasts @KaladinsSenseOfHumorSpren with an absurd amount of raw Investiture, causing him to die of Investiture radiation and decaying his spiritweb as well. He then sets up a mechanism such that if KaladinsSenseOfHumorSpren should ever be detected upon any of the three realms, they would be instantly Connected to the area next to the super Nightblood and then immediately launched through the silver into the bubble of frozen time, causing them to congeal as a two-dimensional blob on the very outside of it and be effectively removed from relevance. 

 

The FREDs that are still surrounding @Uninteligenius swipe the sandwich from him while he is distracted by Bartholomew's tragic end and deliver it to me without him or @NerdyAarakocra noticing. 

 

I warned you. 

Except that, plot twist... I'm all the FREDs.

I... we turn on you and all jump at you at the same time

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

I wave my hand, and all of the FREDs dissolve instantly. I create a new army of fish with legs. 

@sneak spooky spook guy

Edited May 25, 2025 by Ashkaloda

[___ He/Him]

We reappear and all slap you at the same time

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

Still being made of pure Investiture, it passes through me. I am annoyed though. All of the FREDs teleport to a disco party for saber-toothed turtles that got out of control, and so they had to call in the mistborn parasitic worms, but that didn't work because the worms had no mouths and so could not consume metals. The FREDs are savagely torn apart by sabre-toothed turtles. 

[___ He/Him]

Investiture can change states. One of the FREDs escape and transforms back into me. Then I change all of your investiture into matter, and a massive planet results as all of the investiture tries to turn into its equivalent of mass. Then I use micro-kinesis on you and you explode.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

3 minutes ago, sneak spooky spook guy said:

Investiture can change states. One of the FREDs escape and transforms back into me. Then I change all of your investiture into matter, and a massive planet results as all of the investiture tries to turn into its equivalent of mass. Then I use micro-kinesis on you and you explode.

The FRED is caught in the explosion and is instantly killed due to the intensity of it. I, now being dead, exist as a Cognitive Shadow (in the exact same state as before) since I held enough Investiture to be considered a Splinter. I grab the sandwich from where it was floating in space. 

The fish with legs begin performing a dark ritual to resurrect Bartholomew. 

[Unintelligenius he/him]

While everyone is distracted by FRED and explosions and whatnot, I take the Sandwich and resume my duel with it. I summon the Death Star and start shooting at you.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

1 hour ago, Uninteligenius said:

While everyone is distracted by FRED and explosions and whatnot, I take the Sandwich and resume my duel with it. I summon the Death Star and start shooting at you.

As you take the sandwich, you feel something shift and find yourself at the saber-toothed turtle disco party, although the sandwich was left behind. I ignore the Death Star. 

 

The fish with legs kidnap a FRED and sacrifice it as part of their ritual. 

[Vyzkel He/Him]

I find the Sandwich on the floor after Tell was teleported away and pick it up.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

12 hours ago, Vyzkel said:

I find the Sandwich on the floor after Tell was teleported away and pick it up.

I portal-slice your hand off and take the sandwich. 

 

The fish with legs begin the final incantations of their ritual. 

[___ He/Him]

*explosion noises*

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

I ignore the explosion noises. 

 

Upon the completion of their dark ritual, the fish with legs resurrect Bartholomew. I am appeased. 

"Who wants the sandwich?"

[___ He/Him]

"Me!"