The Battle for the Sandwich

[Unintelligenius he/him]

1 hour ago, Doomslug the Arcane said:

*error noise*

Unfortunately, you used the wrong "than" so your action could not be completed.

I stand still in dibelief with my jaw dropped.

Then I take the Sandwich from Doomslug and hit Keys with a steel pipe because I don't want him to get lead posioning.

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

3 hours ago, Uninteligenius said:

I stand still in dibelief with my jaw dropped.

Then I take the Sandwich from Doomslug and hit Keys with a steel pipe because I don't want him to get lead posioning.

I summon the bunker back from the void. It bonks Unintelligenius on the head and he drops the Sandwich into my hand; I give him the leatherbound to be nice.

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

I sneeze.

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

I hand you a Kleenex. “Gesundheit”

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

I accept it gratefully.

"Allerbies. Tanks."

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

Just now, Through The Living Glass said:

I accept it gratefully.

"Allerbies. Tanks."

“No problem. Mine are acting up too. Wanna help me stare at this Sandwich and keep people from stealing it?”

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

1 minute ago, Kaladin Stormcursed said:

“No problem. Mine are acting up too. Wanna help me stare at this Sandwich and keep people from stealing it?”

"Ture."

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

Night night

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

Night!

[Doomslug the Arcane she/her]

11 hours ago, Kaladin Stormcursed said:

“No problem. Mine are acting up too. Wanna help me stare at this Sandwich and keep people from stealing it?”

I ask if you would like the join the Cult of the Sandwich

[dezaS Hᴇ/Hɪᴍ]

 

Ash fell from the sky.

Lord Tresting frowned, glancing up at the ruddy, mid-day sky as his servants scuttled forward, opening a parasol over Tresting and his distinguished guest. Ashfalls weren’t that uncommon in the Final Empire, but Tresting had hoped to avoid getting soot stains on his fine new suit coat and red vest, which had just arrived via canal boat from Luthadel itself. Fortunately, there wasn’t much wind—the parasol would likely be effective.

Tresting stood with his guest on a small hilltop patio which overlooked the fields. Hundreds of people in brown smocks worked in the falling ash, caring for the crops. There was a sluggishness to their efforts—but, of course, that was the way of the skaa. The peasants were an indolent, unproductive lot. The didn’t complain, of course—they knew better than that. Instead, they simply worked with bowed heads, moving about their work with quiet apathy. The passing whip of a taskmaster would force them into dedicated motion for a few moments, but as soon as the taskmaster passed, they would return to their languor.

Tresting turned to the man standing beside him on the hill. “One would think,” Tresting noted, “that a thousand years of working in fields would have bred them to be a little more effective at it.”

The obligator turned, raising an eyebrow—the motion done as if to highlight his most distinctive feature, the intricate tattoos that laced the skin around his eyes. The tattoos were enormous, reaching all the way across his brow and up the sides of his nose. This was a full prelan—a very important obligator indeed. Tresting had his own, personal obligators back at the manor, but they were only minor functionaries, with barely a few marks around their eyes. This man had arrived from Luthadel with the same canal boat that had brought Tresting’s new suit.

“You should see city skaa, Tresting,” the obligator said, turning back to watch the skaa workers. “These are actually quite diligent, compared to those inside Luthadel. You have more . . . direct control over your skaa here. How many would you say you lose a month?”

Just then, I entered, flanked by a guard in Shardplate.

"The Sandwich?" I asked. The obligator shivered in his boots with fear.

"Of course, sir. Right this way, sir," Lord Tresting said. At this point, the obligator turned tail and ran back in the direction.

I coughed. "Storming ash. Hurry it up, I can't survive on this planet for more than a few hours without healing. I just need the Sandwich and I'll head back to Hathsin."  Lord Tresting bowed, snapped his fingers and called for an "easterner" and one of his skaa came around, his only raiment a meager garment of sackcloth.

"Having the taking of what @Kaladin Stormcursed wasing of the having" said the skaa, with a thick eastern accent. He presented me a package, which I opened and saw the sandwich. Satisfied, I headed back to the perpendicularity in the Pits of Hasthin with the sandwich and my bodyguard in shardplate.

Edited March 14, 2025 by dezaS

[Unintelligenius he/him]

Unfortunately I take your package with the Sandwich inside and replace it with a decoy, then I run off to Luthadel. 

[Vyzkel He/Him]

Unfortunately for you, this is a new Mark Rober video, and you have the new Glitter Bomb 6.0. I run away with the Sandwich as you get sprayed with fart spray and glitter.

[Unintelligenius he/him]

Unfortunately for you, it's still a Mark Rober video so he steals the Sandwich, gives it to me, and you have the new Glitter Bomb 7.0.

[dezaS Hᴇ/Hɪᴍ]

Unfortunately for both of you, the fart spray accelerates the destruction of Scadrial (which this is occuring on) and the planet explodes, launching the real Sandwich package to Nalthis where I am at this point.

[Doomslug the Arcane she/her]

Unfortunately for you, Endowment is my best friends and she gives me the package.

[Unintelligenius he/him]

I kill Endowment and then steal the package with the Sandwich inside from Doomslug.

[dezaS Hᴇ/Hɪᴍ]

While a Shard is powerful, the sandwich is powerfuller so it is still hurtling toward Nalthis while the package (now empty and ripped is being passed around and taken.

I catch the Sandwich when it arrives and use the Breath I gathered offscreen to sense the assassins the local sandwich wanters sent for me and take them out because Nalthis is the place to be if you are in the cult of the Sandwich.

[Unintelligenius he/him]

I, being of the tenth heightening, command an army of straw to steal the Sandwich from you and return it to me. Because there are over 5 million pieces of straw that I infused they easily steal the Sandwich and return it to me.

 

[Vyzkel He/Him]

I, trying to ignore the army of straw, use the power of dance to distract you. Using the Worm(the dance move), I steal the Sandwich and dance away.

It’s like playing rock, paper, scissors with a banana.

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

2 hours ago, Vyzkel said:

I, trying to ignore the army of straw, use the power of dance to distract you. Using the Worm(the dance move), I steal the Sandwich and dance away.

It’s like playing rock, paper, scissors with a banana.

Ah, but I pull a suicide kip up into the drop splits and take the Sandwich as it falls from your distracted, awestruck hand.

[Vyzkel He/Him]

8 hours ago, Kaladin Stormcursed said:

Ah, but I pull a suicide kip up into the drop splits and take the Sandwich as it falls from your distracted, awestruck hand.

I stand there with my mouth open, staring at the spot where beauty was made.

[dezaS Hᴇ/Hɪᴍ]

I weaponize Tears of Edgli against all of you, stealing the Sandwich and all of the Breaths you all stuck to it.

Edited March 16, 2025 by dezaS

[Doomslug the Arcane she/her]

wait @dezaS so are you in the cult of the sandwich?

cuz if you are I won't hit you with a baseball bat when I steal your Breath

[Unintelligenius he/him]

While Doomslug is distracted thinking about culty things, I nuke dezaS, then take the Sandwich.