kajsa ㅇㅅㅇ
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Everything posted by kajsa ㅇㅅㅇ
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Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!
kajsa ㅇㅅㅇ replied to Curious Anamaximder's topic in General Discussion
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Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!
kajsa ㅇㅅㅇ replied to Curious Anamaximder's topic in General Discussion
potential trigger warnings: mentions of hopelessness, depression, self harm, and suicide-related topics Oh my chasms. I know I'm kinda late to this, but I relate to this with every single fiber of my being. It's like you just... eloquently summed up a whole two-ish years of my life in a few paragraphs. I don't know if you came here for comfort, advice, or something else, but I just want you to know that you are not alone, and I'd like to share a few of my past experiences to prove it. For one, I have also been held to the "perfect" standard for a lot of my life. But the interesting thing about that is it was never actually the expectations of anybody else but the the pressure I put on myself due to my past record and my perception of others' standards/expectations. And that can be really damaging for self-esteem and mental health. I still get panic attacks because of homework, due dates, and grades, and I'm especially stressed out currently due to my two Bs (yes, I know, I know), overdue homework, and etc. And it's devastating when people find out you're not the hyper-perfect person you're cracked up to be, and the look they give you when they find out you missed a few extra questions on your test makes your insides squirm, maybe even because you've been trying to hide it. You've spent years trying to reach perfection. I myself am definitely trying to work on getting out of that mental distortion, that perfectionist mindset, and it's hard. It's not impossible, but it's hard; I'm not going to lie. But with help, it's definitely possible. I've already been able to break through a few of the things that used to tie me down mentally because of that mindset. Second, I absolutely feel you on the homework procrastination (haha, literally doing it right now) and YouTube videos. It's a habit that's been especially difficult for me to work with, and I haven't been able to overcome it yet. We should try to do it together! Third, the way you worded some of those emotions is absolutely incredible. Specifically these few parts I almost cried reading these parts specifically because I feel them so deeply. These thoughts and emotions eat away at you until you're just empty and raw, and you can't feel anything anymore because you've been feeling too much for too long, and now... there's nothing except the husk of who you were two months ago, which looks completely different from the person you were two years ago. Your mental plights make you physically tired, almost weak, and it's hard to get out of bed in the morning because what's the point of another day if it's only going to go the same way they've been going for the past eternity of a lifetime? And when you remember you have those late assignments to finish and turn in, it's another blow to the face, but you can't bring yourself to work on them because you're too busy taking Do I Have Depression? tests online. You're too busy grasping for help you're scared to ask for. And that's terrifying. All of that is so terrifying. In my personal experience, it drove me to commit self harm almost daily for several months, and I was considering suicide. Eventually, it was so bad that when my parents noticed something was off, and I told them I was fine, they wouldn't let me leave the room. I ended up telling them everything. Thankfully, I'm better now. I have a great therapist, much better friends and a better mindset, and though the healing process has been slow, I'm much better now than I used to be. And you can have that too. It may just take a bit of time, maybe a bit of a push. I'm sorry if this makes absolutely no sense or feels out of place or even downright wrong, assuming and/or out of place, as that's certainly not my intention. There is healing, but you are going to have to take the first steps. Please know that you are not alone. My PMs are open if you ever need to talk, okay? I hope that's not weird since we don't really know each other, but I want to help in any way I can, so please reach out if you feel you need to. And last but not least, here are a few hugs for you if you'd like them. -
*cries*
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You guys.
You guys.
THERE'S ONLY 39 DAYS UNTIL SUMMER. THAT'S 29 SCHOOL DAYS.
I'M SOOOOOOOO READYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Also, story time! My little sister told me earlier today that she's concerned for me, because apparently I say a lot of my intrusive thoughts out loud. And I get a lot of those. She also said that she doesn't want me around her while I'm holding potentially dangerous objects, which I guess is valid because I was chopping some branches earlier with a giant pruner and I told her that if there was ever an intruder in the house to grab it and go for the jugular.
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"Boom, dead. And if that doesn't work, you can always go for the other major arteries. Femoral, brachial... basically any of those will make them bleed to death."
She looks at me with mild confusion, mixed with slight horror. "...Why do you know this??"
"A girl's gotta be prepared, [name]. You never know when you might need to kill someone out of self defense, or at least mortally wound them. Also," I add hastily, noticing the expression on her face, "I write fantasy books. With sword fights. You know this."
My sister pauses, studying me, then reaches for the pruners, which I immediately pull away. "Okay, true. But maybe I should..."
"No! ...Hey, do you think if I threw these hard enough, I could shatter the window?"
"Honey, that's called an intrusive thought. We don't say those. Just give me the--"
"No, Dad gave me these! It's my job! Give me that branch."
She begrudgingly obliges, and I cut the branch into a few different pieces so they fit in our black trash can, then I pack them down into the tangle of other branches using the long wood scraps my dad left for us.
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Random comments like these aren't rare from me, but I probably have extra today due to the fact that I got less than five hours of rest. I couldn't fall asleep until about 5:45 (am) and woke up around 10. It was rough. Terrible, actually, but whatever. Hakuna Matata, right? Lol. Anyways, I'm gonna go eat a snack and then do my homework that I totally neglected for the whole of spring break. Wish me luck
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@shortcake UP TOP 🖐
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🖐 @Kajsa
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i need a buddy
to go with me to some haunted hotels
Hotel Phillips in Kansas City, either room 1513, 913, or 511
The Stanley Hotel in Estes Park, Colorado, room 401, 407, 428, or 217
THERES MORE BUT LIKE THOSE ARE MY TOP TWO
WHO WANTS TO GO
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WHOS EXCITED FOR REN SEASON??
I AM!!!
so, here’s some REN FAIRE FIT PICS!!!!
piece-by-piece walkthrough with info on each part, in case you’re curious:
SpoilerThese sleeves are from Emory Park. i thrifted them for 12$.
tank top from Dress Forum, thrifted for 7$
corset from Amazon, I don’t know the brand, but i think the price was around 20-30$. you def hafta break it in but once you do it’s really nice and surprisingly comfy
skirt from Scarlet Darkness, kind of pricy (30-40$ish?) but amazing quality
i got this fur thing off of Facebook Marketplace. i have no idea what its original purpose, brand, or price was but i saw it and had to buy it.
belt from temu, like 3$
bracers from Amazon, i think they were about 12$
Necklaces thrifted for like 1$
Found these boots at a garage sale a few years ago for insanely cheap (2.50$?) and i couldn’t pass them up.
this bag was like 5$ at goodwill, it fits literally so much and works perfectly with the aesthetic
the outfit :3
Spoiler
i’m literally so obsessed i can’t—
is it possibly slightly overkill?
yeah, maybe a little bit.
do i care?
absolutely not.
*ob* *sessed.*
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you guys i got three new fantasy clothing pieces yesterday at the thrift store :3 :]
i will post
pictures later today, as well as pics of the whole current ren faire fit because i’m literally obsessed. i just need to find a decent necklace and a few extra accessories now.
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ooh @The cheeseman I've always wanted to go to one of thoseee
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I’m trying to start a drawing of my protagonist, Hadley (the “hero” to Mira’s story), BUT I CANT SCUDDING FIND A REFERENCE THAT I LIKE AND ITS KILLING ME. so if you happen to find any random pictures of muscular, warrior-looking women in cool poses please do send
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i’m about to attempt making a hoop skirt out of ribbon, wire coat hangers, and hot glue. i’ll let you know how it goes
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@The Bookwyrm i’m on board lol
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to quote donkey:
parfaits are the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet.
and i just had a storming delicious parfait.
also, i’m going with my family and a friend to see Kung-Fu Panda 4 today, and i’m so excited lol. i love jack black and i love the kung-fu panda series so yay
ill let y’all know what i think when i get back!
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Help I just listened to a recording of me singing two years ago
and I’m dead. Absolutely dead.
ain’t no way I’m posting it but like
you guys you can improve on anything SO MUCH in two years. Stick with it, because you’re amazing and you can do it!!!!!!
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@The cheeseman are you referring to the writing lol?
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THE ART IS FINALLY FINISHED. Total time was… uh……. 8 hrs 15 mins
total brushstrokes: 11878
Spoiler
Thanks for your great input, everyone!!!!!
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@Crowstavern thank you so much!!!
@Edema Rue oh yeah I forgot about that—
Haly and I are currently working on a different project but I’ll see if there’s any more I can give you! I can’t remember the last thing I sent—@Cash67 yeah that would be smart. As long as she doesn’t notice you’re running, you should be just fine.
@shortcake DANKSS
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I accidentally superglued a nail file to myself today lol
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How do you imagine your fellow Sharders?
kajsa ㅇㅅㅇ replied to S. Stormy's topic in General Discussion
Yeah ik but Eddie said that and i was just like OMG CURSES and yep -
How do you imagine your fellow Sharders?
kajsa ㅇㅅㅇ replied to S. Stormy's topic in General Discussion
MY DARLIIIING, WHEN MY WALLS START BURNING DOWN DOWN DOWN -
How do you imagine your fellow Sharders?
kajsa ㅇㅅㅇ replied to S. Stormy's topic in General Discussion
I think I need to convince my parents to let me go— -
Am I the only one who was unaware that Apple has a troll emoji??????
LIKE WHEN DID GRANDPABBIE SHOW UP?
I appreciate the Nordic representation
(also the shard version is different from the actual Apple emoji so uh—)
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I did cool pirate scars/eyeshadow today :3 and I’m tired so I’m going to bed.
GOODNIGHT LOVELIES < 3
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@Experience I’ll post some later today! I didn’t have any pre-cropped last night and I had to get to bed, but I’ll have time to do that today!
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I got bored yesterday, so I drew a butterfly on my face and then made a whole makeup look off it. And no, this is not a face reveal because I’m only posting very small portions of my face
Spoiler
Also yes, the lighting is terrible, I know. I took these at a fro-yo place down the street
and that little pink thing above my eyebrow? Contrary to popular opinion, that is not a pimple. It’s a pink and gold sparkle, like the ones on my cheek. So there.
Anyways, I’ll probably do a pirate look a little later today, so keep your eyes peeled, makeup-appreciating humans :3
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@Cash67 GREY HAIRSPRAY???? I take it you guys didn’t have body paint?? That sounds absolutely terrible
the fumes that come out of those things are intense—
@Edema Rue IKR! I actually would love to be a makeup or SFX makeup artist
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@Kajsa Nah they smelled great! My lungs probably lost a year, but worth it.
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SPRING BREAK HAS OFFICIALLY STARTED
AND THE SHOW CHOIR ROSTER COMES OUT IN THREE MINUTES
AAAAHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HELP I CANT BREEAAATHHHEEEEEE
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Sup y’all
uhh there’s not really a point to this SU
Just feeling kinda restless and chatty :3
so if ya wanna talk about anything or nothing, HMU!!!
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YOU GUYS LOOK AT MY BEAUTIFUL BABY BOYYYYYY
Spoiler
He’s so pweciousssssss
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lol @The Bookwyrm its probably the latter
