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Everything posted by kajsa ㅇㅅㅇ
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Wow. What an insane, emotional weekend.
Friday was my little sister's last comp, which they won. They carried on our legacy of undefeatedness! No pressure for the next wave of kids haha. I did the lights perfectly this time, and the whole show is just so cool. I wish I'd been able to watch it in person, but being backstage with the band, in between the drummer and our guitarist/bassist/pianist, giving cues to the conductor and getting cues from him... it was all just so cool. The guy who actually designed the light sequences is our bassist, and he stands right next to me in case I screw up the cues. Which doesn't happen cuz I'm responsible
. But like, it's still nice. Anyway, their season is officially over, which means I GET TO SLEEP FRIDAY NIGHTS! HALLELUUUJJAAAAAAH!
I left before awards because I wanted to get some sleep for Saturday, AKA my own comp day. As soon as we turned into our neighborhood (about 10.5 PM), though, there was a whole mood shift, and it felt all weird and almost spooky. There were suddenly cop cars everywhere with their lights on. Literally every street had at least one cop car. My thoughts immediately went to "escaped criminal, someone with a gun, etc", and I lowkey thought I was going to get shot and die for a few seconds. My dad told me to get inside, and I did, snatching up my cat for emotional support because I was terrified. There were also sounds of helicopters, and I later learned that there had been two choppers (one with a searchlight and one with thermal). I ended up taking one of my anxiety meds that I'm technically supposed to take anyway as a preventative measure, but whatever.
About twenty minutes (and a few emails to Haly and some Marco Polos to some friends, including @CalanoCorvus) later, my dad came back after talking to the cops and the neighbors and explained that four high school kids had stolen a car. Still seems weird to have so many units on something like that, but like I don't know everything, so yep.
Anyways after that I went to bed around eleven and didn't fall asleep until midnight. Both of my cats stayed with me though (they basically sleep next to me every night though).
Saturday... oh boy. Hmm, how to organize this...
okay bear with my scatterbrained brain
Performance stuff:
SpoilerActual Performance:
SpoilerAfter waking up (getting shaken awoke by my mom cause I missed my alarm) at three AM, Mom did my hair (which is basically a mowhawk of messy buns that are like all interconnected and it looks so cool but it's a pain to do) and I did my makeup (which slayed so hard. Dramatic ombre blue eyeshadow smokey eye with a black, close-lined waterline, pink inner corner and undereye, fake lashes and dramatic eyeliner wing, and then of course silver glitter on the top. Lips are a nice, nude pink color, dramatic blush, and yep). We left the house at like 5:10 to get to the school and leave on the busses at 5:15 (absolutely so stressful). I sat on my own and kind of napped, which was nice, because I was feeling tired and not ready to talk to people yet. Anyways, we made it to the school at around 6:30, immediately changed into costume, and headed to warm-up at 7:30. We were the first to perform, at 8 o' clock. Super hard time slot. Never want to see it again. I will punch it in the face. Blegh. The performance was rocky, but we still killed it. Half of us are pretty much bedridden now because of how sick we were, a good amount of us were lip-syncing because we couldn't sing. Several of our soloists were down on Thursday and were ony barely able to sing on Saturday (it still went surprisingly well thank the stars), and I almost passed out a few times. I thought I'd have to leave the stage because I started overheating about 8 times earlier than I usually do (halfway through our first song. Usually, it happens during our ballad, aka our 4th song). One of our performers' capes came off during the third song, way before we're actually supposed to unsnap them, and it was a whole fiasco. And when we came on stage, we had to go back OFF stage because the announcers had announced us before our band was ready. Thankfully our band came in and was hella professional and started playing some of our pep band songs to keep the crowd occupied. This was probably, by far, our worst technical performance, but our energy was still good, we were still clean, and everything still went pretty okay. My director gave us an A+, which is a first (not cause we're bad or he's mean, but he rarely gives those out. It's basically a Paul Hollywood handshake, and if you don't know what that is I'm disappointed). So we still did good!
Daytime awards:
Spoiler...well, okay. This was tough for all of us at my school, because we've been doing so well this season. But what with the performance times and the sickness and all the million technical issues, it was still a pretty good placement. My group (JV) got second in our division and did not make finals, unlike last week. Our treble group got third in their division, and our varsity group also got third in theirs (weird that they placed the varsity groups before finals, but whatever). They're not bad placements, but it just felt like such a way to fall after last week (first place in our JV division and then third in finals). A lot of really good groups were there, though, so we still decently held our ground and did alright, especially considering how sick we all were/are and all the kinks we ran into. Also, someone pulled the fire alarm during daytime awards, and we all had to evacuate just to come back inside lol. Luckily the comp was ahead of time, so we didn't fall behind!
Our varsity group moved on to finals!:
SpoilerOur varsity group's finals performance was insane. It was their best performance yet. Best energy, cleanest, loudest and quietest (AKA best phrasing and dynamics), and even more extreme extremes. Choral tone was more choral, character voices were more nasal and forward ("ugly", "young", or "whiny"), fortes were fortisimos and pianos were pianisimos. Overall it was super solid, not to mention emotional. This is our second to last comp! We're such a family, all three of our choirs. And even though we don't all know each other personally, we're so connected and so supportive of each other that that doesn't matter. During their ballad, there's this one part where this absolutely incredible girl that I've known forever has this GORGEOUS solo, and the two visual leads (the show is based off the Notebook, so Noah and Allie are the visual roles) slow dance in the front. It was extra emotional this time. The performers were holding each other so tight, foreheads and noses touching. The boy actually started to cry, and they hugged each other at the end of the solo. I literally burst into tears right then, and then she kissed him on the cheek and it was even more beautiful but even more sad. I don't want this to end! I don't want to leave these beautiful shows and connections and people behind. Good thing I have some high school left to go. I was crying all through the rest of their show and about 20 minutes after. Mascara was a disaster and I didn't even care. And then I hugged everyone and cried more. Anyways, it was a really beautiful experience and made me realize that this ISN'T ABOUT WINNING. I knew that before. And I never did it just to win. But... throughout last season and this one, too (undefeated last season, and my group was undefeated in our division until last night), I think I started to get a big head and lose sight of WHY I love competitions. It's not the winning. It's seeing each others' shows and cheering, screaming, crying for each other, being such a tight-knit family that it hurts to let go of it. And it's about cheering for our competition, seeing their incredible shows and being the student section for the schools who don't have one. It's a love thing. (that's actually our show choir program's motto
) It's all about love and connection.
Final awards:
SpoilerOur varsity group place third in finals. No, it's not grand champs, and no, we didn't place as well as we'd hoped. But we performed better than we ever dreamed.
Non-Performance-But-Still-Comp-Stuff (AKA what we did all 20 hours of that day):
SpoilerThe edit war:
SpoilerLol so. Some of the boys in our show choir made an edit, and it was fine, but like... we figured we could do better (fun and games, ofc). So we filmed our own clips, including one of our director saying "[name} approves this message", sent it to my friend's sister who makes edits, and came out with an absolutely gorgeous edit. We then took them both to my director to determine which was better, but he wouldn't say who won (though he told us he liked ours better) until one of the boys unknowingly and accidentally insulted the director's mom. Oops, right?
I would write more, but... I'm lowkey tired and I'll add anything else I wanna say (which there is stuff) later tomorrow. But for now i have to go so i can do a thing and then get some sleeeeeeep
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*overwhelmed, panicked screaming*
LOOK AT ALL THE THINGS I HAVE TO DO TODAY
BUT I CANT DO THEM TODAY BECAUSE LIL SIS SHOW CHOIR COMP UNTIL LIKE MIDNIGHT (if we’re lucky)
AND THEN THREE A.M. WAKE UP FOR MY OWN COMP
AND THEN COMPETING ALL DAY AND GROSSNESS AND TIREDNESS AND WONT GET HOME UNTIL PAST MIDNIGHT
AND IM SICK
aaaand yeah that’s where I’m at
ANYWAYS
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@shortcake yup! We’ll be at the same competition. I’m already there (it’s 6:30) because we perform at 8.
@InfiniteInsanity I KNOW SAME!! I’m gonna do my best to make it to y’all’s show.


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I feel like I want to write a poem. But it's been so long and I don't remember how without making it scudding depressing. Most of my recent poems are just angsty word vomits, but i want to make something beautiful, like the poetry I used to write. Like Where the Wind Whispers or Boy With the Umbrella or... or... idk. Something light and hopeful that I didn't half-ass for school, but not something sad either. Something pastel yellow with lavender clouds and a silver breeze. I don't remember the last time I wrote something beautiful.
Wow. I think all the tragedy I write is like finally catching up to me. I'm gonna go on a poem hunt and post some of my old, pretty ones here. Then maybe I can use those as inspo.
Spoilerhappy
April 28, 2023
all at once,
i’m happy.
the anxiety crawls into its own skin, devouring itself for now
the sadness shrinks away and closes its eyes, snoring gently in a heap of comforters,
sleeping, at last.
the happy crawls out from its den
yawning at its soft white paws, flicking its tail
stretching out beneath the big blue sky,
the bright blue sky,
the blue i fell in love with as a young girl,
the blue that makes me smile.
it basks in the bright white sun,
rolling in fields of lavender lilacs
taking on the scent of earth’s purple perfume
dancing, because the raindrops that could come anytime
are not here.
and so,
i am happy.
SpoilerWhere the Wind Whispers
The wind whispers secrets when one will just hear,
Wherever you wander, the wind will be near.
Where the water is clear and icy with frost,
And the hills are bejeweled with white snowflakes embossed,
Where waterfalls meet and plunge under the pass,
Where morning dew sprinkles each soft blade of grass,
Where armies will battle and win every fight,
Where soldiers abide, watching all through the night,
Where the heather fields run and the willow tree sings,
The wind comes to whisper us wonderous things.
(idk when that was from. baby Kajsa material lol)
SpoilerThis one's sad ish but it's well written ish and i like it so there
Sing the song of hidden seasons,
Icy claws keep shadowed reasons,
Cracked memories in shattered glass,
Hallucinations shroud the past.
Hear the song of lurking demons,
Lamented whisper over regions,
Wraith cackles out the unheard names,
Last foothold shifts and turns to flames.
Feel the song of troubled souls,
Crimson seeping from the coals,
Cryptic serpents rise from smoke,
Terror wears the nightmare’s cloak.
Song of hidden seasons sung,
Composure falls and breaks, unstrung.
Wind howls out a mournful moan,
Left lonely with a cursed unknown.
SpoilerI am from wind and its tales of fjords and icy seas,
from the extreme hot and cold that occasionally meet for tea and become something quite pleasant.
I am from the chimes that sing along with the birds,
adding their melody to the beautiful cacophony of spring.
I am from books that I have read,
from hearing Mom’s voice at 8:00 sharp that it is time for read-aloud.
I am from bursting with excitement when Dad steps in through the door
and dropping whatever I am doing to envelop him in the tightest hug possible.
I am from pencils and crayons
melted wax and puzzle presses
from glow in the dark liquids in little plastic tubes
from finger paint and popsicles and bubble baths.
I am from Lines,
from black dresses with glittering, shimmering skyline sequins
from five victories back to back
and nothing to tarnish our fame.
I am from the pictures on my wall,
the ones I drew and put up to bring out the yellow curtains on the window that’s always open in the spring.
I am from the keyboard set up near the far wall, the one with light and bouncy keys
that adds an artificial click to a once natural, classical melody.
I am from the pink hair iron in my bathroom,
from the mosaic hairbrush that keeps my locks soft.
I am from the bright blue sky that spills in to meet me each morning,
from “I am worthy” stuck dazzlingly upon the mirror.
I am from strong bark
From more branches than most and even more leaves
From roots that stretch toward the core of the earth
And could never be chopped down.
hmmm anyways idk what the point of this SU is but yep have these I guess
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@Just-A-Stick YAY! That one’s inspired by one of my tortured OCs. I wrote it a few years ago but have done lots of revisions on it since lol. It’s definitely the best one I posted
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guys I found an absolutely gorgeous selfie of @Cash67
Spoiler
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hear me out
a dystopian world where everyone is basically a computer—think brain chips, electronic contacts/glasses, body alterations for maximum life span, that kind of thing, okay
and the MC comes from the past (around now, 2020s ish)
and I’m still working on the rest but I imagine the cities looking kind of run down and patchy, super crowded, and then areas of the country/rural areas being just completely deserted and overgrown. Huge metal walls surround the cities, armed with “ancient” (but very far in the future for us now) guns used in the war that took place hundreds or maybe thousands of years ago. Basically the whole world is in ruin, and the people are divided into three “classes”.
Type A. Nobility, exclusively wears white and black. All jewelry, save for wedding rings or urn jewelry, is reserved for this class.
Type B. Think middle class, kind of how we live, but more advanced. They can only wear colors, and the different colors usually signify what job they work.
Type C. The poorest of the poor, generally field slaves or meagerly paid farm workers. They can only wear neutrals, aside from white and black. Think tans, greys, creams, etc. Not that it matters, because they’re generally in rags anyway.
And this person from the past starts a revolution or something
idk
still working on it
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HAPPY SCUDDING BIRTHDAY HALY!!! If your gift doesn’t arrive today, I will throw hands with the post people, and it will be personal.
You’re amazing. I love you so much and hope you have an incredible birthday.
All the explosions ever,
Kajsa
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I was bored in math class so I drew a little Doomslug on my hand. I didn’t have my yellow marker so I had to use white, and the paint’s already cracking but she’s still cute.
Also the fit today kind of eats. Open spoiler for a fit check
SpoilerI have my newly thrifted BDG cargo skate jeans, the pastel blue/yellow/white airforces I got for Christmas, a navy and red Levi’s shirt, and a reversible fuzzy zip up jacket that matches the wine red Levi’s logo.
I love Hurl! She’s such a queen. No spoilers people. I’m only on like chapter 33 or smth
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@Kajsa It’d probably fit you really well too. If we both make it to the con I’ll bring it and you can steal it.
The marketplace would totally work if we all lived in Utah.
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@Cash67 oh my chasms really?? You’re my new favorite
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okay i know i just posted
and i might have posted about this before
BUT RONAN (TV) BY TAYLOR SWIFT IS JUST--











IT'S SO GOOD AND HEARTBREAKING AND I'M NOT CRYING SHUSH.
Spoileri actually just killed off a small child too so it's like extra sad right now. the poor mom is, well... you know. and the dad is in denial. poor Hera and Taj. BUT THIS SONG JUST LIKE CAPTURES IT SO WELL AND ITS SO GOOD AND SAD AND JUST SKFLASDNLFKHDSKNADLKSHF
AND THE BRIDGE AND THEN THE SMALL INHALE/EXHALE BEFORE THE THIRD CHORUS OH MY SCUDDING CHASMS


i died. THE WHOLE SECOND VERSE. MY STARS.
i'm not even that big a fan of T swift but like this song--THIS song--is just... omg. omg.
GO LISTEN TO IT RIGHT NOW. (the Taylor's Version one is better (or at least that's the one i prefer); that's what TV means from above in case you're unfamiliar--) BUT GO LISTEN TO IT IT'S SO GOOD AND SAD AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH












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Have some (kind of)
aesthetic
Homemade toasted vanilla latte with cold foam that tastes like marshmallows. It’s maybe the best drink I’ve ever made. It’s sweet, but not too much. You can still taste the coffee. The frothed creamer/milk combo makes it just creamy enough, and the cold foam on top…


ITS SO DELICIOUS.
also skyward comments:
SpoilerAlso still getting enemies to lovers vibes from Jorgen and Spenca. Lowkey shipping it. But maybe I shouldn’t, because I was shipping Spim and Spedd (oh dear. Spenca x Bim and then Spenca x Nedd) but maybe I should just stop shipping everyone—
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Pineapple in Spanish is piña, yes, but you know what it also is?
anana.
ANANA.
I could run around yelling that and nobody would know why but it would be so much fun.
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Oh my chasms. Oh my scudding gilded chasming scud stars. WE GOT THIRD OVERALL. FRIGGING THIRD PLACE OUT OF ALL THE GROUPS. LIKE WHAT? My brain has stopped functioning, and so has my voice. Goodnight.











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SpoilerSpoilerSpoilerSpoilerSpoilerI don’t have a full run vid yet but I have a short clip of our ballad that I can text you for free
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We won the JV division AND MADE FINALSSSS!!!!!!! We just got back from performing our second time, and it felt INCREDIBLE. I feel dead, but I’m drinking orange juice to help my lightheadedness and stuff. I literally started jumping up and down and screaming crying when they announced we’d made finals.
I’ll update y’all after final awards!!! I predict we’ll get 6th or MAYBE 5th/4th.
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Comp day one is over! My little sister’s group (varsity) won grand champs, and their JV group got 1st in their division as well!! Awards ended at a godly hour tonight, bless the stars, so I’ll get some sleep tonight! Super excited to compete tomorrow, and I’ll post another update at the end of the day
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HAPPY SCUDDING BIRTHDAY, CHEESIE!
you’re the big cheese today, so don’t feel bleu. Life is gouda, brie-cause you’re one sharp cheddar. Keep up the feta-stic work!
Lol all terrible jokes aside, have a wonderful birthday, cheesie. Unwrap some presents, eat some cake, crash some cars…
HAPPY BIRTDHAY AMAZING HUMAN!!!
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Human squishiness quotient

M-Bot reminds me of that one droid from Star Wars Rebels. The tall blue one in the later seasons. Crap I forgot his name… AP-5! lol.
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*Jazzily*
It means no worries
Fo the rest of yo dayyyssss
It's our problem-freeeee
PhIlOsOpHyYyYy
Hakuna Matataaaaaaaaaaaa
Hello, beautiful individual. Oh my chasms, did you do something new with your hair??? It looks amazing
Tu eres muy guapo o bonita. Te amo mucho.
If y'all can't tell already, rehearsal was absolutely amazing today. The energy was not only insane and upbeat, but it was also supportive and all of the things that made me fall in love with show choir. Best rehearsal we've had in a LONG time. We went over scores from last weekend's comp, and turns out we won the prep division by... like...
...a large amount. We would have made finals if we'd been eligible, which is kind of crazy and I'm having a hard time believing it lol. Also, I was able to dance today and I'm feeling really good about our comp for Saturday!
Quick story that absolutely made my day: There's this incredible girl at my school who's in a bunch of musicals and our varsity show choir, and she's like super smart, and her voice and dancing are both insane and I just aspire to be like her. She's so pretty and talented and I see her in the halls like all the time. She (and most of the rest of our varsity group) were watching us run through our last two songs (ballad and closer), and she came up to me afterwards while I'm wheezing and sweating buckets and she smiles and takes my arms and goes "Oh my gosh you're incredible and beautiful. I just wanted to tell you that" And I'm like trying not to cry and I'm like "oh my gosh thank you so much



" and she's like "And I love your earrings!" (they're like flutter dangles or smth with butterflies on them in gold and I think they're from altar'd state) and I just was like ready to cry. It feels so good to be seen, especially by the people who are basically celebrities in my world. I was smiling for like ten minutes after.
I also got like ten compliments on my hair, which I ended up braiding (thanks for the input, @shortcake) in two messy, pancaked dutch braids into pigtails and then pulled out some pieces just for aesthetic.
Anyways, I'm basically rambling at this point, so I'll stop now lol.
But first, here's a challenge for tomorrow. I've been doing most of these things and a little more for the past weekish and I've noticed a dramatic shift in my mood, wakefulness/weariness, overall attitude, and physical and mental health. I was inspired by a pin I got in a Pinterest email lol. But anyway, these are some things that help make my days better in SO many ways.
Spoiler1. Set your alarm (and go to bed) earlier to give you the time you need to get ready the way you WANT. It will decrease your stress levels SUBSTANTIALLY, and you'll have a lower risk of being late to school.
2. When you wake up, STRETCH! You'll feel more awake, and you'll be less likely to pull a muscle.
3. DRINK WATER! DRINK WATER! DRINK WATER! I literally can't say how important this is. It helps to clear your skin and keep it clear, helps your body and brain function the way they're supposed to, and helps to clear headaches and improve moods.
4. Make your bed! Just do it. It shouldn't take long, and if it does, you either have a bunk bed or a few too many pillows or blankets. Maybe try downsizing! It will feel so much better to come home to a made bed than a messy one. Promise.
5. It helps to pick/lay out your outfit for the next day the night before. It saves so much time. Make sure it's something you'll feel good and confident in!
6. Drink MORE water.
7. Touch the task once. When you get homework, do it as soon as you get or start it (with few exceptions). When you change at night, put your clothes in the hamper or fold/hang them back up if you can wear them again. If you're asked to do a chore, just do it. Such a timesaver and an awesome way to lessen stress.
8. Brush your teeth, and use deodorant and perfume/cologne! Smelling good can help you feel more confident! (Tip: stick to one scent/scent combo, then whenever people smell it they'll think of you!)
9. Eat something in the mornings. It helps your brain wake up, and it doesn't have to be a whole burrito or anything, just something small you can start your day off right with. I personally just throw a Jimmy Dean's crossaintwich into the microwave and eat it in the car most days. Even if it's just a granola bar or some dry cereal, it'll get your brain going and then you won't be as hungry at lunch.
10. Smile! You're valued and loved, and you'd better know it. You're beautiful and smart, and though you have your down days, you're a good person. Okay? LOVE Y'ALL!
Those are just a few things out of the many that I found really important. I might post some more later just for fun, but now I gotta go pack for tomorrow/Saturday's comps. SEE YOU GUYS LATER!
hakuna matataaaaaaaa
what a wonderfullll phrasseeeee....
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QuoteTHIS YES!!!
someone else gets it!
lol yes! It took me a long time lol and a LOT of unnecessary suffering

there would be months at a time where I didn’t even touch water. Besides showers of course. But it made me realize how much we actually need water. Milk and juice and soda can’t actually hydrate us.
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I’ve got show choir rehearsal in like 30 mins, and I’m like actually kinda excited. Today’s been a really good day! Maybe that’s cuz I’ve been taking better care of myself these past couple of weeks. I’ve noticed a DRAMATIC shift in my life and my overall attitude, which I’m drafting a different SU about (reaching potential and stuff like that so keep your eyes peeled). My mom pulled me out of school early to go to my third and final chiropractic appointment for my injury (though ofc I’ll continue to go for my monthly adjustments lol. Scoliosis, yay!
), and I think I’ll be able to perform at our comp on Saturday, which is out of town! We also went and got coffee from the MOST adorable coffee shop ever. It’s made from like cargo/shipping containers but painted all cool and pretty. The coffee was delicious. I got an iced marshmallow and carmel macchiato. Picture below:
Why is the sound of the ice against the cup like super satisfying?
Anyways, then we went to a consignment store and bought some clothes because why not?Anyways, I’m probably gonna wear shorts to rehearsal because it gets so hot in there for one, for two it’s like 60° here so it’s warm enough (Midwest winters people), and also I finally (this may be TMI but it also might be relatable for other girlies, so men you can skip over if you so desire)
Spoileractually took care of my legs. My razor goes into hibernation during the winter (until show choir season ofc) lol because why would you shave if you’re just gonna wear pants?
Anyways yeah so I handled that and I’m probably gonna wear shorts and NOT overheat!!!
ALSO IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF BECAUSE I ACTUALLY GOT SOME WRITING DONE TODAY. 1300 words done today people! So my book so far (look for the 3 years I’ve been working on it I’ve mostly been plotting and brainstorming lol) has like 3800ish words! Big leap for me haha.
I hope y’all are having as good of a day as I am. Probably the only thing that would make it better is an email from Haly. Anyways, love y’all!! Imma go get ready for rehearsal! Speaking of: braids, ponytail, claw clip updo, or bun?
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Oo I’m glad it’s been such a good day!! I’m…hehe I’m so wiped out because y’know girl stuff and also I did choreo and singing for about an hour and a half straight but I’m ALIVE!! And I’m also pretty good, I got a “join choir or die” letter from our choir teacher, and ignored it except to pretend it was a hogwarts acceptance letter with my other friend who got one
OH and I get to go see Pride and Prejudice tonight soooo yes I’m great
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I just had a terrible idea. Of course I’m going to follow through.
Also I just had to pull warm, wet ribbon out of my cat’s throat from my villain gloves

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OMG STOP HE LIKES ME TOO
HE LIKES ME
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
skkslsldksnhdjsjussnbsb



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Yeah… @Thaidakar the Ghostblood that started a whole chain of flirting
and then we basically both confessed…
And…
yeah…
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I am so smooth. I mean yes obvious and maybe a little obnoxious, but…
Spoiler
Tell me that wasn’t smooth.
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@The Bookwyrm it’s because we artists have unrealistic expectations for ourselves and when we don’t meet them we see it as bad
