The Aspiring Archivist
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Status Updates posted by The Aspiring Archivist
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Interesting development: I just started to cry a little and I'm not entirely sure why. And some odd tension in my chest. I think I'll just try to ignore it.
I think it might be happening again. It feels like I made it happen, which is weird. I don't want to do this again.
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Should I sleep?
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YUP 100 PERCENT
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good night Archie :).
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You know that mom
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That is definitely going to mess with me
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Wait whaaaat I just noticed
. I use pfps and not names for people I recognize this this is very disconcerting
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SpoilerI might just for the laughs when people get back on and don't realize what has happened
Yeah I can reply once and then I should probably go do greenhouse homework
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It's moments like these where I could really use someone to talk to.
Naturally, I wait until no ones around.
SpoilerAnd I
Though it left
Like I
Said it had
But my
Mind, it burns
This is
Getting bad
I don't
Mean to bother
I don't
Mean to worry
But there
Might be cause
I could
End it, surely
No don't
Listen to me here
I am
Alright, I said
And I'll
Try to fight it
And I'll
Not be dead
Sorry, again
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Yikes, Archie. I wish I had something to say.
I think my best advice is keep going. Someone wise once said, "Try talking to your school counselor about it". Maybe try that. I think if it keeps bothering you, you need to tell somebody in real life. Which is scary and hard. Maybe you can just print/write out these poems and leave them somewhere your parents can see--you could make their bed and then leave the note or something. I don't know.
I'm sorry for not having more to say.
We love you.
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Archie, we love you and we want to be here for you. I wish I had more to say.
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Thank you all.
I'm out of rep :/
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Spoiler
There is
Something in here
And it's
A little confusing
And a
Little bit scary
And a
Little bemusing.
And I'll
Try to fight it,
Like I
Said I would,
But it's
More a question
Of if
I really could.
And this
Little poem
Would be
Like a song
If it
Weren't so bad
And it
Weren't so wrong
To sing.
So, this is my song at the end of the world, it's
Not very long, not quite right, but it's passable, and
If the wrong kind of choice is where I choose to go, then
This is my song at the end of the world.
This is probably the weirdest thing I've written. Thoughts, feedback?
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Words can be incredibly inadequate sometimes. I can definitely feel a bit of a somber mood, and the vagueness helps to show that there’s something wrong without saying what it is.
And whatever is going on, keep going. I’m not the best and helping, but hold on, and someday it will get better.
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I have talked about it more explicitly, but it's getting tiring.
Thank you, though.
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It does get tiring. If you have a way to get out of your head, try that. Get outside, run, breathe.
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I can’t take this much longer,
But somehow I’m still here.
Not getting any stronger,
But somehow I’m still here.
Will I be here tomorrow?
At this point, it’s not clear.
I do not want this sorrow,
But somehow I’m still here.
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It's better than what I was feeling most of today
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That's good
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I’m glad
I hope your good mood continues.
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I need to either sleep or die, but I probably shouldn’t do either.
Although at this point I might need to decide which one is more desirable.
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Probably
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Sleep is death with ads though.
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In the end it will all work out. Good luck and a focused mind to you!
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I'm falling apart a little. And there's so much to do but I can't even start, and my heart is pounding and I don't know why.
I could use some help.
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Well, that's also an issue. What isn't, at this point?
The main concern is a final essay that's due tomorrow morning. Revising an essay, especially since it's too late now to ask for feedback from anyone, is not something I feel like I can do.
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I can give feedback
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[hey I'm glad strides are being made here, but I've literally gotten 69 notifications from this SU already so imma kindly ask you guys to take it to a PM]
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Hello Shiny!
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Okay, you all are just lying to me.
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Hall-u-cinations *clapclap* good for the nations *clapclap*
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*Rethrows Master ball at Shiny*
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Today, comparatively, has been a pretty good day. School wasn't very hard, it's Friday, I had fun at youth group.
I am pretty stressed out about stuff I have to do over the weekend, though. I'm guessing that this isn't the start of an upwards trend.
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Quote
It's weird, like I can feel happy in a moment, but otherwise I don't.
I feel this
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QuoteIt comes later
I think it's important to remember that it's okay to feel down sometimes, and it's okay to take a break from the world and just focus on yourself. Self-care is important, even if it's just taking a few minutes each day to do something you enjoy.
Also it's important to be patient with yourself. It's not easy to feel happy all the time, and it's totally normal to have days where you don't feel like yourself. It's okay to take it slow and just focus on getting through the day.
Take care of yourself, and don't hesitate to reach out when you need it. We're here for you
...
Hopefully that made sense. Hard stuff for a 1AM brain
Goodnight!
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Quote
I think it's important to remember that it's okay to feel down sometimes, and it's okay to take a break from the world and just focus on yourself. Self-care is important, even if it's just taking a few minutes each day to do something you enjoy.
Also it's important to be patient with yourself. It's not easy to feel happy all the time, and it's totally normal to have days where you don't feel like yourself. It's okay to take it slow and just focus on getting through the day.
My problem is that it feels like every day. And sometimes it's hard to do things I enjoy.
I think it's worst at night, which is kind of scary to me for reasons I don't think I'll go into.
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I kind of want to make an RP.
But it sounds hard.
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If you're writing a book, yes.
In an RP? It can be good to have those kinds of things defined, but you don't have to.
Important thing to remember is that a person's investment in an RP is usually proportional to the amount of creation they've done for it. So if you don't leave room for player creativity, it will be harder to grab people's attention.
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I don't know. I might just try to develop one city or area or so, but that's still hard.
Would it be better to let the players choose the magic? I feel like the only problem with that might be one of balancing.
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Worldbuilding's a lot easier with someone to bounce ideas off of (if more fraught with potential conflicts).
There are a lot of ways to deal with balancing. Probably the simplest is just asking "don't be too OP" and working with people to keep within the limits you have in mind.
As a side note, I've been thinking of trying out a new style where the players have more or less complete control over their characters, but not the world. I don't know if that would fit well with what you have in mind, but it is something I would be invested in.
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Today someone asked how I was,
And I said "alright" like before.
Lately my thoughts start to fuzz.
My introspection no more.
I don't know for sure if it's true,
These dozens of my self-perceptions.
No urgency seems to come through
From layers of doubt and depression.
Is all that I'm saying a lie?
Do I bother for something that's blurry?
I don't know if I want to die
Or if there's no true cause for my worry.
How do I speak?
Please someone remind me.
The future is bleak,
I left it behind me.
I need to cry,
but the tears never flow.
Don't keep standing by,
It's all just a show.
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I think Symph is refering to suicide. Which is was I was refering to as the alternative.
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I don't imagine it'll ever come to that. Like I said, I could be wrong, And I have support available, I just need to make myself get it. I don't want you all to worry about that.
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I loved that, Aspiring.
It's a good poem.
It describes a mood I sometimes have too well...-
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I wish I could stop all this trying to hide
Not from myself, but the people outside.
I wonder sometimes if I'm up to the task
of if I'll just wait for somebody to ask.
I don't understand it, it doesn't make sense
Why these thoughts that I'm having don't feel too immense
When I might be in balance on a place far up high
To stop or to jump or to cry or to die.
And I don't want to bother, but still here I lay
Writing poems and bothering you all each day
With problems I haven't yet started to solve,
For I clearly have little in way of resolve.
So I should just leave so I'm not worrying
All these people who stop and who read all these things.
Just kidding, I'll stay, because I have the notion
That I must tell you all of these awful emotions.
If this were the last time that I said hello,
How long would it take for somebody to know?
How many hours would have to creep past
For them to realize that this day was my last?
I'm sorry.
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Thank you all for the kind messages.
I have no intention of doing anything yet. The poem is more of a combination of existential musing and worries I have about what might happen in the future, and are beginning to happen now,
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And it's those kinds of worries that you all have that make me feel guilty about sharing this.
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Don't feel guilty. Please, don't feel guilty. Don't feel guilty for making me say don't feel guilty because you said I don't want to make you feel guilty.
I'll stop now.But seriously. It makes me, and I'm sure people on the Shard as a whole, so much happier knowing that you trust us to listen to the things you share and that we can try to help.-
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There's a pit in my chest that's growing and growing.
There's no sign anytime of stopping or slowing.
I hold it shut tight to keep it from showing.
If there'll be a light, there's no way of knowing.
I watch as my peers, family and friends.
Are consumed by this hole that seems not to end.
Some make it out, and then start to mend.
Others get worse, and others it bends.
They "commit," we say, like they had to choose.
Like it was their fault that we all had to lose.
But make no mistake, this phrase is a ruse.
When it comes to disease like that pit, we can't choose.
I had my first of those thoughts yesterday.
I don't see a sign of them going away.
There's something to do, or to write, or to say.
But fear and anxiety make me just stay.
It doesn't scare me like I thought it would do.
It's worrying, painful, sorrowful, true.
But I can't comprehend what it tends to come to.
I imagine I won't until I see it through.
We fight, and we pray, and we reach, and we cry.
For those people whose pits have led them to die.
To help, there's people who'd certainly try.
And yet, the pit's hidden for those such as I.
We're all in a balance, me and you, you and me.
We each try to hold each one up straight and plea.
And we must persist, until each of them see
That they needn't end themselves to be set free.
Remind of love, remind them we care.
If you can, ask them what feelings are there.
It isn't easy, but I urge you to dare.
This shouldn't be any one person's to bear.
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Writing has amazing power and this is incredible, it captures all the feelings.
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Wow, that is.... just... wow. I hope you get better soon. If there's anything we can do, just let us know, okay?
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Quick, someone remove one rep so it looks cool!
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Yes, sure.
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it's beautiful
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yayy
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It's not that if I try, I fail. Well, well,
Sometimes I just can't try. look who's inside again.
If I can't break out of this, Went out to look for
I might just go and die. a reason to hide again...
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*hugs* we're always here for you. And I relate to that poem...
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I wish I could give you a hug :(
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Writing definitely helps. I have so many pages of words that shall never be read by me or anyone else.
*hugs and bacon*
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I made a pretty long poem that I'm sort of proud of last night, but I don't think very many people saw it because it was in the middle of the night.
So here's my little announcement. See previous SU.
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I agree, it was an awesome poem
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Please remind me to read it in 5 hours because I don’t have time right now
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Is three hours long enough @Enter a username? It’s really good!!
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It's a fight, late at night,
hoping energy ignites.
Hope to emerge into light
with my work done overnight.
I just want to disappear,
I don't want to have to hear
the deadlines growing ever near.
My dead eyes losing image clear.
I cannot know what all I said
when darkest fog was in my head.
Now my confidence is dead,
so I lay frozen in my bed.
See, I don't fear the lightless dark,
I fear the darkness in my heart.
I might just need a running start,
maybe to write down my first mark.
With my own mind I start to plead,
my full attention never freed.
I can't be sure what help I need,
but soon my heart will start to bleed.
I feel lost so now I'm calling,
but will that ever stop the falling?
The growing apathy is mauling,
my mental health begins its stalling.
Please, I cannot understand
how I lost what I had planned,
how I lost all my command,
and why I wish this ship unmanned.
Something's wrong with me, I know it,
but somehow I have to show it.
I could write it with my prose,
or I could say it as a poet.
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Have you ever read a book
but never reached the end?
Have you ever wrote a text
you knew you wouldn't send?
Have you ever tried to fly
while knowing you would fall?
Have you ever wondered if
it ever stops at all?
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Well yeah, but like...snow makes regular life so much better.
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Both those poems are amazing!
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the average this winter has been around -15 (low) to 5 (high), though there have been some 30-40 days lately (today was 2 degrees
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I changed up my profile, sidebar stuff, and about me a bit.
What do you all think?
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Sorry if I've confused you
I think I'll stick with this one
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QuoteAlso, did you just move your background to be same same alignment as mine?
Nope. I never changed it.
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Wow, I really did copy you. I was just looking at the possible alignments and I thought having the star in the middle would be cool.
The only difference seems to be that mine is a little lower and a bit higher resolution.
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We've looked into the deepest places we could find,
we've crossed the oceans, climbed the mountains,
made skyscrapers and travelled into space.
We've developed understanding in the places we were blind.
We've split the atom for energy,
then looked far past where we can see,
and yet it cannot seem to be
that I could learn to understand me.
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Do you ever start to count
to see how far you'll go?
Do you ever use a word
whose meaning you don't know?
Do you ever hold your breath
much past the point it hurts?
If you wrote a poem,
would you write another verse?
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Hm... I'm thinking maybe for 4000 posts I might do a poetry thing on the Creator's Corner. I know most people do prose writing but I have a hard time committing to that kind of thing.
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I love this : )
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@The Aspiring Archivist The meter is pleasantly playful, pulling you along nicely--which makes the abrupt cutoff all the more effective. The whole thing is simply well-composed.
