I'm in a weird rut this evening.
I'm just...down. In a poor mood. I have stuff to do and can't focus.
I started reading a book today called How High We Go in the Dark. It is very depressing. Very good, yes, but depressing. It's sad. Sad things happen. It didn't help this at all. Probably the reason I'm like this right now...
It kind of all came down on me at once. The negative attitude, armed with the topics of the book and the craziness of the world, shifted my normally positive worldview into another focus that left me...I hesitate to use the word depressed, because I highly doubt this is the actual condition that some people suffer, but it's certainly how I felt.
My family was kind of crazy today. My dad's still out of town on an archeological excavation, and his presence helps stabilize us, makes it so crazy kids are a little more in line and things that need to get done get done. But he's not. My mother was stressed, and that transferred to me and my siblings, I think. One of them in particular was being highly uncooperative and exacerbated my situation further.
It kind of all hit me a few minutes ago. Hard enough that I actually cried. Which I don't normally do. Ever. The emotions kind of just...spilled out. There were a few other things here that I didn't mention, but they just added to it. Eventually it pushed me over.
I feel better now. Not good, but better. Kind of in the middle. Crying helped. Writing this has helped.
....You guys also must have magic powers because I'd normally not make myself so vulnerable like this, ranting about problems that are all in my head.
I....yeah. We'll see what happens next.