Going_North_cal

we’re back to writing

writing another Cyrus/Attica scene, if you remember those.

hey there, good people of the shard.

so as you’re all aware, i’ve been taking a break from being everybody’s therapist, so that i could take some time for myself, and to focus a bit more on finding things out about myself, and figuring out how to deal with them.

and i have been doing that. but at the same time, i miss helping people. some of my friends have contacted me about some things they want to vent about, and i let them vent, but i don’t go all in in helping. they know i’m on a break, and so they also kept it short and concise, but i feel like that isn’t what they wanted or needed.

and scud, i love helping people. like, a lot. service in emotional and mental ways is my most favorite kind. my patriarchal blessing said i’d do a looooot of service. it was quite a trend throughout the blessing.

with all this in mind, i’m gonna slowly start coming off my break. within a week, i’ll probably be back in full swing at helping you all.

it’s always always always a pleasure to be there for my fellow children of God, and to be able to serve them through emotional and mental support is one of my favorite things, and i’m blessed to have the skill and means to do so.

so, breaks over. back to helping people i go.

my first day of school was today.

im officially a senior!! ha!!

it was pretty good. some idiot parent parked in the senior lot and didn’t leave for a WHILE, so like 10 seniors had to park their cars a spot number below what their spot number actually was, including me. pretty stupid.

but the classes were pretty chill.

and i had a good time.

you are as dawn and i am as dusk. 

one cannot be without the other, not without a breaking of the dawn and dusk.

one must survive so that the other may live, for without this, there is no dawn and dusk.

dawn, for the rising of the sun, and the setting of the moon.

dusk, for the rising of the moon, and the setting of the sun.

dawn, the mark of a new day, a bright opportunity.

dusk, the soft end to a loud day, a dark and muffled peace.

hand in hand, we are as dawn and dusk.

the world spins round so long as we are hand in hand.

i see sparkles in your eyes as beautiful as dew on grass, in the morning fog of the dawn.

i see you come alive with things you love, as when the whole of nature comes alive with the dawn.

with all this, i feel at peace, as the dusk, as my heart flutters softly as bats at twilight.

daydreams, nightdreams, jealousy, and all the little things that come with the dark of night after the dusk.

when your face graces my thoughts, i feel the warmth of love, the warmth of the dawn in my entire being.

without you, the world would be eternal night.

but with you, the world is dawn and dusk. 

the world is right.

i see the colors of the dawn in your smile.

i hear the twitter of mourning doves, and of the jays nestled in oak trees, in your laughter.

i love the way you glow, as the newly rising sun, with the dawn.

to know you are mine fills me with a gentle light, like moonlight, which comes with the dusk.

you are my moon and my sun. my dawn and my dusk.

my love, my Luna, i am yours, just as much as the dawn is the dusks, and the dusk is the dawns. one cannot be without the other, and i cannot be without you.

so i just received my patriarchal blessing, and i get the written one in the mail in a few weeks.

it was both everything i expected, and nothing i expected.

it said a lot, and i mean a lot- it was like a 15 minute blessing- about me and about what i’ll do.

i know i’ve struggled. i know i’ve got things to fix. but the only thing the Lord cares about is that i’m trying, and i swear i am.

my blessing said so much, so so much; about what i’ll do, how i’ll fare in this life, and just- it just said so much about me, and my future as a child of God.

it said a lot about how i’m going to be doing a lot of service to the children of God. i’ll do a lot of service in helping people and spreading the gospel. which makes a lot of sense, i love helping people and being there for them.

it said i’d have a family. it said that specifically. i’ll have an eternal companion, i’ll have children, and i’ll love both more than anything, and i’ll be with them forever, and nothing could make me happier than that knowledge other than actually getting it someday.

gosh, i’m excited for the rest of my life now. so much to look forward to.

WHERE IN THE TARNATIONS HAVE YOU BEEN IVE MISSED YOU

feelin like sayin something…

idk what

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ummmmmmm

hi

dude they had no right making Caesar Flickerman’s show theme in The Hunger Games such a BANGER in the films.

like bro why is it so GOOOOOD

went and hung out with a couple of my friends last night, P and C.

we went to P’s house, and swam in their pool and it was rly fun :))

we used their poolside speakers, listened to a lot of Lovejoy, me and C were absolutely singing along because we both know all the lyrics.

P’s dad said i had a nice voice which was really validating.

twas much fun.

writing:

speakin to the toaster bath prevention squad woo

wishing the mystic arts were real rn

would absolutely go learn

i watched the barbie movie yesterday, half against my will, because luna was very persistent in getting me to watch it.

i was pleasantly surprised by how good it was.

i came for ryan gosling, and i got so much more.

it was awesome.

it almost made me cry, it made me laugh a ton, and it taught me things.

who’dve thought?

i def recommend it. great film. 

117. you know i don’t look pretty when i cry, but thank you for holding me anyways when i’m a sniveling mess.