Sharder One-Liners

[The Bookwyrm he/him]

30 minutes ago, Ookla the Obstinate said:

"I (say your name here) solemnly swear to always use Chuck-E-Cheese air whenever I'm in band." - The band director, echoed by all us band kids who swore the oath.

Which one was this?

[EmulatonStromenkiin he/him]

"Then we have to call Morgan Freeman and ask him to sell us his bees." - kid in my english class

He did call Morgan Freeman, but got hung up on.

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

1 hour ago, Ookla the Implosion said:

... what

Take a deep breath at Chuck-E-Cheese, then exhale into a jar and save that jar for your band instrument.

[Ranryu she/her]

7 hours ago, Sequence said:

Take a deep breath at Chuck-E-Cheese, then exhale into a jar and save that jar for your band instrument.

 

9 hours ago, Ookla the Implosion said:

... what

Well actually... wait. No context allowed. Sorry.

[S. Stormy she/her]

"Everyone knows that the circle naturally generates a lot of heat."

-@Sequence

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

On 12/17/2022 at 1:13 PM, Ookla the Pencil Taxi said:

"Everyone knows that the circle naturally generates a lot of heat."

-@Sequence

When did I say that??? 

[EmulatonStromenkiin he/him]

I move that whenever possible, we link the orriginal post.

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

1 minute ago, Ookla the Quark said:

I move that whenever possible, we link the orriginal post.

I second this.

[S. Stormy she/her]

But... no context!

 

"Now I’m just looking at things and imagining licking them. This is weird."

- @OoklaTheKaladinLover

[Bird Furious she/her/un/important]

A pumpernickel jackhammer.

-Me

[2EmLee2]

“Nacho is still a sadistic murder-hobo.”

- @Enter a username

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

13 hours ago, Shallan Stormblessed said:

But... no context!

Oh yeah... I un-second this.

[Immortal Platypus]

17 hours ago, Ookla the BlowUpperOfStuff said:

A pumpernickel jackhammer.

-Me

I was there for that. I know the context

Also:

"NO MORE GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEAEAUS!" - @Sequence

Edited December 20, 2022 by Being of Cacophony

[EmulatonStromenkiin he/him]

20 hours ago, Shallan Stormblessed said:

But... no context!

 

"Now I’m just looking at things and imagining licking them. This is weird."

- @OoklaTheKaladinLover

the goal is that others who want context for shard posts can get it. anything else is exempt, anyway. This should probably only apply to old posts, which are hard to find anyway.

[2EmLee2]

“I ate the baby.”

- @Spensathecat

“Slap! I slap your booty when you do something bad.”

- @PyroPhile

[The Aspiring Archivist any pronouns]

"Ah okay that makes sense why I told myself to commit murder then."

- @Ranryu

 

[Potato's Wit she/her]

"When your blood is in your body then comes out of your stomach and falls onto the grass it's a cough!"

-My 3yo brother.

Edited December 21, 2022 by Potato's Wit

[InfiniteInsanity she/her]

*sparkle noises* *more sparkle noises* "Oh! Thank you for making me even more beautiful!!" -comment made by my father, my sister was the one making sparkle noises.

[Enter a username]

22 hours ago, 2EmLee2 said:

“Nacho is still a sadistic murder-hobo.”

- @Enter a username

Pretty sure it’s just spelled “murderhobo”

[Frustration]

"Pretty sure it’s just spelled “murderhobo”" - @Enter a username

[Ranryu she/her]

"Oh, and fact: waffle sacrifices go ten times better with powdered sugar." - @Ookla the BlowUpperOfStuff

"Then what have I been doing stabbing people my whole life?" - @Aes Sedai

"Waffles are good to eat. Humans are not. That is a distinct difference." - @Ookla the Inverted

"If the rabbit sacrificial waffle is made of humans, the rabbits are even more pleased because they love how people taste. The Rabbit Overlords are most dubious and are most enhungered, but if you give them people waffles they will be appeased for longer and bestow upon your their rabbit blessing." - @That1Cellist 

"Humans and rabbits are very different. It is impossible for the rabbit human waffle to also be a live rabbit. If a human somehow was able to overpower a rabbit (impossible) and offer it as a sacrifice to The Grand Supreme Rulers of All, they would be extremely angered and bring their wrath upon all the inhabitants in this realm not of their kind." - @That1Cellist

Edited December 22, 2022 by Ranryu
This just keeps getting better and better

[The Aspiring Archivist any pronouns]

Just now, Ranryu said:

"Oh, and fact: waffle sacrifices go ten times better with powdered sugar." - @Ookla the BlowUpperOfStuff

"Then what have I been doing stabbing people my whole life?" - @Aes Sedai

"Waffles are good to eat. Humans are not. That is a distinct difference." - @Ookla the Inverted

"If the rabbit sacrificial waffle is made of humans, the rabbits are even more pleased because they love how people taste. The Rabbit Overlords are most dubious and are most enhungered, but if you give them people waffles they will be appeased for longer and bestow upon your their rabbit blessing." - @That1Cellist

That SU was a gold mine for out-of-context quotes.

"Don't worry, stab wounds never hurt anyone." - @Ranryu

"I'm going to hot glue it and then find a way to use it in human sacrifice." - @Ranryu

"Worry not; just feed them evergreens." - @Ookla the BlowUpperOfStuff

"My waffle sacrificing has granted me abilities beyond your imagining." - @That1Cellist

"Yes and strawberry syrup that looks like, smells like, and has the consistency of blood." - @That1Cellist

[Edema Rue she/her]

“What if the human waffle is a living rabbit?” — @Ranryu

[Quivil]

Then what have I been doing stabbing people my whole life? - @Aes Sedai

---

Potatoes are shardblade-proof. This is how the Irish won the war. - @Channelknight Fadran

Edited December 23, 2022 by Tani

[S. Stormy she/her]

"During this time period, the Shardbearer army ruled over the United Kingdom."

- @Channelknight Fadran again