Certified Gay Disasters

[Hmmm lies she/her]

4 hours ago, Akimikoisthecutest said:

Uhh, what do you want specifically?

Idk like your own discovery or the ways you personally experience closeness or something

1 hour ago, Through The Living Coder said:

Yes I ammmm! So basically it all started in kindergarden

*flashback sequence*

Back then, i was a child that didn't know how the world worked. So naturally, I simply had a crush on every single girl in my entire class, because, again, being a child, I thought that was how that worked.

So flashforwards to 6th~8th grade, and boom, hey maybe im aro. I first learned about asexual, then learned about aromantic.

Badaboom badabang, holy guacamole is made from the blood of the gods.

Heh, that's not quite the same as what I've experienced, but it's similar. I've had a few crushes and looking back... It's curious. I only had 1 as an egg, so I'm not gonna count that one, because my mental state wasn't fully awakened at the time. The other few were all on trans people I felt emotionally connected to. I knew I liked them platonically, and yet it felt as though maybe there was something more? But that was the thing. I think what was really happening was that I was just so lonely that any sort of deep platonic connection felt super special to me.

I suppose I should explain how I found out. Well, I was getting into bed late at night, and I was thinking about @certifiedcranedriver. Now I had already had slight considerations of if I was on the aro spectrum, but this was me really understanding it all. Long story short, I realized that I simply could not pin down what exactly "romantic attraction" was, as everything I pulled up just seemed to be platonic attraction. I then, for the next 1-2 hours began to have a small crisis (which was annoying, I was tired) trying to understand myself. I thought I might have been completely aromantic, but did find a small piece of evidence that implied I wasn't. You see, I would hug anyone if I was close enough to them, even if I do find myself getting close to trans people and other queer people easier. However, I would not cuddle with anyone but a lesbian. Cuddling, I don't find inherently sexual, and I certainly don't find it platonic, so I figure I might have at least some romantic attraction towards women. Hence the label grayromantic. (Yeah, I think I consider kissing more sexual than romantic, idk if that's weird)

I still consider platonic attraction love. My friends... especially @certifiedcranedriver, I care about them deeply. It's... heh, it's hard to explain.

 

Anyway remember all those times I tried to explain the difference between romantic and sexual attraction? Apparently I may not have been the best authority on that lol

[Verdance he/him]

53 minutes ago, Through The Living Girl said:

ugh i got deadnamed like 5 or more times in the last hour

ugh

by

someone

i

came

out

to

sure, they were...........

but still

and ugh

 

now i know what it feels like.

it's like a reminder of that...old self.

that thing you thought you'd forgot, thought everyone had.

Okay you know what i think i finally know how to relate to this.

so in my religion, its not going to church or whatever that saves you, it’s specifically believing that jesus existed and did what the bible says, has the power to change your life, and then asking for that. And from that point on you receive the help of the third person of God, the holy spirit, and that is supposed to slowly help you overcome your sins. Its more complicated than that but thats the gist.

so i would say it took me about a decade of my life to come to realize what that meant for me and… do that. And that changed me significantly, i felt reborn. Still chipping away at bad habits and things but i have hope and see progress.

now my dad sees me still struggling with these things and keeps telling me that he thinks im lying to him, that im not saved. And that is the worst feeling in the world for me because my dad has never struggled in the same way as i have and when he says stuff like that he makes me feel like im the old me who was far more selfish and hateful and hopeless. 
so in a way, i relate that to being deadnamed. Not perfect, but a similar experience. 

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

3 minutes ago, Through The Living Grass said:

Okay you know what i think i finally know how to relate to this.

so in my religion, its not going to church or whatever that saves you, it’s specifically believing that jesus existed and did what the bible says, has the power to change your life, and then asking for that. And from that point on you receive the help of the third person of God, the holy spirit, and that is supposed to slowly help you overcome your sins. Its more complicated than that but thats the gist.

so i would say it took me about a decade of my life to come to realize what that meant for me and… do that. And that changed me significantly, i felt reborn. Still chipping away at bad habits and things but i have hope and see progress.

now my dad sees me still struggling with these things and keeps telling me that he thinks im lying to him, that im not saved. And that is the worst feeling in the world for me because my dad has never struggled in the same way as i have and when he says stuff like that he makes me feel like im the old me who was far more selfish and hateful and hopeless. 
so in a way, i relate that to being deadnamed. Not perfect, but a similar experience. 

I think I relate to what you're saying a bit too.

Respectfully, storm your dad.

[Verdance he/him]

Just now, Through The Living Girl said:

I think I relate to what you're saying a bit too.

Respectfully, storm your dad.

He’s a great guy most of the time. We went to a group therapy session and narrowed down that the conflict between me and him boils down mostly to the fact that he doesn’t understand that people can and will do things that they don’t really want to do. He also sometimes gets angry. But I would say that I really respect him more than I feel frustrated with him. 

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

1 minute ago, Through The Living Grass said:

He’s a great guy most of the time. We went to a group therapy session and narrowed down that the conflict between me and him boils down mostly to the fact that he doesn’t understand that people can and will do things that they don’t really want to do. He also sometimes gets angry. But I would say that I really respect him more than I feel frustrated with him. 

Hmm okay.

[CoderDrag0n8 He/They]

1 hour ago, Hmmm lies said:

Idk like your own discovery or the ways you personally experience closeness or something

Heh, that's not quite the same as what I've experienced, but it's similar. I've had a few crushes and looking back... It's curious. I only had 1 as an egg, so I'm not gonna count that one, because my mental state wasn't fully awakened at the time. The other few were all on trans people I felt emotionally connected to. I knew I liked them platonically, and yet it felt as though maybe there was something more? But that was the thing. I think what was really happening was that I was just so lonely that any sort of deep platonic connection felt super special to me.

I suppose I should explain how I found out. Well, I was getting into bed late at night, and I was thinking about @certifiedcranedriver. Now I had already had slight considerations of if I was on the aro spectrum, but this was me really understanding it all. Long story short, I realized that I simply could not pin down what exactly "romantic attraction" was, as everything I pulled up just seemed to be platonic attraction. I then, for the next 1-2 hours began to have a small crisis (which was annoying, I was tired) trying to understand myself. I thought I might have been completely aromantic, but did find a small piece of evidence that implied I wasn't. You see, I would hug anyone if I was close enough to them, even if I do find myself getting close to trans people and other queer people easier. However, I would not cuddle with anyone but a lesbian. Cuddling, I don't find inherently sexual, and I certainly don't find it platonic, so I figure I might have at least some romantic attraction towards women. Hence the label grayromantic. (Yeah, I think I consider kissing more sexual than romantic, idk if that's weird)

I still consider platonic attraction love. My friends... especially @certifiedcranedriver, I care about them deeply. It's... heh, it's hard to explain.

 

Anyway remember all those times I tried to explain the difference between romantic and sexual attraction? Apparently I may not have been the best authority on that lol

Mmm ok so some elderly aromantic wisdom (not really, just my experiences+surfing the web)

So

Theres more than just Romantic, Platonic, and Sexual love.

There's also all these other stuff, and sensual. Im pretty sure cuddling falls under sensual love, idk, i would look it up (looking things up certainly helped me)

And here's my wise wisdom on platonic love.

Screw romantic love. It's boring, overused, and cliche. Friendship can be incredibly powerful. You can feel incredibly strong platonic emotions towards someone, all the while it not being romantic. Idk how to describe it, but i do believe that in times, platonic love can actually be stronger than romantic.

[Verdance he/him]

24 minutes ago, Through The Living Coder said:

Mmm ok so some elderly aromantic wisdom (not really, just my experiences+surfing the web)

So

Theres more than just Romantic, Platonic, and Sexual love.

There's also all these other stuff, and sensual. Im pretty sure cuddling falls under sensual love, idk, i would look it up (looking things up certainly helped me)

And here's my wise wisdom on platonic love.

Screw romantic love. It's boring, overused, and cliche. Friendship can be incredibly powerful. You can feel incredibly strong platonic emotions towards someone, all the while it not being romantic. Idk how to describe it, but i do believe that in times, platonic love can actually be stronger than romantic.

Eros: romantic or sexual love

Phileo: brotherly or close friends love

Agape: familial or sacrificial love

[Shatter He/Him]

3 hours ago, Through The Living Girl said:

ugh i got deadnamed like 5 or more times in the last hour

ugh

by

someone

i

came

out

to

sure, they were...........

but still

and ugh

 

now i know what it feels like.

it's like a reminder of that...old self.

that thing you thought you'd forgot, thought everyone had.

I'd gently remind them. It can be hard for some people.

[Hmmm lies she/her]

8 hours ago, Through The Living Coder said:

Mmm ok so some elderly aromantic wisdom (not really, just my experiences+surfing the web)

So

Theres more than just Romantic, Platonic, and Sexual love.

There's also all these other stuff, and sensual. Im pretty sure cuddling falls under sensual love, idk, i would look it up (looking things up certainly helped me)

And here's my wise wisdom on platonic love.

Screw romantic love. It's boring, overused, and cliche. Friendship can be incredibly powerful. You can feel incredibly strong platonic emotions towards someone, all the while it not being romantic. Idk how to describe it, but i do believe that in times, platonic love can actually be stronger than romantic.

Hmmm I feel rather foolish. Can't believe I was being closed-minded.

Okay, I think you may be slightly biased as an aromantic. As a trans lesbian, I think both liking men and being man are overrated, but I do see what you're saying.

...

Heh, I'm probably just aromantic, aren't I...

Not sure why I denied that to myself, but I have a few theories. Internalized arophobia is a possibility. I also think that there was a part of me that was worried that other people wouldn't understand if I was aro, and like have a false idea of what that's like. Kinda pathetic, since I'm supposed to be the one who's super self-confident and unafraid about her identity.

Or who knows, maybe I just wanted a cooler and more interesting label.

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

8 hours ago, Shatter said:

I'd gently remind them. It can be hard for some people.

yeah that'd normally be the course of action 

[Aeoryi she/her]

3 hours ago, Hmmm lies said:

Hmmm I feel rather foolish. Can't believe I was being closed-minded.

Okay, I think you may be slightly biased as an aromantic. As a trans lesbian, I think both liking men and being man are overrated, but I do see what you're saying.

...

Heh, I'm probably just aromantic, aren't I...

Not sure why I denied that to myself, but I have a few theories. Internalized arophobia is a possibility. I also think that there was a part of me that was worried that other people wouldn't understand if I was aro, and like have a false idea of what that's like. Kinda pathetic, since I'm supposed to be the one who's super self-confident and unafraid about her identity.

Or who knows, maybe I just wanted a cooler and more interesting label.

I mean you can kinda be both if you want like I am 

If other people asked me I'd just say I'm ace but like push comes to shove and a girl asked me out id probably say yes

[Hmmm lies she/her]

28 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

I mean you can kinda be both if you want like I am 

If other people asked me I'd just say I'm ace but like push comes to shove and a girl asked me out id probably say yes

I mean, being aro doesn't mean I can't date or have a girlfriend. I still feel non-romantic forms of love and affection and stuff.

[momadrac they/them]

22 hours ago, Hmmm lies said:

Last night, (I'll give more details later) I discovered that I seem to be grayromantic (for those unfamiliar, it's a space in-between aromantic and alloromantic)

@Through The Living Coder, you're aromantic, yes? (I hope I didn't misremember) I'd like anything you can tell me about that experience, as well as anyone else on the aro spectrum

Edit: @Rynturning_Light

*demi* basically just

only people I'm really really really good friends with I like

it kinda sucks ngl because when you're rejected welp there goes your bestie...

21 hours ago, Through The Living Girl said:

das good uwu

what'd they ask?

 

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I kind of feel fake like everything I say or have said is just what people have told me I need/want/like. Does anyone else feel like that? Like people just tell me what to do and I listen, or they tell me what I like and I agree. Sometimes I say it, but then I lose interest in something or maybe didn't ever like it but keep up the act because... it's better that way? Like I was questioning last year if I even liked the things that everyone associates with me—math, coding, d&d, etc.

I probably like them but then sometimes when someone asks me why I like or what I like about it, I just make something up that sounds accurate, or maybe I've felt once or something.

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And, like, I don't want to admit this to anyone even myself but idek if, like, I like Sanderson anymore. Like I was obsessed with him for a few months but then I read most of his books and then had a whole depression fiasco... and now I just have Isles of Emberdark sitting on my desk waiting gathering dust, and same with like dozens of books that I bought and haven't read.

And I just spent... a fair amount... of money on the Kickstarter. Like, will I even read it? I hope so. Maybe... idk. And then so many people here have re-read the books a bunch and I haven't once. The closest I got was a few chapters into WoK but was not in the right mental state for that.

So like do I have any interests? When people ask me what I like to do, what my hobbies are, etc. it just feels like I'm saying things I used to do or enjoyed for a period of time, or just... things that aren't me. It just doesn't feel like me. Like either there's more I could say or I'm saying the wrong things. Can anyone actually describe themselves? Whenever I've been asked, literally the only thing I come up with is

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smart

but I don't say that because that's stupid and idek how true and whatever.

so i just say.. idk what i say. probably introverted or some crem that's true but made-up or general or not anything that feels like I have to really think about to come up with and even then I don't come up with much. Or I don't come up with much so just default to the crem.

If someone asks me what I like about ____, or why Shallan's my favorite character, etc., then I'll just say "idk, I just liked it/her."

Sometimes I feel like I'm forcing myself to be someone I'm not. Like... am I actually into Grunge/Rock music? I think/thought so, but have barely listened to it since discovering J-Pop! I call myself a sci-fi/fantasy fan, but haven't watched any sci-fi movies (or much of anything) in months! At least nothing that counts, like I've watched two or three things with people I know. But... like... yeah.

I feel like I've wasted so much on interests I'm forcing myself to keep up or that are causing me guilt.

I've felt that way for years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

edit: fineeee SH TW/CW I guess

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anyway uh I guess it's good I cut my nails so now they aren't long enough to—

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but still long enough to rake across my body

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when I'm anxious like in meetings or something and also when i think im screwing up then i

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do stuff to meself

like

stuff that are prolly normal

like

pressing my hands against myself very hard and moving them back and forth

or

scratching myself a lil

or

wringing my hands

or

putting my arms in... weird positions

or

hopefully this doesn't sound like I'm a horrible little piece of crem uwu

 

 

 

 

 

do you have help? or anyone (other than us) who you can confide in?

20 hours ago, Through The Living Grass said:

I cast killer T cell:

  Reveal hidden contents

Someday i will come back to SpyXFamily

I love Spy X Family!!

19 hours ago, SpartanBrigade said:

Idk how to describe it actually
It's like saying "friend."with an emphasis on the period
Anyways *hugs*

Y'ALL
Why are the hottest people always at coffee shops, bookstores, or libraries?
I went to a half coffee shop half bookstore on Sunday
And there was the most beautiful man I've ever seen
Early 20s
Long curly auburn hair
Round glasses
Slightly nerdy
Exquisitely dressed
Facial features of a woodland sprite

Good God

Wish I was his age
Call me Dream of the Endless the way I'd have him sleeping for a week

because people who like books and tea are the best

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

3 minutes ago, momadrac said:

do you have help? or anyone (other than us) who you can confide in?

yeah...

i do..

[Aeoryi she/her]

1 hour ago, Hmmm lies said:

I mean, being aro doesn't mean I can't date or have a girlfriend. I still feel non-romantic forms of love and affection and stuff.

that's neat

[CoderDrag0n8 He/They]

11 hours ago, Hmmm lies said:

Hmmm I feel rather foolish. Can't believe I was being closed-minded.

Okay, I think you may be slightly biased as an aromantic. As a trans lesbian, I think both liking men and being man are overrated, but I do see what you're saying.

...

Heh, I'm probably just aromantic, aren't I...

Not sure why I denied that to myself, but I have a few theories. Internalized arophobia is a possibility. I also think that there was a part of me that was worried that other people wouldn't understand if I was aro, and like have a false idea of what that's like. Kinda pathetic, since I'm supposed to be the one who's super self-confident and unafraid about her identity.

Or who knows, maybe I just wanted a cooler and more interesting label.

And im the guy who had a year-long existential crisis because he 'liked' aroace better.

The best advice I can give you is look things up, learn, and draw your own conclusions. That's what worked for me!

[SpartanBrigade He/Him]

On 3/23/2026 at 10:32 PM, Through The Living Coder said:

i do believe that in times, platonic love can actually be stronger than romantic.

Have you read the poem Love and Friendship by Emily Brontë?
 

Spoiler

Love is like the wild rose-briar,

Friendship like the holly-tree—

The holly is dark when the rose-briar blooms

But which will bloom most constantly?

 

The wild rose-briar is sweet in spring,

Its summer blossoms scent the air;

Yet wait till winter comes again

And who will call the wild-briar fair?

 

Then scorn the silly rose-wreath now

And deck thee with the holly’s sheen,

That when December blights thy brow

He still may leave thy garland green.

 

21 hours ago, momadrac said:

*demi* basically just

Ayye same

 

21 hours ago, momadrac said:

because people who like books and tea are the best

So true

People who like coffee too

On 3/24/2026 at 7:29 AM, Hmmm lies said:

both liking men and being man are overrated

  

Edited March 25 by SpartanBrigade

[momadrac they/them]

21 minutes ago, SpartanBrigade said:

Ayye same

So true

People who like coffee too

yesss

21 hours ago, Through The Living Girl said:

yeah...

i do..

do you need anything from us?

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

Just now, momadrac said:

do you need anything from us?

Idk

I just gotta better myself

[Rynturning_Light She/Her]

On 3/23/2026 at 1:05 PM, Hmmm lies said:

Last night, (I'll give more details later) I discovered that I seem to be grayromantic (for those unfamiliar, it's a space in-between aromantic and alloromantic)

@Through The Living Coder, you're aromantic, yes? (I hope I didn't misremember) I'd like anything you can tell me about that experience, as well as anyone else on the aro spectrum

Edit: @Rynturning_Light

Do you still want my experience? The depression/antisocial brain fog has faded a little bit and I'm open to sharing

[Hmmm lies she/her]

3 minutes ago, Rynturning_Light said:

Do you still want my experience? The depression/antisocial brain fog has faded a little bit and I'm open to sharing

Yeah sure

[Rynturning_Light She/Her]

12 minutes ago, Hmmm lies said:

Yeah sure

Ok, well

My first real experience with my aromanticism (tho I didn't know it at the time) was in like early elementary school. When my friends were deciding/developing crushes, they obviously asked me who I liked. I didn't really like anyone, but I said I had a crush on this one kid that I thought was cool. Nothing real romance-y, just that I think I found him interesting and wanted to hang out/get to know him more.

Kinda carries over into current, more mature life. I thought I liked one of my guy friends, but upon reflection, I think it's was just that, again, I think he's cool and I like being around him and I want to be better friends with him. Part of it also is, we don't get to see each other often and I want to be better friends with him cause we're very similar people and we get along easy.

Also, when I got asked out recently, I said yes, and the entire week leading up to the date I was just in full on freak out mode. Not even my normal anxiety, like a full disgust/recoil reaction. The thought of being in a romantic relationship makes me full body cringe

The emotional fulfillment most get from being in a romantic relationship, I get with my close friends. Going on dates or PDA and all the stereotypical romantic makes me extremely uncomfortable, and I would rather cuddle or go hang out with my friends

Edited March 25 by Rynturning_Light

[Hmmm lies she/her]

4 minutes ago, Rynturning_Light said:

Ok, well

My first real experience with my aromanticism (tho I didn't know it at the time) was in like early elementary school. When my friends were deciding/developing crushes, they obviously asked me who I liked. I didn't really like anyone, but I said I had a crush on this one kid that I thought was cool. Nothing real romance-y, just that I think I found him interesting and wanted to hang out/get to know him more.

Kinda carries over into current, more mature life. I thought I liked one of my guy friends, but upon reflection, I think it's was just that, again, I think he's cool and I like being around him and I want to be better friends with him. Part of it also is, we don't get to see each other often and I want to be better friends with him cause we're very similar people and we get along easy.

Also, when I got asked out recently, I said yes, and the entire week leading up to the date I was just in full on freak out mode. Not even my normal anxiety, like a full disgust/recoil reaction. The thought of being in a romantic relationship makes me full body cringe

The emotional fulfillment most get from being in a romantic relationship, I get with my close friends. Going on dates or PDA and all the stereotypical romantic makes me extremely uncomfortable, and I would rather cuddle or go hang out with my friends

Mmm, not super similar to what I feel, but it just goes to show how varied the experience is. I was looking on the internet for aromantic experiences, and they were extremely varied.

For one thing, I don't feel grossed out by the stuff you mentioned. I even like those ideas, to an extent, and it's hard to describe what I do feel. It's like... being together with someone is just being friends but more so to me. I can't see romantic love as anything separate from platonic love. And then maybe I see dating as like sexual/sensual attraction on top of that? That would explain why I still would only ever date women and similar.

I think the sub-label that fits best for me is platoniromatic, but it's so niche that I wouldn't really be using it. (look the term up if you like) Maybe cupioromantic too, which is a bit more well-known, but also niche. Maybe grayromantic still? This is weird, though it has only been a few days so ah well.

[Rynturning_Light She/Her]

2 minutes ago, Hmmm lies said:

Mmm, not super similar to what I feel, but it just goes to show how varied the experience is. I was looking on the internet for aromantic experiences, and they were extremely varied.

For one thing, I don't feel grossed out by the stuff you mentioned. I even like those ideas, to an extent, and it's hard to describe what I do feel. It's like... being together with someone is just being friends but more so to me. I can't see romantic love as anything separate from platonic love. And then maybe I see dating as like sexual/sensual attraction on top of that? That would explain why I still would only ever date women and similar.

I think the sub-label that fits best for me is platoniromatic, but it's so niche that I wouldn't really be using it. (look the term up if you like) Maybe cupioromantic too, which is a bit more well-known, but also niche. Maybe grayromantic still? This is weird, though it has only been a few days so ah well.

Hmm, I think I can see where you're coming from

For me, it's kind of strange. Like, all of the typical stuff, like dates and the like, make me uncomfortable, but I'm not aroace and still feel sexual attraction.

I think it's the framing of things of romantic that puts me off. Also maybe that I feel like I'm limiting my time or attention to one person. I love strongly, and that love goes towards a lot of people. Just, the idea of being in a relationship puts me off and honestly feels kind of like a shackle

[Aeoryi she/her]

5 minutes ago, Rynturning_Light said:

Hmm, I think I can see where you're coming from

For me, it's kind of strange. Like, all of the typical stuff, like dates and the like, make me uncomfortable, but I'm not aroace and still feel sexual attraction.

I think it's the framing of things of romantic that puts me off. Also maybe that I feel like I'm limiting my time or attention to one person. I love strongly, and that love goes towards a lot of people. Just, the idea of being in a relationship puts me off and honestly feels kind of like a shackle

idk there's a lot of difficulty I find putting labels on experiences generally I find that the labels aren't worth my time and that explaining them tends to be even more of a difficulty, especially when explaining the difference between like romantic and sexual attraction

but yeah labels aren't amazing at describing things I don't know how much value you see in them but they're like not what defines you etc