Usseewa

oh and uh i might be online for who knows how long maybe days maybe hours but uh or i might cave in and come back but i dont wanna be here right now and but don't feel bad please inmean u can feel bad cuz saying u c ant can be invalidating but idk i sont want u to

ok thank u bye sorry for derailing your talk uhmye

i alredy did it kaast njgbt also liek ill just be tired illl go to bed again like nothing NOTHING IS WRING NOTHING IS WRONG NOTHING IS WRONG NOTHING IS WRONG NITHING IS BAD NOTHING IS EVEN OUMPORTANT ENIUGH TO WAREANT CONCERN AND ALL THOSE WHO HAE IT ARE FOOLUSH NO NOT FOOKISH OKEAS INMEAN THEY ARE THEY THEY THEY THEY T HEYH I CANT SAY ANYTHING WINCE IT INCKUDES YOU AO storm storm storm storm storm storm AND YYEYWHEHEHHDB SBBNNNNNNNNBBBBBVCVFFFFFFGFCGVVVVGGGGGG I AM oops i wm clalm now dont owrry my self has dlieed my typing has slowed and any typos are simply from regualr if orance i am intentionaly slowibg i am slow i am breathing normaly i am slowing i am not mvoing anywmore imhy msucles are unclehenced as much as is normla i am sotting still i am jnmvoing save fingers and i am calm i am normal dont worry i do tunderstand i dont remeber why i wanted to leave but it was oh yeah but but bow i remebr a previous reason and its ever its ugh its j cant say it cuz i dont need to cuz i doesnt matter but i shoukd keave [the shard] yes rhis again bht i just need to know theres nothing holding me here and no one i care about so i guess yeas i just need to stop talking i mean i stop takking already jbut stop talking completely and im not emotahtetic anyway so its fine ots fone its lnot like i care i e been consitioned anyway its fine inwont. mjss anyine or anything i dont have anything to miss now im sad cuz idk maybe ashamed too and god and i already said this somewhere in an su but i just wanna goto sleep and like be sad and cry cuz now i jut feel sad and this music maybe tok it has no lyrics and now it wnded oh never ind it didnt but isk ugh what did i why did i storming do that

im not even bad i dont see agny siisues besides the the physcial ones also i will be lying diwn or doing nothing dont worry about that asdorct..... mthiyg maybe i will listen to the radio again .. god i feel like telung the truth bbut i would not like it if id idid id have to do what i said before which wnas id have to leave ALOS PLEASE DOFUXS ON YOU PLEASE JUSTLEAVE SO TIU DONT SEE ME PLEAE

i dont need it i just need the hetter music that i put on and also i got enough reat i dont need any and i am looking forward to hooefuly not sleeping tonight but i already feel the tirenesess so maybe i will and i always goce in i never can do it anymore these damn meds and tiredness and my damn weak self and the word and storm just storm just hujsur dont plesee dont pelsas just sopt this kusic is jot heloing ieitherit is interrogating me eather than abusing me there hoepfuly better wait ai aleo sneed it wuirerr there yes now its not there htbyt it still is so maybe bad... GOD I CANT GET THE VOICE OUTA MY HEAD I HATE THOSE TONES I HATE THAT TYPE OF SOUND I HATE IT I HYAETE IT MMIT MAKES ME FEEL BAD VERY VBAD BUT NPROBABLY KOT BAD ENOUGH TO WORTHY DESVERE *ANYTHING*

what did u rxprct it can be different yiu one ive bhestd it can be hbad and ine was bad that i right they were gonan send me too and cactivieties like idk gyn and att and liek stupid therapy crap stuff thhys that were stipid stuoid and stupid music and stupid stmucus and we could i forget i gorget i dont know abt f we did nsything edpceiaiy sinc ei am in hell cuz i am not nnwwait no onnoninknonk konot like that pelsde dont think that oeslse stop

Well. m. eveyi place gunn be pdifrerent and stf but myine was.. . a kxed bag? whateve the term is good things and bad some violent/angry (not towards me... really... but lije fights and ounching walls) people, some nice friendly peipple for the staff, some good ones that were nice (maybe too nice/no disciplen) and then sone that i hated and that made me feel bad... at least one of them in partic the place was... well, way smaller cuz i naieve but yk like a dormish i guess like we each hda a room (some people shared, but most were singles) and then like one main living place and we went out for like activities and like whatnot and yeh they provided clothes and food and water and snakcs and shower stuff, u coukd even hournal it was restricitvie but most of the time i didnt oay attention to that or like didnt mind isk it was also just like hoky ado a break?? from life and from like like it was a better/different place for me even tho my current wasnt that bad i didnt like it here i liedked it even if wome days i wanted to do bad things to myself they checked in like a few times a day or smth, just asking u wuestions like did u eat, did u have thiughts of hurting hrself or others (i lied and said no every time which i regreted later [not theat they found out or anything, i just pottentialy missed out in extra help but also i woukdve fotten restriceted more so idk whtver and idk if theyd done anything and also i did and atill do like whats the word not see myself as worthy or real at all so idk]) like we do art and gym and we have time to socialzie either during or between thise we had a set bedtime abd it was kinda early but idk it was fine .. mostpy sometimes it got cery boring but i got theu it by takii g to others or jiurnlaing or making dozens/hundreds of origami cranes or eating or drinking or whatver.. idk the vibe also was like... i forget what they said bht some of it wasnt great like they treated us sometiems like delibwuetnts or like "ur not on vacation, u gotta behave/listen to rules/wtvr" or something tbh idk why my memories are mixed up for exactly what it was like but.... idk shrug also uh it might be unfomfortable depending on what your like sic e its a change especially depending on how youve lived oike before uhm yeah also bit saying it or any others will be good or bad mine was mixed as i said and idk it also depends on the crowd like it was good/better in evtween oeople leaving but then another person or two came and it got worse

well i assume so if i got commitred i even got to wear grippy socks surprisingly cool but they made my damn feet hurt but thats sonething else entirely but they were cool but that was in hosppotal btw i had my own for the Ward

that's what i said

well i think that can mean dofferent things. at least if it's without the "hurting" part, just "danger to." but ye. i mean mine was just crisis stabilization (which i slowly learned throughout my stay, but went into it thinking naively otherwise) so like make sure i dont do anything for a lil bit and then get me in outpatitent therapy and whatnot idk its a lil weird uh like with people irl but.. idk it u have ppl who understand thatll hopefuly be good with others idk uhm ye

you can ask them about their policies and stuff. also if its a crisis repsonse team woudknt they already be aware? also if you dont mind what dcares you about hospitalizing/institutionalization? (right word?)