The Longest Thread (Misadventures)

[Yvainnie she/her]

And then proceded to throw up. 

[Apollyon he/him]

He stared on in horror at the scene he had just created. Why!?

[Kidpen he/him]

There was lots of pineapple in it.

Edited May 8, 2018 by Kidpen

[+ElephantEarwax he/him]

But it tasted so good. He thought.

[Mistspren she/her]

Because. That is why. The voice answered.

That’s not a reason! Butt protested.

Why not? The voice replied. Are you seriously questioning this, and not the rest of the madness you have created? What about this makes it special?

Butt wasn’t sure, but he knew the voice had raised some good points.

Searching for answers, he broke the fourth wall, and asked the mad puppeteers directing his life.

“Why?” He cried, throwing his gaze to the unending heavens.

“I don’t know, Butt. We felt like it, I guess.” I turn to the other contributors to the thread. “He has a point, why are we doing this to him?”

[Kidpen he/him]

"To make the longest thread on a forum devoted to worshiping an author of fantasy."

Then Butt died.

[Archer he/him]

It turns out he was allergic to pineapples this whole time. 

[Apollyon he/him]

But it turns out Butt was allergic to a different kind of pineapple, not this one. Thus, he lives!

[Nerd3.14159265358979 he/him]

But he was dying, as the pineapple had become a vital part of him, only for him to eat it.

[I Am Witless she/her]

So he died.

And was reincarnated as Brandon Sanderson's evil twin who publishes a bad romance novel every two months with the exact same plot.

[Kidpen he/him]

This person wrote bad romance novels, but they were still better than twilight.

[Nerd3.14159265358979 he/him]

And Elend didn't like them anymore because they were evil and wrote bad romance novels. Also, he didn't know they had been reincarnated.

[Apollyon he/him]

For Butt still looked and acted the same, along with the same name he used to publish his novels. One day, Butt settled down to write his newest novel, The Chull at Dusk, a terribly cliche novel about a cremling desperate for love, and an emotionally disabled chull.

[Snipexe he/him]

The first line began, “Kaladin Chullblessed began his journey to achieve true awesomeness”

Edited May 9, 2018 by Snipexe

[Nerd3.14159265358979 he/him]

It was as bad as Sanderson books are good, if that's possible.

[Apollyon he/him]

The cremling’s opening line was worse. It read, “Crem-Son-Son-Cremmy, Cremless; cremmed in the cremmy crem.”

Edited May 9, 2018 by Apollyon

[Xtafa]

Even the pages were printed on Crem, for that was how cremmy the story it contained.

[Kidpen he/him]

Butt then ate the book.

[Yvainnie she/her]

And he proceded to throw up again. 

[Apollyon he/him]

Crem-Son-Son-Cremmy was offended at this and called his fiancé, Kaladin Chullblessed to take revenge on Butt Venture.

Guys, I just found something terrible:

Help me make this a thing.

 

Spoiler

 

Edited May 9, 2018 by Apollyon

[Devout Pathian]

So Kaladin Chullblessed rose up from the book and killed his maker, Butt Venture.

[Yvainnie she/her]

But he really did not kill Butt. 

[Kidpen he/him]

For Butt simply became meta and wrote that Chullblessed would not kill him, and would instead bake him a tree.

[Devout Pathian]

So Chullblessed baked Butt a tree, whatever that means.  He also gave Butt a chicken.

[Kidpen he/him]

He grew this chicken from a small seed.