AonEne Posted July 2, 2018 Report Share Posted July 2, 2018 (edited) Disclaimer: I bear NO ill will towards @ElephantEarwax. This is all in fun...but seriously, don’t throw spikes at my puppy. “You have incurred my wrath.” I sweep Kelsier into my arms imperiously. “You stand there, so sure of your ability to hurt a puppy - not even a full grown dog! And you attempt to do so with the most crem-stained of tools - a couple of Hemalurgic spikes. Harmony’s forearms, you incompetent jumble of stormleavings, you didn’t even hit the pup. The next time a rusting, so-unable-to-complete-a-simple-task-like-throwing-pieces-of-metal-that-he-might-as-well-be-a-Blessingless-mistwraith fool such as you tries to attack our mascot, I will end you.” I let out a laugh - not abrupt, not amused: mirthless, merciless, and slow. I begin to pace around ElephantEarwax. “And it WON’T be fast. It will not be painless. My first action will be to hire an Elsecaller who won’t ask questions. Then I will have that person take us to Roshar. I will summon a Shardblade and incapacitate you by deadening your legs and arms. It’s too good of an act for one who would spike a dog, for then you won’t be able to feel it as I plunge knife after knife into you, each one heated to the temperature of the fires of ****nation. They will be Awakened daggers; the Command? To twist. And sink deeper. And DEEPER. But during all of this, I will block your view. You won’t even know what’s happening until, at last, I offer you some Stormlight. Just enough to heal your limbs from the Shardblade damage, and nothing more. Not having a reason not to, you will undoubtedly breathe it in. The agony of the knives will be stunningly strong, coming out of nowhere, and there it will remain for a day.” “In the middle of the Frostlands, without supplies, you will have nothing to drink. After one day exactly has passed, I will return and give you water. By this time, you most likely won’t trust me, but who would refuse water while dehydrated and dying? I think you will sip that water. However, it will be filled with a chemical causing your bones to become as fragile as the leg of a cremling. The next time you take a step, your legs will crack. Doloken, they’ll probably snap just from you standing! And then…” I smile. “And then, I will break the rest of the bones in your body and leave you to die.” A sigh. “A lackluster ending for the type of soul who might try to spike a young puppy, I know. But don’t worry. I’ll be there with agonizing torments galore the instant your spirit enters the Cognitive Realm. Being a sentient elephant in the DA, I’m certain you have enough Investiture spiked into you by now that you’ll stay for a very long time. And during that time...I’ll let you guess. Wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise.” With a smirk, I stroke Kell, who yaps angrily at ElephantEarwax, his bark filled with disdain. Edited July 2, 2018 by AonEne 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Ark1002 Posted July 2, 2018 Report Share Posted July 2, 2018 15 hours ago, The Forgetful Archivist said: Nothing can save you now Yeah, I'm doomed... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AonEne Posted July 2, 2018 Report Share Posted July 2, 2018 That's what you get for calling people jerks. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voidus Posted July 2, 2018 Report Share Posted July 2, 2018 I should point out that DA issued spikes are definitely not crem stained. Causes all kinds of infection. The most crem-stained tool is in fact a Rosharan Plough. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AonEne Posted July 2, 2018 Report Share Posted July 2, 2018 I'm sure that's true. I meant it figuratively. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voidus Posted July 2, 2018 Report Share Posted July 2, 2018 So it's figuratively crem stained because DA members are hardworking honest people like Rosharan farmers? I could get behind that. Or are you implying that the victims of DA stabbings have crem for blood? Because I think that's somewhat offensive. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AonEne Posted July 4, 2018 Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 No, no. The phrase was meant as a stand-in for "some of the worst, most evil weapons you could use". That's all I meant. I would never insult your victims. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voidus Posted July 4, 2018 Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 5 hours ago, AonEne said: No, no. The phrase was meant as a stand-in for "some of the worst, most evil weapons you could use". That's all I meant. I would never insult your victims. That's not what the media will say. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devout Pathian Posted July 4, 2018 Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 3 hours ago, Voidus said: That's not what the media will say. The media is just like Ruin changing things how they see it. I think we need a way of writing in metal. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormblessed Dolphin Posted July 4, 2018 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 Hello everyone! I, Stormblessed Dolphin, Leader of TUBA, have returned from my Absence! Welcome @Hydra! I have added you to the member list. (Also, if anyone is missing from the member list, please let me know..) 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BitBitio Posted July 4, 2018 Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 Can you put me on the senior members list? I've been around for 3 months, spied, and got here right after SOMEBODY *cough @Grey Knight potato cough* exposed TUBA! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormblessed Dolphin Posted July 4, 2018 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 12 minutes ago, BitBitio the Mudkip said: Can you put me on the senior members list? I've been around for 3 months, spied, and got here right after SOMEBODY *cough @Grey Knight potato cough* exposed TUBA! I mean.. Maybe? See, The distinction of "Senior Member" was just to show who the original members were Pre-potato. It doesn't really carry much of anything beyond that 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amalek Posted July 4, 2018 Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 (edited) I Swear to never reveal information about our organization which is deemed secret. I Swear to never spike any baked item with any substance that should not be there I Swear allegiance to this Guild, and give all due loyalty to it's goals and precepts Edited July 4, 2018 by Amalek 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Ark1002 Posted July 4, 2018 Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 (edited) Let me guess, he/she will get in, even though I tried hard to get in and they rejected me without a second thought. TUBA is a unfair organization. They need to be brought down (like they wanted to do to DA). They say that the underground part of "The Underground Bakers Association" is a reminder, but I think it's because they are actually still a secretive and underground organization. That is why they have not revealing secret information as part of the guild rules! Edited July 4, 2018 by Ark1002 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BitBitio Posted July 4, 2018 Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 It wasn't my choice... THOU MUST NOT DESTROY THE GREATEST GUILD. *HISSES* 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amalek Posted July 4, 2018 Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 hey guys what about me @Archer 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BitBitio Posted July 4, 2018 Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 *prepares self* 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormblessed Dolphin Posted July 4, 2018 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 @Amalek These oaths are accepted. TUBA reserves the right to withhold membership, or other privileges from anyone, at any time, and for any reason. Aforementioned reason(s) are not required to be made public. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amalek Posted July 4, 2018 Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 So i'm in? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormblessed Dolphin Posted July 4, 2018 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 indeed! Welcome! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archer Posted July 4, 2018 Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 Welcome to TUBA Amalek! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I think I am here. Posted July 4, 2018 Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 1 hour ago, Ark1002 said: Let me guess, he/she will get in, even though I tried hard to get in and they rejected me without a second thought. TUBA is a unfair organization. They need to be brought down (like they wanted to do to DA). They say that the underground part of "The Underground Bakers Association" is a reminder, but I think it's because they are actually still a secretive and underground organization. That is why they have not revealing secret information as part of the guild rules! Good luck taking them down when no guild will accept you. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormblessed Dolphin Posted July 4, 2018 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 But all organizations, businesses, governments, you name it. They all have information that they don't want shared with their competitors. This is how the world works. TUBA is no exception. Neither is any other guild on this site 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voidus Posted July 4, 2018 Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 21 minutes ago, Stormblessed Dolphin said: But all organizations, businesses, governments, you name it. They all have information that they don't want shared with their competitors. This is how the world works. TUBA is no exception. Neither is any other guild on this site The DA doesn't mind sharing information. It might cause your head to explode though, fair warning. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Ark1002 Posted July 4, 2018 Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 (edited) Heads? Explosions? Can I please join DA? Also, I hate your guild now. You accepted some kid without a thought, but I got rejected. Edited July 4, 2018 by Ark1002 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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