The Official Thread of Relationships

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

nooo. You stole my thing

[Eccentric Hero he/him]

20 hours ago, Darkness Ascendant said:

nooo. You stole my thing

Not really. Your invaluable knowledge has greatly benefited me, but you still have a chance. I think that there is definitely way more research and thinking to be done before we can call it a day.

Edited October 5, 2016 by Eccentric Hero

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

1 hour ago, Eccentric Hero said:

Not really. Your invaluable knowledge has greatly benefited me, but you still have a chance. I think that there is definitely way more research and thinking to be done before we can call it a day.

I was just kidding. I have no intention to join the contest. There's no benefit for me.

[Eccentric Hero he/him]

1 hour ago, Darkness Ascendant said:

I was just kidding. I have no intention to join the contest. There's no benefit for me.

Where there is struggle, there is benefit. I just made up that quote. I'm sure you'd get some street alley cred if you joined the competition.

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

16 minutes ago, Eccentric Hero said:

Where there is struggle, there is benefit. I just made up that quote. I'm sure you'd get some street alley cred if you joined the competition.

eh

[Mistrunner]

Remember how that one guy asked me to homecoming? Well he's started flirting with me and according to someone in my English class where he sits next to me he's been doing it for a while but I haven't noticed because I will only notice these things if someone hits me over the head with a sign that says "Hey look I am flirting with you."

It's bordering the line between cute and scary because I have never had this problem before and I have no clue what I'm doing.

True to my official role of Strong Indpendent Woman Who Don't Need No Man™, I thought I was fairly clear that I don't want to date at this point but I guess he didn't get the memo. I have no idea what to do. Help.

On the bright side, this is giving me the idea to go as Eowyn for Halloween.

[Zathoth]

2 hours ago, Mistrunner said:

Remember how that one guy asked me to homecoming? Well he's started flirting with me and according to someone in my English class where he sits next to me he's been doing it for a while but I haven't noticed because I will only notice these things if someone hits me over the head with a sign that says "Hey look I am flirting with you."

It's bordering the line between cute and scary because I have never had this problem before and I have no clue what I'm doing.

True to my official role of Strong Indpendent Woman Who Don't Need No Man™, I thought I was fairly clear that I don't want to date at this point but I guess he didn't get the memo. I have no idea what to do. Help.

On the bright side, this is giving me the idea to go as Eowyn for Halloween.

Send him the memo..

[Mistrunner]

1 minute ago, Zathoth said:

Send him the memo..

But how is the question. Do I just up and say "Hey I'd rather not date now see ya" out of the blue? That'd be a little weird. Besides timing, how on earth does one phrase something like that in a way that doesn't make it sound like "you're inadequate, get out of my sight"?

I'm probably overthinking this. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, I guess.

Why are people so complicated?

[Orlion Blight he/him]

11 minutes ago, Mistrunner said:

Why are people so complicated?

If we weren't complicated, we'd be boring!

Best thing in your position, I think, is to save the "I'm not interested in/allowed to date boys right now" for any time he asks you out.  Flirting wise? If he says something that makes you uncomfortable, let him know. If he's going to try and flirt with you, you might as well train him so he does so in a most befitting manner! 

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

3 hours ago, Mistrunner said:

But how is the question. Do I just up and say "Hey I'd rather not date now see ya" out of the blue? That'd be a little weird. Besides timing, how on earth does one phrase something like that in a way that doesn't make it sound like "you're inadequate, get out of my sight"?

I'm probably overthinking this. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, I guess.

Why are people so complicated?

Now isn't that the question of all ages. If he keeps flirting with you even after you "send him the memo", then I reckon you should distance yourself from him.

[Zathoth]

9 hours ago, Mistrunner said:

But how is the question. Do I just up and say "Hey I'd rather not date now see ya" out of the blue? That'd be a little weird. Besides timing, how on earth does one phrase something like that in a way that doesn't make it sound like "you're inadequate, get out of my sight"?

I'm probably overthinking this. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, I guess.

Why are people so complicated?

Do it in the Mistrunniest way possible: send him an actual memo.

 

[soyperson]

12 hours ago, Mistrunner said:

Remember how that one guy asked me to homecoming? Well he's started flirting with me and according to someone in my English class where he sits next to me he's been doing it for a while but I haven't noticed because I will only notice these things if someone hits me over the head with a sign that says "Hey look I am flirting with you."

It's bordering the line between cute and scary because I have never had this problem before and I have no clue what I'm doing.

True to my official role of Strong Indpendent Woman Who Don't Need No Man™, I thought I was fairly clear that I don't want to date at this point but I guess he didn't get the memo. I have no idea what to do. Help.

On the bright side, this is giving me the idea to go as Eowyn for Halloween.

Find  spry young child, write your thing on an actual folded index card, and have said child run it to him as fast as possible. 

Or, even better, send him a telegram. Those still exist.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

58 minutes ago, bleeder said:

Find  spry young child, write your thing on an actual folded index card, and have said child run it to him as fast as possible. 

Or, even better, send him a telegram. Those still exist.

How about a singing gorilla dance-o-gram?  

[soyperson]

Just now, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

How about a singing gorilla dance-o-gram?  

Uh, yes.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

1 minute ago, Cognizantastic said:

While you're wearing the costume, call him "Witch-King". 

Hopefully he can figure it out from that. 

"Wait….so….you thought I thought you were a guy? Because of the whole 'I am no man' thing?"  

[Erunion he/him]

@Mistrunner - you're in early high school, right? Grade 8-10? 

Firstly: congratulations on not wanting to date at that age. That is an unusually wise position, as most teenagers are emotional messes who can barely communicate (I say this as someone who vividly remembers being an emotional mess who could barely communicate). It is a good idea not to date when you're young. Not the only way to go about things, but a healthy way. 

For the record, I only know of, in all my wide acquaintance, one example of a high school relationship going 'happily ever after' and not crashing and burning to some degree. Generally high school relationships do not last.

Secondly: if he asks you out, politely but firmly give him the memo. Let him know you're flattered by his attentions (if, indeed, you are flattered! You don't need to lie here! But usually it's the diplomatic thing to say) but let him know that you do not feel that dating at this stage would be wise. If at all possible, be able to explain your reasons. 

 

It may be a good idea to write this down on an actual memo, and keep that memo on your person in case of emergencies. That way you can give him the memo instead of having to awkwardly try to explain things. Plus it seems in keeping with your overall persona. 

 

Finally, and most importantly - never get into a relationship with someone you're not confident you're in love/falling in love with. Don't get into a relationship because you feel pressured, because your friends want you to, because you feel like it's the 'thing to do'. 

Don't be Eowyn chasing after the idea of a relationship, thinking about what it should be and trying to make it happen with Aragorn.

Don't start anything unless and until you fall in love with your Faramir - someone who sees you as who you are and loves you deeply, and who you love not as an idea but as a person. 

[Eccentric Hero he/him]

On 10/6/2016 at 0:20 AM, Mistrunner said:

But how is the question. Do I just up and say "Hey I'd rather not date now see ya" out of the blue? That'd be a little weird. Besides timing, how on earth does one phrase something like that in a way that doesn't make it sound like "you're inadequate, get out of my sight"?

I'm probably overthinking this. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, I guess.

Why are people so complicated?

People are suggesting for you to make an actual memo. I advise you to step up your game and pull off a Steris. Make a long document that details and entails all considerations for relationships with you and your situation. Hand them out around campus so you never have a problem again. Plus, you might get a full scholarship to study law.  I'll be watching all major news outlets, waiting for an article about you doing this.

[Erunion he/him]

39 minutes ago, Eccentric Hero said:

People are suggesting for you to make an actual memo. I advise you to step up your game and pull off a Steris. Make a long document that details and entails all considerations for relationships with you and your situation. Hand them out around campus so you never have a problem again. Plus, you might get a full scholarship to study law.  I'll be watching all major news outlets, waiting for an article about you doing this.

For the record, this is hilarious. 

I also can't decide if it's fantastic advice or terrible advice.

Probably both. Fantastically terrible advice. 

(If you have difficulty speaking in socially awkward situations, having something written down that expresses your feelings and considerations on a topic can be helpful. Passing said document out to the whole school unsolicited? That's a little... much maybe?)

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

Oooor you could torture him till it finally sinks in. Works for me.

I must not flirt with Mistrunner

EDIT- Completely changed the context so the post wouldn't sound.....yeah

Edited October 8, 2016 by Darkness Ascendant

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

3 minutes ago, Cognizantastic said:

Indeed.  

I've repeatedly heard the argument that it's a good idea for experience with such emotional issues (from my parents as well — aren't they supposed to be the ones discouraging me?), but that seems silly to me. I much prefer learning by watching the crash-and-burn of those around me, and noting to myself, "OK. Won't do that."

I'll crush crushes beneath an iron heel of ignoring over time and learn by watching the emotional explosions around me, thank you very much.  

I'm pretty sure parental encouragement on that front stems from that desire for grandchildren that all parents seem to have, conscious or not.  

Staying single in high school is actually a pretty good idea. I did it—not exactly happily, but I did it—and in hindsight, it was better that I had that time to begin figuring out who I was and what I wanted in life. I knew a few people who started dating when they were 13 or 14, and when those relationships ended, they had to figure out whether the identity they'd built around their romance was their true identity. Not pretty. Better to wait, build your identity on your own, and then find someone whose identity complements yours. 

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

3 hours ago, Cognizantastic said:

My parents perceptibly deflate whenever I mention that I don't want kids, like ever. It's depressing.  I'll change the world by adding to the sum of human knowledge as an experimental psychologist and improving lives in other ways, not proliferating my genome. They're proud of my aspirations, but the lack of other aspirations makes them sad. :/

You are so right about the identity problems that early romances can cause. I know someone who feels incomplete without a girlfriend ("dating" since middle school). When he first came to my school, he was sad because the girls he found attractive didn't immediately spring on him (he's very handsome, so he's used to that). The way his self-value is so predicated on his success with girls depresses me. 

Thats why I'm repulsed by the idea of finding one's "other half". I firmly believe that someone should be a complete, autonomous individual before a romantic partner. Anything else tends to breed codependency and an unhealthy sense of self, as I've seen. 

One of the best pieces of relationship advice a pastor ever gave was, in reference to his wife, "She does not complete me. She complements me, and I complement her." He went on to say that if you're looking for someone to "complete" you, you're probably going to have a dysfunctional relationship. I don't think he ever used the word "codependency," but he described it well enough. Get to know yourself well enough to know what traits would complement yours, and you'll have an idea of what to look for in a partner. 

As for grandkids….I still haven't told my parents that I don't want kids, and I don't plan to. And—oh jeez, I just realized I'm probably going to see my grandmother this Christmas when I go back to visit, and she is definitely going to ask if there are any "young men" I'm interested in. I'll just tell her no, though I am tempted to just say, "Oh, yeah, there's this great guy named Wade. He has some pretty gnarly scars, but he's so cheerful and funny that you hardly notice. He's got a mean streak, though. You wouldn't want to make him angry. Or be named Francis. Anyway, we're going out for chimichangas soon. And, no, you probably don't want to meet him. I mean, really. His jokes are….not your style. At all."  

[soyperson]

3 hours ago, Cognizantastic said:

My parents perceptibly deflate whenever I mention that I don't want kids, like ever. It's depressing.  I'll change the world by adding to the sum of human knowledge as an experimental psychologist and improving lives in other ways, not proliferating my genome. They're proud of my aspirations, but the lack of other aspirations makes them sad. :/

I'm not the biggest fan of the whole "having kids" deal. 

Especially if I end up with a guy, because then it'll involve adoption, or surrogacy, which is a load of complication.

[Mistrunner]

Thanks for all the advice, everybody. The 17th Shard Support Group is truly a marvelous thing.

I'd also like to add in reference to the current discussion that people are also annoying if you do want kids. If I tell people I want to be a mom, they look at me like I'm throwing my life away. And occasionally tell me I'm throwing my life away. Raising the next generation is not a second-rate job.

Anyway.

There's no way to win and people will find a way to insult whatever choices you make, so the best you can do is give negative people grapefruits as presents and hope they squirt the juice in their eyes.

[soyperson]

2 minutes ago, Mistrunner said:

There's no way to win and people will find a way to insult whatever choices you make, so the best you can do is give negative people grapefruits as presents and hope they squirt the juice in their eyes.

I have never heard this figure of speech before but I am now using it. 

Unless, of course, you're being literal... in which case, go you.

Edited October 9, 2016 by bleeder

[Erunion he/him]

It's weird for me when I hear people say they don't want kids, as I LOVE children and absolutely do want kids. 

But I also get it conceptually - I know I don't want kids for a while because they are a huge commitment, an incredible responsibility AND they make many aspects of life more difficult, especially career aspirations/etc. Not impossible, but more difficult. (Plus, seeing as I'm single and likely to remain that way for a while.... it's not like there's a huge risk of having kids suddenly). 

And that's not mentioning the whole pregnancy and birth thing that you ladies go through if you want children (and don't want to adopt). 

So I can mentally understand not wanting kids, but then I look at my niece and my heart just absolutely melts.