The Official Thread of Relationships

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Is it possible to change the subject now? You've both made your positions clear. 

[Briar King]

5 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

Is it possible to change the subject now? You've both made your positions clear. 

How bout this... My brother and sisters mom asked me when I was going to start dating again to which I loled?

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

50 minutes ago, Briar King said:

How bout this... My brother and sisters mom asked me when I was going to start dating again to which I loled?

They do that to you, huh, perhaps being Muslim has it's pros when it comes to dating (in which you cannot date till ur old enough )

[Kaymyth she/her]

1 hour ago, Darkness Ascendant said:

They do that to you, huh, perhaps being Muslim has it's pros when it comes to dating (in which you cannot date till ur old enough )

Briar King is in his 30's.

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

2 minutes ago, Kaymyth said:

Briar King is in his 30's.

Aah ok XD

[Erunion he/him]

2 hours ago, Briar King said:

How bout this... My brother and sisters mom asked me when I was going to start dating again to which I loled?

Ahahaha ouch. I feel you.

 

I'm at the point where I feel like I could date again, but the whole concept seems so strange and foreign to me. 

I literally have no idea how to proceed (also, with how busy my life is, I'm not sure if I should proceed until things settle down). 

That's what happens when you meet a girl in a lab group, she asks you out (sort of) and you spend the next four years together. I have never actually dated or initiated dating before (I was a socially awkward teenager, to put it mildly). 

 

I did did ask a girl out once to a formal. But, being socially awkward, I'd put it off until the day before and she already had a date. (Interestingly, 8 years later, she's the girl I'm currently most interested in! Funny how that happens. But see above on 1) my lack of dating experience and 2) my uncertainty w.r.t. my busy life). 

[Arraenae]

I told a few guys in my class that I used to play League of Legends. Then they started writing down their usernames on a nearby sheet of paper and clamoring for me to add them (one person even went so far as to erase the other person's username from the paper) The fact that I haven't played in two years was no deterrent.

Wat.

[Briar King]

Ohhhh someone needs a pat on their head.

 

*pat 

i hope you feel better now...

on topic I'm now having to discourage(without being mean) a woman who is being steadily persistent coming up with reasons to call/txt/FB me. 

[Erunion he/him]

9 hours ago, Arraenae said:

I told a few guys in my class that I used to play League of Legends. Then they started writing down their usernames on a nearby sheet of paper and clamoring for me to add them (one person even went so far as to erase the other person's username from the paper) The fact that I haven't played in two years was no deterrent.

Wat.

Guys, especially shy/nerdy guys, really like it when a girl is shares one of their interests. I mean REALLY likes it. It gives them something to do with a girl, to talk about/etc. It's an automatic thing they have in common. Think about how few things a 'typical high school girl' (as seen in late 90's early 2000's film and television) has in common with a guy who is even slightly geeky. 
Because of hollywood, many guys grow up thinking girls are exactly like that, and that as a geeky guy they will have almost nothing in common with girls, and they will have nothing to talk about with a girl and any such communication will only end in awkward silence. 
It's a problem.

But yeah, if you, as a girl, express clear personal interest in a guys major hobby, they will be thrilled, whether or not they're interested in you romantically! It means to them that they can have an actual, interesting conversation with you without them turning into awful puddles of socially awkward. 


 

 

7 hours ago, Briar King said:

on topic I'm now having to discourage(without being mean) a woman who is being steadily persistent coming up with reasons to call/txt/FB me. 

Had that before. Easiest solution is to bring up your significant other. If you don't have one, then life gets harder. 
The simplest solution is to never initiate contact. If they initiate, be polite but brief, and don't get too deep into any conversation. If you do that, and never yourself initiate contact, they should eventually get the hint and move on. 
However, they could be crazy. In which case, good luck. 

Other solutions include direct confrontation (can be super awkward, especially if they deny they're interested), or start talking to them about someone ELSE that you ARE romantically interested in. (Basically, letting them know that they are a friend but that you're romantic attention is elsewhere. I don't really recommend this method, because it's not very kind to their emotional wellbeing).

[Briar King]

Yeah I'm a master dodger/deflector but this woman is an old family friend and I'm trying to be uncoldlydirectleavemealoneugh family friend. 

[Quiver he/him]

So...

I'm debating whether or not to give online dating a shot?

Partly for the practicality. I barely have any free time these days; meeting, and being able to talk to, someone online first would fit into my schedule a lot easier than -gasp, shock- socializing would.

Just...yeah. Wondering if it's a good idea or not.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

2 hours ago, Quiver said:

So...

I'm debating whether or not to give online dating a shot?

Partly for the practicality. I barely have any free time these days; meeting, and being able to talk to, someone online first would fit into my schedule a lot easier than -gasp, shock- socializing would.

Just...yeah. Wondering if it's a good idea or not.

I did it for a while, and I'd recommend it. It really is a good way to get to meet different people without worrying about that awkward "do they like me or do they LIKE like me" phase. 

Eharmony is better than Match, and Match is better than OKCupid. 

[marsoupial they/them]

12 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

I did it for a while, and I'd recommend it. It really is a good way to get to meet different people without worrying about that awkward "do they like me or do they LIKE like me" phase. 

Eharmony is better than Match, and Match is better than OKCupid. 

Spoiler

I'm sorry but I'm not

[Erunion he/him]

5 hours ago, Quiver said:

So...

I'm debating whether or not to give online dating a shot?

Partly for the practicality. I barely have any free time these days; meeting, and being able to talk to, someone online first would fit into my schedule a lot easier than -gasp, shock- socializing would.

Just...yeah. Wondering if it's a good idea or not.

Haven't tried it (yet), but why not? Do it. 

Meeting people these days is hard, and knowing whether someone reciprocates your interest is even harder. 

Your options for dating really are as follows - current social groups (friend groups, church groups, school or university, or possibly work), social hobbies (group activity style hobbies), being set up with someone by a mutual friend (not awkward at all), bars/clubs, or online dating.  

 

If you don't have anyone you're interested in in your current social groups, and you don't have time to take up a hobby or find a new social group, if you lack the kind of friend who would set you up (awkwardly), and if you don't want to/don't have time to go to bars/clubs, then online dating is your best option by far. 

 

Even if other options are available - why not online date?

[Delightful]

11 hours ago, Quiver said:

So...

I'm debating whether or not to give online dating a shot?

Partly for the practicality. I barely have any free time these days; meeting, and being able to talk to, someone online first would fit into my schedule a lot easier than -gasp, shock- socializing would.

Just...yeah. Wondering if it's a good idea or not.

Sounds like it could be worth a shot.

[Kaymyth she/her]

Heck, I met my husband on eHarmony.  It CAN work.

[marsoupial they/them]

3 minutes ago, Kaymyth said:

Heck, I met my husband on eHarmony.  It CAN work.

Does he understand the Cosmere?

[Kaymyth she/her]

11 minutes ago, bleeder said:

Does he understand the Cosmere?

He's not a reader. 

Do NOT judge him harshly for that; he read quite a bit when he was a kid.  But he now has a condition that involves having a lot of "floaters" in his eyes.  It's like little squiggly worms wandering around your vision, and it makes reading black text on a white background into a nightmare.

[marsoupial they/them]

Just now, Kaymyth said:

He's not a reader. 

Do NOT judge him harshly for that

I wouldn't dream of it.

I was just gonna suggest that you frame this and hang it in your home:

Spoiler

 

[Quiver he/him]

Thanks for the advice. I suppose I'm just wary about how...online dating works? How you find and talk to people and all that kind of stuff.

Socialising.I'm terrible at it.

[Kaymyth she/her]

2 minutes ago, bleeder said:

I wouldn't dream of it.

I was just gonna suggest that you frame this and hang it in your home:

  Hide contents

 

Sorry.  Knee-jerk pre-reaction.  There's a certain subset of people out there who actually would try to look down their noses at him.  I can get my hackles up a bit where my chosen family is concerned.

And yes, that picture is funny.

 

ETA:  @Quiver - eHarmony actually has several rounds of guided questions that help you ease into talking to someone.  It's kind of perfect for working with social anxiety.  It gives you a framework of "get to know you" before you move into open communication.

Edited September 17, 2016 by Kaymyth

[marsoupial they/them]

3 minutes ago, Kaymyth said:

Sorry.  Knee-jerk pre-reaction.  There's a certain subset of people out there who actually would try to look down their noses at him.  I can get my hackles up a bit where my chosen family is concerned.

And yes, that picture is funny.

I completely understand. But I wouldn't dare judge anyone on what they can or cannot do, or really on anything. I try not to put myself above others. I'm sure he is an amazing man.

And Quiver, one thing to do is, if you're an introvert, grab some friends and go out to some bars on Friday nights and meet new people. Mingle. Just explore and you'll meet plenty of people.

Edited September 17, 2016 by bleeder

[Kaymyth she/her]

1 minute ago, bleeder said:

I completely understand. But I wouldn't dare judge anyone on what they can or cannot do, or really on anything. I try not to put myself above others. I'm sure he is an amazing man.

And Quiver, one thing to do is, if you're an introvert, grab some friends and go out to some bars on Friday nights and meet new people. Mingle. Just explore and you'll meet plenty of people.

He is, in ways that even most Sharders don't know.

And...I hate to say it, but as an introvert, that sounds kind of miserable.  Bars are loud and terrible places to actually talk to people.  And even out with friends, I tend to wallflower (unless there's karaoke involved).

[Quiver he/him]

2 minutes ago, bleeder said:

I completely understand. But I wouldn't dare judge anyone on what they can or cannot do, or really on anything. I try not to put myself above others. I'm sure he is an amazing man.

And Quiver, one thing to do is, if you're an introvert, grab some friends and go out to some bars on Friday nights and meet new people. Mingle. Just explore and you'll meet plenty of people.

...see, I don't. Um.

I kind of don't have any friends these days. Fell out of touch thanks to work...

5 minutes ago, Kaymyth said:

Sorry.  Knee-jerk pre-reaction.  There's a certain subset of people out there who actually would try to look down their noses at him.  I can get my hackles up a bit where my chosen family is concerned.

And yes, that picture is funny.

 

ETA:  @Quiver - eHarmony actually has several rounds of guided questions that help you ease into talking to someone.  It's kind of perfect for working with social anxiety.  It gives you a framework of "get to know you" before you move into open communication.

Okay...

And...what's the etiquette? Talk online, meet up for drinks?

[marsoupial they/them]

4 minutes ago, Kaymyth said:

He is, in ways that even most Sharders don't know.

And...I hate to say it, but as an introvert, that sounds kind of miserable.  Bars are loud and terrible places to actually talk to people.  And even out with friends, I tend to wallflower (unless there's karaoke involved).

Well, I'm a bit of an ambivert, so I love people. 

But I'm also in high school, so my knowledge of bars consists of secondhand accounts, books and TV. 

I'm glad you have someone you love and who loves you, and is special to you. That makes me happy  I hope to find someone like that some day.

Edited September 17, 2016 by bleeder