Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!

[Wittles he/him]

On 12/14/2024 at 7:00 PM, Ookla the Nullified said:

*sigh* I didn't wanna come back here.

 

@Ookla the Inconclusive knows pretty much all of this already.

here we go guys.

I can't sleep. Gonna be honest, I can't really eat either. My anxiety is just flaring, knowing I'm getting closer and closer to being on my own. Among other things, I just want a way to output all this. I wanna feel normal. I wanna make it so people don't have to worry about me. I keep slipping up, I keep hurting myself (unintentionally) because my lack of sleep makes me tipsy confusable and uncoordinate. I wanna be the person that can help others, not the one who needs to be helped, yk? I just don't know how to deal with it. I keep putting it on other people (glass mostly, sorry again) and I'm sick of it. I don't wanna put my problems on other peoples shoulders. And now, one of the things I love, is crumbling to bits. My schools tech crew. my coworkers, my friends. all either ready to pull a gun, hate and yell at each other, or just quit. lately, its been quit. We've lost almost all of our leadership, some of my closest friends, and for whatever reason I feel kinda like It's my fault, like I was supposed to be the glue that held it together. I just want to have everything be ok. I want to be able to talk and see a specific person like a normal human, but there is someone that constantly causes problems with that case. 

 

Sorry this is out of the blue. I needed to rant and get this out. 

 

Thanks for reading

22 hours ago, Ookla the Inconclusive said:

(spoilered for length)

  Reveal hidden contents

heyyyyyy guysssss

so things have been kinda rough the past five years . . .

and every once in a while it just gets really bad.

so @Ookla the Nullified invited me to go to a little get together-activity thing tomorrow at the place where he works (and he already know most of this anyway)

but everything I want to do has to go through my mom (because of course [*sigh*])

so for the past few days i've been asking her and asking her about it and she wouldn't give me a freaking definitive answer.

then today he really needed to know because his boss was getting a headcount for tomorrow

so I went and talked to her

AND AFTER HALF AN HOUR OF REPEATING THE SAME QUESTION

she finally gave me an answer-

and that answer was no.

now, that by itself doesn't bother me too much; her saying no is nothing new (although it's still sad)

it was the why that made me really sad.

Apparently, she thinks that "you're not responsible enough to do things you want anymore." (literally her words; i'm so freaking mad)

like I'm sorry that my actually literally perfect grades aren't good enough for you

or the fact that I do my best to accomplish whatever it is you tell me to do

or that I never talk back like ALL my siblings

or that I always try to be as respectful as possible and always be as grateful for the things you provide me with and make sure to tell you that

BUT NO

THE REASON WHY SHE DOESN'T THINK I'M RESPONSIBLE

IS BECAUSE I'M SO DEPRESSED IN THE MORNINGS THAT I CAN'T EVEN GET OUT OF BED WHEN MY ALARM GOES OFF

AND SO I'VE BEEN LATE TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY FOR THE PAST THREE WEEKS

AND ALL SHE'S DONE TO "HELP" IS TELL ME HOW DISAPPOINTED SHE IS IN ME FOR NOT GETTING UP ON TIME

WHICH MAKES IT WORSE

*sigh*

so yeah

and she hasn't ever really cared about my mental health and won't listen to me if I try to talk to her about something I don't like that she's doing (she only ever listened once. ONCE.)

she treats my sister the same way, and my sister's mental health has been majorly declining the past two years because of it (she got pulled out of school against her will and is now homeschooled and she hates it [and also has really bad anxiety and depression and all the things because our mom is very overbearing and doesn't seem to have a sense of privacy {and also-also is literally the most extroverted person i've ever met and isn't allowed to see or talk to her friends which just absolutely destroyed her |she saw some of them a few months ago and apparently they literally thought she had died *she recently has been going to seminary which hasn't helped because no one knows her and they're treating her weird and she doesn't have any other opportunity to get to know people -hugs for her would be appreciated too-*|}])

I can't wait to leave for college. my sister's been begging me to take her with me (we both know I can't, but y'know).

so yeah

i've been in tears for the past while because of everything.

  Reveal hidden contents

I swear i'm not making this up @Ookla the Nullified can attest

 

thanks for reading

advice or help would be greatly appreciated.

um . . .

yeah

help

*hugs*

I'm so sorry you both have to deal with that. Mental health is so hard. Just know you aren't alone here, even if we don't have any answers

[TwinStorm He/Him]

22 hours ago, Ookla the Inconclusive said:

(spoilered for length)

  Reveal hidden contents

heyyyyyy guysssss

so things have been kinda rough the past five years . . .

and every once in a while it just gets really bad.

so @Ookla the Nullified invited me to go to a little get together-activity thing tomorrow at the place where he works (and he already know most of this anyway)

but everything I want to do has to go through my mom (because of course [*sigh*])

so for the past few days i've been asking her and asking her about it and she wouldn't give me a freaking definitive answer.

then today he really needed to know because his boss was getting a headcount for tomorrow

so I went and talked to her

AND AFTER HALF AN HOUR OF REPEATING THE SAME QUESTION

she finally gave me an answer-

and that answer was no.

now, that by itself doesn't bother me too much; her saying no is nothing new (although it's still sad)

it was the why that made me really sad.

Apparently, she thinks that "you're not responsible enough to do things you want anymore." (literally her words; i'm so freaking mad)

like I'm sorry that my actually literally perfect grades aren't good enough for you

or the fact that I do my best to accomplish whatever it is you tell me to do

or that I never talk back like ALL my siblings

or that I always try to be as respectful as possible and always be as grateful for the things you provide me with and make sure to tell you that

BUT NO

THE REASON WHY SHE DOESN'T THINK I'M RESPONSIBLE

IS BECAUSE I'M SO DEPRESSED IN THE MORNINGS THAT I CAN'T EVEN GET OUT OF BED WHEN MY ALARM GOES OFF

AND SO I'VE BEEN LATE TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY FOR THE PAST THREE WEEKS

AND ALL SHE'S DONE TO "HELP" IS TELL ME HOW DISAPPOINTED SHE IS IN ME FOR NOT GETTING UP ON TIME

WHICH MAKES IT WORSE

*sigh*

so yeah

and she hasn't ever really cared about my mental health and won't listen to me if I try to talk to her about something I don't like that she's doing (she only ever listened once. ONCE.)

she treats my sister the same way, and my sister's mental health has been majorly declining the past two years because of it (she got pulled out of school against her will and is now homeschooled and she hates it [and also has really bad anxiety and depression and all the things because our mom is very overbearing and doesn't seem to have a sense of privacy {and also-also is literally the most extroverted person i've ever met and isn't allowed to see or talk to her friends which just absolutely destroyed her |she saw some of them a few months ago and apparently they literally thought she had died *she recently has been going to seminary which hasn't helped because no one knows her and they're treating her weird and she doesn't have any other opportunity to get to know people -hugs for her would be appreciated too-*|}])

I can't wait to leave for college. my sister's been begging me to take her with me (we both know I can't, but y'know).

so yeah

i've been in tears for the past while because of everything.

  Reveal hidden contents

I swear i'm not making this up @Ookla the Nullified can attest

 

thanks for reading

advice or help would be greatly appreciated.

um . . .

yeah

help

*hugs*

I don't really have much advice, but PM me if you want to vent, or just comfort.

I'm so sorry.

[strmblsd he/him]

ok i dont know... today i just feel sad. it is just a day that is sad. i dont know how to describe it everything just seems against me. i dont know what i am doing today. i just feel so sad and alone today at school. yes i have friends but i dont feel like im part of it i feel like im just in the middle.. there but dont ahve a group

[Bird Furious she/her/un/important]

5 minutes ago, strmblsd said:

ok i dont know... today i just feel sad. it is just a day that is sad. i dont know how to describe it everything just seems against me. i dont know what i am doing today. i just feel so sad and alone today at school. yes i have friends but i dont feel like im part of it i feel like im just in the middle.. there but dont ahve a group

*hugs * 

Ah, a familiar feeling. You should move here and I’ll adopt you and we can be besties. 

*bigger hugs* 

I’m really sorry. That kind of feeling is really difficult. It gets better, though. 

[Vyzkel He/Him]

26 minutes ago, strmblsd said:

ok i dont know... today i just feel sad. it is just a day that is sad. i dont know how to describe it everything just seems against me. i dont know what i am doing today. i just feel so sad and alone today at school. yes i have friends but i dont feel like im part of it i feel like im just in the middle.. there but dont ahve a group

Sad days require hugs

*hugs*

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

28 minutes ago, strmblsd said:

ok i dont know... today i just feel sad. it is just a day that is sad. i dont know how to describe it everything just seems against me. i dont know what i am doing today. i just feel so sad and alone today at school. yes i have friends but i dont feel like im part of it i feel like im just in the middle.. there but dont ahve a group

*hugs*

I'm sorry, my dude. It's a hard feeling, I know 

[The Wandering Wizard he/him]

47 minutes ago, strmblsd said:

ok i dont know... today i just feel sad. it is just a day that is sad. i dont know how to describe it everything just seems against me. i dont know what i am doing today. i just feel so sad and alone today at school. yes i have friends but i dont feel like im part of it i feel like im just in the middle.. there but dont ahve a group

*hugs fiercely*

[Just-A-Stick she/her]

5 hours ago, strmblsd said:

ok i dont know... today i just feel sad. it is just a day that is sad. i dont know how to describe it everything just seems against me. i dont know what i am doing today. i just feel so sad and alone today at school. yes i have friends but i dont feel like im part of it i feel like im just in the middle.. there but dont ahve a group

*hugs!!*

[Through the Living Wrath he/him]

7 hours ago, strmblsd said:

ok i dont know... today i just feel sad. it is just a day that is sad. i dont know how to describe it everything just seems against me. i dont know what i am doing today. i just feel so sad and alone today at school. yes i have friends but i dont feel like im part of it i feel like im just in the middle.. there but dont ahve a group

*hug*
*shoves Happyness -tm- at you*
TAKE IT

[Throw TheLiving Silverware he/him/il/lui]

14 hours ago, strmblsd said:

ok i dont know... today i just feel sad. it is just a day that is sad. i dont know how to describe it everything just seems against me. i dont know what i am doing today. i just feel so sad and alone today at school. yes i have friends but i dont feel like im part of it i feel like im just in the middle.. there but dont ahve a group

Oh dear.

*hugs*

[Queen Elsa Steelheart she/her]

Could use some hugs. Currently been in hospital since the 16th of Jan because the left side of my body stopped working and walking became really really hard. The functioning of my left side is slowly coming back thankfully, but its been a pretty exhausting journey. I haven't  been able to do my favourite things like karate or electric guitar for weeks and my uni degree is currently on hold because I can't do any uni work right now. I miss my friends, my karate friends,  my routine (I'm ADHD/Autistic so its important) and everything feels so tiring. Even a shower felt like I had just done fifty pushups. I'm getting better slowly but this was certainly not how I wanted to start 2025 after an amazing 2024. 

 

I've never had a hospital admission this long for a physical illness. It's pretty scary 

[Bird Furious she/her/un/important]

3 minutes ago, Queen Elsa Steelheart said:

Could use some hugs. Currently been in hospital since the 16th of Jan because the left side of my body stopped working and walking became really really hard. The functioning of my left side is slowly coming back thankfully, but its been a pretty exhausting journey. I haven't  been able to do my favourite things like karate or electric guitar for weeks and my uni degree is currently on hold because I can't do any uni work right now. I miss my friends, my karate friends,  my routine (I'm ADHD/Autistic so its important) and everything feels so tiring. Even a shower felt like I had just done fifty pushups. I'm getting better slowly but this was certainly not how I wanted to start 2025 after an amazing 2024. 

 

I've never had a hospital admission this long for a physical illness. It's pretty scary 

*hugs* 

Scud, that’s a lot. I’m so sorry.  

[Queen Elsa Steelheart she/her]

3 minutes ago, Halcyon The Only said:

*hugs* 

Scud, that’s a lot. I’m so sorry.  

Thank you 

[TwinStorm He/Him]

11 minutes ago, Queen Elsa Steelheart said:

Could use some hugs. Currently been in hospital since the 16th of Jan because the left side of my body stopped working and walking became really really hard. The functioning of my left side is slowly coming back thankfully, but its been a pretty exhausting journey. I haven't  been able to do my favourite things like karate or electric guitar for weeks and my uni degree is currently on hold because I can't do any uni work right now. I miss my friends, my karate friends,  my routine (I'm ADHD/Autistic so its important) and everything feels so tiring. Even a shower felt like I had just done fifty pushups. I'm getting better slowly but this was certainly not how I wanted to start 2025 after an amazing 2024. 

 

I've never had a hospital admission this long for a physical illness. It's pretty scary 

*hugs*

the fact that you're still surviving

idk

I would have broken already

youre incredible

[Queen Elsa Steelheart she/her]

1 minute ago, TwinStorm said:

*hugs*

the fact that you're still surviving

idk

I would have broken already

youre incredible

thank you, that means a lot.  I'm still trying to walk around my room, and do the familiar leg stretches I do at the karate dojo. I know my muscle memory is still there, its just gonna be a bit of a journey to bring it back, 

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

54 minutes ago, Queen Elsa Steelheart said:

Could use some hugs. Currently been in hospital since the 16th of Jan because the left side of my body stopped working and walking became really really hard. The functioning of my left side is slowly coming back thankfully, but its been a pretty exhausting journey. I haven't  been able to do my favourite things like karate or electric guitar for weeks and my uni degree is currently on hold because I can't do any uni work right now. I miss my friends, my karate friends,  my routine (I'm ADHD/Autistic so its important) and everything feels so tiring. Even a shower felt like I had just done fifty pushups. I'm getting better slowly but this was certainly not how I wanted to start 2025 after an amazing 2024. 

 

I've never had a hospital admission this long for a physical illness. It's pretty scary 

Oh my goodness gracious

*hugs*

I'm so sorry. That sounds incredibly hard 

[Queen Elsa Steelheart she/her]

2 hours ago, Through The Living Glass said:

Oh my goodness gracious

*hugs*

I'm so sorry. That sounds incredibly hard 

*hugs back* thank you

[Through the Living Wrath he/him]

16 hours ago, Queen Elsa Steelheart said:

Could use some hugs. Currently been in hospital since the 16th of Jan because the left side of my body stopped working and walking became really really hard. The functioning of my left side is slowly coming back thankfully, but its been a pretty exhausting journey. I haven't  been able to do my favourite things like karate or electric guitar for weeks and my uni degree is currently on hold because I can't do any uni work right now. I miss my friends, my karate friends,  my routine (I'm ADHD/Autistic so its important) and everything feels so tiring. Even a shower felt like I had just done fifty pushups. I'm getting better slowly but this was certainly not how I wanted to start 2025 after an amazing 2024. 

 

I've never had a hospital admission this long for a physical illness. It's pretty scary 

*hug*
O my gosh

Stay strong!

Glad you’re getting better.

[The Wandering Wizard he/him]

19 hours ago, Queen Elsa Steelheart said:

Could use some hugs. Currently been in hospital since the 16th of Jan because the left side of my body stopped working and walking became really really hard. The functioning of my left side is slowly coming back thankfully, but its been a pretty exhausting journey. I haven't  been able to do my favourite things like karate or electric guitar for weeks and my uni degree is currently on hold because I can't do any uni work right now. I miss my friends, my karate friends,  my routine (I'm ADHD/Autistic so its important) and everything feels so tiring. Even a shower felt like I had just done fifty pushups. I'm getting better slowly but this was certainly not how I wanted to start 2025 after an amazing 2024. 

 

I've never had a hospital admission this long for a physical illness. It's pretty scary 

*hugsssssssss*

I wish you the best and I hope you'll recover soon 

[Existential]

I know I'm here a lot, talking about stuff, but I guess I just need to get it out somewhere. Hope you guys don't mind. its been a long week, and I really just want to rest. but I can't. People recently keep telling me that if I want to rest that I should take meds or try this or try that. I just wish I could get them to understand. I'm not a normal person. It's not that I don't sleep by choice, or really even by normal insomnia standards. I'm worried about everything, all the time. What if this what if that, yk? I just want to be someone who functions with society, I guess. I don't wanna worry about my parents, my sister, grades, jobs, life. I don't wanna fear that I'll never be able to talk to my girlfriend again because our forms of communication have been taken away. I don't wanna cry, or be a burden making other people do the same. And I can't be the therapist friend as much as I used to. It's hard. and taking other people's burdens is a lot on my shoulders. For some reason, people don't seem to get it. I'm the one who's happy, smiles, and looks put together, but I'm not. I just... feel I have to be because if I'm not, who will be? I guess the big takeaway is I'm just anxious and depressed. I wish I wasn't. I want to be the person everyone wants me to be. They want me to do all these things and I tell them no because if I did those things I might just fall apart adding another thing to my plate. and god bless Glass, she is more than I deserve helping me through this stuff, even if I don't talk about it. 

 

 

 

I know that was more just a rant, but I needed to get stuff out, and the anonymity here helps me get my thoughts out with less fear of being judged

 

 

 

thank you for reading, have a wonderful day

[Bird Furious she/her/un/important]

7 minutes ago, _Null_ said:

I know I'm here a lot, talking about stuff, but I guess I just need to get it out somewhere. Hope you guys don't mind. its been a long week, and I really just want to rest. but I can't. People recently keep telling me that if I want to rest that I should take meds or try this or try that. I just wish I could get them to understand. I'm not a normal person. It's not that I don't sleep by choice, or really even by normal insomnia standards. I'm worried about everything, all the time. What if this what if that, yk? I just want to be someone who functions with society, I guess. I don't wanna worry about my parents, my sister, grades, jobs, life. I don't wanna fear that I'll never be able to talk to my girlfriend again because our forms of communication have been taken away. I don't wanna cry, or be a burden making other people do the same. And I can't be the therapist friend as much as I used to. It's hard. and taking other people's burdens is a lot on my shoulders. For some reason, people don't seem to get it. I'm the one who's happy, smiles, and looks put together, but I'm not. I just... feel I have to be because if I'm not, who will be? I guess the big takeaway is I'm just anxious and depressed. I wish I wasn't. I want to be the person everyone wants me to be. They want me to do all these things and I tell them no because if I did those things I might just fall apart adding another thing to my plate. and god bless Glass, she is more than I deserve helping me through this stuff, even if I don't talk about it. 

 

 

 

I know that was more just a rant, but I needed to get stuff out, and the anonymity here helps me get my thoughts out with less fear of being judged

 

 

 

thank you for reading, have a wonderful day

*hugs* 

You’re welcome to PM me if you need to say more. 

 

[Queen Elsa Steelheart she/her]

5 hours ago, The Wandering Wizard said:

*hugsssssssss*

I wish you the best and I hope you'll recover soon 

 

8 hours ago, SpiritOfWrath said:

*hug*
O my gosh

Stay strong!

Glad you’re getting better.

thank you everyone, I really appreciate the support

[+Slowswift]

On 1/25/2025 at 9:33 PM, Queen Elsa Steelheart said:

Could use some hugs. Currently been in hospital since the 16th of Jan because the left side of my body stopped working and walking became really really hard. The functioning of my left side is slowly coming back thankfully, but its been a pretty exhausting journey. I haven't  been able to do my favourite things like karate or electric guitar for weeks and my uni degree is currently on hold because I can't do any uni work right now. I miss my friends, my karate friends,  my routine (I'm ADHD/Autistic so its important) and everything feels so tiring. Even a shower felt like I had just done fifty pushups. I'm getting better slowly but this was certainly not how I wanted to start 2025 after an amazing 2024. 

 

I've never had a hospital admission this long for a physical illness. It's pretty scary 

*gentle bear hugs*

Best wishes in your recovery--I hope you can find some stability again soon!

17 hours ago, _Null_ said:

I know I'm here a lot, talking about stuff, but I guess I just need to get it out somewhere. Hope you guys don't mind. its been a long week, and I really just want to rest. but I can't. People recently keep telling me that if I want to rest that I should take meds or try this or try that. I just wish I could get them to understand. I'm not a normal person. It's not that I don't sleep by choice, or really even by normal insomnia standards. I'm worried about everything, all the time. What if this what if that, yk? I just want to be someone who functions with society, I guess. I don't wanna worry about my parents, my sister, grades, jobs, life. I don't wanna fear that I'll never be able to talk to my girlfriend again because our forms of communication have been taken away. I don't wanna cry, or be a burden making other people do the same. And I can't be the therapist friend as much as I used to. It's hard. and taking other people's burdens is a lot on my shoulders. For some reason, people don't seem to get it. I'm the one who's happy, smiles, and looks put together, but I'm not. I just... feel I have to be because if I'm not, who will be? I guess the big takeaway is I'm just anxious and depressed. I wish I wasn't. I want to be the person everyone wants me to be. They want me to do all these things and I tell them no because if I did those things I might just fall apart adding another thing to my plate. and god bless Glass, she is more than I deserve helping me through this stuff, even if I don't talk about it. 

 

 

 

I know that was more just a rant, but I needed to get stuff out, and the anonymity here helps me get my thoughts out with less fear of being judged

 

 

 

thank you for reading, have a wonderful day

That's what we're here for. *hugs*

[The Wandering Wizard he/him]

17 hours ago, _Null_ said:

I know I'm here a lot, talking about stuff, but I guess I just need to get it out somewhere. Hope you guys don't mind. its been a long week, and I really just want to rest. but I can't. People recently keep telling me that if I want to rest that I should take meds or try this or try that. I just wish I could get them to understand. I'm not a normal person. It's not that I don't sleep by choice, or really even by normal insomnia standards. I'm worried about everything, all the time. What if this what if that, yk? I just want to be someone who functions with society, I guess. I don't wanna worry about my parents, my sister, grades, jobs, life. I don't wanna fear that I'll never be able to talk to my girlfriend again because our forms of communication have been taken away. I don't wanna cry, or be a burden making other people do the same. And I can't be the therapist friend as much as I used to. It's hard. and taking other people's burdens is a lot on my shoulders. For some reason, people don't seem to get it. I'm the one who's happy, smiles, and looks put together, but I'm not. I just... feel I have to be because if I'm not, who will be? I guess the big takeaway is I'm just anxious and depressed. I wish I wasn't. I want to be the person everyone wants me to be. They want me to do all these things and I tell them no because if I did those things I might just fall apart adding another thing to my plate. and god bless Glass, she is more than I deserve helping me through this stuff, even if I don't talk about it. 

 

 

 

I know that was more just a rant, but I needed to get stuff out, and the anonymity here helps me get my thoughts out with less fear of being judged

 

 

 

thank you for reading, have a wonderful day

*gentle giant hugs*

I understand that all so very much and we're always here for you and always will be, no matter what 

[Through the Living Wrath he/him]

21 hours ago, _Null_ said:

I know I'm here a lot, talking about stuff, but I guess I just need to get it out somewhere. Hope you guys don't mind. its been a long week, and I really just want to rest. but I can't. People recently keep telling me that if I want to rest that I should take meds or try this or try that. I just wish I could get them to understand. I'm not a normal person. It's not that I don't sleep by choice, or really even by normal insomnia standards. I'm worried about everything, all the time. What if this what if that, yk? I just want to be someone who functions with society, I guess. I don't wanna worry about my parents, my sister, grades, jobs, life. I don't wanna fear that I'll never be able to talk to my girlfriend again because our forms of communication have been taken away. I don't wanna cry, or be a burden making other people do the same. And I can't be the therapist friend as much as I used to. It's hard. and taking other people's burdens is a lot on my shoulders. For some reason, people don't seem to get it. I'm the one who's happy, smiles, and looks put together, but I'm not. I just... feel I have to be because if I'm not, who will be? I guess the big takeaway is I'm just anxious and depressed. I wish I wasn't. I want to be the person everyone wants me to be. They want me to do all these things and I tell them no because if I did those things I might just fall apart adding another thing to my plate. and god bless Glass, she is more than I deserve helping me through this stuff, even if I don't talk about it. 

 

 

 

I know that was more just a rant, but I needed to get stuff out, and the anonymity here helps me get my thoughts out with less fear of being judged

 

 

 

thank you for reading, have a wonderful day

*hugs*

Hope you get through this…

Stay strong!