Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

2 minutes ago, Lego Mistborn said:

I thought I was done with this and over her enough to not do this, but I guess not.

Yesterday I had institute (church classes for college age adults) and the whole time all I could think was, "if we were still together I could have invited her to come with me" and when I got home I cried again because I miss her.

And I feel like I have no friends anymore, I stopped talking to them as much when I started dating and it's hard to bring any of my friendships back to life.

I know that it's good for me that I'm not with her cause there were problems in that relationship, but I'm so lonely now and it's all I can think about.

*hug*

[Wittles he/him]

On 8/24/2024 at 1:52 PM, Lego Mistborn said:

I thought I was done with this and over her enough to not do this, but I guess not.

Yesterday I had institute (church classes for college age adults) and the whole time all I could think was, "if we were still together I could have invited her to come with me" and when I got home I cried again because I miss her.

And I feel like I have no friends anymore, I stopped talking to them as much when I started dating and it's hard to bring any of my friendships back to life.

I know that it's good for me that I'm not with her cause there were problems in that relationship, but I'm so lonely now and it's all I can think about.

*hugs* I'm sorry

[Through the Living Hope]

On 8/24/2024 at 4:52 PM, Lego Mistborn said:

I thought I was done with this and over her enough to not do this, but I guess not.

Yesterday I had institute (church classes for college age adults) and the whole time all I could think was, "if we were still together I could have invited her to come with me" and when I got home I cried again because I miss her.

And I feel like I have no friends anymore, I stopped talking to them as much when I started dating and it's hard to bring any of my friendships back to life.

I know that it's good for me that I'm not with her cause there were problems in that relationship, but I'm so lonely now and it's all I can think about.

*hugs* Do your friends know how you feel? Have you communicated with them?

[Lego Mistborn he/him]

37 minutes ago, Spark of Hope said:

*hugs* Do your friends know how you feel? Have you communicated with them?

I've tried reaching out to them, haven't got responses back from most. I've got friends from church who do still talk to me, but I never really talked to most of them outside of church things, so it's awkward trying to strike up convos now. So right now I've only got one running convo and then people on the shard who talk to me.

[Through the Living Hope]

1 minute ago, Lego Mistborn said:

I've tried reaching out to them, haven't got responses back from most. I've got friends from church who do still talk to me, but I never really talked to most of them outside of church things, so it's awkward trying to strike up convos now. So right now I've only got one running convo and then people on the shard who talk to me.

Based on wording, I assume you texted or something similar. Is it possible to see them in person?

[Lego Mistborn he/him]

1 hour ago, Spark of Hope said:

Based on wording, I assume you texted or something similar. Is it possible to see them in person?

Not really unless I already have convo going with them.

[Through the Living Hope]

9 hours ago, Lego Mistborn said:

Not really unless I already have convo going with them.

Are you not in school with them? Or something similar?

[Lego Mistborn he/him]

1 hour ago, Spark of Hope said:

Are you not in school with them? Or something similar?

Nope, I'm graduated

[Through the Living Hope]

22 hours ago, Lego Mistborn said:

Nope, I'm graduated

Work?

[strmblsd he/him]

ok so I don't know even I'm just nervous about everything with my friends again. especially my best friend. I feel like we aren't as close and he seems to hang out with other people and talk to them but never with me and I don't know what to do and I'm honestly just feeling bad about myself and I feel like my friends just aren't close to me.. (any advice or anything is welcome)

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

2 hours ago, strmblsd said:

ok so I don't know even I'm just nervous about everything with my friends again. especially my best friend. I feel like we aren't as close and he seems to hang out with other people and talk to them but never with me and I don't know what to do and I'm honestly just feeling bad about myself and I feel like my friends just aren't close to me.. (any advice or anything is welcome)

I don't have any advice at the moment, but we all still support you, Strmblsd!

*hugs*

[InfiniteInsanity she/her]

I don’t feel as if there’s any point or purpose for me to be right now. Anything I do or have done for anyone could easily be done by someone else. And all I’m doing now is being a burden if anything. I’m struggling and so people are worried and I can’t tell anyone how to help because I don’t know what I need or how to fix any of these problems. I wish people would check in or talk to me but I can’t ask them to do it  because then they aren’t talking to me because they want to but because they feel obligated to. And then I become I burden. And even though I feel like I have no point or purpose I can’t do any of the things my brain supplies for me to do about it because then when people find out they’ll feel bad and be worried and upset and I will just once again be a burden. And so I’m stuck in this loop of thoughts and I am so done and over it. I just want this all to be over.

[strmblsd he/him]

3 minutes ago, InfiniteInsanity said:

I don’t feel as if there’s any point or purpose for me to be right now. Anything I do or have done for anyone could easily be done by someone else. And all I’m doing now is being a burden if anything. I’m struggling and so people are worried and I can’t tell anyone how to help because I don’t know what I need or how to fix any of these problems. I wish people would check in or talk to me but I can’t ask them to do it  because then they aren’t talking to me because they want to but because they feel obligated to. And then I become I burden. And even though I feel like I have no point or purpose I can’t do any of the things my brain supplies for me to do about it because then when people find out they’ll feel bad and be worried and upset and I will just once again be a burden. And so I’m stuck in this loop of thoughts and I am so done and over it. I just want this all to be over.

I completely understand that.. I also really want people to reach out to me. 

*Hugs*

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

4 minutes ago, InfiniteInsanity said:

I don’t feel as if there’s any point or purpose for me to be right now. Anything I do or have done for anyone could easily be done by someone else. And all I’m doing now is being a burden if anything. I’m struggling and so people are worried and I can’t tell anyone how to help because I don’t know what I need or how to fix any of these problems. I wish people would check in or talk to me but I can’t ask them to do it  because then they aren’t talking to me because they want to but because they feel obligated to. And then I become I burden. And even though I feel like I have no point or purpose I can’t do any of the things my brain supplies for me to do about it because then when people find out they’ll feel bad and be worried and upset and I will just once again be a burden. And so I’m stuck in this loop of thoughts and I am so done and over it. I just want this all to be over.

Ohh...

*hugs*

Edited September 9, 2024 by Through The Living Glass

[Vyzkel He/Him]

1 hour ago, InfiniteInsanity said:

I don’t feel as if there’s any point or purpose for me to be right now. Anything I do or have done for anyone could easily be done by someone else. And all I’m doing now is being a burden if anything. I’m struggling and so people are worried and I can’t tell anyone how to help because I don’t know what I need or how to fix any of these problems. I wish people would check in or talk to me but I can’t ask them to do it  because then they aren’t talking to me because they want to but because they feel obligated to. And then I become I burden. And even though I feel like I have no point or purpose I can’t do any of the things my brain supplies for me to do about it because then when people find out they’ll feel bad and be worried and upset and I will just once again be a burden. And so I’m stuck in this loop of thoughts and I am so done and over it. I just want this all to be over.

If you feel like anyone could do the actions and services you do, just remember: the one who did it was you, if no one else did it that means you were able to be there before anyone else. I usually cheer myself up by trying to remember who might need me(that could be anyone, even a pet or something you don’t even realize), I want to make sure you know that life is a team effort, don’t be afraid to have someone carry your pack as you carry others. *biiigg hugs*

[Lego Mistborn he/him]

1 hour ago, InfiniteInsanity said:

I don’t feel as if there’s any point or purpose for me to be right now. Anything I do or have done for anyone could easily be done by someone else. And all I’m doing now is being a burden if anything. I’m struggling and so people are worried and I can’t tell anyone how to help because I don’t know what I need or how to fix any of these problems. I wish people would check in or talk to me but I can’t ask them to do it  because then they aren’t talking to me because they want to but because they feel obligated to. And then I become I burden. And even though I feel like I have no point or purpose I can’t do any of the things my brain supplies for me to do about it because then when people find out they’ll feel bad and be worried and upset and I will just once again be a burden. And so I’m stuck in this loop of thoughts and I am so done and over it. I just want this all to be over.

I know exactly what you're feeling. My advice, focus on the good things as best you can. It's going to be hard, but you can do it. Never let the bad thoughts win.

You are a daughter of God, you aren't an accident or pointless. He has a plan for you and purposes only you can fulfill.

Don't be afraid to reach out to someone, there are so many people who love you so deeply, they can and will support you out of love. Contrary to what you believe, they will do it because they want to, not because of some obligation you put on them. As someone who was on the other side, I 110% CHOSE to be there for the other person. Any obligation I felt I CHOSE to put on myself.

Lastly, remember that the atonement was about more than just sins. Christ felt everything you feel exactly how you feel it. Because he bore that pain, he is capable of standing beside you and helping lift that burden. Turn to him because he loves you more than infinitely.

[Through the Living Hope]

On 9/8/2024 at 9:46 PM, InfiniteInsanity said:

I don’t feel as if there’s any point or purpose for me to be right now. Anything I do or have done for anyone could easily be done by someone else. And all I’m doing now is being a burden if anything. I’m struggling and so people are worried and I can’t tell anyone how to help because I don’t know what I need or how to fix any of these problems. I wish people would check in or talk to me but I can’t ask them to do it  because then they aren’t talking to me because they want to but because they feel obligated to. And then I become I burden. And even though I feel like I have no point or purpose I can’t do any of the things my brain supplies for me to do about it because then when people find out they’ll feel bad and be worried and upset and I will just once again be a burden. And so I’m stuck in this loop of thoughts and I am so done and over it. I just want this all to be over.

You are not and never will be a burden to me. Come talk to me if you need it. Band, text, WHATEVER. I can give you real hugs as well as virtual ones.

Sometimes meaning is really hard to see. For a long time, I felt like I was adrift in the ocean on a boat with no clue where to go. I felt like I was being pulled in several directions with no way to know where shore was. But eventually you're able to find the north star. You'll find your purpose. Even if it takes time, you'll get there.

Just remember, the same God that sculpted mountains from the earth, hung all the stars and the sky, and painted every flower with immense detail, looked at you and said, "The world needs her too."

[Mags she/they]

I just kind of feel like

awful

all the time.

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

And people tell me that if I want to grow, I have to step outside of my comfort zone, but everything is out of my comfort zone. Going to school is uncomfortable, talking to people in class is uncomfortable, doing my work is uncomfortable.

And hanging out with my friends? While I want to have fun, I usually just sit thinking about how much I want to go home.

And it never get's better and it never get's easier, and opening up to people makes it harder for me to connect with them so instead I keep it all to myself.

Everything I do is ruled by fear. I'm scared of everything, and I'm terrified of people finding out that I'm scared, so I pretend that I'm not.

I don't feel emotionally safe anywhere but my bedroom. I have family and friends but I am also so alone. I can't talk to them. I can't.

And I love my parents, but as I grow older and maturer it get's harder and harder to connect with them them. They do and say things that make me uncomfortable, and I know deep down I could never trust them with my deepest secrets and fears because they're part of them. I'm kind of having a faith crisis, but it's not really a faith crisis it's more of a I-don't-actually-agree-with-my-parents-100%-of-the-time-and-it's-tearing-me-apart crisis.

It's funny because I feel so stuck. I'm the same person I was at 13, just darker and a little twisted and far more broken. The only thing keeping me from falling apart is how good I am at distracting myself. 

This last summer I had a really big, public anxiety attack at a church event. A week or so later, my bishop contacted my mom (understandably) to find out if I was doing okay, and if I was getting the help I needed.

And I guess, at one point, years ago I had told my mom about some little anxiety-help tricks I was using that I had learned online. (back when this wasn't as big of a problem, and when I was actually fine most of the time).

And for some reason, she took that as 'my daughter fixed herself and she's fine now because she learned how to breathe in a pattern.' I know that, because that's what she told me she told our bishop when he asked about me.

It is my fault that I don't talk to them about my anxiety as much I should. I know that. I'm trying. But it's cases like this that make me feel like I can't trust them. They always blatantly misunderstand. My mom insists that taking vitamin pills every day will fix it. She told me once that my anxiety was a temptation of the devil, and that if I just turned to God it would go away. When my dad had a terrible illness last spring she didn't tell him that. Why is it different for me? Why is my illness dismissible just because it's mental?

I've only ever talked to a doctor about my anxiety once, and that doctor immediately dismissed me and didn't hear about my symptoms. He told me I was introverted and that I should get a dog. Little did he know dogs trigger my anxiety like no tomorrow.

I'd push to go to a doctor now, if my families finances weren't . . . difficult right now. I don't really know much, but I don't think we have health insurance right now which is terrifying because I don't know if I can get help outside of it. So I feel like I should just push through and wait till things calm down and we have what we need. But everyday is harder and I won't last long at this rate.

Because here I am sitting and crying in class, ignoring my work because I can't bring myself to work on the insanely tedious file editing assignments.

(and I always feel awful dumping all of this here, but I also feel awful telling anyone, and it's considerabley easier to talk to people here . . . mostly because it's not face-face. I'm sorry, it feels like I'm always complaining about something, I don't mean to be annoying I just have a hard time talking to people anywhere else. So yeah. Sorry )

Okay now I have to go make sure my face isn't covered in mascara stains byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye

Edit: It wasn't actually that bad, but there were other people at the mirror which was embarrassing 

Edit #2: listening to happy goofy music doesn't improve the experience guys, just kinda made me feel ridiculous which I guess isn't that bad but

Edited September 16, 2024 by J. Magi

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

43 minutes ago, J. Magi said:

I just kind of feel like

awful

all the time.

  Hide contents

And people tell me that if I want to grow, I have to step outside of my comfort zone, but everything is out of my comfort zone. Going to school is uncomfortable, talking to people in class is uncomfortable, doing my work is uncomfortable.

And hanging out with my friends? While I want to have fun, I usually just sit thinking about how much I want to go home.

And it never get's better and it never get's easier, and opening up to people makes it harder for me to connect with them so instead I keep it all to myself.

Everything I do is ruled by fear. I'm scared of everything, and I'm terrified of people finding out that I'm scared, so I pretend that I'm not.

I don't feel emotionally safe anywhere but my bedroom. I have family and friends but I am also so alone. I can't talk to them. I can't.

And I love my parents, but as I grow older and maturer it get's harder and harder to connect with them them. They do and say things that make me uncomfortable, and I know deep down I could never trust them with my deepest secrets and fears because they're part of them. I'm kind of having a faith crisis, but it's not really a faith crisis it's more of a I-don't-actually-agree-with-my-parents-100%-of-the-time-and-it's-tearing-me-apart crisis.

It's funny because I feel so stuck. I'm the same person I was at 13, just darker and a little twisted and far more broken. The only thing keeping me from falling apart is how good I am at distracting myself. 

This last summer I had a really big, public anxiety attack at a church event. A week or so later, my bishop contacted my mom (understandably) to find out if I was doing okay, and if I was getting the help I needed.

And I guess, at one point, years ago I had told my mom about some little anxiety-help tricks I was using that I had learned online. (back when this wasn't as big of a problem, and when I was actually fine most of the time).

And for some reason, she took that as 'my daughter fixed herself and she's fine now because she learned how to breathe in a pattern.' I know that, because that's what she told me she told our bishop when he asked about me.

It is my fault that I don't talk to them about my anxiety as much I should. I know that. I'm trying. But it's cases like this that make me feel like I can't trust them. They always blatantly misunderstand. My mom insists that taking vitamin pills every day will fix it. She told me once that my anxiety was a temptation of the devil, and that if I just turned to God it would go away. When my dad had a terrible illness last spring she didn't tell him that. Why is it different for me? Why is my illness dismissible just because it's mental?

I've only ever talked to a doctor about my anxiety once, and that doctor immediately dismissed me and didn't hear about my symptoms. He told me I was introverted and that I should get a dog. Little did he know dogs trigger my anxiety like no tomorrow.

I'd push to go to a doctor now, if my families finances weren't . . . difficult right now. I don't really know much, but I don't think we have health insurance right now which is terrifying because I don't know if I can get help outside of it. So I feel like I should just push through and wait till things calm down and we have what we need. But everyday is harder and I won't last long at this rate.

Because here I am sitting and crying in class, ignoring my work because I can't bring myself to work on the insanely tedious file editing assignments.

(and I always feel awful dumping all of this here, but I also feel awful telling anyone, and it's considerabley easier to talk to people here . . . mostly because it's not face-face. I'm sorry, it feels like I'm always complaining about something, I don't mean to be annoying I just have a hard time talking to people anywhere else. So yeah. Sorry )

Okay now I have to go make sure my face isn't covered in mascara stains byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye

Edit: It wasn't actually that bad, but there were other people at the mirror which was embarrassing 

Edit #2: listening to happy goofy music doesn't improve the experience guys, just kinda made me feel ridiculous which I guess isn't that bad but

Ohhhh *hugs*

JM, my PMs are always open girlie 

Edited September 16, 2024 by Through The Living Glass

[Mags she/they]

2 hours ago, Through The Living Glass said:

Ohhhh *hugs*

JM, my PMs are always open girlie 

Thaaaank yoou 

 

I'm feeling a little bit better, I was really overwhelmed earlier and all the things that are currently bothering me sort of came at me at once.

I'm really exhausted from crying but school is also almost over . . . I might ask my parents to drive me home instead of taking the bus because I'm really tired.

When I wrote the post above, I hadn't eaten anything but a single packet of Skittles a teacher gave me, which I think is telling . I've since eaten lunch and it made me feel a little better at first, but now my stomach really hurts so who knows. I might also just be dehydrated. 

In the end, I'll be fine I think. Or at least, I'm too tired to worry right now. I just need to slow down and maybe communicate more. I'm going to try and relax the rest of today.

[Throw TheLiving Silverware he/him/il/lui]

2 hours ago, J. Magi said:

I just kind of feel like

awful

all the time.

  Hide contents

And people tell me that if I want to grow, I have to step outside of my comfort zone, but everything is out of my comfort zone. Going to school is uncomfortable, talking to people in class is uncomfortable, doing my work is uncomfortable.

And hanging out with my friends? While I want to have fun, I usually just sit thinking about how much I want to go home.

And it never get's better and it never get's easier, and opening up to people makes it harder for me to connect with them so instead I keep it all to myself.

Everything I do is ruled by fear. I'm scared of everything, and I'm terrified of people finding out that I'm scared, so I pretend that I'm not.

I don't feel emotionally safe anywhere but my bedroom. I have family and friends but I am also so alone. I can't talk to them. I can't.

And I love my parents, but as I grow older and maturer it get's harder and harder to connect with them them. They do and say things that make me uncomfortable, and I know deep down I could never trust them with my deepest secrets and fears because they're part of them. I'm kind of having a faith crisis, but it's not really a faith crisis it's more of a I-don't-actually-agree-with-my-parents-100%-of-the-time-and-it's-tearing-me-apart crisis.

It's funny because I feel so stuck. I'm the same person I was at 13, just darker and a little twisted and far more broken. The only thing keeping me from falling apart is how good I am at distracting myself. 

This last summer I had a really big, public anxiety attack at a church event. A week or so later, my bishop contacted my mom (understandably) to find out if I was doing okay, and if I was getting the help I needed.

And I guess, at one point, years ago I had told my mom about some little anxiety-help tricks I was using that I had learned online. (back when this wasn't as big of a problem, and when I was actually fine most of the time).

And for some reason, she took that as 'my daughter fixed herself and she's fine now because she learned how to breathe in a pattern.' I know that, because that's what she told me she told our bishop when he asked about me.

It is my fault that I don't talk to them about my anxiety as much I should. I know that. I'm trying. But it's cases like this that make me feel like I can't trust them. They always blatantly misunderstand. My mom insists that taking vitamin pills every day will fix it. She told me once that my anxiety was a temptation of the devil, and that if I just turned to God it would go away. When my dad had a terrible illness last spring she didn't tell him that. Why is it different for me? Why is my illness dismissible just because it's mental?

I've only ever talked to a doctor about my anxiety once, and that doctor immediately dismissed me and didn't hear about my symptoms. He told me I was introverted and that I should get a dog. Little did he know dogs trigger my anxiety like no tomorrow.

I'd push to go to a doctor now, if my families finances weren't . . . difficult right now. I don't really know much, but I don't think we have health insurance right now which is terrifying because I don't know if I can get help outside of it. So I feel like I should just push through and wait till things calm down and we have what we need. But everyday is harder and I won't last long at this rate.

Because here I am sitting and crying in class, ignoring my work because I can't bring myself to work on the insanely tedious file editing assignments.

(and I always feel awful dumping all of this here, but I also feel awful telling anyone, and it's considerabley easier to talk to people here . . . mostly because it's not face-face. I'm sorry, it feels like I'm always complaining about something, I don't mean to be annoying I just have a hard time talking to people anywhere else. So yeah. Sorry )

Okay now I have to go make sure my face isn't covered in mascara stains byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye

Edit: It wasn't actually that bad, but there were other people at the mirror which was embarrassing 

Edit #2: listening to happy goofy music doesn't improve the experience guys, just kinda made me feel ridiculous which I guess isn't that bad but

*massive hugs*

Yeah. I do feel most of those things too. It sucks so much, and there's no easy way out.

But you don't have to feel bad for needing to talk. It's perfectly normal. And we'll always be here to listen.

If you want to talk with me, my PMs are open too.

*more hugs*

*even more hugs*

Edit: woops didn't see your other post

Edited September 16, 2024 by Just a Silvereye

[Mags she/they]

Just now, Just a Silvereye said:

*massive hugs*

Yeah. I do feel most of those things too. It sucks so much, and there's no easy way out.

But you don't have to feel bad for needing to talk. It's perfectly normal. And we'll always be here to listen.

If you want to talk with me, my PMs are open too.

*more hugs*

*even more hugs*

Thank you so much  it means a lot

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

38 minutes ago, J. Magi said:

Thaaaank yoou 

 

I'm feeling a little bit better, I was really overwhelmed earlier and all the things that are currently bothering me sort of came at me at once.

I'm really exhausted from crying but school is also almost over . . . I might ask my parents to drive me home instead of taking the bus because I'm really tired.

When I wrote the post above, I hadn't eaten anything but a single packet of Skittles a teacher gave me, which I think is telling . I've since eaten lunch and it made me feel a little better at first, but now my stomach really hurts so who knows. I might also just be dehydrated. 

In the end, I'll be fine I think. Or at least, I'm too tired to worry right now. I just need to slow down and maybe communicate more. I'm going to try and relax the rest of today.

*huuuuuuuugs* You do that

[strmblsd he/him]

4 hours ago, J. Magi said:

I just kind of feel like

awful

all the time.

  Reveal hidden contents

  Reveal hidden contents

  Reveal hidden contents

And people tell me that if I want to grow, I have to step outside of my comfort zone, but everything is out of my comfort zone. Going to school is uncomfortable, talking to people in class is uncomfortable, doing my work is uncomfortable.

And hanging out with my friends? While I want to have fun, I usually just sit thinking about how much I want to go home.

And it never get's better and it never get's easier, and opening up to people makes it harder for me to connect with them so instead I keep it all to myself.

Everything I do is ruled by fear. I'm scared of everything, and I'm terrified of people finding out that I'm scared, so I pretend that I'm not.

I don't feel emotionally safe anywhere but my bedroom. I have family and friends but I am also so alone. I can't talk to them. I can't.

And I love my parents, but as I grow older and maturer it get's harder and harder to connect with them them. They do and say things that make me uncomfortable, and I know deep down I could never trust them with my deepest secrets and fears because they're part of them. I'm kind of having a faith crisis, but it's not really a faith crisis it's more of a I-don't-actually-agree-with-my-parents-100%-of-the-time-and-it's-tearing-me-apart crisis.

It's funny because I feel so stuck. I'm the same person I was at 13, just darker and a little twisted and far more broken. The only thing keeping me from falling apart is how good I am at distracting myself. 

This last summer I had a really big, public anxiety attack at a church event. A week or so later, my bishop contacted my mom (understandably) to find out if I was doing okay, and if I was getting the help I needed.

And I guess, at one point, years ago I had told my mom about some little anxiety-help tricks I was using that I had learned online. (back when this wasn't as big of a problem, and when I was actually fine most of the time).

And for some reason, she took that as 'my daughter fixed herself and she's fine now because she learned how to breathe in a pattern.' I know that, because that's what she told me she told our bishop when he asked about me.

It is my fault that I don't talk to them about my anxiety as much I should. I know that. I'm trying. But it's cases like this that make me feel like I can't trust them. They always blatantly misunderstand. My mom insists that taking vitamin pills every day will fix it. She told me once that my anxiety was a temptation of the devil, and that if I just turned to God it would go away. When my dad had a terrible illness last spring she didn't tell him that. Why is it different for me? Why is my illness dismissible just because it's mental?

I've only ever talked to a doctor about my anxiety once, and that doctor immediately dismissed me and didn't hear about my symptoms. He told me I was introverted and that I should get a dog. Little did he know dogs trigger my anxiety like no tomorrow.

I'd push to go to a doctor now, if my families finances weren't . . . difficult right now. I don't really know much, but I don't think we have health insurance right now which is terrifying because I don't know if I can get help outside of it. So I feel like I should just push through and wait till things calm down and we have what we need. But everyday is harder and I won't last long at this rate.

Because here I am sitting and crying in class, ignoring my work because I can't bring myself to work on the insanely tedious file editing assignments.

(and I always feel awful dumping all of this here, but I also feel awful telling anyone, and it's considerabley easier to talk to people here . . . mostly because it's not face-face. I'm sorry, it feels like I'm always complaining about something, I don't mean to be annoying I just have a hard time talking to people anywhere else. So yeah. Sorry )

Okay now I have to go make sure my face isn't covered in mascara stains byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye

Edit: It wasn't actually that bad, but there were other people at the mirror which was embarrassing 

Edit #2: listening to happy goofy music doesn't improve the experience guys, just kinda made me feel ridiculous which I guess isn't that bad but

 

2 hours ago, J. Magi said:

Thaaaank yoou 

 

I'm feeling a little bit better, I was really overwhelmed earlier and all the things that are currently bothering me sort of came at me at once.

I'm really exhausted from crying but school is also almost over . . . I might ask my parents to drive me home instead of taking the bus because I'm really tired.

When I wrote the post above, I hadn't eaten anything but a single packet of Skittles a teacher gave me, which I think is telling . I've since eaten lunch and it made me feel a little better at first, but now my stomach really hurts so who knows. I might also just be dehydrated. 

In the end, I'll be fine I think. Or at least, I'm too tired to worry right now. I just need to slow down and maybe communicate more. I'm going to try and relax the rest of today.

I understand so much of that.. and i struggle with going to people I know for help a lot but I'm here if you want to talk. *Biiiiiggg hugggghs*

[strmblsd he/him]

ok I'm sorry for the double post but.

ok Im in one of my classes and I tell my best friend hey you should go to this region dance this weekend and he is like no no I don't want to I keep bugging him about it but then he says because I'm going to "Doug"s dance(not using the persons real name.) 

but oh of course all my friends don't tell me about it of course that's how it is that's how it always is. it annoys me so much. I just want to be part of the group but no even my best friend is going to the other one even he doesn't tell me. its just I am so tired of being alone.  I just want to be a part of stuff

does this sound crazy am I crazy its just I'm sorta done with everything this type of stuff happens all the time and I don't know what to do. please give me advice or anything and please ask questions.