Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!

[Steeldancer he/him]

Waking up the next morning isn't fun. I have a giant gaping hole in my heart. And what is the first thing that comes to mind? 

"Is this enough to turn me into a radiant?"

I'm naturally positive. I'll get through this. But this doesnt make this any easier. This girl meant the entire world to me. I would have given literally anything to her. I don't even know how to put into words the emptiness I feel. 

I feel alone again. I'm not going to hash out my childhood, but essentially I've had very few good friends. The one thing that's always been there for me? My books. I think its time to pick up some of the series that people are always talking about on here. 

Thanks for being here for me. Knowing that there is a community of people here to support me is so helpful. 

[Delightful]

33 minutes ago, Steeldancer said:

Waking up the next morning isn't fun. I have a giant gaping hole in my heart. And what is the first thing that comes to mind? 

"Is this enough to turn me into a radiant?"

I'm naturally positive. I'll get through this. But this doesnt make this any easier. This girl meant the entire world to me. I would have given literally anything to her. I don't even know how to put into words the emptiness I feel. 

I feel alone again. I'm not going to hash out my childhood, but essentially I've had very few good friends. The one thing that's always been there for me? My books. I think its time to pick up some of the series that people are always talking about on here. 

Thanks for being here for me. Knowing that there is a community of people here to support me is so helpful. 

Read,  recover, you have friends, we're here for you. PM me if you want/need. 

[She Who Cannot Be Named she/her]

Still recovering from the national assembly election results here in Austria. At least they don't seem to get a 2/3 majority in parliament, but the far right and the right party have really gained a lot of momentum here. And to specify "far right": their leading candidate was openly greeted by some random guy at the polling station with a "Heil Hitler" (who was arrested immedeatly and was called confused). Nevertheless there are a lot of socalled single cases connecting them either to nazis or right student leagues. There are also close ties to LePen in France and AFD in Germany.

And the strongest party followed suit on things like fear of foreigners...

I just want to puke...  At least we're just a really small and in comparison rather unimportant country, but still...

[Steeldancer he/him]

And I'm back here to vent a bit. 

First off, my family is experiencing major financial issues. We hardly even had enough to buy groceries, and it hurts to see my parents freaking out over monetary concerns.
Furthermore, I feel like I'm futilely throwing dirt into the pit of tartarus that was left in my heart. I've been sort of ignoring everything and reading Worm, which is pretty good. But every time i let my thoughts drift, the pain and hollowness comes back. 

Somehow some people at school found out and their pity was just not appreciated. They don't know me as well. And they certainly don't actually care about me. I'm a lonely nerd again... (except i just found out Captains Domons reads DC comics and I can finally nerd out with someone which makes me feel GREAATTTTT).

So yeah and I'm right now ignoring my application essay to BYU. I wrote out a great essay, that my mom deemed to not answer the question. I posted the essay in the Sanderfan topic lol. So now I should probably go do that. I do want to go to BYU. Just because my relationship plans were ruined, doesn't mean my educational and career plans are ruined. I am still going to become the best dang Bio chemical molecular engineer you've ever heard of (or something like that.)

[Sunbird she/her]

25 minutes ago, Steeldancer said:

And I'm back here to vent a bit. 

First off, my family is experiencing major financial issues. We hardly even had enough to buy groceries, and it hurts to see my parents freaking out over monetary concerns.
Furthermore, I feel like I'm futilely throwing dirt into the pit of tartarus that was left in my heart. I've been sort of ignoring everything and reading Worm, which is pretty good. But every time i let my thoughts drift, the pain and hollowness comes back. 

Somehow some people at school found out and their pity was just not appreciated. They don't know me as well. And they certainly don't actually care about me. I'm a lonely nerd again... (except i just found out Captains Domons reads DC comics and I can finally nerd out with someone which makes me feel GREAATTTTT).

So yeah and I'm right now ignoring my application essay to BYU. I wrote out a great essay, that my mom deemed to not answer the question. I posted the essay in the Sanderfan topic lol. So now I should probably go do that. I do want to go to BYU. Just because my relationship plans were ruined, doesn't mean my educational and career plans are ruined. I am still going to become the best dang Bio chemical molecular engineer you've ever heard of (or something like that.)

I'm so sorry you're going through all this crem. *hugs* I remember feeling lonely in high school too. Just remember we are here for you.

I read your essay in the other topic and thought it was really good. What was the prompt question that your mom thought it didn't answer?

[Steeldancer he/him]

58 minutes ago, Sunchicken said:

I'm so sorry you're going through all this crem. *hugs* I remember feeling lonely in high school too. Just remember we are here for you.

I read your essay in the other topic and thought it was really good. What was the prompt question that your mom thought it didn't answer?

It was like "what is an idea Or concept that makes you lose all track of time? Explain how you learn more.

For my own part, i rewrote it about Super heroes and Comicstorian. 

[A Budgie she/her]

@Steeldancer sorry you have to go through all that crem, but good luck with the application.

[Delightful]

6 hours ago, Steeldancer said:

And I'm back here to vent a bit. 

First off, my family is experiencing major financial issues. We hardly even had enough to buy groceries, and it hurts to see my parents freaking out over monetary concerns.
Furthermore, I feel like I'm futilely throwing dirt into the pit of tartarus that was left in my heart. I've been sort of ignoring everything and reading Worm, which is pretty good. But every time i let my thoughts drift, the pain and hollowness comes back. 

Somehow some people at school found out and their pity was just not appreciated. They don't know me as well. And they certainly don't actually care about me. I'm a lonely nerd again... (except i just found out Captains Domons reads DC comics and I can finally nerd out with someone which makes me feel GREAATTTTT).

So yeah and I'm right now ignoring my application essay to BYU. I wrote out a great essay, that my mom deemed to not answer the question. I posted the essay in the Sanderfan topic lol. So now I should probably go do that. I do want to go to BYU. Just because my relationship plans were ruined, doesn't mean my educational and career plans are ruined. I am still going to become the best dang Bio chemical molecular engineer you've ever heard of (or something like that.)

Sometimes, sometimes the best way to process is emotion is to stop deflecting and allow yourself to feel it. Not pleasant, but can be healthy. 

And yes. You send in that application and become a biochemical molecular engineer.

 

Edited October 17, 2017 by Delightful

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

@Steeldancer You know I read them too  Here if you want it.

Also, DA is dead, (I) Darkness am talking over for him until we feel he won't be prone to ending himself prematurely.

 

[Delightful]

5 hours ago, Darkness_ said:

@Steeldancer You know I read them too  Here if you want it.

Also, DA is dead, (I) Darkness am talking over for him until we feel he won't be prone to ending himself prematurely.

 

Please clarify? You ok man?

[Steeldancer he/him]

Today's depressing update- I had to cancel the book order for Oathbringer I made. It was supposed to be a gift. And now I'm never going to get that question answered by Brandon. *sigh*. My own copy will still come, but will be unsigned and unanswered. 

I'm also supremely exhausted. I've been staying up way too late reading. Or discussing toilet paper orientation. 

[Blightsong he/him]

Friend tried to kill himself an hour ago. He's on vacation and alone and I dont know where he is or if he is safe, just that he's not dead right now as he has just stopped responding to me.

Honestly, my life has been really stormed up these past few months between this, another friend going missing a couple months ago, and an atrocious work load.

[Ammanas]

@Blightsong Sorry to hear that. I used to do hospital security and guarded the people on suicide watch to make sure they didn't hurt themselves (also looked after the drunks, but that is a completely different story); it is just a very sad situation for everyone.

Hopefully they get the help they need and that you take care of yourself so you do not spiral. These things do effect one; I had to find another line of work because I discovered it was not good for my mental health to spend night after night with people wanting to hurt themselves. 

I wish the best for you...feel free to send me a p.m. if you want to talk about it (if you don't want to talk about it with random internet guy I completely understand).

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

@DelightfulWe're fine.

[A Budgie she/her]

@Blightsong woah, that sounds awful. I hope everything with goes well with your friend (same for the one who went missing).

@Steeldancer Sounds annoying, and sorry to hear that. Can you try getting more sleep? I realise that can be difficult, but it'll probably be worth it.

[Steeldancer he/him]

22 minutes ago, A Budgie said:

@Blightsong woah, that sounds awful. I hope everything with goes well with your friend (same for the one who went missing).

@Steeldancer Sounds annoying, and sorry to hear that. Can you try getting more sleep? I realise that can be difficult, but it'll probably be worth it.

I did last night. Couldn't keep my eyes open. 

[Penumbra]

I have to make a choice that determines the following 7 months of my life and my relationship to a large part of my industry.
I have an anxiety diagnosis that I thought I had under control but it gets especially bad when it comes to choices like this. So it's back full force. To make matters worse, things I had not expected suddenly got involved in this choice and now I have more options than I thought I would ever have and I can't think straight to determine which options are good and which are bad, or how to reply to people and handle them professionally. I can feel my social intellect dropping for every email and I worry I burn bridges by acting weird/disorganized/flakey. People are getting tired of hearing me worry and I understand them. I'm tired too.

It's getting to me pretty badly at this point. I don't eat, I don't sleep, and I constantly walk around with a sense of panic even though this should be a positive experience :/

[Mestiv he/him]

@Penumbra ask someone for help? Discussion should help you make the best decision and outside perspective can check that your not doing anything stupid.

[Delightful]

Pro/con lists help too. Try some kind of meditation. See a professional if you can. You've been diagnosed and it's treatable so look after yourself k?

[Penumbra]

@Mestiv @Delightful

I have asked people for a lot of help ... and I've changed my mind so many times I don't dare ask for more help. Right now I'm slowly being pushed into a choice I thought was great 2 weeks ago but I'm now having massively cold feet about it. I just saw the contract I was gonna sign and it scared me off again. But my other options might have moved on by this point sadly.

I'm trying to find an internship, and while companies are pressing me for an answer as fast as possible, I'm still trying to make up my mind, and trying to not burn any bridges while getting the time to make up my mind! It's super tricky and I have 0 training in this lol.

I'm seeing a psychologist but the next appointment isn't until next week (which should be after this whole ordeal is over one way or another). Tried to meditate but it's never been harder than now. Pro's con's lists have changed my mind, but I think it might be too late to set the changes in motion right now.

Edited October 19, 2017 by Penumbra
spelling, also wow 100th post?

[Mestiv he/him]

@Penumbra if that thing is about picking an internship I don't think there are any bridges in danger if a company wants you as an intern, they won't get offended if you go somewhere else! And most definitely, they shouldn't hold it against you if you want to work for them later.

Business is rather unemotional, so don't worry about offending anyone

[Penumbra]

13 minutes ago, Mestiv said:

@Penumbra if that thing is about picking an internship I don't think there are any bridges in danger if a company wants you as an intern, they won't get offended if you go somewhere else! And most definitely, they shouldn't hold it against you if you want to work for them later.

Business is rather unemotional, so don't worry about offending anyone

I hope so! I think I'm more afraid of offending my classmates, who are all more or less fighting for the same spots and fully aware that I'm the one holding up the line :b

[Delightful]

2 hours ago, Penumbra said:

I hope so! I think I'm more afraid of offending my classmates, who are all more or less fighting for the same spots and fully aware that I'm the one holding up the line :b

Don't worry about them, you do what's best for you. 

[Penumbra]

Thank you for the words! I'm trying to look after my own goals and dreams as well as my health in this. Sadly those two collide a bit right now. I recieved an offer for internship at a really cool company (who I want to end up working for at some point anyway!) but they're across the country and I would have to leave my partner and home to intern there and be all alone in a new scary city. I know noone there! I know this will put a lot of additional stress on me, and the internship is pretty high pace (seems to essentially be a job but with a mentor). Putting my haelth first would mean staying home with less stress ... but putting my dreams first would mean going away to take the chance! So many decisions in so little time haha.

 

[A Budgie she/her]

@Penumbra *hugs* good luck, and I hope everything goes well.