Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!

[Kaymyth she/her]

2 hours ago, Steeldancer said:

It's not private lessons, school lessons. Its part of my band grade. 

Well screw me. Despite the fact a full half of the class failed the test, no hope for me. Whoopdee doo. 

Still, how can they possibly tie your grade to something that requires you to skip other classes? That is extraordinarily poor design on the part of the school administrators.

[Steeldancer he/him]

15 minutes ago, Kaymyth said:

Still, how can they possibly tie your grade to something that requires you to skip other classes? That is extraordinarily poor design on the part of the school administrators.

It's how it works. There's not much I can do about it. 

All I can do right now is try to do better from now on. But if I keep dropping things like this. Gotta keep moving. Keep trying. 

I have this dark fear that I won't get into BYU. If I don't... I really don't know what I'll do. I don't know how much I can take of things dropping out from underneath me. 

[Kaymyth she/her]

2 hours ago, Steeldancer said:

It's how it works. There's not much I can do about it. 

All I can do right now is try to do better from now on. But if I keep dropping things like this. Gotta keep moving. Keep trying. 

I have this dark fear that I won't get into BYU. If I don't... I really don't know what I'll do. I don't know how much I can take of things dropping out from underneath me. 

Speaking from the all of the points of view of a musician, a person with an education degree, and a current position in management - whatever their justifications for it, it's an absolutely terrible system that's put you in an untenable position. I have absolutely zero respect for the educators and administrators who are holding you to this, and I really don't care for their excuses one way or another.

[SilverTiger she/her]

@Steeldancer, *hugs* I am in high school too, so I understand, mostly. Actually, that's part of why I am in this thread...

So, I have issues. First off, I don't talk to people. At all. And I am technically smart, and could get straight A's if I really tried, but I don't. I get B's and C's. I have trouble focusing during class, and remembering stuff like assignments and homework. And focusing. Third, I'm like a cat. If I don't feel good, am in pain or feel sick, I don't show it. I don't complain. I just power through it. I never complain about it. It's weird, because my sister complains about feeling ill/in pain all the time.

When things start to go really wrong, I begin to shut down. I ignore whatever's wrong. Mostly grades. My parents get upset, yell, etc., but I just begin to shut down. I have actually just curled up and started sobbing during school because I couldn't handle it anymore. I once got somewhat suicidal, and seriously considered strangling myself (I'm well past that, don't worry). But the fact remains, I don't cope well when I feel like things are out of control.

Recently, I started seeing a counselor. It was supposed to be so I could talk, but the last counselor I saw was only interested in school and my lack of friends. He spent most of each session trying to shove me into discussion about people, and friends, and I stopped going pretty quickly. But this time, it was so I could talk to someone, and get it all out. It began to work. Also, it turns out that I am very ADHD, so I started medicine for it. It seemed to work. I even started to write again, and began a worldbuilding project on my own, which I haven't done in years. Then I wrote a very good story. Things are somewhat better.

But not all. I still feel like I'm sleep-walking through school sometimes, and it's a chore to get stuff, normal stuff like brushing my teeth, done. I just don't want to and then don't do it.

And I have a bad temper, of sorts. See, I don't get angry much. I don't hold grudges, and most things that would upset/anger other people just roll off me. Or spur me to think of solutions *cough*politics*cough*. Not angry. But when I do get angry, my temper starts rise. And I have an awful temper. As in, I don't lose it much, it isn't short, but when I do lose it bad things happen. I don't yell, or start nasty rumors, I physically react. Twice in elementary school I actually clawed (with my nails like a cat) someone and drew blood. The second time there was a peeled-off piece of skin beneath my nail (in explanation, I have very tough, long nails). Once in 7th grade, I sprayed dry-erase-board cleaner in another girl's eyes during class. Those were the two worst to date, but I'm worried that that's going to change soon, b/c I have come close to losing it several times recently. The latest, I "controlled" by digging my nails into my palm. Hard enough to break the skin. I feel like that if I lose it, I might actually cause serious damage to something or someone.

And basically, my life is wavering between a state of "things are looking up" and "everything sucks".

[A Budgie she/her]

@SilverTiger *hugs* I'm sorry to hear stuff is going badly, but it's also good to hear you have a counselor and that certain things are looking up.
I've heard similar reactions to ADHD medicine, however, so...I don't know if that helps, but it seems you're not alone.

[Oversleep]

Uhh... bad news.

So, the story is that I dropped my laptop which damaged the hard drive. I got it replaced, which costed like 350 pln. The laptop was bought for 800 pln.

(technically, 1 pln = 0.3 usd. For reference, Way of Kings costs 60 pln)

Now, the first assessment of the damaged drive is 1900 pln for recovering everything and at least 700 pln for recovering selected files (but price will go up depending on how much files etc).

That's a lot. A lot. I want my files back... but now I start to wonder, is it worth it? My games and music are taken care of by Steam and Spotify, so I lost nothing there. My bookmarks in Firefox would be lost (I wish I had them synchro'd or whatever), all my writing notes (not a lot of them, but I'd miss them) and everything else I had.

I don't know what to do

And on top of that I got to pay 600pln to uni for courses, since technically I'm not doing them the first time.

[Mestiv he/him]

Man, I'm so happy I backup every damnation thing on my computer... If you're interested I can give you a referral link to cloud backup program that will back up unlimited amounts of data from one computer for $5 a month.

It's surprising how expensive the data recovery is...

[Silverblade5 he/him]

@SilverTiger That is exactly me. Yay. No longer alone

[+Slowswift]

@SilverTiger @Silverblade5 Me too, a little bit. Hmm. 

[Silverblade5 he/him]

Between 7:00 and 8:00 pm, using a combination of pleading, yelling, and threatening, my family got my stepdad into a car so that he could be driven to the hospital (he had issues and was being a stubborn chull). At 2:00, my mom returns, and I find out he's been admitted. At this point, I have a lot of adrenaline cycling through my body, and I know I'm not getting any sleep. So I do an all nighter instead. It is now 5:00 am, school starts in 2.5 hours, and I have a test first thing. Yay. 

[Briar King]

Blah. At the dentist for cleaning and to consult about recent month long discomfort with my top gum line.

[Orlion Blight he/him]

Whelp, gotta drive out into this snow. If I don't check back in, avenge my death! 

[Mestiv he/him]

3 hours ago, TheOrlionThatComesBefore said:

Whelp, gotta drive out into this snow. If I don't check back in, avenge my death! 

I will punch the snow so hard it'll turn into solid ice!

[Orlion Blight he/him]

Welp, I survived and got a great year end performance review! 

Still bad news because it has been two days since I've played Monster Hunter World.

[Silverblade5 he/him]

It's hard knowing you're one of the weakest links in a team. 

 It's hard knowing only one person visibly screws up more often than you. 

It's hard knowing any attempted corrections have failed to take affect. 

It's hard, figuring out you've been making the same storming mistakes for months in a row, or years in some cases. 

[AngelEy3 he/him]

35 minutes ago, Silverblade5 said:

It's hard knowing you're one of the weakest links in a team. 

 It's hard knowing only one person visibly screws up more often than you. 

It's hard knowing any attempted corrections have failed to take affect. 

It's hard, figuring out you've been making the same storming mistakes for months in a row, or years in some cases. 

It's at least admirable that you recognize the fact that you are (potentially) the weak link. It shows a decent level of self awareness, imo. 

My issue is the opposite of yours, and your awareness gives me hope that maybe these people I work with are also aware. 

I constantly have to pick up the slack of things left undone by the shift before mine. I can't let it go or it will reflect poorly on me, and I can't complain about it or it will also reflect poorly on me. So I'm stuck. 

I partially blame myself for the situation I'm in. I could have been anything but didn't have any motivation to do so. So now I'm stuck with coworkers who can't understand that not cleaning up a mess while it's still wet makes it harder for the guy who has to do it when it's dry. Don't even get me started on the snow shoveling.... I drew the line on that one only to get swatted down by my boss. I stopped shoveling any snow that quit falling before I got to work. If it didn't snow while I was here, it shouldn't be my problem. Instead, my coworkers allow it to be walked on and frozen down so I get to spend an hour scraping it up during a subzero northern Minnesota night instead of them doing it in 5 minutes while it's above zero and daylight. 

End of rant. 

TL;DR: Don't be a chull and make things harder for the next guy. 

Edited February 12, 2018 by AngelEy3

[A Budgie she/her]

43 minutes ago, Silverblade5 said:

It's hard knowing you're one of the weakest links in a team. 

 It's hard knowing only one person visibly screws up more often than you. 

It's hard knowing any attempted corrections have failed to take affect. 

It's hard, figuring out you've been making the same storming mistakes for months in a row, or years in some cases. 

*hug*
It certainly is hard, but I agree with the above comment- if you can recognize these things, then you're already doing better than a lot of people. 

[Fifth of Daybreak he/him]

@Steeldancer Do your best and keep chugging through. Even if your first plan doesn't work out, there's always time to readjust course and figure out a new future for yourself. Trust me on that one, I'm doing that exact thing right now. Stupid school policies will get in your way. Trust yourself, keep moving forward, focus on working to improve yourself first, and for your grades second. You get out of school what you out into it. If the administration isn't backing you up, the best thing you can do is make sure that your focus is in yourself first and getting the most benefit you can. To clarify, I'm not saying disregard classes or lessons to focus on what you like, but to make sure that your focus is always on personal improvement and working on building the skills that will help you in the future. Focus on the journey and everything will fall into place eventually. I believe in you. 

@SilverTiger That's rough. It sounds like you are already taking a large step towards addressing the problem just by being cognizant of it though. I'm not sure I can offer you any concrete advice, but you've got my moral support. Do your best to identify the situations the push you to the edge and try to limit your exposure to them if you can. I know that can be impossible in situations where you don't have any control over where you are like school. If you can identify when you are starting to get angry, is it possible to tell someone in a position of authority that it is becoming an issue and you need to remove yourself from the situation to calm down? Not everyone will respect that, but reasonable people will understand that you're taking the responsible approach and allow you to take the steps you need in order to keep control of the situation. I know this might not be a feasible solution, and that you might not be looking for solutions in general, but I figured anything might help at this point, so feel free to take what I'm saying with a grain of salt if needs be. It sounds like you at least know your body and emotions well, even if you are still struggling to find balance. It took me years upon years to get my depression managed. 

 

*Hugs for you both* 

 

I wanted to give everyone an update on my situation. My last shift was over a week ago, and it's incredible how much better I feel about myself and life in general. I've got some great job prospects on the horizon, and I've been putting some serious work back into my creative projects. I'm hoping within the next month to drop the first episode of the Lost Legends of Scadrial Mistborn Adventure Game Podcast. To everyone struggling right now. It will get better. Lean on your friends, family, loved ones, fellow sharders, whatever you need to do to get through it, but keep moving forward. I can't tell you how much I appreciate the space I was given to release the emotions I've felt. Everyone on this site has been such a blessing in my life, I hope I can be the same for all of you if you need it. My inbox is always open if you need to talk with someone one on one. 

*Hugs everyone at once who wants a group hug*

[Kaymyth she/her]

Today has just been hell on earth for acid reflux. It feels like my medication just evaporated out of my body for some mysterious reason, despite the fact I haven't missed a dose in weeks. Ugh.

[A Budgie she/her]

6 hours ago, Kaymyth said:

Today has just been hell on earth for acid reflux. It feels like my medication just evaporated out of my body for some mysterious reason, despite the fact I haven't missed a dose in weeks. Ugh.

*hug* That does sound like a pain. I hope you're feeling better soon!

@Fifth of Daybreak glad to hear that things are looking up!

[Steeldancer he/him]

GAAAH I probably just failed another calculus exam, I don't have my phone so I can't finish registering to vote (because it has my driver's license on the back) and I have a thousand things going on AND I JUST WANT FEBRUARY BREAK ALREADY

[Kaymyth she/her]

12 hours ago, A Budgie said:

*hug* That does sound like a pain. I hope you're feeling better soon!

Much better today. And I picked up some antacid tablets to keep both at work and at home so I don't have to just sit and suffer if it happens again.

[A Budgie she/her]

15 hours ago, Steeldancer said:

GAAAH I probably just failed another calculus exam, I don't have my phone so I can't finish registering to vote (because it has my driver's license on the back) and I have a thousand things going on AND I JUST WANT FEBRUARY BREAK ALREADY

*hug* That sounds bad. I hope break comes soon.

@Kaymyth sounds great!

[AngelEy3 he/him]

15 hours ago, Steeldancer said:

GAAAH I probably just failed another calculus exam, I don't have my phone so I can't finish registering to vote (because it has my driver's license on the back) and I have a thousand things going on AND I JUST WANT FEBRUARY BREAK ALREADY

At least there is a fair amount of time before you actually need that voter registration. NY primaries aren't until June unless you are looking at a more local level. 

Fun fact; Nobody I've ever voted for has won an election of any type, all the way back to high school student council. So.... Lol, this chull we're in right now? Not my fault in the slightest. Only thing casting a vote has ever won me is the privilege of losing income to attend jury duty, and the knowledge that it's not my fault. 

Edited February 14, 2018 by AngelEy3

[Claincy he/him]

Anyone up for a digital hug? Could do with one today.