Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!

[AngelEy3 he/him]

It's been bad here. Since December 17th, we've only had 7 days that the temperature has been above 0F during the day. One stretch was -20F every night for 6 days. Coldest winter I can remember. Been driving on the lake since December 1st.

[Silverblade5 he/him]

45 minutes ago, Sunbird said:

Utah apparently didn't get the same memo as the rest of the US about turning into Siberia. I had to swat off a pair of mosquitoes on Saturday, no joke!!

Mosquitoes? In January? In the northern hemisphere? Wat?

[Silverblade5 he/him]

Pros of working while dehydrated: Literally everything becomes super funny. Cons: Coworkers are now concerned for your well being.

[Shqueeves]

44 minutes ago, Silverblade5 said:

Pros of working while dehydrated: Literally everything becomes super funny. Cons: Coworkers are now concerned for your well being.

Get hydrated, but if you want the same reaction go without sleep

[Steeldancer he/him]

I've been having a rough day. I'm tired from being up late, and my grades are crashing, because I got behind and forgot about several assignments and am paying the price. Normally I'm straight A's, so when each of my core classes are B's, and I only have a few days to fix them, i get concerned. 

Also, I'm feeling kind of out of it. I need to complete my scholarship essays, but I keep procrastinating it. I feel kind of out of it, haven't talked to my friends in a while, and I still have a ton of homework left to do when I get home from work. So I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. 

 

[A Budgie she/her]

@Steeldancer *hug* I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, and overwhelmed. I hope you feel better soon!

[Silverblade5 he/him]

Roads are absolutely awful today. Lots of black ice everywhere, even on major roads, including a section at least a couple meters long. Silver lining though: my boss was smart enough to foresee this yesterday, and gave everyone with a double shift the morning off. 

[Briar King]

I’m conflicted. I want Vikings to win and become the 1st Bowl home team but I like Eagles more and want them to have a 3rd chance at the Bowl to. Grrr

 

this game is making me crazy

[Ammanas]

Whoever wins is just going to be cannon fodder for the Patriots lead by the GOAT! 

[Briar King]

I never claimed otherwise lol

 

and Jaguars beat themselves in the 4th with those dumb penalties. They HAD it sealed even with only a 3 pt lead.

and this is the best Foles I’ve seen since he took back his QB position 

Edited January 22, 2018 by Briar King

[Fifth of Daybreak he/him]

Trigger warning: tragic death

So I've got a lot to unpack here. I haven't been very active lately at all. Over the past few months, my depression has been getting really bad. Really bad. I can actually about pinpoint the day. It started in November when the company I work for started to change policies. The day I remember it really getting awful was actually the day Oathbringer was released, but the two things aren't related. 

 

I work for a private ambulance company. Back in November we lost a contract for a 911 area we used to cover. Since I started with the company five years ago, we've gone from 12,000 runs a year to 24,000 runs a year. It's gotten a lot more stressful, and we picked up hospitals in new areas that cause us to do a lot more long distance transfers. My average call length from leaving to getting back to base changed from under an hour to over three hours.

When we closed our 911 base, everyone assumed that the two twenty-four hour trucks stationed there would be moved to other bases and our workload would get easier. We always had to have one truck available in that area and attempted to have a second around just in case, but without that commitment the crews thought those trucks would be free to pick up the slack and help calm things down, especially since we've gotten so busy we turn down profitable calls. Instead, they took those two trucks off entirely. 

What's followed has been some of the worst three months in my life. The majority of my shifts I've only been able to get two to three hours sleep over a 27 hour time period before I can get home and collapse into bed to salvage what little I can. I'm terrible at sleeping outside of normal sleeping hours (I sure picked the right profession.)

It used to be when a crew had a shift like this the owner of the company would text is personally and apologize, then tell us to take the company credit card on the ambulance and buy some food for ourselves. Now it's just a regular daily shift. On top of this, I asked for a bonus back in October (I won't go into the reasons why I asked) and the owner not only seemed genuinely excited about me having spent five years with the company, he specifically told me that they could do it for me with the changes coming closing the base, he just had to find a number. 

In December, I'm exhausted, and on the one shift I'm finally getting to get some sleep, I was sent on a call that would take me four hours, and another crew an hour and a half. This was the last impetus I needed and I scheduled a meeting with upper management to talk about poor morale and the increased workload and the fact I had heard other employees joking about suicide on base (beyond what I would consider normal dark EMS humor.) One of the things they told me was my words would have more weight coming from a supervisor. I directed them to one I work with regularly as a partner on my ambulance who agrees with me on almost all points. Next time I talked to him he told me that when he was approached and corroborated what I said he was just told that maybe this wasn't the place for him to work anymore. 

Come January, I hadn't heard anything about the bonus, so I asked my boss, and I was told he had decided against it. At this point, I'm ready to move on, it's become clear I'm sacrificing my health, my happiness, and my future for a company that I can no longer trust to even give me the truth to my face. I started job searching, hoping to get out before something serious happens, because too many shifts i was being sent on a 6 hour transfer at midnight or later after running for 18 hours straight. 

I put in an application last week, starting to feel hopeful. Saturday I finally got my group around to record the first two episodes of the Mistborn Adventure Game podcast I've been teasing. It was the happiest I felt in months. I felt creative and like myself again. 

Sunday I woke up tired and sick, so I called off my 24 hour shift. I hate losing that kind of money off my check, but I've learned to trust my body, especially when it comes to 24s. 

Monday morning I wake up to a text from my supervisor friend asking me to call him. Overnight the unthinkable and yet entirely predictable had happened. One of my coworkers died in a wreck doing a 6 hour transfer at one in the morning after running all day. 

I just don't know how to process this. This guy was one of the most loving and caring people I've ever met. He did relief work in underdeveloped countries, never said a mean word to anyone, I mean, he lived all the values I aspire to hold for myself. And he's gone, just like that, and for what? Another dollar for the company because they couldn't say no to a long distance call at night? Couldn't staff enough trucks that we weren't running like this? 

If I hadn't called in sick, would that have been me on that truck and that run instead?

I spent years of my life in Speech and Debate as a competitor and then as a coach honing my abilities as a communicator. I keep thinking to myself "why couldn't I make them listen? Why weren't my skills enough? What's the point in learning to communicate efficiently and learning to save lives if I can't convince the guys in charge of us that our lives are worth saving too?" Now I know those aren't fair questions to ask myself, this isn't my fault, I understand that on a logical level, but I feel like I failed him in a way I never have when I wasn't able to bring back someone who went into cardiac arrest. 

I had already made the decision to leave EMS and medicine in general, but this only cements it. I don't want to feel like I'm disposable anymore. He wasn't disposable. None of us are. 

I know this is a lot, but just talking to the friends and family I know personally hasn't been enough. This job has kept me away from the shard by making my depression awful the last few months. I can't do that anymore. You guys are like family to me. If you can send me some love, I could really use it right now.

And do yourself a favor, get in touch with everyone you love and tell them.

[A Budgie she/her]

@Fifth of Daybreak *hugs* wow, that certainly does sound like an awful time. I'm glad you think you're getting your mental back on track though, even if it was because of something horrible like that happening.

[Nathrangking he/him]

@Fifth of Daybreak *Hugs* It sounds as though the management in the job that you had was far more concerned with making a profit than any other consideration. That was disgusting of them. It is good to hear that you are removing yourself from such a toxic work environment. Your well being is more important than any job. Stay strong and good luck with the search. We are here for you!

[Steeldancer he/him]

You know what I hate? When you feel like crap but you HAVE to go to school because you have a big test, and your grades need all the tending they can get.

[Kestrel she/her]

i like, totally have the flu

[A Budgie she/her]

@Steeldancer ugh, I know the feeling.

[Sunbird she/her]

@Fifth of Daybreak My heart hurts for you. I'm so sorry that you have been dealing with this crap for months on end and being abused by management that doesn't care if their employees work themselves to death. You are absolutely right to get out, and I hope you find a job you can support yourself with and enjoy.

I gave your post an upvote, but it's more an inadequate attempt at comfort than an actual expression of "I like this post." I don't like that post. It's awful what you've gone through. I hope getting out of that job will allow you to heal from the trauma it caused. *hugs*

[Stormblessed Dolphin he/him]

I don't really feel like whining to people on the internet, so nvm.

[Fifth of Daybreak he/him]

Thanks, everyone. It's gotten a little easier every day. I've got three shifts left after last night, Your support means a lot. 

[A Budgie she/her]

40 minutes ago, Fifth of Daybreak said:

Thanks, everyone. It's gotten a little easier every day. I've got three shifts left after last night, Your support means a lot. 

Good luck on your last few, then!

[Steeldancer he/him]

Freaking damnation. I just had the worst day since I got dumped. 

First off, a little context. I'm normally a straight A student, but some times I get bad grades when I get lazy. Furthermore, i let a bunch of things drop the ball during January. I got several killer grades. Because of this, i decided I need to refocus my attention, as of yesterday. 

And today I find out I got a 63 on my calc test. Now, i thought I understood this. I even actually studied. Now, i didn't think I was going to get an 100, but a 63? Screw me. 

Furthermore, my English grades took the hit from me forgetting to buy a book to annotate over Christmas Break- 2 zeroes brought my grade to a 71 for the Quarter. And there was literally nothing I could do to make it up. 

Everything seems to be falling apart. I'm terrified that BYU will accept me, and then see how my grades dropped, and kick me out. 

This is on top of additional stress from a Culinary class full of people I don't like, trying to get my current homework done, doing the pit for the middle school musical as it is tech week now, not having had time to read in over a month, my parents complaining how I don't spend enough time with family, and me trying to keep what little social life I have together. The only bright spot I have right now is the comics coming out tomorrow, and the shows airing tonight. 

I feel every thing falling apart around me, and there's nothing I can do to put it back together. 

[A Budgie she/her]

@Steeldancer *hugs* I'm so sorry all of this is happening to you. And I honestly don't know what else I can say, other that you seem strong, and I hope that you can push through all of this.

[Steeldancer he/him]

Well, things are slightly better. I wasn't the only one to bomb my test, which means there is the possibility a large percentage of my class bombed it so I might be able to find an opportunity to fix it. Also, the comics I was looking forward to were just as awesome as I was hoping they would be. 

BUT, life never gives up, so now band is out to screw me. I haven't been able to attend my lessons because my lessons always take place during my hardest classes. But now, because of low lesson attendance, my teacher is making it so I have to somehow make it to at least 3 of my lessons every five weeks, instead of making them all up. And I can't make mine today, because I have a lab, a really big lab that I cannot miss. On top of that, I had a joint pop on my trombone that I'm pretty sure isn't supposed to come apart. Which means I'm going to need to get my nice trombone repaired and use a crappy one for the next while. 

[AngelEy3 he/him]

2 hours ago, Steeldancer said:

Well, things are slightly better. I wasn't the only one to bomb my test, which means there is the possibility a large percentage of my class bombed it so I might be able to find an opportunity to fix it. Also, the comics I was looking forward to were just as awesome as I was hoping they would be. 

BUT, life never gives up, so now band is out to screw me. I haven't been able to attend my lessons because my lessons always take place during my hardest classes. But now, because of low lesson attendance, my teacher is making it so I have to somehow make it to at least 3 of my lessons every five weeks, instead of making them all up. And I can't make mine today, because I have a lab, a really big lab that I cannot miss. On top of that, I had a joint pop on my trombone that I'm pretty sure isn't supposed to come apart. Which means I'm going to need to get my nice trombone repaired and use a crappy one for the next while. 

I'm assuming you are a high school student. So, how can the band instructor expect you to be taking private lessons while you are in another teacher's class?

[Steeldancer he/him]

2 hours ago, AngelEy3 said:

I'm assuming you are a high school student. So, how can the band instructor expect you to be taking private lessons while you are in another teacher's class?

It's not private lessons, school lessons. Its part of my band grade. 

Well screw me. Despite the fact a full half of the class failed the test, no hope for me. Whoopdee doo. 

Edited January 31, 2018 by Steeldancer