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Usseewa

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Everything posted by Usseewa

  1. Usseewa
    wdym ? — so uhh guys, i kinda just have a desire to find out what's wrong with me or whatever and like when i research random mental disorders or conditions or stuff like that and fine an experience or a term that i relate to, i love it because i feel like it lets me describe what i can't otherwise, or i wasn't even aware was... a problem (or, alternatively, "not a problem" in the sense that... I'm not to blame?) so anyway... been doing a deep dive the last few hours or so into... something that i won't say right now. but like i always feel like if i claim to be something (like, depressed) or i act a certain way, that I'm either faking it, "not as severe/important/real/etc." as others (like... if I'm depressed but not suicidal or self-harming, for instance. Thus, am I really depressed and do I deserve to... "act depressed"?) Plus I just don't know... Like, I constantly feel like I'm just a "normal" person who's simply obsessing over all this stuff, and that... in some cases, being ungrateful, other times being, like,... idk what the word is. Pretending to be in a bad situation? To yourself, and somewhat to others (but not a lot because you don't think you actually are and people aren't, and don't want to lie. And the moment someone actually expresses genuine worry for you, you kinda panic and stop and say you're fine or something. Maybe I just want attention. After all, why am I even writing this?) I think part of the reason I try/want to figure out "what's wrong with me" is because I just want *an explanation* to why my life feels wrong. I want some term or word I can tell people that makes them instantly understand how I feel (or don't.. haha). ADHD is a good start, but I don't feel like it quite catches everything. Or maybe I just.. don't know all the obscure little symptoms. Same for depression/anxiety, and I even used to (and maybe still do) basically denied to myself that what I felt was actually depression, since I didn't quite feel like my life was hopeless and that I was on the verge of suicide or something. And... as I said earlier I think, sometimes I feel like there actually *isn't* much wrong with me and I'm just... doing it for attention or idk. And also, after "reading the symptoms list" (or hearing about it), I relate to some/lots/whatever of them, but then sometimes don't feel like I can claim to feel it anymore, since... that would be lying or something. Plus, sometimes things get so tangled that I don't know what's my memory/what I feel/think, and what's just something I read online and am saying it now because it sounds like the logical thing a <insert something, like "depressed"> person would say. Like I basically have a blacklist/filter for myself, or at least a list, that sometimes I use words/phrases from but usually avoid so I'm not copying others or lying. (Some of them I'm fairly sure I *don't* feel, and others I'm... not sure either way because of the aforementioned tangle and stuff) Stuff like... "I feel worthless" "Life is meaningless" "I wanna die" "I can't get out of bed some days" Idk.. there's more but I don't wanna say them all cuz I fear embarrassment/sounding like an idiot (another common thing for me that I fear...) Basically the list is everything on symptoms lists and any recurring themes/comments in the experiences of those who have/experience that... disorder/thing. Uhhh yeah
  2. Usseewa
    you mean like you're glad i wrote something kinda happy for once? or something else.. as for pfp, thank you! i love it :3 didja go back to the old Grass one? or old Verdance, wtvr
  3. Usseewa
    i use vsc too, but i can use github too lol
  4. Usseewa
    fun are you using GitHub never did i realize how useful and addicting it can be (not asking for your github btw)
  5. Usseewa
    lolll, you *threw* in a try statement (throwing exceptions) also it's not too late how could it be
  6. Usseewa
    x is a list? trying to see if it's empty? try checking if the length is 0 if(x.length == 0) also make sure the list is actually empty, ya know?
  7. Usseewa
    Her Reflection, It Is She Lily looked up into the mirror above the bathroom sink. Then she smiled. Actually smiled. In this rare moment, the face smiling back at Lily felt... so very right. Not some stranger, but Lily. The water remained running as she stared, captivated. Her black hair... it looked exactly how she had always wanted it to. Her features, her face, her eyes, her... chin. It all looked so right. Lily turned her head slightly, looking at herself from different angles. She was careful not to move too quickly, as she feared ruining this perfect moment. Some time later, a girl approached Lily. "Hey, are you okay?" She said in a worried tone. And just like that, the spell broke. While her reflection still felt right, Lily was once again aware of the world. Oh, the world... Lily realized there were tears on her cheeks, though what from, she could not tell. The girl walked up to Lily and offered her a tissue, which she accepted, nodding in what she hoped conveyed appreciation. Someone actually cared for her. - Lily
  8. Usseewa
    ok so basically im not saying whetehter or not i'm at uni maybe i did say i am idk *shrug* neither confirm nor deny... anwayy... idk i dont rlly want a wig cuz the only experience i have with one is not the best (not in a bad way) ughaagghhhhhhh plus i cant rlly pass until my voice is better anyway gotta go like literally
  9. Usseewa
    (or femboy, whatever) sis i never said i'm at uni i have some people i talk to who will notice see this too
  10. Usseewa
    but like at school ppl will notice i also havent gotten around to dying my hair but my hair looks kinda cute sometimes so it's fine i could pass as a femgirl or smth
  11. Usseewa
    cool well i don't even really have a friend group at school which is unfortunate, but maybe next year.. good luck and all
  12. Usseewa
    oh neat
  13. Usseewa
    https://www.piday.org/pi-quiz/ stuff like that
  14. Usseewa
    ehhhh sorta i mean I do online (if I didn't i'd be worried...) but like when I have to talk to ppl irl? plus my hair is growing out but not long yet, and sometimes if my face isn't having a good day it doesn't look passably fem plus my voice is not the most masculine but like not very fem
  15. Usseewa
    i don't use the song
  16. Usseewa
    i can't pass at all i mean... yeah i doubt it
  17. Usseewa
    not to uhm sound lame buuuuut queer kids are the best lol i mean i've had cishet/straight friends before, but i kinda vibe better with the queer ppl lol plus a good amount of them are also neurodivergent like me so lol but i also kinda want come cis girl friends too actually... idk im probably fine without
  18. Usseewa
    uwu nah that'd not be much safe online
  19. Usseewa
    you missed a few (I only used a website to double-check) also from here idk how much i know.. cuz when you don't practice for years, you kinda forget the half of them
  20. Usseewa
    yah i mean i was always like "everyone's queer but me" and sometimes i wondered about it a bit you could also just be an ally ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  21. Usseewa
    :3 lol idk kfjdjfdkfdkfdfd voice trainign is hard sis
  22. Usseewa
    Stars
  23. Usseewa
    yeah, i guess i need practice it's cuz i took a bit of a break.. and i follow a lot of people/threads, so the majority are likely useless but some will be i missed prolly @Through The Living Star EDIT also ty (for the pfp comment) i love it too lol i change it up every few weeks whenever I feel like it. lol
  24. Usseewa
    Lol you never know You can explore your gender/sexuality if you want/feel like it, but don't feel pressured to be anyone
  25. Usseewa
    yeah sorry i forgor also u only needa bold the first digit, the 3, but ok.. ...05820974944...
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