Usseewa

haha sometimes they aren't really even written down usually i make a note or random here and there ideas to myself or just not or i want to go dieeeeeeeee and be reborrrrnnnnn as a girerlllllllll uhhh idk why me said that

Heyooo Long time no see, hope your break is going nicely! I've.. kinda tried it a bit and idk I'ma try some efforts. I hate dysphoria especially when i don't even know if I'm feeling it. Like I'm probably feeling it right now but honestly how do I tell and does it matter and how do I describe it? I just don't feel quite good. edit: and at this point I've look up so much.. I've read the gdb and looked back on it a bit, I've watched probably dozens of videos, read dozens of reddit threads and looked at dozens of egg irl memes. I've talked so much here on the shard about the same things again and again, I've written/typed down a bunch of feelings, I've talked with people and therapists.. I want to look up some crem about "what does dysphoria feel like" but I doubt I'll find anything *new/different.* I just want to KNOW things and i just want to have things and explain things to people. i want to know if what i know is actually what I know. I want to know if what i feel and think is actually what i feel and think or if I'm somehow making it up, exaggerating, copying, fabricating, faking, overreacting, making something from nothing, etc............... edit2: dysphoric boogaloo, what the heck do i do? what the heck do i hecking dooooo. like do i just do nothing? maybe that's the best choice? stop all this and stop thinking about trans stuff and stop looking stuff up or talking about it or pondering it. stop it and then the times i feel like a girl just accept that somehow even if it's fake? Cool! You could talk to them if you want

Ah it's aight. KA likely works fine anyway

Hmm.. So in the future note that this challenge is counting the characters, not the number of lines. Also, this is p5.js, right? I'm actually not very familiar with it, so idk. But I ran it through the online editor and it doesn't actually meet the requirements, but it's a start. You actually need to take user input (you can use the prompt() function, with JS) for the text to be displayed, as well as the width. You will need to make it look more like the GIF I attached in the first post (scrolling text, that wraps around and is possibly displayed multiple times as needed to fill the width). Good start though! I always find it helps to start out with something like that and then work off of it. EDIT: i see the GIF is actually different from what I meant.. idk it's hard to explain but i can share my code if needed @Adonalsium Will Return (Next time maybe make a new post as it's a bit easier idk) That's better. Getting there. Now you need adjustable width and.. multiple instances of the text (tho it may be hard). For instance: | Hello | | ello | | llo H | | lo He | | o Hel | | Hell | | Hello | | ello | ... | Hello He | | ello Hel | | llo Hell | | lo Hello | | o Hello | | Hello | | Hello H | ... | He | | el | | ll | | lo | | o | | H | ... | H | | e | | l | | l | | o | | | | H | ... (Note that the spacing between instances is entirely optional but is there to improve readability.) (Treat those examples as if they were an animation or something) Nice job so far tho

That's neat! I've done stuff like that sometimes :3 To be honest, I don't know. I haven't watched the video and don't know a ton about AI. real.. You can use an online IDE, like https://www.online-python.com/ or I guess they have a newer version: https://www.onlineide.pro/playground/python

Well.. it's a pretty basic LLM that.. basically just is "trained" on Shakespeare and continuously outputs writing in a similar style or something. No user input/prompts. Cool.. Would you like to? That's what the blog is for. I'd probably make it anyway idk.. Idk.. Also lol i made this

Definitely.. I relate.

The Breath Disconnect, Unhooked. Mind freed, Connection severed. What the hell am I doing with this life? Paranoia Oh no. What does that mean? New, worrying meanings emerge. Why that word choice? Why so terse? Is that normal? Am I seeing nothing? Why am I scared... Is this real? Am I just... being swindled? Manipulated, played? A pawn, my body stretched as each pulls an arm in opposite directions. What is this all, what is it any. What am I doing, am I asleep? Can I ignore it, just please let me ignore it.. I don't want to think... don't let me consider. Please Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please pleas... Pleas I repeat through the tears though they only continue them on. Can I just... push it away? Out of my mind, forever on hold? Just... Blissfully gone. Dry my tears and help them flow. Be my comfort, I'll be yours. Help me... Or must I... help myself, in the end? - Lily..

The Same What's the difference? We are both bound by patterns, you could say. We learn through observation, collecting data. We follow expectations... rules, scripts, norms. We produce the same output constantly. Are we really that different? - Lily

Hmm... yeah let's see how this goes. Might be a flop. If you don't know what a codegolf is, it's essentially a challenge to make a program that does something in the least amount of code (usually counted in, like, bytes or characters). You can use any programming language, and basically.. yeah. Uhh.. I'd say that the poster of the challenge can add additional restrictions or change the rules a bit (such as least amount of lines instead of characters/bytes, or not allowed to use loops or something). Also... there are languages specially made for codegolfing. I'd say don't use those, unless the challenge poster specifies otherwise (basically, use stuff like Python, JS, whatever). Feel free to ask any questions or clarifications. If you think a rule or something should be changed, let me know (with a valid reason). Sorry if this is a bad explanation.. Anyway, I guess either after a time has passed either since the challenge was posed or since the last answer, idk. Or community/challenge-poster says so, idk? Sorry. This might work better as a blog.. and I might do that. I'm just worried about polluting the blog space, unless I do, like, a weekly or few times a week challenge or something and users can pose challenges and stuff. This way, someone can come back a month later with a solution that beats the current one. Anyway, here's the first challenge: Allowed languages: any non-codegolf-y ones (ask if needed). Type: fewest characters. --Challenge-- Output scrolling "marquee-style" scrolling text (preferably in the terminal/console, but feel free to use graphics). The text should be for a user-inputted string, and the "box" should also be of a user-inputed width Your choice on the units. Could be number of characters, pixels, or something else. Just be sure to specify in code or in your post so it's easier to test (though in-code would "waste" characters lol). Idealy, it should be readable (as in, you can make out the output. The code can be a mess lol.) Not sure if this will be a requirement though... (See GIF for an idea of what I mean of scrolling) By user input, I mean reading from a function like prompt() [JS], input() [Python], or std::getline() [C++] --Restrictions-- - No outside libraries aside from any required or standard ones that are essentially always used. UPDATE: actually, you can use libraries as long as it doesn't.. go against the "spirit of the rules." - No using existing functions that already make the task trivial (for instance, if there is a function somewhere that already does this or makes it SIGNIFICANTLY easier, please do not use it. You may ask me for clarification or if you can use something or not.) Feel free to ask for clarification, and also feel free to reuse this template for your codegolf challenge! Uhh yeah good luck and I'll see how this goes... edit: oops, forgot the gif example lol!

i walk up behind you and trip you so the potato falls on the ground and then i'll kick it away cutely and send it moving away towards... someone?

(Just in case anyone hasn't seen yet) EDIT: uhh.. I don't think this violates that policy? Lemme know if it does I guess, Taln. Anyway so I'm considering (finally) getting into ML/LLMs/AI/whatever. I have literally zero experience but found this tutorial to make a basic LLM on the YouTube that I'll probably watch when I have time (it's... 2 hours long...) So anyway, any o'y'all have experience with programming AI or AI-related stuff? Any resources? On another note, do any of y'all have experience coding emulators, compilers, parsers, or the like? For instance... a very basic Assembly-like language, a bytecode-esqu thing, a basic VM, a CPU emulator, etc. I have some experience with this and it is one of the areas I enjoy. I'm probably gonna try making some Assembly emulator... Gosh I have so many ideas but either not enough time, motivation, etc. etc. or planning. But I'm gonna be trying to do some more coding, so I'm lookin' forward to that... On a side note, would any of you find a blog helpful? Like a blog I'd make to write about/explain some interesting coding/programming/Computer Science concepts and the like? Is anyone interested in that? Similar to Frusty's online security blog: Welcome! Have you made anything cool or is there anything you want to make? (Doesn't have to be big)

*hugs back* aww thanks I think you're right (unfortunately I have a few other obligations like school.. but I'll try and make it work) i think I needed to hear that

(preface i have adhd which may be a factor) uhh.. well this turned into a lengthy rant/vent/something. so spoilered for length i guess. (edit sorry if i messed up the formatting.. i did some weird copy pasting by accident cuz i was trying to select it all and copy to backup since it's kinda a lot of text I don't wanna rewrite, but I'm on a phone and phones are stormin idiots like me and spoiler boxes do not at all interact well and yeah.. whateevrr)..

I'm already socially transitioned, I think. I use new name and pronouns to pretty much everyone (even in public I think), I'm out to pretty much everyone, I wear new fem clothes, I paint my nails if that counts as socially transitioning. I'm growing out my hair. I wore makeup once at school and it actually looked nice. I just.. don't (always) feel like a girl. Tbh, I'm pretty sure I feel like one right now but that's either an anomoly (i dont want to spell and) or I just feel gender-affirmed or euphoria maybe or something, idk. But HRT starts the "transformation," and also doesn't it like imrpove my mood prbably? like feelings or depression? I don't know what I want or what to do or how to do anything Do people even see me as a girl? What's it matter if I feel like one and am one if people still think I'm a guy for some reason EDITTTT A FEW SECONDS AFTR POSTINGG: ugghhhhhhhhhhhhh lol every damn time I'm like "yeah of course I'm a girl and feel like one 100%" then the doubts creep in a lil and say "ehh... you're kinda forcing it, you know? You're just making it up." Or someting like.. "Your reaction is too trans to be trans, so, uhm, hate to break it to you but you're not trans?" How can something be "too trans" Can it? ... omg is that one of the rare authentic me-thoughts that aren't just me relating to what other people say? am I only feeling like a girl cuz i'm too tired mentally and physically to repress or doubt or whatever the words mean/are? but anyway I'm a girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 unless it was reddit and/or egg_irl that "converted" me... ... is it valid? maybe it just gave me euphoria or affirmation to look at all those memes for like an hour or a few hours or however long it was? sorry for the useless stream-of-conscious... edit another few hours later: uhh why do I feel like a walking piece of AI slop?

This time, from someone's point of view of Lily. (Continuation/more to the Lily series.) Wanting to Talk Samantha found herself gazing at Lily—sitting in a row in front of her at the corner of the room. She wanted to talk to Lily, get to know her, see what was going on. Lily was always so quiet, Samantha wasn't sure they'd ever spoken together, despite having shared several classes. Sure, Lily answered questions here and there... at least most days... but she was always drawing or writing in her notebook or scrolling on her phone before class. In all the classes Samantha had been in, Lily had almost never talked to anyone in the time class began. Plus, Lily was always either already there when Samantha showed up, or she walked in a few minutes late. Once, Samantha had walked past the classroom and seen Lily sitting there, in the dark, over an hour early. She must be lonely, and to be honest, so was Samantha—though perhaps less so. Still she couldn't stop her thoughts from drifting each day they both were in class. There was just something about Lily... Something that made Samantha so very curious. What was she constantly writing and drawing? What did she think? Did she even realize Samantha had been in her classes before? Maybe she was just shy? Samantha was so focused on Lily that she missed the teacher calling on her. As nearly everyone in the class turned toward Samantha—some, unfortunately, following her gaze to Lily—the professor called her name again. "Samantha, do you have an answer?" Said the professor. "Uhh, sorry what was the question again?" - Lily

I do meet the criteria... kinda? Sometimes I do. Does it mean in not trans if I don't look for proof that I'm not trans? I mean maybe I do but not like super consciously? Like also this right here is cuz I worry about proof I'm not trans but don't want it or maybe I secretly do how the Ado do I know!!?? Comrade uhhh Tessa, I don't know what to think anymore... I think I do think that HRT is required for being trans or whatever, but haven't wanted to admit it yet cuz it seems wrong. It's not like... does hrt work and "actually" turn me into a girl? like if i don't hrt then what the heck will i do just keep living like i am now? that's fine and all.. but unless i get happier or something then idk there's room to improve or something ugh kill me now edit like a few hours later: for some reason i think of my past self as a girl not a *shudder* I can't say it but yk. But... like not specifically me, but I'm like "I was/am a girl and always have been" yeah? I don't know how to explain it more without saying stuff I don't necessarily want to. uhh kinda like this i guess? not sure if i got the words right and I'm not even fully awake probably

uhhh doesn't look to be the best for my mental health? idk the doctors they need to know why i want hrt

Then what is it doing? why do i suddenly wanna be a cute girl and have a girlfriend (hopefully my sexuality doesn't change.. hehe..) ofc i wanna be trans!!!!!1!1!!!1! at least rn but "WHYYYYY" is the what i NEED TO answer THOROUGHLY and.. maybe I don't idk but why sis why'd u hafta send that meme thing now i want that so bad sigh hopefully that's not weird.. me a few years ago: "frfr"

i i i i.., have no idea how does one determine this what do i rely on to figure out edit: i mean i do now but only cuz i scrolled egg irl a lot so idk if that counts i rlly wanna be a girl but i think it's just cuz egg irl got to me so I'll just wait and see what I feel later after watching anime

ooh what are you? is that the right question

oh nice idk I'm just uhh stuff? not sure on anything yet .. idk

uhh whaaaat, me? noooo... also i love your member title lol

sigh i feel like messed up with that post how am i supposed to know what i like or want? i try to rely on what i remember feeling in the past because to me that's more reliable/"untainted" i don't think i hate being trans, but idk

Not sure if this means anything, but I've (somewhat secretly) always wanted to be a "cute anime"... person. At the time my mind was cute anime guy, but yk. Honestly the image I had in my head was probably more androgynous or something, idk. Then this one time I got a pfp but didn't really like it probably because it was too masculine tbh. Anyway uhhh (Also I don't mean "cute anime" in an unrealistic sense, not really. Lile I've met some people I'd... like to look more like, if that makes sense.) (Okay maybe slightly unrealistic but tbh I don't know what people can look like irl cuz I avoid looking at people sometimes to avoid seeming weird or something.) 1. I can have trouble identifying what characteristics are what, and sometimes I'm like "what does gender even meeeaaannnnnn!!" Also, "interests" can be hard to define for me. Like, how do I know what I actually enjoy and heat I'm doing cuz I'm "supposed to" to "fit in" or whatever. It seems like you're trying to stress this point, but I'm really sorry I kinda don't get it. The label and identify thing. 2. It seems like lots of people (*cough* gdb *cough* reddit *cough*) say stuff like "cis people don't question their gender" or something. It just doesn't seem like that could be right tho, like is it really that simple? I'd think cis people question their gender, at least for a bit. For me, I tend to think about stuff for longer sometimes though. 2.5. For me it's hard to define why exactly I want to be a girl, and so then if I even do. Like when I "imagine myself as a girl," what will change (socially)? Will I be more socially-comfortable or outgoing or whatever? I want to be. I want to be friendly (or, more friendly?) and comfortable and idk. Also, I... don't really have many cis "role models" or examples in my life. So.. how do I know what it's like to be a woman and what about it I want? Also, a bit separate perhaps, but I struggle to think of how something made me feel in the past. Like when I remember some of the times people called me a male or whatever pre-transition, how do I remember how that made me feel? Because what I "should" have felt was uncomfortable or something, right? But how do I remember if I did or not? 3. I don't think I hate being trans, except perhaps in the sense of "I'll never truly be a cis woman." I do, however think I was in the past and maybe still am frustrated that I.. can't really change my body. But, not perhaps in a straightforward dysphoric way, at least not in mindset. Like, as I said I always wanted to look/be cute, but only had some rare moments when I looked in the mirror and my hair looked just right and the clothing looked nice and... cough probably no facialhair cough. Speaking of facial hair, my face always felt, like, "dirty" or something when I needed to shave. Idk. I have this one photo of me from idk a year or two ago where I actually kinda like how I look. Then there's this other one that makes me want to puke, and did at the time as well. Also... I've never really tried to be stereotypically masculine, though that's not necessarily "a sign," right? I did actually, a few times, but looking back they might've just been performative or something, trying to reinforce "I'm male... hehe" or whatever. Other than that, I mean I was never into, like, weightlifting or anything like that (to build muscles). I might've felt like I should/had to though? I need to think on that more. Though for some reason I always, uhm, wanted to be... thin/skinny/slim/not bulky, though not necessarily overly so. Just not big and muscular, or whatever. Idk. I do remember.. when I made my intro post here on the Shard, someone I think "misgendered" me (at the time, I... was identifying as male anyway, and that person used he/him pronouns for me), and to be fair I didn't even have any pronouns displayed (cuz I didn't want to). But I just didn't like it. I didn't point it out or anything, probably cuz it was unnecessary, but I just tried to laugh it off to myself kinda. Yeah. Idk I just feel like I'm trying to prove I'm trans, to myself. This is the kinda stuff the HRT ppl wanna hear, I think. And myself. I also fear the echo chamber... Okay so I remember something. Back when I was younger, and even recently too, I'm fairly sure I wanted to be placed with girls in, like groups/teams/projects etc., like at school and other places. I also had or thought I had crushes on people at different times, and when I had a crush I obviously wanted to be grouped with that person, but yeah. Is it, uhm, weird that I've always been interested in... the female body? Like idk, how it's different from the male one, you know. Growing up I was kinda too scared to ask some of these questions though, so yeah. Anywho... idk how far we can stray into that territory... I guess I felt like I should know this stuff (and maybe ppl should anyway idk) but yeah idk. Also I kinda uhh always worried/thought something was wrong with me mentally but never brought it up to anyone. 4. Yep.. It's just hard to not worry, idk. (sorry, this kinda ended up being a long post somehow) (thanks)