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About this blog

They watch us, each move.

Hidden, they see us.

Quietly, they take us.

 

We are but ants to Them,

Living in a glass world,

On display,

Our daily lives,

Unbeknownst and unparseable to us.

Entries in this blog

Main

2026/06/12 - A Start

Summer Storm O summer storm, I hear your howls. Your cries for help that I hide from. Your tears fall and blow, Through the light, To pelt my window, alert me of your fright.   O, summer storm, your tears and cries subside. I imagine you like me—silently crying slowly in bed, Depressed and [illegible word].   O, summer storm, don't leave me now. I need your company, you soothe me, you know? I still hear your sniffles, from under yo
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2026/06/11 - ...Are Closer Than They Appear

(S. Cheduled)   Name What's my name? I don't know. Who am I? Ibid, ditto. Why don't I know my name? Why is it so hard To understand my heart? I am so lost. I'm confused, sos. I don't know anymore... Please can you help me? Understand, Help me, Find my name again.   Note that in that last line, the word "name" may have been something else, perhaps "way" or something. I can't always read my handwriting 😭 
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2026/06/10 - Figures of Past...

(Sch. Eduled)   Uncertain;Fluid I fluctuate between Wanting and knowing and Asking and telling And doubting and The colors I like and The name I am, and Me, Am I a she or a he, Both, or an enby? Lily or Ash or Something else?   How can I be me when I see me as wrong, bad?   - ∆
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2026/06/07 - Boop

(Schduled)   Shorts At last, I want to wear them, the cute shorts I got yesterday.   Shorts for the summer— legs won't be hot. I'm wearing a t-shirt, too, no longer hiding, or am I?   At Home I feel at home—the first time in a while, or life. Sitting on my bed in these bicolor linens and fingerless gloves, surrounded by journals, Devil Town on repeat.   I feel at home, sitting
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2026/06/03 - Fear of

(Scheduled) Also that title is not a mistake. It's just me tryna be deep...   Can't Tell I can't say my Deepest fears, cuz Then they'll   Nor was that. - usseewa wit' an uppercase 'u'
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2026/06/02 - Randomosity

Scheduled   The  I now listen, to the song not heard— not played. The song from Her.   Reading this next one ("Like Atlas") again, it kinda sucks. I definitely coulda done better... Like Atlas I feel sometimes an Immense burden— That of humanity. It weighs on me, And I feel guilty, And helpless.   Doomsday "If the world ended tomorrow, and it could." "If I died, I'd be fine." But what did She
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2026/06/01 - Slow Descent HAHA NOTTTTEEJJDJ

Scheduled   Paralysis I am not me— I cannot breathe, Nor can I think, For every thought thought Is two more worries wrought.   Faded Bliss I can't remember her, Not how I'd like. Our brief friendship, The possibility for more.   I try to remember, I don't want to forget— Despite the pain of regret.   See Her I wish I could see her, gain. I wish I could be with her, once more.
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2026/05/31 - No Memory About This

(Scheduled)   Purpose of Hiding I see clearer when— I take this veil from my eyes. So then ehy do I hide? For style or from fear?   Music Why do I deny myself the ever-soothing pleasure I was without for so long?   When will I allow my life to return to normal?   Will it—or I—ever?   Buzz The world has been so quiet, In these past weeks. No buzzing, no phone—[illegible word], Time for pe
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2026/05/30 - No One Knows

(This was scheduled, yesterday, to automatically post today. So it doesn't mean I'm active, necessarily.)   Framework of Perception How should we think about—and see—things? People, the world—our thoughts. What is the right way—and what is seen as right? How will that change?   If views change—modify, improve?— Then how are we to know if What society believes, Is not wrong—waiting for change? If what everyone believes—even me— Is i
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2026/05/29 - An Idiot's Thoughts

Uhh... stuff about gender. If you don't agree with me then... idk. Yeah.   False Dichotomy We have taught ourselves that To be human is to fit into the binary— Moreso to be constrained within that box. But this is a false dichotomy— An unnecessary binary—who gives a storm if You want to wear suits or skirts—or both, or neither? Ehy do they assign is to one— Something we have no choice in—[illegible word] And reluctantly follow along with all
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2026/05/26 - Stupid stupid stupid...

To Learn I must learn, through life. "If it's easy am I doing it right?" Does it matter?   Nature We were mot meant for classification—nothing was. It doesn't just fit into neat little boxes or boxes within boxes, some walled off and others connected with tunnels and red yarn.   Confidence I now see— what they say. I can believe— in myself—my voice, my body, my mind. I can appreciate— and, finally, lov
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2026/05/23 - Heartombed

Love? I wish I could spend every day with her. If only I had not returned. If only I had not left. Each day of those few were the best of my life— and the start of a new one.   Each day I sought her, Sat sown, talked. Just sitting by her, Was more than I could ask for. Doing anything, with her, no matter how boring, was what made the days, something I wanted. Each second I smiled. Did I love
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2026/05/21 - Day 2

From the Insanity Book / Deathnote   Hangin' wit' da Girls Finally, I feel more alive than I ever have. More connected to reality, to these other living being. I feel like one of them, though my body still needs fixin'.   Social Stuntin' I do it so they laugh—always have. I feel like I gotta vomit—but it's aight. I meed to fit in, stand out, be one, a human, just a girl.   i wrote so much and so little.. - Lily
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2026/05/20 - First in the Book

Never Neat Always "not quite"—never explainable. I can never explain, never tell them what I am. Undecided, confused—no label letting me claim it. Why can't I ever be?   Guess i only wrote on ethat day, hmmm .. - Lily  
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2026/05/19 - Reminders

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh   Walls of Memories Markings on the wall— Symbols and icons that reference the life of a person you will never meet. It's art— The soul of a community— Spanning the ages—the lives. Shared ideas, thoughts, emotion, meaning.   Erased—for order or cleanliness. Years and lives, gone, before I can add mine.   Lines Lines—painful reminders triggering thoughts and images unwanted. Lines, murdering me from within
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2026/05/17 - Mirage and Hell

I apologize if these are repetitive or stupid 😊  Whoa, italic emoji? Weeeeiiiirdd edit: nvm it went away lol   Impossible I can't think—can’t speak, For if I do I will die. Though I'm already dying, My brain is frying, I'm on the brink, Yet I can't let myself think.   I need to get better, I can't remember, Because memories are thoughts, And I must not return.   Hovering I can't stand them Standing, ha
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2026/05/14 - True Life Hidden

Sorry for not posting in a bit, I've been goin' through some stuff and idk.   Jen, or Night Life Finally, it was night again. Jen sighed in relief as she pulled the pink hoodie on. She was a different person at home—herself. She sat on her bed and opened her laptop—she could be herself, just… not like this. Jen put on her headphones and entered the world of her dreams—a place she could be around others and be herself. She could be Jen.   - Lily
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2026/05/12 - Your Own Mind

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense; it's mostly references, my thoughts, and ramblings. Also, the first one has a lot of random words from other languages, even if it's just simple words like "a" or "the" or something. Heh. Also, if you read the banner, you'll see that I am feeling much better, at least as I am writing this on 2026/05/13.   WwwwWw Lingo, is ver neet. So many meanings, it d’p’n’ds on le context. Lingo changes, adapts, Nuevo es created, N
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2026/05/09 - Slow Unburdening

Chest Cavity My chest feels as though it’s collapsing, I feel the weight crushing my ribs, Making it hard to breathe, Yet painful to not.   Breathe set to manual, A conscious, painful effort. I feel as though I cannot breathe deeply, They are all too shallow.   I feel as though my chest is crushed, My ribs puncturing the organs, Exposed, heart and lungs on display, I bring my hands and arms up.   I hug myself, the on
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2026/05/04 - Tears of Love

Self-compassion You matter, you are loved. You have others, Who care. I care.   You are loved, You deserve joy. You deserve this compassion, You can allow yourself it, you deserve to feel loved, to feel… good.   - Lily
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2026/05/01 - Unoriginal, Unthoughtful

I might schedule multiple to be posted this day, since they're short.   Broken Record… Or Something… I’m a fool, and maybe that’s okay. I don’t need to stay the same, I can change. I can simply accept I am wrong and update my mind.   I, the broken record, just repeating myself. Stuck in a loop, a different kind of static. Getting nowhere, not even thinking. I write the same things I did last evening.   And so I should change, somehow.
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2026/04/30 - A Casket of Perception, Built From Expectations

Expectations and Identity Am I really what they say, What I’ve grown up being told, believing, An act I kept up, all the while a voice in my head telling me “this is not you”? It said “you don’t actually want this,” and I suppressed it out of fear. Others and I crafted my identity, and I feared contradicting them, changing, rejecting what they thought I was—my purpose, my pride, the reason I was loved? Though the voice questioned if interests had changed—if I was ju
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2026/04/29 - Short Poems in Pencil

I write poems in a notebook or sketchbook, sometimes.   Two Tools The pen and the pencil— Two different tools. Permanence and impermanence— Certainty and tolerance. Neither optimal, Mistakes both ways, Give and take.   Confusion at the Unthinkable Unable to ponder— I try to, my mind refuses to think. Unable to breathe— Too much, feeling sick. So sick— From eating, from thinking. But I must— Must know,
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2026/04/28 - Life Just a Dream

CW/TW: Self-harm, depression, possible interpretation as suicide/suicidal ideation, dissociation I think. Spoilered for the above CW/TW's. Also note that it might be a bit long. Sorry if it gets repetitive or whatever. I'm still posting my writing... and I'm trying to improve with my newer stuff. Note that the next entries will be posted one-per-day in the following days. I also took a bit of a break from writing... so there'll be less than you may think. If you feel I should
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2026/04/27 - Existing not Living

It's a bit depressing, I'd say. Like most.. haha....   An Actual Life I imagine an actual life, A different life. Why does it feel, Like my life is not real? I imagine a girl, Happy, sad, all. Depression and hardship, Moments of joy. A real life, A real home. A family—loving or not. A home—loved or suffocating. Not “normal,” with no emptiness attached. She makes me miss what I can only dream of. She makes me yea
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