There's also a.... "short story" I wrote this day, but I'm not posting it cuz it's honestly both too personal and... just useless rambles.

 

Agitated State of no Focus

I am uncomfortable, and I cannever be Not.

I am restless, and I willnever find mind-peace.

I can can not enjoy Pessoa, not in this bed.

I can not conceive, writing,

Not when they are watching me.

 

My heart beats too fast, my wrists unable to hold the Book.

I feel each fibre of my garments, I feel all sensations of and on my skin.

I can not dedicate focus, when 't's all stolen elsewhere.

 

TW Suicide

 

Neither Hunger Nor Appetite

I am not hungry, and have no desire to eat.

I already fed my body a quarter of a large sandwich, and it wants more.

Yet I feel my muscles shaking, body weak and mind fraying,

I could eat, but the idea of further suffering is too appealing.

 

Undue Pain

If something triggers undue pain,

Do we deserve to not feel it?

Or should such intangible-yet-unbearable suffering

Be ignored, for the physical harm it does not inflict?

For if the torturer tortures unknowingly, should they feel remorse?

If the torturer does not feel the pain they inflict, should they care?

 

8pm

I look up at my clock,

and it's 8pm, again.

Where has the time gone?

Time I once would miss.

Now I can only,

look toward rest,

where I can forget,

my worries, for a bit.

 

Ten Years'

In ten years' time,

Will I be dead?

Suffering—too much—

Mind still-unread?

 

Eversick (of me)

I feel sick again—

Sick of thinking, sick of living,

Sick of sadness and of dreaming.

Can't I just...

Drink water and move on?

 

Most of all—or converging, encompassing—

I am sick of myself.

I am sick of the way I am,

The way I think, and speak.

I am sick of not knowing,

I am sick of me.

 

The "[...]" in the following two... things... is where I could not read the word/few letters that I had written in my notebook. It was illegible.

No Creativity Able

Words are all nonsense—forming sentences [...] before.

Words that mean much of nothing are used by not a few 

 

For this, a few letters might be off cuz I can't infer what I meant as much. At least for like... a few of the letters I didn't know if it was uppercase or not. Not much an issue but just a note. Should be mostly pretty much the original.

Also I may have meant for some underlines to be italics or smth... idk. Basically the emphasis should be the same though.

AyEKneA(c)DCawFee

Ai (Ai Ai, AI) [...]—SoH tie-Red ðHahat EyE

NEAcDCafé. mihNidz i t. m(—)aiy ais Kant

Suh-tæ Opuhn; Oi Kant wright ritfully.

 

Uhm yeah.

— A broken girl