Usseewa

Thanks for the nice reply Unfortunately my mind does not let me properly extract all the meaning from stuff So uhm But don't worry I got some, probably more than I think. edit: so are you interested in philosophy and stuff? I am, and just bought some classics lol. Nietzsche and Camus, and some others. I don't know much so I wanted to learn more.

Hey, I'm so happy for you! 🩷

Hey y'all I'm back and I wanted to say some things so uhhh I was in a psych ward the past week and I actually had some of the best days of my life there. I also had some pretty crappy days. But I met some amazing people and I'm honestly really missing them all. There was also this girl that I mayyyy have liked. She's bi, too. We talked a lot and spent time together and it was amazing. I talked to the other people too and had more IRL socializing than I've ever had, I think. Of course, we were all, like, near each other so it was easier, but still, I feel I grew a lot emotionally and socially and stuff. The thing is... I'll most likely never see them again, including that girl who I really would have liked to talk to more. I wish I stayed longer or got some way to contact her again, idk. The regret is very very painful and idk. But I may have a crush on her? Also, for the most part people were accepting of me, especially the other girls who I hung out with the most. Before that I'd barely socialized IRL with girls, and this was just great, idk. There were also some great guys (and some ones that made some days awful), and they were pretty accepting too, I think. But... I felt loved, idk. They made me realize that I think of myself way too lowly. I put myself down too much and have done it so long that I don't even see an alternative as a possibility, it's just become ingrained: that no one would ever like me (as a friend or otherwise), and otherstuff so, the regret is gone for now. it helps that I have something to remember them by, but regret may come back later and... it's just very painful for me and I cannot handle it. regret of not getting their numbers or something and that I'm no longer there with them. I have to return to my crap life.

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense; it's mostly references, my thoughts, and ramblings. Also, the first one has a lot of random words from other languages, even if it's just simple words like "a" or "the" or something. Heh. Also, if you read the banner, you'll see that I am feeling much better, at least as I am writing this on 2026/05/13. WwwwWw Lingo, is ver neet. So many meanings, it d’p’n’ds on le context. Lingo changes, adapts, Nuevo es created, Neo. Immeasurable slang, vast libs per field, Field no warau, Property: un field o un holding? Whether physical o digital, seems 2b immaterial. Interchangeable, broken. A varied style from a broken mind, Unreadable halting streams in an attempt 2b unique. Meaning of it, what is? Bak 2 la point, shalt I henceforth: return 2; F@k3d: broken multilingualism. ファンタジーの utilization. There b 2 grande un compendium de los linguas— Too “too” to use. Mucho opciones. Y esa es 42; no explanacion para tu. The 42 comes from the subtlety, the variety, the… natural selection, of speech, 2 usar. Muy, muy, words and abbrs., acronyms and slang, lingos et jargon, dialects, regional differences, accents, changes in meaning, meanings anew, neologisms, portmanteus, a dream. No’ Enuff Ye’, I don’ kno’ enuff, I preten’ 2b tuff, Bu’ I’ js that—a preten’r, An’ not e’en a master, a' tht. Everything You Think You Know I listen as they say, The things they’ve been told, For years as a child, These statements they’ve filed, As fact. They believe with such adamance, In these words-now-truths, Repeated over the years, Source forgotten. And I see them now. How can I think, How can I speak, When I question everything? I constantly double-check, I continuously re-assess. - Lily

Chest Cavity My chest feels as though it’s collapsing, I feel the weight crushing my ribs, Making it hard to breathe, Yet painful to not. Breathe set to manual, A conscious, painful effort. I feel as though I cannot breathe deeply, They are all too shallow. I feel as though my chest is crushed, My ribs puncturing the organs, Exposed, heart and lungs on display, I bring my hands and arms up. I hug myself, the only comfort. Curl up, become smaller, All parts closer to each other. I cannot bear it otherwise, cannot breathe. I feel my chest collapsing, I must protect it, I feel pain, discomfort, Nothing is right. Labelled, not Sealed Do not let a label constrain you. Do not treat it as a fate sealed, Nor an identity or future decided. It is simply an adjective, One you can reject, embrace, or ignore. Do not be afraid to deny a label, Even one self-imposed. Do not be afraid to change, Realize it is the label holding you back, A word, a term, To describe you in a moment. Labels are fluid; Water, not concrete. Labels move with you, changing with you. They do not surround you, sealing you in their mold of your current self. Allow yourself to recognize that You are allowed to change; You do not need to stay the same— Trapped in the intangible iron maiden of the mind. Perfection I hold myself to standards so high. In my eyes, I need to be perfect. Anything else is painful. Each mistake feels like a cut to the wrist, Each piece of criticism, however constructive, just makes me want to run. I think of myself so capable that I struggle in basic functions. I cannot start, for I must be perfect and thus existence is excruciating as I watch myself fail. I live for the praise, the validation of my expectations. I die with each failure, each error, each wrong word, each oversight, each essay I didn’t put enough effort into. I expect to fail thinking it won’t hurt as much when I do. It doesn’t work. I expect to fail but still hope I’ll manage to do well. And I do well, Except when I don’t. And then after doing well I forget, And then I see my grade, Something others would be content with, Others ecstatic, Still others would scoff at. I only feel pain, Hatred and shame. How could I do this? At least it’s over. I am beginning to realize, That I should rethink my mind. They’re not looking for perfection—something I cannot produce, no longer. Burnout claims lives, I should not let it take mine. I’m not “special” or “gifted” or “smart,” I’m just another one of many, Too dumb to realize, Too dumb to be truly competent, Too dumb to come to terms with being, Just another faceless being. I'm kinda proud of these, because they convey feelings I've felt for a while, and have been becoming aware of and thinking on for a bit. I don't know how they turned out, but yeah. - Lily

Self-compassion You matter, you are loved. You have others, Who care. I care. You are loved, You deserve joy. You deserve this compassion, You can allow yourself it, you deserve to feel loved, to feel… good. - Lily

Oh, well I already knew somehwat the name jack johnson because you told me like yesterday or smth

Upside Down Hmm/inspect blind yellow hat ?

Sorry, it can definitely be stressful to have a depressed friend and all you can do is watch them slide into oblivion.

Stuff like what? What I said, or tears?

I hope that's a good thing

Yep, true. I need to notice when I'm rambling and repeating and out of ideas, and maybe not or something. Also, I've come to some important realizations recently. Some of which were in 2026/04/30. I have some more in 2026/05/09, which is scheduled to be published tomorrow. Yes, that is a big jump. I'll admit I was discouraged from writing as well as just depressed. I feel better for the time being and am taking the steps to heal. Thank you for your support

I might schedule multiple to be posted this day, since they're short. Broken Record… Or Something… I’m a fool, and maybe that’s okay. I don’t need to stay the same, I can change. I can simply accept I am wrong and update my mind. I, the broken record, just repeating myself. Stuck in a loop, a different kind of static. Getting nowhere, not even thinking. I write the same things I did last evening. And so I should change, somehow. I’m not quite sure how, but I should change. I need to accept that what I write is trash, And take up a different hat. - Lily

why must it all be so hard? life kinda sucks and i don't know what to do

Idk when the last time i did was Or if i ever lsitened to it in full I remember learning about it way back in school suddenly I'm hit with a wave of depression and existential depression and disconnect and sadness, longing, melancholy mourning the dead who do not exist

loll rreal i ate a whole thing once, in one sitting sh

i have.. two PhDs..

unfortunately I can't fully enjoy it whilst shivering

i ended up talkin to a hotline and then doing a finals study session now I'm eatin ice cream and i feel better

thanks for the sentiment i wont do that cuz then they'd know my address and i'd know theirs. but yeah.. god i just wanna stormin get the hell out of here storm me i honestly don't see a point anymore to doing anything good for me or to not just cut myself right now.