Usseewa
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Everything posted by Usseewa
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I might schedule multiple to be posted this day, since they're short. Broken Record… Or Something… I’m a fool, and maybe that’s okay. I don’t need to stay the same, I can change. I can simply accept I am wrong and update my mind. I, the broken record, just repeating myself. Stuck in a loop, a different kind of static. Getting nowhere, not even thinking. I write the same things I did last evening. And so I should change, somehow. I’m not quite sure how, but I should change. I need to accept that what I write is trash, And take up a different hat. - Lily
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why must it all be so hard? life kinda sucks and i don't know what to do
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is it just me
or are websites havin trouble lately
all them cloudflares are hvaing 5xx host errors.
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Idk when the last time i did was Or if i ever lsitened to it in full I remember learning about it way back in school suddenly I'm hit with a wave of depression and existential depression and disconnect and sadness, longing, melancholy mourning the dead who do not exist
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loll rreal i ate a whole thing once, in one sitting sh
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i have.. two PhDs..
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unfortunately I can't fully enjoy it whilst shivering
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i ended up talkin to a hotline and then doing a finals study session now I'm eatin ice cream and i feel better
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thanks for the sentiment i wont do that cuz then they'd know my address and i'd know theirs. but yeah.. god i just wanna stormin get the hell out of here storm me i honestly don't see a point anymore to doing anything good for me or to not just cut myself right now.
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idk how much youve been folowing i didnt relapse self-harm cuz i only started like.. 2 weeks ago give or take. depends how you count it. if u mean depression... i've been depressed for a while From my current life
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i just wanna escape
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its also just that there's other stuff that's i think is a major contributor to my depression and stuff..
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i gues i dont think ive been hydrating enough in the past week i went to bed with a bad headache like twice a few night sa go.
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Yes i almost wasnt though. in the past hour i was near knives. i felt myself forgetting that i was supposed to be not doing it when i held the knife the instict was to cut i didn't though i'm so hungry.. i ate normal today though im jut hungry..
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I hate new years resolutions and other empty promises because I know I'll either forget or find it easier to not abide to them. i already talked to therapist. just not the full extent of suicidal stuff, but even i dont knwo what that is. i don't trust anyone. i just need to hold out for the next therapy session..
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I don't know... I'm sorry I just can't can't think about it now I think I'm having something akin to a panic attack and I don't know what to do and idk it's hard to post about it too but that's why I posted in the first place
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No. I can't.
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2026/04/30 - A Casket of Perception, Built From Expectations
Usseewa commented on Usseewa's blog entry in MicroFiction Daily
danke, I really appreciate it -
I can't Then the person I give it to would know. edit also I've been trusting people less and I'm paranoid about certain things...
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Hey guys.. thanks for the support and stuff i logged on because I was pretty happy all day, but then started thinking about tough stuff that I can't really talk to anyone about, maybe my therapist idk. But I've been thinking abt it and stuff and now I'm just really overwhelmed and.. distraught, I guess is a good word. And I was thinking of self-harming again (I haven't done it today, and when I was happy earlier I thought to myself it would be good to try and not do it today and work from there or something). So I decided to take advice everyoen says and talk abt it with someone instead? The "someone" being the shard.. heh. I can't really give my implements/"sharps" to anyone. I can probably put in a different place. The one now is too convenient. sigh. I keep getting like this every few days and I just spiral and feel stuck and lost and no one to talk to about it. edit: i'll check back here later..
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2026/04/30 - A Casket of Perception, Built From Expectations
Usseewa posted a blog entry in MicroFiction Daily
Expectations and Identity Am I really what they say, What I’ve grown up being told, believing, An act I kept up, all the while a voice in my head telling me “this is not you”? It said “you don’t actually want this,” and I suppressed it out of fear. Others and I crafted my identity, and I feared contradicting them, changing, rejecting what they thought I was—my purpose, my pride, the reason I was loved? Though the voice questioned if interests had changed—if I was just playing along—I kept on a mask, and now suffer the aftermath. I tried, in my own ways, To pursue what my chained heart desired. I no longer want the weight of these labels, I don’t want it to become so part of how others see me, That I ignore the voice telling me, That this is wrong. I don’t want these shackles, Restraining me because they are established. I want freedom, No expectations of my identity, Not so many I fear living. Not Speaking Not speaking, for fear of them not hearing. Not speaking, for fear of being wrong. Not thinking, for fear of being right, Though not speaking, for fear of being not. Disaster Desired I want a break from the monotony, I want something that matters, Not something hyped-up, or made-up, for lack of life’s such. I want something perhaps painful, Something a struggle, something life-changing, Something we together experience, An interruption, an escape. An outage in class, Winds blowing so fast, Fire and broken glass, Or a blizzard and task. A siren for shelter, Any break from the swelter, Shared hardship so others—so I— Can feel together. I want an earthquake, a storm, Anything to break the norm. An excuse the live, A dose of pain. A turn of the knob, Clearing up the signal, Static no longer, Need to see clearer. I want to run through the night, Fearing, surviving, Towards the light, Or forever, never arriving. Daydream of a Different Her A girl, happy; A girl I can’t imagine? Me, happy; A life I see ahead. Discovering myself, Learning to live, Reclaiming my body, my mind, From the oppressive dark cramped closet. Reclaiming myself, Identity, mine. Me, free. At last, free. - Lily -
I think... I've been living in the Backrooms for years- for my whole life.
And now that I know I'm here...
I must run- hide, anything.
It's too late, though.
We locked eyes,
Moments ago.
It knows.
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"...waht?" --- me
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.....? is it just my tired brain? thanks tho i think u said complimetn *dies of exhuasiton* edit: i am awake
