kajsa ㅇㅅㅇ

Gosh, someone help me please. 

We just drove around town for five hours for basically no reason, and now that we got back home, tensions are high, hormone levels are through the roof, and I’m hangry and tired and all I want to do is go curl up in bed and cry until I can’t breathe and until I’ve blocked out all the noise and pain and yelling.

I haven’t been getting good sleep either, and it’s definitely taken a toll on me. I almost passed out twice today actually… and I slept wrong last night so I have all kinds of pain on my left side. 

I just need a pickmeup. 

fre sha voca do. 

Hehe we’re driving in a thunderstorm 

My favorite part about Nebraska has to be the spontaneous rainstorms. 

I’m bored out of my MIND

I should do something with my life but idk what…. Ideas, anybody?

Me JUST NOW REALIZING that it’s June 1st and I have to start planning my birthday party :3 

I thought we were still stuck in May lmao xD 

I know I don’t have to think about this for a long time, but… gosh I’m so torn. Deep down, I want kids so badly. But I don’t want to have to go through all of it. In the long run, I know it would be so worth it. 
that was kind of a super random rant so apologies lol xD

I drew a thing! BUT ITS NOT UPLOADING. GRRRRR. 

Also I made the Everley scene spicier but I don’t dare post it… I’m scared it’s too much lmao xD

Coming up with fantasy outfits is literally the most fun thing ever. I do it all the time and it’s so much fun lol. These are a few I did for me and my sister  

afternote: the best pictures wouldn’t upload (grrrr) so I’m gonna try and post them in the replies. 

I didn’t realize how much I miss church until I flipped through the primary song book. My gosh I miss it.

ok i know i just posted but--

*fangirling because *

*whispers*

psst! hey, you wanna hear a secret?

I am in a vibe right now  

Listening to fantasy music and worldbuilding, couldn't be better 

(Background--it's night, they went fishing, there were no fish, they started a splash fight, Hadley declared she'd won, to which Everett countered that HE had won, and Hadley submitted, agreed, and then kissed him. They are in the river still, about waist-deep. This is all after their first kiss, they've talked a bit before this particular section): 

"I... yeah, I guess. But... I..."

"You...?"

He tore his eyes from her face. "I don't... deserve you."

Wrong. You're possibly the only person who deserves the mess I am. We understand each other. She kept her eyes trained on his face and took his hands. "And you think I deserve you? Everett, can't you see it? We are each other. While we may be each other's greatest enemies, we also understand each other more deeply than anyone else ever could. And... it made me..." She swallowed hard and pushed Jaeger from her mind, tears swimming in her eyes. "It made me fall in love with you."

He tried to speak, but he couldn't over the lump in his throat. He swallowed hard and tried again. "I... I don't want to be enemies anymore."

Hadley stepped closer shyly, not meeting his eyes, smiling softly, his hands still in hers. "Neither do I."

He slipped his hands out of hers and took her face gently, bringing her lips closer to his. Butterflies swarmed in Hadley's stomach and her heart pounded. She could feel his heart beating just as fast beneath her hands, she could feel his breath on her lips, almost taste his mouth--and then all at once it stopped. He was so close... but he'd stopped moving. Did he want her to close the space? She--

"But... you're going to leave." Everett's realization, barely a whisper, barely a breath, put out the light in his eyes. He let go of her and backed a few feet away. "This was a mistake. I'm sorry." He turned to leave, but desperation caught hold of Hadley, and she splashed after him. 

"I'll stay. I want to stay." And for the first time in her life, Hadley felt herself torn between her duty and the man she loved. 

"Will you?" The doubt in his voice hurt worse than she thought possible.

"I will. I'll stay as long as you want me to." And it must have been the truth, because Everett reached for her and suddenly his mouth was on hers and he was kissing her again, more fiercely this time, more sure. His soft hands traveled from her hips to her waist, up her spine, to her damp hair. His lips parted hers, and she obeyed, letting her own hands wader up his chest to his neck, to his face. She wanted to learn, to memorize every inch of his strong frame. She wanted to know every imperfection that made him Everett--by heart. 

Eventually the cold reached even places where Hadley still wore three layers, and she was shaking. Everett's body shivered from the chill too, and the two lovers had no other choice but to part and go back to camp, to sit and dry by the warm fire. They sat near each other, hands close but never touching for fear of Quialla's scrutinizing gaze. That night, Everett slept with his arms around Hadley's waist, and for the first time in years, they both slept soundly. 

The End Of That Scene.

Soo.... what do you guys think? I've never really written a kiss scene before, not really in depth. I've read plenty, though. Any and all feedback is extremely appreciated. THANK YOU!!! LOVE YOU ALL TO DEATH!

FRE SHA VOCA DO!

General life rule: if it's not urs don't touch it

:smiling-wide: :thumbs-up:

Tips for getting over writer's block, anyone?

LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE BUT LOVE!

Okay! Rundown of the past five days:

Thursday:

Okay, frankly, that day was a ton of fun. Being the last day of school, we mostly played games in classes--which were just 24 minutes long anyway. Right after school, a few friends and I (we'll call them Kara, Hendrix, and Sebastian) walked to Hy-Vee to grab some food before heading to the high school for our high school show choir reveal! The theme for the JV group (Swing Cats or SCATS, freshmen can ONLY make this one) is The Dark Side of the Moon, but it's more like the dark side of ourselves. Our songs include The Upside, Double Vision, Stuck in the Middle, Au Revior/Dark Side/Demons, and Heartless Madness. I'm intrigued. I'll post photos of our costumes a little later. After that, I went home and took a shower, my mom double-french braided my hair, I changed into a swimsuit and grabbed a box of otterpops, and we were off to the pool party for the musical cast! Mal was there and he came and voluntarily talked to me--AND THEN STARTED A SPLASH FIGHT.  Hehehe. (Bit of background for this next part--one of my lines while playing Alice was "I feel so dark, I feel so dead, all is black inside my face.") He was RELENTLESS. So while catching my breath (because literally, water was coming out of my mouth and nose and MY EYES), I held out my hand like "pause" and said, "All is water inside my face." That made him laugh pretty hard, so I took the opportunity to splash him, to which he responded, "REALNAME LASTNAME!" My replay was "REALNAME MIDDLENAME LASTNAME!" Hehe. And then we played volleyball in the water but it was really hard... xD After the pool party, I went home and changed back into some comfy clothes and headed to my friend's house for a barbecue! (Let me just think up some fake names for them... (Avery; Leena; Gail--yes, the same Gail from YoYoBeri; Kara--yes, the same Kara I walked to Hy-Vee with; Raven; Lucy; Clara; Belle; Isla; Kylie; and Harper. Phew.) There was some drama that threw down... I'll get to that in a bit. First (I was late because of the pool party), I ate quickly and then we walked to Hy-Vee (idk what it is with these people and Hy-Vee lmao xD), then to the park where we played Sandman--along with Avalie (yes, fake name) from school. Her friend group (they're... they can be toxic) left her behind so she just decided to hang out with us instead. Eventually we had to head home, where we talked about boys and life. That night, we found out that Kara's crush liked a different girl (Kara's best friend basically), so that was rough and there were some tears. Also, Leena's ex called Avery (they're very close, almost like sisters) and confessed his feelings for her. I have video proof :| that was, uh.... quite interesting. But Avery stood up to that jerkface (for the sake of refraining from stronger language) and was like "No, you broke my best friend's heart, and this would be a betrayal for me to say yes. So no." And then also I told them about my anxiety and depression issues and they were all so sweet. But yeah, it was a ton of fun!

Friday:
Frankly, I have no clue what happened on Friday. I know stuff happened. But what?

Saturday:
I didn't get out of my pajamas this day lmao. I was deep-cleaning my bathroom and room (finished my bathroom, halleluiah), and then also binge-playing Luna Ravel  (SUPER fun game, kind of a choose-your-own-story type thing but it's way better than Episode or Spotlight. The art is beautiful and the stories are gripping--Luna's a detective. ALSO PETER IS SO HOT). 

Sunday:
Did some drawing (I'll post those a little later along with the costume pics) and ate like 12 mini croissants from Sam's Club because they're so good :loudly-crying: :star-struck: Finished cleaning my bathroom, then showered and changed (didn't get out of my pjs until about 4--look, I know, I wore them for like 42 hours and it's gross but it's not going to happen again I promise because bleh xD) and went to my cousin's grad party! I felt pretty out of place (the cousin who I used to be super close with is now closer with Leena's older sister, Adreena than she is with me, and she basically ignores my presence. So. Yeah.) I roleplayed with @The Halcyon Girl instead of interacting with people hehehe, until towards the end when my graduating cousin and his girlfriend talked to me and my older brother. It was fun! Also I ate like 7 chocolate cookies. They were like the Walmart bakery chocolate chunk cookies--OMG they're so good. OH ALSO I HAD A COFFEE AT LIKE NOON/ONE AND IT KEPT ME UP PAST 1:30 THIS MORNING MWAHAHAHAHAHA (also more Luna Ravel binge-playing ) ANYWAY IT WAS SO FUN! 

Today:
I'm probably just gonna work on my room... maybe invite Leena and Avery over if I make enough progress. We'll see! Thanks for reading this ridiculously long SU!

FRE SHA VOCA DO!

My status updates aren't status updating :loudly-crying:

I'm very frustrated right now. 

EXTREMELY frustrated. 

That's all for now because I don't have the energy. I'll update y'all on the past three days a little later.

Lots of emotions today. 8th grade graduation ceremony happens today from 1:30-3. Cried a lot in choir, though I think tomorrow will be worse haha.