FlowerGirl

I considered that, it's just been a while since I've read the series and I couldn't remember exactly chaotic Wax was. It does seem to fit though.

Here's some more incorrect quotes, some of them aren't completely accurate to the characters, but I tried. Vin, pointing: May I sit there? Elend: That's my lap Vin: That doesn't answer my question, Elend. Elend: Okay, truth or dare? Vin: Truth Elend: How many hours have you slept this week? Vin: Vin: ...Dare Elend: Go to bed. Vin: I don’t like this game. Vin: Whaddya call a fish with no eye? Elend, not looking up: Myxine Circifrons Vin: Vin: fsh Vin, struggling to keep upright in their 1 inch heels: Yeah, I-I don’t really think heels are for me Allriane, pointing at her and walking flawlessly in sparkly golden 6 inch heels: WEAK. Zane: So are we flirting right now? Vin: I AM LITERALLY STABBING YOU Zane: That doesn’t answer my question Adolin: Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running? Shallan: Oh, I’m always running Shallan: The question is from what Marasi: This is such a bad idea. Wax: Then why are you coming along? Wax: One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong. Wayne: *Kicks the door down looking panicked* Wax: What did you do? Wayne: Nobody died. Wax: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

I would sell it. What would you do if you found a red eyed tree frog in your pocket?

Chocolate, anything chocolate. How many books have you read in a single day?

Ok, thanks for the help. I'll be sure to avoid that word in the future.

I made a post earlier today, and it's showing up as hidden, even though I never hid it. Does anyone know how to fix this? It's only been this one post affected, I've been fine posting elsewhere on the shard.

Pg 1 "only sounds that came out of his absurdly long, salmon-colored neck was high-pitched whining." Sounds should be sound, and maybe add "a" after was. That second bit might just be personal preference. Pg 1, I'm having a bit of a hard time following things. You introduce the killer as an eight foot tall ostrich. Then you introduce Q. Then you mention the name of the ostrich, F. It doesn't really make sense that Q wouldn't think of F by name, considering that they seem to know each other. Pg 1. you start by saying there was a dead highway man, then Q pilfers the pocket of a second. This makes it seem as if the second dead highwayman just popped into existence. It would make sense if he was mentioned before Q began pilfering his pockets. Pg 2 "sounded like what you’d expect a necromancer ostrich to sound like." More description here would be nice. I find it hard to envision what a necromancer ostrich would sound like. Pg 2 "You should stick this in your writeup. The base adores the occasional skosh of violence." I'm liking the unique lingo so far. Pg 3 "Yes, and now you see why people can’t know that I am unable to raise corpses to do my bidding!" I'm a little unclear as to how the spiked mutant worm relates to why people can't know about F's issues with necromancy. Pg 3 "flaming melon" Is there a reason you chose to use flaming melon? It almost makes it sound like F's head is on fire. I'm wondering if there's a story behind this or if this is just more in story lingo. Pg 4 "cook a loaf of sourdough at it?" F is giving me the impression that he's not very well educated. Pg 5 "use that...tiny little triangle of yours." I found the wording here a bit odd. I don't usually associate brains with triangles, ovals, circles, general lumps are more the shapes I associate brains with. I'm not sure if it's different for ostriches, but I still found this a bit odd. Pg 5 "Crescent’s" I'm getting Hunger Games vibes from the Crescent (I just reread the series so that's probably why.) I'm interested to learn more about what exactly the crescent is. Pg 6 "opaque onyx glob" This seems a little over the top for an eye glinting. You could say that the glint flashed across the eye. You could probably get away with adding onyx in there too, but the two adjectives and then glob are not only a little over the top, but make it harder to understand. I had to reread this bit a couple of times to understand that this was referring to the eye. Pg 6 "black-feathered mess got left behind." Now I'm wondering if the entire population is ostriches, or at least a majority since we've seen the highway men. I'm getting curious to see more of the world. Pg 6, "she regretted turning him into an ostrich in the first place," Wait, is only F an ostrich? I got the impression that Q was one too. P6 "install terror" Lol, this made me thing of F pulling out a tablet and hitting install on an app called terror. Pg 6 "What? Writer. Anyways?” I have no idea what you were trying to say here. Pg 7 "F getting himself violently and hilariously disemboweled in front of a cheering crowd" So...not friends? I'm interested to see what their relationship and shared history is then, considering Q turned F into a ostrich and all. Pg 7 "dead tree number one zillion." Is the world mostly dead? Does Q have something to do with the dead trees? Does the gun kill any tree it touches? It's unclear why a zillion trees would be dead. Pg 8 "feathery periscope with a paranoid operator." I love the metaphor here! Pg 8, There's a lot of blank space between the two chapters. If it wasn't for the page count I would've assumed I'd finished reading. Pg 9, My first impression of B is that she's very fond of profanity. Pg 9 "a sterling conversation partner" A bit of an odd metaphor, I've never heard this phrase used before. I'm not sure if you made it up, or if this is something you use. Anyway, I stumbled over this while reading since I'm not familiar with the term. I'm having trouble seeing how sterling would relate to conversation. Pg 10, J is giving me uneducated soldier vibes. Pg 10 " “Says that trees are called something called orgasmic, meaning that they’re kinda sorta living creatures.” “That so?” J said, her nostrils flaring in a lazy [sneer], which was the closest thing she did to laughing." I didn't get the joke here, but I often don't understand or completely miss jokes. Pg 11, "“What was that?” B said. “Something blowing up, B,” J said. “I know that, J!” B exclaimed." This portion seems a little heavy on dialog attribution, especially with exclaimed. The exclamation mark should be enough. They're also using each other's names a lot, it feels a bit unnatural. Pg 12 "of scarlet on the jacket—she’d seen that cut from somewhere before, but couldn’t put her finger on where—which the woman wore over a shirt that had either been completely stained with ash," There's a while between the mentioning of the jacket and it being referred to as over the shirt. That made this particular bit a bit difficult to read. So far I'm really enjoying this. The worldbuilding is amazing! The character's are pretty good, but they feel somewhat similar personality wise. I'd say that Q is the most distinctive, she seems more serious. All the characters seem to have aa certain flavor (Not sure if that makes sense) I like the flavor, but the characters do blur together a bit. I really enjoyed all the unique lingo, even if it occasionally felt like a little much. So far you have a really intriguing, unique story. I can't wait to see where it goes!

Here's chapters 3.5-4.5. Some of the character interactions feel slightly off, so I'm not sure if that's just me or if it's something I need to fix, but I'd love to hear your opinion. Just in general I'd like to know how the plot is developing and if there's anything confusing or anything important I've overlooked (Plot related or otherwise.) All feedback is appreciated. I can't wait to hear what you all think!

I don't actually know, I just searched up incorrect quotes generator. It doesn't say where the quotes are from.

Here's some incorrect quotes that I thought were pretty great. Kaladin: I’m going to take you out Syl: great, it’s a date! Kaladin: I meant that as a threat. Syl: See you at five! Kaladin: What are your goals? Syl: To pet all the dogs. Kaladin: No, fitness goals. Syl: To be able to run fast enough to pet all the dogs. Kaladin: This is a mistake Syl, enthusiastically: A mistake we're going to laugh about one day! Kaladin: But not today Syl, still enthusiastic: Oh, no. Today's going to be a mess Kaladin: What’s up guys? I’m back. Syl: What the- you can’t be here. You’re dead. I literally saw you die. Kaladin: Death is a social construct. Kaladin: I’m gonna need a human skull and I can't have you ask any questions why. Syl: Only if you also don't ask why Syl: *Pulls out 7 pristine human skulls* Take your pick. Kaladin: Syl: Kaladin: This one is fine (I know some of these aren't completely accurate, but I found these pretty funny.)

Welcome to the shard!

Pg 2 "“Though I imagine my guard’s beings are smart enough to take out the rarest color steed if they are betraying me." I had to read over this a few times to figure it out. I think you're trying to convey that if a guard betrayed A they'd take his rarest steed as well, for value or something. I'm not certain if I've got this right, the wording is a little tricky. Pg 2 "“What if they’re being forced somehow and left the feather because they want your help.” It seems a little far fetched that C's mind would immediately go here. Unless she's the kind of girl who's always reading fairy tales (Or you could justify it by the fact that she's in one.) Then this seems a bit of a large leap for her to make. Of course you know your characters best, these are just my thoughts as I'm reading. Pg 3 "“Would someone really kill you for peeking in their tent?” Wow. Harsh. I'm a fan of the concept though(In an it adds to the story sort of way.), and can't wait to see more about the Fae's way of life. Pg 4 "P remembered the guard always entered a report into a book A had access too, as the captain." It seems like not too long ago P was having issues with their memory. Now they remember this minute detail? Maybe there's a story to go along, or an interesting explanation as to why A has access to the book? It just seems a bit odd that A would remember this detail and forget things about the steeds. Pg 5 "They hoped, they prayed, that there was more than one bed." I think I see where this relationship is heading. pg 5 "matters to discuss with my guard.” A has a guard? I'm getting curious as to who exactly he is in the Fae world. Who is he that he'd need guards? Pg 8 "P didn’t know if xe meant there was plenty of room in the room, or if xe was talking about the bed." Wow. What kind of past do these two have? Overall I really enjoyed this chapter. I learned a lot about the Fae world, and got some interesting peeks into P and A's relationship. I did notice that most moments are more of a overhead overview rather than being written in detail, hopefully that makes sense. If you wanted to add more to the chapter you could go and write out specific scenes rather than just going over things quickly. Personally I think the chapter is fine the way it is, the pacing is good and I enjoyed the character development and worldbuilding

Welcome to the shard! It's great to have you here! If you had to pick a favorite magic system what would it be? Mine is feruchemy, it just seems to have a ton of practical applications.

I've never actually cried while reading a book or watching a movie, I got close during the fifth book of Keeper of the Lost Cities though.

Unwind by Neal Shusterman Keeper of the lost cities by Shannon Messenger Shatter Me by Tahereh Mafi The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins Renegades by Marissa Meyer Peter and the Starcatchers by Rice Elice Uglies by Scott Westerfield.

I would like to submit Monday as well.

So you did kill the platapus?

Should we?

Was it Dr. Doofenshmirtz?

Nope, no idea. TPBM likes dystopian books.

All the time. TPBM has a pet.

Mine do, and it gets worse the longer they stay up. If they stay up past their bed time than it's a million times worse. (Running around like maniacs, biting, kicking, tears, general chaos, late night cravings for nachos, etc.) What would your siblings? What chaos ensues as their bedtime approaches?

Pg 1 "where it was always in the 70’s." For a minute I thought this was talking about the time period, then I realized this was referring to the weather. Pg 2 I realized I'm having trouble connecting to A, I can't really pin down what her personality is. So far I know that she'd help children being kidnapped in faerie and dislikes dresses. Other than that I don't know much about her. Pg 2 "Would she notice when A didn’t reply right away?" Time moves a lot slower in Faerie than it does on earth. This bit has me a little confused. Not much time would've passed back on earth. Exactly how fast does A's mom expect her to reply. Is she some sort of helicopter parent?(not sure if I used that term right) A is an adult, is her mom just really attentive or is there a reason she's been expecting a text? Pg 3 The focus on bartering is interesting, I'm definitely a fan of this. I'm curious to see if this goes for all shop's and fae or just the tailor. Pg 3 "except everyone wore gowns to balls in faerie." Interesting concept, I'd love to know how this came about. Dresses are usually uncomfortable so I'd be interested to know what caused them to be standard rather than more comfortable attire. Pg 3 I'm realizing I can't really visualize the characters, maybe a smidge of detail on defining traits would help. Pg 4 "somewhere between a unicorn Pegasus and griffin." This might just be a personal thing, but to me between makes me imagine something in the middle of two things, having three things threw me off. Maybe saying something along the lines of the creatures were various combinations of unicorn, pegasi and griffin would make more sense. This might just be a personal thing, I don't know if it would bother anyone else. Pg 4 "most fae couldn’t actually read minds and Aer wasn’t among the few that could." This is an interesting concept, I hope to see mind reading fae later in the book. Pg 4 "Xe just knew A" There's an extra space added here. Pg 5 "They wondered if their brain had always been like that and they just hadn’t noticed or if it had something to do with their age." This has me wondering if there's some sort of magic that slowly takes memories after someone leaves Faerie. Pg 5 "Ae stalked off towards the steeds." This whole scene felt a little melodramatic. I was willing to except that Ari was near tears at the death of the steed. Maybe they were especially close. Ae's cold reaction didn't feel realistic, he'd need some sort of reason for it to make sense that he's so upset, and there's isn't one thus far. Pg 6 I'm liking how A is becoming more active and how there's more focus on her. Pg 7 "grieve to hard when the steed dies." to should be too Pg 7 "Earth cats are people too, and come pretty close to talking.” Yes! This line is amazing! Pg 7 "Ae had always loved tests." This section has some good character building. I'm still wanting an explanation for why Ae is behaving like this. Pg 8 "unseelie" I'm wondering what this means. Pg 9 "searching random tents without evidence so they were looking for the point where they exited the void." This sentence is a little hard to read. I'm thinking either add a comma after evidence, or add a period after evidence and add instead to the start of the next sentence. Pg 9 "searching random tents without evidence so they were looking for the point where they exited the void." I'm thinking you need a comma before so. Pg 9 "leaf-wrapped oat-bars and handed one to A and one to C." Interesting, I know from personal experience that wrapping food in leaves will add a leafy taste (Depending on the leaf an its juices.) I'm wondering if a specific type of leaf is used, or if the lead flavor is just part of the oat-bars. Pg 9 "Something crunched beneath their but." But should be spelled butt. Pg 9 "plopped down on a rock" If the kidnapped kids phone was found on the rock that means they fell on the rock. I'm hoping the kids are okay. Overall the portion with the tailor was a little slow, but I liked the bartering aspect. Once A got with the creatures things really picked up, we got some good character building, and A took charge. I'm still wondering why Ae reacted so strongly to A forgetting things. I'm hoping a reason for this is introduced.

Lol, I doubt any of my siblings friends are on the shard. My siblings and their friends are all a little young for online chatting and Brandon's series (Aside from Alcatraz) so I'd be surprised if any of them are on the shard.

Your poor little brother. I've convinced mine that demons will come after him if he wakes me up early. (The only demon is me when I'm woken up)