FlowerGirl

Can I ask why he's afraid of the roomba? Just curious.

Hello! Oldest of four here. Strange things my siblings do: Respond to being called random foods, Pickle, Banana, rutabaga, kumquat, etc. Will not let you talk about anything related to the fish, the ocean, or any sea creature during a meal. If you do they burst into tears and refuse to eat. Insist on having nachos for multiple meals, sometimes they just have straight up cheese. Put plastic spiders in random places to scare me and the rest of my family (It never works) Listen to audiobooks (Super loudly and only from the harry potter series) to fall asleep. Constantly talk about electronics (Zelda, mario, minecraft, etc.) Refuse to flush the toilet during the night (Since it's too loud and will summon the demons) Believe in the Bed Time Fairy and Babysitter Fairy as well as the tooth fairy. Try to get photo evidence of Santa and the Easter bunny every year. (My parents have to find and delete footage from 10-30 cameras every year.) Try to eat (Or eat) the wax on the outside of the Babybel cheese. Eat playdough (It tastes salty and salt is good -my sister) Runs off after dinner and hides with the nintendo switch thinking they're being sneaky when really every one knows what they're doing. Cuts the hair off of dolls Draws mustaches on people in the middle of the night Puts our kittens in shoes because it's cute Would rather wear a bathing suit than normal clothes refuses to wear socks and underwear Dumps water on our kittens because they look cute when they're wet Has to bring several toys everywhere, and almost always leaves some behind Must play electronics for at least two hours a day, if they don't fill the quota because they're doing something else, like playing with friends, they're super upset. I hope you all enjoy this list of strange things my siblings do! Out of curiosity, how weird would you say they are in comparison to your siblings?

I have to know, how exactly did this come about? What brings one to try yodeling with a shoe on their head? Just curious.

I'm good, how about you? Also what's your favorite character? Mine is either Annabeth or Thalia.

I didn't order the mini's, I would've liked to though. TPBM has read more than one of Brandon's series.

This is some pretty good writing! I was so upset when I found out about Lessie, Brandon really does love to hurt us. (He more than makes up for it by writing awesome books, even if they hurt us.)

Welcome to the shard! Do you have a favorite book in the Mistborn series? Mine is the first one, but I really enjoyed them all.

I'm reading the shatter me series by Tahereh Mafi, I just finished the second book and am waiting for the third. I'm also reading the Unwind series by Neal Shusterman, It's a bit on the creepy side, but I've really enjoyed thus far, I've also been working my way through The Darkest Minds series by Alexandra Bracken. It's a fantasy/dystopian that I've really enjoyed.

Here's chapter two of To be Named. I don't really have anything specific I'm looking for, any feedback is appreciated. For anyone who hasn't read the first chapter, the main character has been reported a third time and is now on trial. She lives in a world where any display of aggression, dislike, anything is forbidden. The main character struggles with these rules, hence why she's been reported three times. -Flowergirl

Happy thanksgiving!

Can I have a slot for tomorrow?

Thanks for the explanation, I'm really glad there isn't something super obvious I'm missing. Personally I've never really labeled my drafts, I start with an outline, then draft the book, then revise it until I'm happy with it. I don't have a set method, I just do what feels correct and hope something coherent comes out in the end.

I'm not entirely sure if this is the right place to post this, but I'm wondering what counts as a first draft, second draft, third draft, etc.. When does a first draft become a second draft? What about a third? Are there certain qualifications for each? I looked this up online and couldn't find an answer, I'm not sure if that's because this is something really obvious or if everyone has their own definition or if it's for some other reason. Anyway, I'd love to hear your thoughts/explanations.

The term I've heard used most often for a mental hospital is psych ward, hope this helps.

This is the first draft of the novel, so far I've only written this first chapter and have a loose outline for where the rest is going.

I'm definitely interested to see where this goes. I agree that something feels a bit off it this chapter, it was almost as if the chapter was a bit disconnected from A. A didn't really do anything in the chapter aside from comment on things. It really didn't feel like a lot happened either, they went and talked to the queen. Maybe making the chapter a bit more active would help. Also sometimes if you're stuck the best thing you can do is to just skip over the area where you're stuck, write a scene you do know how to write, and go back to the difficult scene after you've finished everything else. It's almost always easier to figure out a scene when everything before and after it is already figured out. On the bottom half of page three it says, "The walls were covered in sparkly murals that looked like the pain they were drawn with paint made from ground up gemstones." I think you meant to say paint instead of pain. This sentence doesn't really made sense, maybe something along the lines of, "The walls were covered in sparkly murals that looked like they were drawn with paint made from ground of gemstones." Would work better. On the bottom half of page four it says "A said, shoulders held high, not daring to show weakness of submission in front of the predator of ruler." I think you meant to say something along the lines of "A said, shoulders held high, not daring to show weakness or submission in front of the predator of a ruler."

This is the first chapter of a new novel I'm working on. I'm lost on what to title it, suggestions are appreciated. This is my first time submitting and I really want to know what you don't like or what I'm doing wrong. I'd like to know what's working in the story and what isn't, also What's your understanding of the rules of the world? I want to know if I'm conveying this clearly. I'd also be interested to hear your take on my characters personalities. Do they have personalities? Sometimes I think I've given them personalities when I actually haven't so I'd love to hear your opinion. Finally I'm interested to hear where you think the story is going. What do you feel is being set up? Thanks for your time and can't wait to hear what you think. -FlowerGirl

Could I have a slot for tomorrow?

Thanks, I'm glad you like it.

Near the top of the first page it says, "A couple snuggled atop a picnic table. A wanted to tell them go home, not just because the honking was annoying them," This was a little confusing, it sounds like the couple were the ones being annoyed by the honking, not A. A says they want the teenagers and couple to go home because it's not safe for them to be there. A says their safe because of her age, but she worries about the couples safety. Are they a younger couple or were they just referring to the teenagers? This was just a bit confusing. A couple lines up from the bottom of page one you say, "And the las stretch of the bike trail that replaced them had only been made a couple years ago." I think you just forgot to add the T to last and wrote las instead. I really like the contrast of the drab work focused world of earth to the art focused world of the fae that you mention in the middle of page two. At the top of page three it says "You either don’t like talking to anyone or come with excuses not to.” This was a bit confusing to read, is A confused if whether they don't like talking to people or just comes up with excuses not to talk to them? This didn't really make sense to me. Near the top of page four it says "A, in that mist-shrouded moment, thought weren’t glad to be safe from the fae." This doesn't make sense to me? Maybe you meant to says she wasn't glad to be safe from the fae? Near the middle of page four it says, "where the two no-kids in hats were playing a game of tug of war with some of the teens over their friends." I'm a bit confused why they were called no-kids, did A dub them this because they said no? The story didn't mention that they said no until after this life, before it only introduced that they screamed. I'm not sure exactly what you were trying to say here. Near the top of page five it says, "All A could see of them was their hand sticking out." I think you were talking about the two kids here, but saying their hand almost makes it sound like they share a hand. I was a bit confused here. At the top of page six it says "Ae. A glorious knight who transcended gender with xir with vibrant green hair and matching eyes, ample muscle and sharp yet delicate facial features." The xir thing confused me, I understood that it was another way to refer to Ae later in the story, but at first I wondered if it was so ritual or artifact he used to transcend gender. It was a bit unclear what xir was at first. Near the middle of page seven you say, "Ae turned back to me A. “Is that true?" I think you meant to say he turned back to face A, the me in the sentence doesn't really make sense. At the bottom of page seven you say “I’m Xir Ae of the Seelie Court and you may use any pronouns but she/her for me.” I'm really confused about the Xir thing. Is it a pronoun? If it is why is she using she/her instead of Xir? Overall I really enjoyed this, the premise was really interesting. The idea of focusing on a character after their fairy tale adventure intrigues me, and it seems that it will allow her to assume a sort of mentor position over the child. Just a guess there. I can't wait to see where this story goes! (If you decide to share the rest of it)

Ok, first off I'm super interested in this story! It's pretty unique (I'm not super familiar with ghost stories, so this is just based off of what I've read.) I all the vivid detail you use to bring the story to life. I also really like how the story starts out with the normal everyday world and transitions into everything with the ghost and the supernatural elements. I was also a fan of the issues O was having at school and how I could relate, but how they were more interesting than anything that would ever happen in my school. One page one where the senior with a slider is mentioned I'm confused whether you're referring to a burgee, a different type of phone, or something else completely. at the end of page one it says "If you got hit with all the colors, they weren't supposed to be sprayed anymore." This is a bit confusing, the sentence goes from talking about you to talking about the colors. At the bottom of page three it says "Nice hair, W!," D said again," This is a little confusing, I wasn't sure whether O was being referred to by a nickname or if D was talking to some other character. Near the top of page six it says "At least she could put the envelopes to better use as scratch paper." I was a little confused here, was she using envelopes she receiving as scratch paper? Were the envelopes she wasn't sending being used as scratch paper? Was it something else entirely? The idea of O having been in a mental hospital is an interesting one, I definitely would be interested in hearing more about her stay there. I feel like the story is being set up for O to deal with the kids at her school, and the ghost. There's a lot of detail about how to ward off a ghost, maybe that will come into play later. There's also quite a bit of time spent on how O likes art. The fact that she likes art and is attacked by colors is an interesting correlation, and I'd be interested to see if anything more comes from that.