Little_Dagger

The trailer is amazing!!!!! I was reading with bated breath, all the images flashing before my eyes as if I were truly watching it! Thank you for putting it together! It's perfect!

That's exactly it. The first section of the story is designed to show how much his perception alters when he is drugged. He simply doesn't recognize L or registers what he does to her.

Thank you for reading and feedback, @Ace of Hearts! Yes, there is the third quiet guard I mention before, the one that brings him water and feels guilty. Understandable, the narrator is intentionally unreliable. Though L being real is confirmed in the last scene, where V accidentally kills her... which leads me to... Haha, yeah. That was my main concern. I ask the reader to do a lot of heavy lifting in this story. I'll explain the details here -- just so you don't feel lost anymore -- though the fact that the text doesn't do it for me is the best indicator that I should work on this more. The black specks in the beginning of the story were conceived as the darkening of the vision of someone who is weak and close to fainting. You may interpret it otherwise, as a feared product of V's drugged imagination, for example, or even as some magical element, but it doesn't really matter. What's important (and why I names the story Blue Skirt) is that L's skirt had black dots on it, so when she comes to his rescue and V glimpses them in the last scene, he lashes out with a spell he had prepared for his escape and kills L instead. His mind is once again muddled, of course, so he perceives the murder of his friend as a victory. Does the clarification help?

Honestly, that was surprisingly fun to write (yeah, apparently I'm a terrible person, haha). It was my first attempt at something so dark, so I'm glad to hear that part worked. Both are very good points, thanks! I'll see what I can do to fix these. Again, a very good point, but I needed to find some way for L and V to talk, so I guess that will have to stay unless I come up with a more reasonable arrangement. Thank you both for reading and taking time to comment! It's very helpful!

This is my first time reading the story, so I hope I won’t be too lost As I go: P1. “charred feathers and the red glow” – that’s cool imagery P2: “runs towards” – could be better if you used “starts towards” since J doesn’t let him go far “go poof” takes away from the seriousness of the danger a bit “Can we” – didn’t M just see V’s claws go right through? Either he somehow doesn’t see that, or it’s very weird that he keeps thinking she is real afterward P3. “operant conditioning” – the second part of the paragraph feels out of place and I can’t put my finger on exactly why. Maybe because the narration is sort of informal until then, and the terminology jumps out unexpectedly, or perhaps because it’s a blanket statement that feels removed from the urgency of the current situation, not sure. P4. “I need to be punished” – a little too blunt for a kid “go right through her” – why didn’t J attempt to use the knife or just touch her before? Could be a convincing argument A isn’t real for anyone but M, save J the need to argue “leap into motion” – I assume these two are close to the exit ahead of J and M? Could be useful to clarify. P5. “with my knife” – it might be really tricky to strike down a flock of birds with a knife, especially if there are many “Why are you” – a battle is an odd place to have this conversation “doesn’t mean” – the line is a bit too cheesy for my tastes P6. “That good kids” – nice P7. “you’re the only one” – it’s probably explained in earlier chapters, but why can’t J and his friends just haul M out and explain later? Why do they have to convince him then and there? “Then the world” – ah, so you don’t need to go through the exit? Just kill the moonster and you are out? But then why were they running to the exit? P8. “what happened” is used twice in the same paragraph P9. “the actual hard work” – again, this was probably explained before, but how exactly did K and V fight the pigeons off? Also knives? P11. “before leaving with Valencia” – didn’t her mom bring V dinner too? “You were invisible” – oh, okay Overall: I like the pacing and the setting is very original and interesting. I would like to know more about this mysterious labyrinth, its origins, and its rules. I’m curious about whether or not they’ll find a way to destroy it. If there is one thing I would tweak, it’s adding some subtlety to the dialogue. It seems psychology is the theme of the story, but the way everyone talks freely, openly, and directly about their feelings feels a bit artificial at times. Some playfulness, sarcasm, or reservations here and there might help shake it up. Other than that, good work!

Hi, it’s odd to dive into a story on Chapter 22, but I’m excited to try! As I go: P1. The POV in the beginning change feels abrupt. If it’s intentional, I hope the format is well-established previously. Having a magic allergy is a cool idea! “Oh, my child…” paragraph: a minor point, but the word “thing” is used four times and feels at best ineloquent by the character “obviously something is going on” feels a bit on the nose Also, it might have been set up in previous chapters, but I don’t know what the setting is here. Where are these characters? Is M bodily with them or is she in some outside realm? Where is Fi and how do they all hear each other? P2. “to stay within her love” is a nice phrase P3. “Well, I’ve gathered…” The sentence is awkwardly phrased P4. “Roger” jumps out at me. I wasn’t aware there’s radio in your world so it felt a bit out of place “more important than a lamp” – haha, yeah “out its eye sockets” – cool imagery P5. Using “sucked” when describing L’s feeling somehow makes her feel less… Lady of Darkness. Until then, I imagined her to be more distinguished. P6. Never mind, L appears to be using slang quite a bit. I must have formed incorrect expectations about her in the first few pages. “A very complicated one” and then “Well, it’s complicated” feels repetitive P8. Would be nice to have a line or two of the setting at this point (a crackle of the fire, or some such) to help the reader visualize the conversation P9. Frog tree? That sounds fun P11. I like that the chapter ends with a promise. I’m curious about “what first” too. Overall: It’s been a while since I commented on your work, so it was great to read in your voice again. I liked the pace of the chapter: the dialogue flowed naturally and I was always excited to find out what came next. I was confused by the POV change in the beginning, but I’m guessing it’s something that was established earlier in the book, so perhaps it only felt jarring to me (I’m still not sure who the “I” in the beginning is). Other than that, you have very interesting characters and you clearly know where you are going with the plot and why. While I might not have understood some references, I still had a lot of fun. Good job!

Kaladin's farewell scenes with both Bridge 4 and then later with Adolin and Shallan were the first hints that Kal wouldn't be coming back any time soon, playing on my emotions at the time. Also, Rlain's flashback of being chosen as a spy because everyone else was too useful and no one spoke out on his behalf was heart-wrenching.

Hi all, It's a pleasure to be back! I have a short story this week (with tags for Violence and Language), and I mostly worry about the clarity of the plot because the narrator is often unreliable. Please let me know if you feel confused about the events, and as always, all comments and thoughts are welcome! Thank you!

Thank you, @Silk Will do!

If it's not too late, may I have a spot too?

Raboniel: relatable, ruthless and smart. Such a complex villain!

I'm following you on Instagram, and these are some of my favourite Kaladin illustrations! Thank you for your work! It's amazing!

Yanagawn leading a mission into the Palace as a thief was a cool moment

Could it be referring to Sazed? He did have a dark shadow of himself trailing in his wake in TLM.

Do you think Rysn and her ship crew are the ones the death rattle about bringing light from the sea is about?