Certified Gay Disasters

[The Aspiring Archivist]

43 minutes ago, NerdyAarakocra said:

I think that 13 is probably old enough to know if you're aromantic .

Oh yay. Because I'm older and still doubt it sometimes.

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Friendly Cremling said:

Do you guys think 13 is too young to know if you’re aro? Because I know people who didn’t have crushes until they were older than I am, but like most of the people I know who are my age have crushes or are dating. So I don’t know if maybe I’m just a “late bloomer” or something or not. 

Naw your old enough to make your own choices 

[DramaQueen]

1 hour ago, Friendly Cremling said:

Do you guys think 13 is too young to know if you’re aro? Because I know people who didn’t have crushes until they were older than I am, but like most of the people I know who are my age have crushes or are dating. So I don’t know if maybe I’m just a “late bloomer” or something or not. 

Even if you do end up being a "late bloomer," it's okay to identify as aro for as long as the term feels right for you!! It's okay for you to change the labels you identify with, and just because you say you're one thing right now doesn't mean that has to be your final answer.

[The Aspiring Archivist]

20 minutes ago, DramaQueen said:

Even if you do end up being a "late bloomer," it's okay to identify as aro for as long as the term feels right for you!! It's okay for you to change the labels you identify with, and just because you say you're one thing right now doesn't mean that has to be your final answer.

This is a very nice way of putting it!

Also, happy Valentine's day to you all! I may never have a Valentine, but the candy is nice.

[Wittles]

1 hour ago, Friendly Cremling said:

Do you guys think 13 is too young to know if you’re aro? Because I know people who didn’t have crushes until they were older than I am, but like most of the people I know who are my age have crushes or are dating. So I don’t know if maybe I’m just a “late bloomer” or something or not. 

Really, 13 is about when you start to figure yourself out (at least in my experience), so I'd say it's definitely not to young to know if you're aro.

[Cinnamon]

… not me having a crisis and rethinking my entire identity

ahhhhhhhhhhhh *plants face in pillow*

[NerdyAarakocra]

4 hours ago, Cinnamon said:

… not me having a crisis and rethinking my entire identity

ahhhhhhhhhhhh *plants face in pillow*

*Hugs*

[Wittles]

12 hours ago, Cinnamon said:

… not me having a crisis and rethinking my entire identity

ahhhhhhhhhhhh *plants face in pillow*

It's so freaking annoying when that happens

[Cinnamon]

7 hours ago, NerdyAarakocra said:

*Hugs*

Thanks :/

2 minutes ago, Witless of Shinovar said:

It's so freaking annoying when that happens

Yup ‘tis indeed .-.

[Wittles]

So I think I finally figured out my sexuality: Bisexual demiromantic grayasexual

As for gender...I'm starting to suspect i might be nonbinary or something. follow up, how the heck do you know if you're not cis? pls help

Edited February 18, 2023 by Witless of Shinovar

[Shadowed]

 

Kay Witless I’m just going to dump some advice here, based on my experiences. Don’t know if it will be good advice or not, feel free to take it or leave it. But I hope at least some of it helps.

Firstly, congrats on figuring out your sexuality! That can be very scary, especially if you’re doing it on your own, but you did it. Yay! You’ve already done half the battle. Now, onto the next part.

Gender.

Gender sucks sometimes. Like, really sucks. I can’t just sit here and tell you you’re going to figure it out straight away, because that would be lying. And I can’t say there won’t be days when you feel really down about it, or when you wish you didn’t have this extra pressure weighing you down all the scudding time. It can be very easy to get sucked into the cycle of stressing over the fact that you haven’t worked it out, finding something that *might* fit you, worrying that it isn’t perfect, and then thinking ‘what if I’m worrying about nothing and I’m actually just cis’. I would know. But, and I emphasise this very strongly, this is normal. 99/100 questioning people will do it, and thinking you’re the only one will get you precisely nowhere. 

That being said, sometimes it is the case that people question their gender and then realise they are comfortable with the gender they were assigned at birth. They might come to this realisation because they try out a different name/pronouns/haircut/clothing style and feel uncomfortable with it, or maybe they just decide that their original label makes them feel the happiest. This is equally as valid, and it might take someone a while to realise it, but that is absolutely okay.

Which brings me onto my next point. Only you can say what you feel most comfortable identifying as. There’s no definitive ‘list’ of things you have to be in order to identify as cis, trans, nonbinary or anything else - usually, the best way to work this out is to try out different labels and see if they make you happier. It’s also totally okay to use a label with a definition that doesn’t exactly match how you feel - as long as you feel comfortable with it, that’s all that really matters. (I know I went down a rabbit hole of researching obscure Tumblr identities and trying to find one with an exact definition that matched me and… I do not recommend.) 

There are a load more things I could talk about here, but I’ve probably already confused/bored you enough  so ima stop now. I hope it helps in some way, and good luck on your questioning quest! i did not just type that
 

@Witless of Shinovar @anyone else who needs it

Spoiler

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Edit: Storms. That has to be the longest post I’ve ever made *phew*

Edited February 18, 2023 by Shadowed

[DramaQueen]

1 hour ago, Witless of Shinovar said:

So I think I finally figured out my sexuality: Bisexual demiromantic grayasexual

As for gender...I'm starting to suspect i might be nonbinary or something. follow up, how the heck do you know if you're not cis? pls help

I'm cis, and the way I know is because I very much enjoy looking feminine, and I feel really weird about considering going by they/them, he/him, or any neo-pronouns. I considered using xey/zem for a little bit, but that doesn't feel right, and it turns out I just think those are cool pronouns, but they're not mine. I ended up using them for an RP character, though.

I enjoy playing male/masculine characters in plays, but I sometimes really really really hate dressing masc at all just in daily life. There are times that the masc vibes work, too. It depends on the day, but I always feel and present like a girl.

If I have a crush on someone, and I hear/see them talk/text about me using she/her pronouns, I sometimes feel really really happy about that in the weirdest way. Like, those have always been my pronouns?? But I guess it just makes me happy that they're referring to me, and because those are my pronouns, it's really nice and correct.

I know that's the opposite of what you asked, but maybe it'll still help a bit?

[Wittles]

7 minutes ago, DramaQueen said:

I'm cis, and the way I know is because I very much enjoy looking feminine, and I feel really weird about considering going by they/them, he/him, or any neo-pronouns. I considered using xey/zem for a little bit, but that doesn't feel right, and it turns out I just think those are cool pronouns, but they're not mine. I ended up using them for an RP character, though.

I enjoy playing male/masculine characters in plays, but I sometimes really really really hate dressing masc at all just in daily life. There are times that the masc vibes work, too. It depends on the day, but I always feel and present like a girl.

If I have a crush on someone, and I hear/see them talk/text about me using she/her pronouns, I sometimes feel really really happy about that in the weirdest way. Like, those have always been my pronouns?? But I guess it just makes me happy that they're referring to me, and because those are my pronouns, it's really nice and correct.

I know that's the opposite of what you asked, but maybe it'll still help a bit?

actually that did help. Really it helps to see both sides of things

[NerdyAarakocra]

9 hours ago, Witless of Shinovar said:

So I think I finally figured out my sexuality: Bisexual demiromantic grayasexual

As for gender...I'm starting to suspect i might be nonbinary or something. follow up, how the heck do you know if you're not cis? pls help

For me, I felt uncomfortable being labeled as male. After a long angst-ridden identity crisis, I thought: "Screw it, I don't identify as male so I guess I'll just say I'm enby and see if that works with how I think of myself."

It worked, although I accidentally came out to one of my friends twice. Fun times.
Hope this helps!

[The Aspiring Archivist]

Wow, I think I'm pretty lucky in this space. I've never had gender issues, nor is my sexuality a frequent target of hate and rejection. Plus I don't have to deal with the stress of finding romance. I guess I'm missing out in a certain way, but I don't know what I'm missing so I don't care

[Wittles]

2 hours ago, The Aspiring Archivist said:

Wow, I think I'm pretty lucky in this space. I've never had gender issues, nor is my sexuality a frequent target of hate and rejection. Plus I don't have to deal with the stress of finding romance. I guess I'm missing out in a certain way, but I don't know what I'm missing so I don't care

Lol. I think it would be better to just be totally aroace or completely non aroace, it makes me question the bits of attraction I do experience. It can be annoying. 

5 hours ago, NerdyAarakocra said:

For me, I felt uncomfortable being labeled as male. After a long angst-ridden identity crisis, I thought: "Screw it, I don't identify as male so I guess I'll just say I'm enby and see if that works with how I think of myself."

It worked, although I accidentally came out to one of my friends twice. Fun times.
Hope this helps!

Thanks for the advice, time to begin the identity crises again. hehe *dies a little bit internally*

 

[The Aspiring Archivist]

3 hours ago, Witless of Shinovar said:

Lol. I think it would be better to just be totally aroace or completely non aroace, it makes me question the bits of attraction I do experience. It can be annoying. 

Thanks for the advice, time to begin the identity crises again. hehe *dies a little bit internally*

Oh no. We're here for moral support!

[Wittles]

11 hours ago, The Aspiring Archivist said:

Oh no. We're here for moral support!

Morals are great! thanks

[The Aspiring Archivist]

On 2/19/2023 at 0:05 PM, Witless of Shinovar said:

Morals are great! thanks

They tend to be good to have, I believe.

[NerdyAarakocra]

On 2/19/2023 at 3:05 PM, Witless of Shinovar said:

Morals are great! thanks

So are morsels! And mortals!

[Wittles]

You know those memories of a really cringy thing that randomly pop up? Well, one of those came up, and it was me in like 5th grade being called gay by a really annoying kid. At the time I was really worried about that. I started laughing out loud because, well, I'm posting here. Just felt like sharing this random thing cus it was funny.

[Tea Leaf]

On 2/18/2023 at 9:39 AM, DramaQueen said:

I considered using xey/zem for a little bit, but that doesn't feel right, and it turns out I just think those are cool pronouns, but they're not mine. I ended up using them for an RP character, though.

I was the exact same, with those pronouns too.

[DramaQueen]

2 hours ago, The last Fae in the Woods said:

I was the exact same, with those pronouns too.

They're cool pronouns!!

[The Aspiring Archivist]

21 hours ago, Witless of Shinovar said:

You know those memories of a really cringy thing that randomly pop up? Well, one of those came up, and it was me in like 5th grade being called gay by a really annoying kid. At the time I was really worried about that. I started laughing out loud because, well, I'm posting here. Just felt like sharing this random thing cus it was funny.

Yeah... I didn't even know what the word meant for a while, but people would constantly use it as a dumb insult.

Also, mildly embarrassing memory, but when I asked one of them what gay meant my initial reaction was "that's weird." Which embarrasses me now but also I think it says a thing or two about heteronormativity and why it's a bad thing. I was fully conditioned to believe that heterosexual was the natural and in fact only way people could be. Seriously, I didn't know what gay MEANT.

But I digress.

I'm just glad that innocent lack of understanding didn't turn into something much worse.

[Wittles]

2 minutes ago, The Aspiring Archivist said:

Yeah... I didn't even know what the word meant for a while, but people would constantly use it as a dumb insult.

Also, mildly embarrassing memory, but when I asked one of them what gay meant my initial reaction was "that's weird." Which embarrasses me now but also I think it says a thing or two about heteronormativity and why it's a bad thing. I was fully conditioned to believe that heterosexual was the natural and in fact only way people could be. Seriously, I didn't know what gay MEANT.

But I digress.

I'm just glad that innocent lack of understanding didn't turn into something much worse.

Yeah. I had only recently found out what the word meant, and yeah, the heteronormativity thing definitely made me a bit shocked when I learned what it was. I think I had or still have some internal homophobic stuff to work through; which is a totally different thing that I'll probably rant about another time. Basically what I'm trying to say is I agree