Tournament: Cosmere Character Roast Battles

[KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren He/Him]

@SpartanBrigade

Marsh turned to Kelsier.

Spoiler

You're just the same

You killed a god so you could take his place

You always were the type who basked in fame

You were worshipped while we withered

 

Where were you at the Siege of Luthadel?

Oh, right, you'd sacrificed yourself to become a god

Only to decide you didn't want to die after all

 

All you care for is your own immortality

Tell me brother, where is your morality?

 

I led the skaa rebellion

While you were busy stealing wallets

Now the Ghostbloods commit crimes in your name

All just for your power and games

 

You pride yourself in killing the Lord Ruler

Don't forget that were it not for sacrifice

Your plan would've ended a whole lot sooner

 

I was the one who found Vin

Where would we be if I hadn't done that?

You weren't good enough with bronze

Of course, you could never be content to listen and watch

 

I resisted the wrath of Ruin

I saved the world when I pulled Vin's earring

For years I fought the will of a god

A god you were far to busy fearing

 

Little brother

 

[SpartanBrigade He/Him]

So what’s the order do I respond to Marsh?

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

Can I rebut Kelsier?

(I’ll write a rap against Marsh later)

[SpartanBrigade He/Him]

15 minutes ago, Hoid Slayer said:

Can I rebut Kelsier?

(I’ll write a rap against Marsh later)

Also your first rap was amazing lol
That needs all the rep points

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

2 minutes ago, SpartanBrigade said:

Also your first rap was amazing lol
That needs all the rep points

Thanks

Yours was great too

“You raised your empire with the bones of my friends” was brutal

[Archer he/him]

Whoops, I got distracted eating dinner

Gotta eat more, I'm getting thinner

If I were a chromium ferring, I'd be a spinner

Thanks for rapping, you're all winners! 

[KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren He/Him]

6 hours ago, Archer said:

Whoops, I got distracted eating dinner

Gotta eat more, I'm getting thinner

If I were a chromium ferring, I'd be a spinner

Thanks for rapping, you're all winners! 

So...

What happens now?

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

I completely forgot about this

[Frustration]

Well if we want to do another one I'm in

[Stardust She/Her]

YES PLEASE. I read through all the pages on this thread and now I want to participate (If enough people want to) So if it happens I am in. 

[Ashspren]

@Archer @Stardust @Frustration @Hoid Slayer @TwinStorm@KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren @SpartanBrigade

Finally have some free time and caught up with all the Cosmere books— if we want to do another rap battle tournament, I’m down to moderate (or co-moderate with Archer if he wants to stay in that role). Let me know and we can try to find a full set of people!

[KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren He/Him]

Just now, Ashspren said:

@Archer @Stardust @Frustration @Hoid Slayer @TwinStorm@KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren @SpartanBrigade

Finally have some free time and caught up with all the Cosmere books— if we want to do another rap battle tournament, I’m down to moderate (or co-moderate with Archer if he wants to stay in that role). Let me know and we can try to find a full set of people!

Ooooh

I don't know if I can commit to a roast battle right now... I shall see though

[Myst He/Him]

32 minutes ago, Ashspren said:

@Archer @Stardust @Frustration @Hoid Slayer @TwinStorm@KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren @SpartanBrigade

Finally have some free time and caught up with all the Cosmere books— if we want to do another rap battle tournament, I’m down to moderate (or co-moderate with Archer if he wants to stay in that role). Let me know and we can try to find a full set of people!

Just read the very first roast and…

Put me in Coach!

I want to do this(not moderate, Im not confident enough for that yet, but I’d want to participate)

I call Frost

edit: I will say that I won’t be available from the 29th to the 2nd, if that matters 

Edited Thursday at 07:15 AM by Myst

[Stardust She/Her]

On 6/18/2026 at 12:42 AM, Ashspren said:

@Archer @Stardust @Frustration @Hoid Slayer @TwinStorm@KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren @SpartanBrigade

Finally have some free time and caught up with all the Cosmere books— if we want to do another rap battle tournament, I’m down to moderate (or co-moderate with Archer if he wants to stay in that role). Let me know and we can try to find a full set of people!

YES YES YES

I was literally thinking of this today, like “that would be so much fun to do”. 
I definitely want to do this! 
Put me in as Kaladin!!! 

[Ascended Grubberfly He/Him]

On 6/18/2026 at 12:42 AM, Ashspren said:

@Archer @Stardust @Frustration @Hoid Slayer @TwinStorm@KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren @SpartanBrigade

Finally have some free time and caught up with all the Cosmere books— if we want to do another rap battle tournament, I’m down to moderate (or co-moderate with Archer if he wants to stay in that role). Let me know and we can try to find a full set of people!

I may not be the best poet, but I’d be willing to give this a whirl if you need people.

Sign me up as whoever, I don’t have a real preference.

[Myst He/Him]

1 hour ago, Stardust said:

YES YES YES

I was literally thinking of this today, like “that would be so much fun to do”. 
I definitely want to do this! 
Put me in as Kaladin!!! 

I hope I don’t have to roast you, that’d be rough. I like Kaladin. 

[Archer he/him]

On 6/18/2026 at 2:42 AM, Ashspren said:

(or co-moderate with Archer if he wants to stay in that role). Let me know and we can try to find a full set of people!

I wouldn't dream of it, you're the OG!

I will sign up as a player though. Torol Sadeas is entering to address your slanderous accusations. 

[Frustration]

I'm in.

 

Szeth my homeboy as always

[Ashspren]

Great, thanks gang! So we currently have:

• @Myst as Frost
• @Stardust as Kaladin
• @Ascended Grubberfly as ??? (we can decide on someone after more people sign up to round things out)
• @Archer as Torol Sadeas
• @Frustration as Szeth

Looking forward to it! Feel free to tag people/reach out to see if anyone else wants to participate. While a full 16 would be great (and very Cosmere relevant), we can also make it work with 8. 

[Shatter He/Him]

7 hours ago, Ashspren said:

Great, thanks gang! So we currently have:

• @Myst as Frost
• @Stardust as Kaladin
• @Ascended Grubberfly as ??? (we can decide on someone after more people sign up to round things out)
• @Archer as Torol Sadeas
• @Frustration as Szeth

Looking forward to it! Feel free to tag people/reach out to see if anyone else wants to participate. While a full 16 would be great (and very Cosmere relevant), we can also make it work with 8. 

is Hoid the judge?