The Longest Thread (Misadventures)

[Immortal Platypus]

17 hours ago, NameIess said:

But one day, probably before the heat death of the universe, they probably would be. And Plot would be waiting*.

Meanwhile...

I wonder where that Plot went. Oh well, Guess I'll have to go with the backup. 

In TLT, there are many strange things and many strange people. But today, this plot does not focus on anything out of the ordinary. No indeed, it focuses on something-sorry, someone-entirely ordinary. His name is Timothy. Timothy has always been an ordinary person, and his number one goal in life is living a long one that is as free of extra suffering as possible. To accomplish this goal, he does his utmost to avoid drawing a Narrators attention. To name a few of the precautions he has taken, he has carefully removed any latent desire to go on an adventure**, he has moved to a city that is extremely boring and has never even been mentioned in TLT, and he has resolved to avoid falling in love with anyone, as that only ever leads to eventual heartbreak. Although some would call his life "boring" or "in dire need of more explosions" Tim is actually quite happy in his normality. In fact, the only odd thing about him is the lengths to which he goes to hide from abnormalities. Well, that all might change today. Or it might not. I guess that's up to you.

Tim heard a knock at his door. I wonder what that could be. I didn't think I had any company coming over.

*Like the you-know-what

**He accomplished this great feat by reading Trauma: An In-depth Study of the Great Heroes of TLT. (The author of this book had spent a great deal of time obtaining interviews by pretending to be a therapist, and had written a chapter on basically every significant figure in the past fifteen-hundred pages.

Hacob was quite confused, looking up from the book. He didn't think Platypus had ever gone to a therapy session, and he sure hadn't. The author was definitely magic. But there was no time to be distracted.

[NameIess]

57 minutes ago, Immortal Platypus said:

Hacob was quite confused, looking up from the book. He didn't think Platypus had ever gone to a therapy session, and he sure hadn't. The author was definitely magic. But there was no time to be distracted.

(The author had used a variety of strategies, the therapist guise merely being the most effective)

[Immortal Platypus]

Hacob wondered if the author was Nowhere. He'd talked to very few others since his... birth? Spawning? Creation? Yeah, creation is the right word.

[NameIess]

(In Hacob's case, the author (who was not Nowhere) had requested information from Moni, the one person who had responded in the affirmative to an interview. (and also the only person whom the Author had, after suitable investigation, decided was safe to interview openly) Moni had given the author a lengthy interview and many tips for digging up backstories, and thanks to her cooperation the eventual book had been several times longer than the author had originally envisioned.)

[Immortal Platypus]

Hacob was still confused as he didn't remember ever talking to (or even meeting) Moni.

[NameIess]

The author was of course completely aware of Hacob's confusion, given that they were currently spying on him via the use of an in-book camera.

Edited April 16, 2024 by NameIess

[Immortal Platypus]

Hacob was even more confused. He thought he'd turned on that thing. He looked at the gadget that he had borrowed from Nowhere, then flicked a switch to disable other technology.

[NameIess]

The in-book camera switched off, but the hired spy gremlin didn’t.

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

And neither did the book goblin.

[NameIess]

And neither did the Kandra spy that was using connection to impersonate Hacob’s as-yet nonexistent father.

[Immortal Platypus]

Hacob briefly wondered if because Subversion had created him from Platypus' essence, they would be his parents. He very, very, very quickly banished that particular thought.

[NameIess]

Subversion of course considered herself more of a wise mentor figure to Hacob than a parental figure.

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

Thaidakar, in the afterlife, made bizarre fan fiction about how Platypus and Subversion were Hacob's parents.

[NameIess]

Nameless, in the afterlife, burned Thaidakar’s fanfiction.

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

...............

Oh my gosh.

I just wrote the post for @Immortal Platypus. It was big, chunky, had juicy Darkness lore, had a fun easter egg, finally advanced some story elements-

No, it wasn't meant to be, apparently, because when I pressed "submit reply" it up and vanished.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to go pretend I'm drinking hard liquor when it's really just water while I outline angrily.

[Immortal Platypus]

5 hours ago, Thaidakar the Ghostblood said:

Thaidakar, in the afterlife, made bizarre fan fiction about how Platypus and Subversion were Hacob's parents.

 

4 hours ago, NameIess said:

Nameless, in the afterlife, burned Thaidakar’s fanfiction.

Hacob was very happy with Nameless. He didn't agree with Subversion either though.

24 minutes ago, Thaidakar the Ghostblood said:

...............

Oh my gosh.

I just wrote the post for @Immortal Platypus. It was big, chunky, had juicy Darkness lore, had a fun easter egg, finally advanced some story elements-

No, it wasn't meant to be, apparently, because when I pressed "submit reply" it up and vanished.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to go pretend I'm drinking hard liquor when it's really just water while I outline angrily.

I always, always copy an important post before I upload it. and also save it on a Google doc. and sometimes in a text to myself. I WILL NOT LOSE AN IMPORTANT POST!

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

4 minutes ago, Immortal Platypus said:

I always, always copy an important post before I upload it. and also save it on a Google doc. and sometimes in a text to myself. I WILL NOT LOSE AN IMPORTANT POST!

I usually do it too, but I just didn't this time-

AAHHHHHHHHHH

[NameIess]

17 minutes ago, Immortal Platypus said:

Hacob was very happy with Nameless. He didn't agree with Subversion either though.

Nameless then wrote a greatly improved version of Thaidakar's story and published it.

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

2 minutes ago, NameIess said:

Nameless then wrote a greatly improved version of Thaidakar's story and published it.

Thaidakar wrote the sequels with Brandon Sanderson advising him on story elements.

[NameIess]

41 minutes ago, Thaidakar the Ghostblood said:

Thaidakar wrote the sequels with Brandon Sanderson advising him on story elements.

Nameless made sure that the series was fully distributed throughout the entirety of the afterlife, so that anyone who died would receive a copy within ten minutes of their death.

[The Bookwyrm he/him]

The first recipient was a guy named Oblib, who was very tall and couldn't remember how he'd died.

[NameIess]

He was right in the middle of a tearful reunion with his wife and ten children who'd died ten years ago in a freak accident when a train had derailed and hit his car when the book dropped onto his head.

[Immortal Platypus]

1 hour ago, NameIess said:

Nameless then wrote a greatly improved version of Thaidakar's story and published it.

1 hour ago, Thaidakar the Ghostblood said:

Thaidakar wrote the sequels with Brandon Sanderson advising him on story elements.

Hacob considered dying so he could get rid of them, then decided that he'd just sue for using his likeness without consent. He got Platypus in on the suit as well. He was taking a break from the challenges on account of Thaidakar's Author taking too long to post.

[NameIess]

3 minutes ago, Immortal Platypus said:

Hacob considered dying so he could get rid of them, then decided that he'd just sue for using his likeness without consent. He got Platypus in on the suit as well. He was taking a break from the challenges on account of Thaidakar's Author taking too long to post.

Nameless didn't show up to court, surprisingly. He figured that it was unlikely that the courts would figure out how to actually punish him for his crimes.

[Lunamor she/her]

Hacob's evil twin brother Jacob was angered by this, as he had been on jury duty and was forced to spend several days in court for nothing. He vowed to get revenge on Nameless.