The Longest Thread (Misadventures)

[Lunu’anaki]

Forever and ever, amen.

[FatherTiempo]

The soleless hordes of breadmunks formed a labor union, lobbying for more shoes with soles.

[Jaywalk]

One faction of the uprising branched out into boots.

[NameIess]

But Kaladin overreacted and murdered them all, thinking they were going to steal his boots.

[Lunamor]

He had been left bootless one too many times. Cause one time was too many.

[Darth Woodrack]

Of course, the breadmunks had very good lawyers and are therefore immune to murder.

[Truthless of Shinovar]

The Ghanderflafflle Empire, on the other hand, slayed them.

[Darth Woodrack]

The Ghanderfalffle empire did not have very good lawyers, so Breadm*nks united sued them.

[Lunamor]

For $20.

I’m pretty sure that you can legally do that.

[FatherTiempo]

Kelsier decided to volunteer his wife Jasnah as the Ghanderfalffle's attorney.

[NameIess]

But Jasnah died of a heart attack before she could tell them that she wouldn't do it.

[Rebecca]

2 hours ago, Lunamor said:

For $20.

I’m pretty sure that you can legally do that.

Yep! But there won’t be a jury, since it’s not above $20.

But it just was a fake heart attack. So she didn’t actually die.

[NameIess]

She just didn't want to deal with lawyers again.

[Jaywalk]

Due to a horrific event in her past involving a toaster and plastic spork.

[Ghanderflaffle]

Quote

The Ghanderflaffle Empire was rising.

The Ghanderflaffle Empire had been growing like a mushroom for the past hundred years.

When I first heard that the Ghanderflaffle Empire was rising, I couldn't understand. It was like a fairy tale, like something my friends in high school told me. The Ghanderflaffle Empire was a fairy tale I didn't know. It wasn't real.

The Ghanderflaffle Empire had never existed. It was just stories I had heard.

But now the Ghanderflaffle Empire was rising. It was an unstoppable force that would sweep across the entire continent. The Ghanderflaffle Empire had already reached the border of the Human Empire, and the Human Empire wasn't taking any chances.

The Ghanderflaffle Empire was coming to destroy me.

What was I supposed to do? Should I leave? Should I stay and be a puppet of the Ghanderflaffle Empire? I

This one needed to be here.

[FatherTiempo]

      Jasnah Kholin was deadly afraid of toasters.

     One day, when she was in a magical land populated by plastic forks, she came across a giant toaster. Jasnah screamed, which she would never admit to later, and ran away. Alas, she tripped on one of the plastic forks, and broke him in half. 

     Jasnah, who it might be mentioned was six years old, was traumatized. She ran away from the magical land of plastic forks to a gentler time where there were no plastics, or toasters.

     I apologize for the spoilers, as I believe this will be apart the flashbacks in the next volume of the Stormlight Archive.

[Jaywalk]

Brandon Sanderson was surprised at Narrator FT’s foresight, and invited him to work as his assistant.

[Darth Woodrack]

Then an anvil fell form the sky and but them. Narrator FT, not Brandon Sanderson.

[Truthless of Shinovar]

It was very cartoonish.

[Darth Woodrack]

But not the impact. That was lethal.

[Jaywalk]

The anvil had been dropped by the almighty Peter Ahlstrom.

[Darth Woodrack]

From space.

[Jaywalk]

Which he was in the process of conquering.

[Darth Woodrack]

Through throwing anvils on all his enemies.

[Truthless of Shinovar]

And answering Cosmere questions.