Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!

[Mestiv he/him]

2 hours ago, Delightful said:

I need happy things. Please send me happy things. 

 

[Claincy he/him]

5 hours ago, Delightful said:

I need happy things. Please send me happy things. 

 

Edited August 4, 2017 by Claincy

[Erandeni he/him]

5 hours ago, Delightful said:

I need happy things. Please send me happy things. 

[Sunbird she/her]

@Delightful

[StrikerEZ he/him]

@Pestis the Spider @Oversleep @Claincy

I know I'm a bit late to the party, but I just wanted to comment and say that I have the same problem. I'm not even 16 yet and this has been a huge struggle for me, especially in the last couple years with middle and high school. I'm a huge procrastinator, sometimes going so far as to not even do whatever I've said/decided I'm going to do. It's got to the point that I accept the fact that I probably won't do homework, unless I see someone else doing it or my parents make me, and I know that's not okay. I always tell myself next time I'll do it, next time I'll complete it on time but I never do. This also happens to me a lot with practicing my clarinet or bass clarinet. I know I should practice, but I keep putting it off for one more song, one more topic on the 17th Shard, whatever. I have natural ability and memorization is really easy for me so I'm able to coast with pass offs (where you have to play the music memorized for a teacher), but for the harder music I almost never practice and expect to get better. And I always beat myself up about it whenever I don't practice. Then I go and "forget to" practice the next day. 

A lot of my problem stems from the fact I hate to disappoint people. All throughout my early school years, I was viewed as the smart kid, the kid who always got A's on everything, the kid who knew everything he needed to know. Not only by my classmates, but my parents too. When middle school started and I actually tried but didn't get the grades I wanted, I felt terrible even if the grades were B's. So, over time, I started slacking because I figured if I couldn't do it perfectly, what would be the point in doing it at all? I didn't want to disappoint anyone's expectations of me, so I lowered them so that I could do badly and still be meeting those expectations. I have the natural ability and I guess I'm pretty smart, but I just don't try. It's one of the things I hate the most about myself. 

What really helped me was joining band. Marching band forces you to keep up with everything, or else you'll lag behind and fail. It's a great motivator, but also makes the pressure even worse. I've managed to get into the top band (I'm first chair bass clarinet) and I got an outstanding solo award at the UIL State Solo Contest (which only about 2-3% of the thousands of kids that do this contest get), but all this pressure is on me to be good, to play well, and I don't know how to handle it. And in the marching music, which I have to play on the regular clarinet, is really high and I can't play it, and I'm expected to be able to play it well since I'm in the top band but I'm not good at high notes. It doesn't help that I feel so excluded from all the people in the band. There are all the different "cliques" so to speak in the band, and I feel like I don't belong in any of them and just drift between them. 

Ugh, I forgot where I was going with this. I'm stressed, and I have terrible motivation. I dunno, I'm just gonna stop here now.

[Calderis he/him]

@StrikerEZ I understand. I did the same thing, and in a lot of ways, especially the procrastination, I still do. The only reason I made it through high school was Drama and Choir. 

You can find a balance though. I can only really tell you the same thing I said to Oversleep. The system is designed for what works for the majority of people. They're going to lay pressure and expectations on you and tell you what they think you should want. If you take those things to heart, but don't really want them... It's never really means anything to you and it makes it hard to commit. 

Figure out what you want. Forget what everyone tells you and figure out what you're real goals are. Until you do, everything feels empty. 

[StrikerEZ he/him]

1 minute ago, Calderis said:

@StrikerEZ I understand. I did the same thing, and in a lot of ways, especially the procrastination, I still do. The only reason I made it through high school was Drama and Choir. 

You can find a balance though. I can only really tell you the same thing I said to Oversleep. The system is designed for what works for the majority of people. They're going to lay pressure and expectations on you and tell you what they think you should want. If you take those things to heart, but don't really want them... It's never really means anything to you and it makes it hard to commit. 

Figure out what you want. Forget what everyone tells you and figure out what you're real goals are. Until you do, everything feels empty. 

Yeah, I know. I'm trying to work on that, but it's hard. But you know that, I guess.

And the thing is, when it comes to band and music, I really, really do want to do it. But the pressure to be good, to play as well as I possibly can (which isn't just something others pressure me with, but something I pressure myself with), makes it hard. Even when I performed my solo a couple months ago, I felt it wasn't good, there were several things I could've done better, if only I'd practiced more. That aspect of it is probably just the musical artist/perfectionist in me speaking out. 

I know what my goals are right now. I want to be either a band director or an author. Two very different things, and it'd be really hard to be both. But I'd love to be either, but I'd be sad not to be the other one. My biggest problem is how others see me, and I hate not living up to the expectations. I'm definitely getting better at it, it's still just a problem though.

[Mestiv he/him]

I'd really like to say some wise things to all of you that procrastinate, but I don't think I'm that smart. Here are my thoughts anyway. 

Procrastination is about excuses and lying to yourself. You either make excuses like "I'm too tired/I deserve to watch this episode of my favorite show before homework" etc or you lie to yourself that you'll do something tomorrow or that you aren't able to do it at all. 

You can say all those reasons to everyone else, maybe you'll convince them. But unless you go Shallan-level, you won't hide the truth from yourself. 

Do you have so little self-respect to lie and pretend to yourself? Do you want to look at your life in a year or ten years from now and say "I could have achieved so much more, if only I worked a bit harder". Because if you end up with a life you don't like, it's gonna be your fault. Not your parents, not your teachers or not because of some natural disaster. It will be your fault. 

What school usually fails to teach is responsibility for your future. They make you learn and work or you'll be punished. You don't feel that what you're doing now is gonna affect your whole future life. In school you worry about grades or pleasing your parents, while you should do your best to make your future self happy because that future self got a well paying job or a job you are dreaming about now. You will reap what you sow. You won't have a nice car unless you study for this test. You won't have a house you'd be proud of unless you get better grades and learn new skills. You won't go on holidays to Hawaii unless you practice your music more. 

Motivation is a complicated thing, but maybe those harsh words will make some of you procrastinate less. 

[Steeldancer he/him]

4 hours ago, Mestiv said:

I'd really like to say some wise things to all of you that procrastinate, but I don't think I'm that smart. Here are my thoughts anyway. 

Procrastination is about excuses and lying to yourself. You either make excuses like "I'm too tired/I deserve to watch this episode of my favorite show before homework" etc or you lie to yourself that you'll do something tomorrow or that you aren't able to do it at all. 

You can say all those reasons to everyone else, maybe you'll convince them. But unless you go Shallan-level, you won't hide the truth from yourself. 

Do you have so little self-respect to lie and pretend to yourself? Do you want to look at your life in a year or ten years from now and say "I could have achieved so much more, if only I worked a bit harder". Because if you end up with a life you don't like, it's gonna be your fault. Not your parents, not your teachers or not because of some natural disaster. It will be your fault. 

What school usually fails to teach is responsibility for your future. They make you learn and work or you'll be punished. You don't feel that what you're doing now is gonna affect your whole future life. In school you worry about grades or pleasing your parents, while you should do your best to make your future self happy because that future self got a well paying job or a job you are dreaming about now. You will reap what you sow. You won't have a nice car unless you study for this test. You won't have a house you'd be proud of unless you get better grades and learn new skills. You won't go on holidays to Hawaii unless you practice your music more. 

Motivation is a complicated thing, but maybe those harsh words will make some of you procrastinate less. 

The problem for me at least is that I'm able to coast by. I'm able to accomplish what I need to without truly trying. But I know that eventually it will catch up with me. 

Hopefully by then I'll be doing something I love, and that motivaton will get me through. 

[Oversleep]

7 hours ago, Mestiv said:

Procrastination is about excuses and lying to yourself. You either make excuses like "I'm too tired/I deserve to watch this episode of my favorite show before homework" etc or you lie to yourself that you'll do something tomorrow or that you aren't able to do it at all. 

No. The problem is that it doesn't work like that. Not for us.

There was a neat article on Wait But Why explaning it (I haven't finished reading it yet) that called it the Dark Playground. It's not that you make excuses - like "I'm too tired" or you watch some show or read a book or whatever; no, you know you should be learning, so your consciense doesn't allow you to do that. On the other hand, your messed up mind doesn't want to do stuff you should (like learning), so you end up doing some random dung.

I once read several pages of Witcher III reviews on Steam, for example. I had no reason to, I didn't really want to. Per the old joke, the student facing the exams is capable of sweeping the desert.

3 hours ago, Flash said:

The problem for me at least is that I'm able to coast by. I'm able to accomplish what I need to without truly trying. But I know that eventually it will catch up with me. 

Hopefully by then I'll be doing something I love, and that motivaton will get me through. 

It will catch up to you; I also was like you, able to coast by without needing to really work. It makes stuff worse when you're required to actually do work.

Don't count on doing something you love being able to give you motivation; it won't work like that. I'm sorry but it won't work.

Edited August 6, 2017 by Oversleep

[Calderis he/him]

30 minutes ago, Oversleep said:

Don't count on doing something you love being able to give you motivation; it won't work like that. I'm sorry but it won't work.

No. It won't. The entire process is mental gymnastics trying to trick yourself into doing what's necessary. 

I get lots of crap for it, and joke about it, but why do you think I'm so busy here during the day when I'm at work. 

I love what I do for work, and I hate work. I hate everything involved in it, simply because it's what I'm supposed to do. It's messed up, and it never stops. 

[Guest]

8 hours ago, Mestiv said:

I'd really like to say some wise things to all of you that procrastinate, but I don't think I'm that smart. Here are my thoughts anyway. 

Procrastination is about excuses and lying to yourself. You either make excuses like "I'm too tired/I deserve to watch this episode of my favorite show before homework" etc or you lie to yourself that you'll do something tomorrow or that you aren't able to do it at all. 

You can say all those reasons to everyone else, maybe you'll convince them. But unless you go Shallan-level, you won't hide the truth from yourself. 

Do you have so little self-respect to lie and pretend to yourself? Do you want to look at your life in a year or ten years from now and say "I could have achieved so much more, if only I worked a bit harder". Because if you end up with a life you don't like, it's gonna be your fault. Not your parents, not your teachers or not because of some natural disaster. It will be your fault. 

What school usually fails to teach is responsibility for your future. They make you learn and work or you'll be punished. You don't feel that what you're doing now is gonna affect your whole future life. In school you worry about grades or pleasing your parents, while you should do your best to make your future self happy because that future self got a well paying job or a job you are dreaming about now. You will reap what you sow. You won't have a nice car unless you study for this test. You won't have a house you'd be proud of unless you get better grades and learn new skills. You won't go on holidays to Hawaii unless you practice your music more. 

Motivation is a complicated thing, but maybe those harsh words will make some of you procrastinate less. 

This.

Great post. 

Though I will admit working hard may not get you yearly vacations in Hawaii...   Anyone looked onto the price of plane tickets recently? As a grown-up, I am still not sure where all my money is going  (yeah well I do know: boring grown-up places), but one thing is true enough: if you don't work out now because you just don't feel like it, then you will close on doors you might still want open. Never close a door unless you are absolutely certain you never want to step through it ever again. Be open-minded about your future, but work for it. Nobody has ever achieved anything by procrastinating and yeah, perhaps it is easier today than it used to be. There were no Internet back when I was a teenager, there were lesser opportunities to procrastinate, but then again, people will always find excuses, no matter what they may be.

Within the wonderful world of grown-ups, it doesn't matter if you are the smartest. It doesn't matter if you are the most intuitive, if you have learned everything by heart or if you have just gotten lucky. What matters is if you get the work done within the appropriate timelines. What matters is you meet the milestones. What matters is you can apply what you have learned and familiarized yourself with what you do not know. What also matters is your ability to work in an efficient manner and if you do not learn how to do this, then it may not work well onto most workplaces. And yeah, we fire people who are unable to learn how to be efficient. We give them chances, help, support, but if they can't get it done, too bad. Better luck next time. 

When it comes to interns or new employees directly out of school, we do look at grades. We don't have much when it comes to evaluate kids still in school or recently out of it, so grades it is. If they are poor to average, chances are you won't get an interview where I work unless you have an outstanding resume, someone to vouch for you and we have reasons to believe you might be a great addition to the team. Many workplaces will have similar employment strategies, not all but many.

Bottom line is learning how to work now will pay off within the long run. Not learning how to work is likely to have a negative impact, depending on which line of work you are considering: not all demands the same.

Also, within the wonderful world of grown-ups, if you screw up, that's usually your fault. Yeah, it sucks. Yeah, it is really depressing when you get one bad yearly review, but you know what? You work harder, you change what has not been working and the year after, you get an outstanding one with the salary raise that goes with it. 

That's life. So yeah, motivation is complex and multi-factorial, but there is great reward in finding out what motivates you, as a person, whatever it might be as habits you take now will help you throughout your life, help you achieve you goals whatever they may be.

My advise would thus be not to procrastinate in working on finding ways to boost personal motivation 

[Calderis he/him]

3 minutes ago, maxal said:

My advise would thus be not to procrastinate in working on finding ways to boost personal motivation 

The problem in this case, and I won't claim to have it because I lack a diagnosis, is that it's a mental issue. 

Things that should motivate you work in opposition. It becomes a detriment, because you are actively undermining yourself. 

Your able to recognize the importance of the work, and that very need makes the work something that is not something you can tackle directly. 

Like I said, mental gymnastics. A good support network helps immensely to. I wouldn't have my job, or my home if it weren't for my wife. 

[Steeldancer he/him]

I hate being sick. It sucks. I hate sitting in bed, exhausted, unable to think and be my normal self. I hate when it gets bad enough that I can't even read without getting a massive head ache. Stupid bacteria and viruses, seriously messing up my day. 

However, there is a positive. It has inspired me to learn the chemical and protein details of the immune system, something I am VERY interested in, and what I want to go into in college. 

About personal motivation, I have something going for me: my mom. She has huge amounts of motivation, and has been trying to teach me to have that as well. While I still end up procrastinating, when it comes down to it, I will (eventually) get it done. If I didn't have my mom, I doubt I would get anything done. 

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, Calderis said:

The problem in this case, and I won't claim to have it because I lack a diagnosis, is that it's a mental issue. 

Things that should motivate you work in opposition. It becomes a detriment, because you are actively undermining yourself. 

Your able to recognize the importance of the work, and that very need makes the work something that is not something you can tackle directly. 

Like I said, mental gymnastics. A good support network helps immensely to. I wouldn't have my job, or my home if it weren't for my wife. 

If you are seeking help and finding it in order to help you with your problem, then you are not procrastinating: you are actually working on it. That's what I meant, whatever it is, whatever is causing it, it deserves to be addressed in whichever way is suitable for each independent problem because, in the end, you will end up benefiting from it.

[Calderis he/him]

12 minutes ago, maxal said:

If you are seeking help and finding it in order to help you with your problem, then you are not procrastinating: you are actually working on it. That's what I meant, whatever it is, whatever is causing it, it deserves to be addressed in whichever way is suitable for each independent problem because, in the end, you will end up benefiting from it.

True. I've, and I'm sure others have, just gotten used to being told "try harder." 

I misunderstood. I apologize. 

[Calderis he/him]

I'm stressing out. It's not necessarily a bad day yet, but it could go there quick. 

I'm a member of a labor union, and we have guidelines we have to follow and a fairly strict chain of command. The site manager isn't supposed to come directly to me, he has to relay things he wants done through my foreman. 

Well this morning, I found out that we got a lot more work, and they gave me a dedicated phone. That's fine I don't have an issue with that. What I do have an issue with, and where the sudden stress comes from is I've got to basically bring up union rules to the company and that's always a fight. 

By Union rules, there are two options for this phone, I'm going to present both to them. Either they pay me more and make me a foreman placing me higher up the chain so they can directly assign tasks to me, or I don't answer the phone unless the call is from my direct foreman. 

I don't think this is going to be fun. But on the plus side... Possibly forcing them into giving me a raise? 

[Sparkrunner he/him]

On 8/6/2017 at 2:18 PM, Flash said:

About personal motivation, I have something going for me: my mom. She has huge amounts of motivation, and has been trying to teach me to have that as well. While I still end up procrastinating, when it comes down to it, I will (eventually) get it done. If I didn't have my mom, I doubt I would get anything done. 

Know what you mean. *hugs*

I seasonally get hay fever and a cold, so I know what you mean.

[Silverblade5 he/him]

My sister is the laziest person ever. She lost her keys again, and instead of spending a couple minutes actually looking, she decided it would be a better idea to simply take mine instead. I found them within 2 minutes. I'm not giving them back, as she already has mine. Next time she tries this I'm going to relieve her of her teeth.

Edited August 8, 2017 by Silverblade5

[Ammanas]

1 hour ago, Silverblade5 said:

My sister is the laziest person ever. She lost her keys again, and instead of spending a couple minutes actually looking, she decided it would be a better idea to simply take mine instead. I found them within 2 minutes. I'm not giving them back, as she already has mine. Next time she tries this I'm going to relieve her of her teeth.

It seems like I am always losing mine. I have a spare set that is always hanging up (hypothetically where my #1 set it supposed to go). If I ever lose #1 set I take my spare and look for the one I lost when I get home; I always place the spare in the place it is supposed to go first thing when I get back. I end up losing my original about once a week, but I have never had any problems with this system. Sorry you had that happen. Perhaps this system could work for your family?

Edited August 8, 2017 by Ammanas

[Silverblade5 he/him]

Just now, Ammanas said:

It seems like I am always losing mine. I have a spare set that is always hanging up (hypothetically where my #1 set it supposed to go). If I ever lose #1 set I take my spare and look for the one I lost when I get home; I always place the spare in the place it is supposed to go first thing when I get back. I end up losing my original about once a week, but I have never had any problems with this system. Sorry you had that happen. Perhaps this system could work for you?

I have a system that works. My key only goes to one spot. The left pocket on my coat. The problem is that my sister is a lazy chullhat who can't even spare two storming minutes. Nope. She just takes without asking. Now to go find some chull dung for the next time she asks me to get food for her.

[Steeldancer he/him]

I don't know what I have. 

I've started feeling off on friday. I got a massive fever that night. I spent Saturday and Sunday doing virtually nothing, trying to rest. Yesterday, I went to the doctor, she said it probably wasn't strep, and looked like a virus. Then last night I got hit by the worst fever chills I have EVER had. I could hardly move I was chattering and shivering so much. It was really really scary, I couldn't stop the shivering. Thankfully I managed to get changed into extra warm pajamas, and wrapped myself in bed, and prayed the Advil would break the fever. It did about an hour later.

I'm ok right now, it seems to come and go. The advil helps a lot. But those chills were absolutely terrifying for me, and I really really hope that doesn't happen again. 

[Calderis he/him]

@Flash I've had similar and had a pretty nasty infection. 

My wife had that and had "walking" pneumonia. 

Those deep, can't get warm even under a pile of blankets, chills are never a good sign. Did you call your doctor after those? If they come back, you probably should. 

[Steeldancer he/him]

Just now, Calderis said:

@Flash I've had similar and had a pretty nasty infection. 

My wife had that and had "walking" pneumonia. 

Those deep, can't get warm even under a pile of blankets, chills are never a good sign. Did you call your doctor after those? If they come back, you probably should. 

Blankets did help. But my Lord it was so terrifying. I thought I would chatter to death before I managed to put layers on and get in bed. And if it comes back again, I'm going back to the doctor anyway. They said it should be better by tomorrow unless they're missing something

[Calderis he/him]

7 minutes ago, Flash said:

Blankets did help. But my Lord it was so terrifying. I thought I would chatter to death before I managed to put layers on and get in bed. And if it comes back again, I'm going back to the doctor anyway. They said it should be better by tomorrow unless they're missing something

OK. As long as there's been follow up and they didn't just write you off. 

Get well soon.