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[Silverblade5 he/him]

Thanks. It's just....I know she's not right about everything. The last time I made a big mistake I told her about, she acted like I had to bring a small votive offering to my internship supervisor and plead for mercy if I wanted a chance of making things right, but it turned out my supervisor was really cool and understanding about the whole thing. She treated it as an opportunity for me to learn something good, not a chance to punish me. So the Anchorage job might be less of a long shot than I think.

But she KNEW I was anxious about it. She KNEW I was unsure. And so she decided to kick me while I was down and already wondering if I had a prayer of getting ANY job.

And now....I know she's just being awful, but it worked. I'm thinking I don't stand a chance of ever getting a good job, or caring for a pug, or anything worthwhile. Whether I like it or not, she still has the power to make me feel like a steaming pile of chull dung.

Twi, we all like you here, we really do, but right now, you are tearing yourself down with your own chainsaw, and I need you to stop it. I need you to stop right now. By constantly thinking so negatively, you lower the odds of you actually succeeding, and I don't want to see that happen. So please. Stop. Right now.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Twi, we all like you here, we really do, but right now, you are tearing yourself down with your own chainsaw, and I need you to stop it. I need you to stop right now. By constantly thinking so negatively, you lower the odds of you actually succeeding, and I don't want to see that happen. So please. Stop. Right now.

 

When people are raised with certain patterns of thinking, those patterns become ingrained. These patterns are kind of like railroad tracks. You can't just command a train to turn around and go a different direction if that direction isn't laid out in the tracks; you have to lay new tracks for that to happen. 

 

The patterns I was raised with are 1) Mom and Dad are always right all the time always, 2) If they say something about my character, it's true, because 3) They see things I don't see because I'm either too naive, too deluded, or too prideful to see them. So, if Mom says that there's a good reason I'm not going to get that Anchorage job, my brain says that there's a good reason I'm not going to get it because she's always right and she sees things about me that I don't. 

 

I'm trying to break out of those patterns, but it's not easy. It's next to impossible, sometimes. So if I'm having dark, self-destructive thoughts like this, simply stopping them isn't an option. 

[Silverblade5 he/him]

When people are raised with certain patterns of thinking, those patterns become ingrained. These patterns are kind of like railroad tracks. You can't just command a train to turn around and go a different direction if that direction isn't laid out in the tracks; you have to lay new tracks for that to happen. 

 

The patterns I was raised with are 1) Mom and Dad are always right all the time always, 2) If they say something about my character, it's true, because 3) They see things I don't see because I'm either too naive, too deluded, or too prideful to see them. So, if Mom says that there's a good reason I'm not going to get that Anchorage job, my brain says that there's a good reason I'm not going to get it because she's always right and she sees things about me that I don't. 

 

I'm trying to break out of those patterns, but it's not easy. It's next to impossible, sometimes. So if I'm having dark, self-destructive thoughts like this, simply stopping them isn't an option. 

In that case, we, the community, are going to do two things for you whether you like them or not. 1: We are going to set down new tracks, and force that train onto them. 2: We are going to bombard those current tracks with 20 pounds of c4 and napalm, until there's nothing but a smoldering crater left.

[Kaymyth she/her]

When people are raised with certain patterns of thinking, those patterns become ingrained. These patterns are kind of like railroad tracks. You can't just command a train to turn around and go a different direction if that direction isn't laid out in the tracks; you have to lay new tracks for that to happen. 

 

The patterns I was raised with are 1) Mom and Dad are always right all the time always, 2) If they say something about my character, it's true, because 3) They see things I don't see because I'm either too naive, too deluded, or too prideful to see them. So, if Mom says that there's a good reason I'm not going to get that Anchorage job, my brain says that there's a good reason I'm not going to get it because she's always right and she sees things about me that I don't. 

 

I'm trying to break out of those patterns, but it's not easy. It's next to impossible, sometimes. So if I'm having dark, self-destructive thoughts like this, simply stopping them isn't an option. 

 

Tell your logic center to remind your emotional brain that your mother probably doesn't want you to get the Anchorage job, because that would render her unable to drop in on you at her whim.

 

In that case, we, the community, are going to do two things for you whether you like them or not. 1: We are going to set down new tracks, and force that train onto them. 2: We are going to bombard those current tracks with 20 pounds of c4 and napalm, until there's nothing but a smoldering crater left.

 

I like this plan.  It is a fine and fertile plan, and we will call it This Plan.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Tell your logic center to remind your emotional brain that your mother probably doesn't want you to get the Anchorage job, because that would render her unable to drop in on you at her whim.

I like this plan. It is a fine and fertile plan, and we will call it This Plan.

She did seem to be rationalizing it when figuring the distance between Spokane and Anchorage. ("Far, but not as far as Minnesota, and your dad and I could book a flight pretty easily...") But I know she definitely wants me to live close--Idaho at the farthest.

I like This Plan too.

[little wilson she/her]

....Anchorage is farther away from Spokane than Minnesota. By, like, 1000 miles. And while Idaho is closer, Spokane isn't exactly near the center of the state. A city like Idaho Falls or Twin Falls are both over 500 miles away from Spokane, so....her rationale concerns me.

 

And yes, The Plan is good. Those are entirely unhealthy patterns, though I can't really fault you for having them, since I'm pretty sure I had them in part growing up as well. For instance, when one of my parents called me a waste of human flesh when I was 10, I instantly believed it, because a parent would know that, right? .....older me facepalms at younger me's naivety. Breaking those patterns is most definitely the best plan and really the only way you'll start actually feeling better about yourself and what you can accomplish.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

....Anchorage is farther away from Spokane than Minnesota. By, like, 1000 miles. And while Idaho is closer, Spokane isn't exactly near the center of the state. A city like Idaho Falls or Twin Falls are both over 500 miles away from Spokane, so....her rationale concerns me.

 

And yes, The Plan is good. Those are entirely unhealthy patterns, though I can't really fault you for having them, since I'm pretty sure I had them in part growing up as well. For instance, when one of my parents called me a waste of human flesh when I was 10, I instantly believed it, because a parent would know that, right? .....older me facepalms at younger me's naivety. Breaking those patterns is most definitely the best plan and really the only way you'll start actually feeling better about yourself and what you can accomplish.

 

I think her rationale there is that she'd rather visit Anchorage than a little town in Nowhere, Minnesota.  

 

They said that to you? I'm so sorry. That's an awful thing to say to anyone, but a ten-year-old?  

[little wilson she/her]

They said that to you? I'm so sorry. That's an awful thing to say to anyone, but a ten-year-old?

 

It was said in a moment of anger, and they apologized shortly after it. Not that that changed my belief, but I went on to spend most of my teenage years throwing it back in their face in every argument so.....yeah. By "throwing it back in their face" I mean that if they got upset with me about something, I'd be like "Well, I'm a waste of human flesh, remember? Why you should you expect anything different?!" and the like. It was my ultimate trump card. (Though it did sting a lot and I didn't stop really believing it until my early 20's)

 

 

Also, I just want to say that I get along with my parents quite well today, including the parent who said that so while it led to some interesting formative years, my adult-life is just fine. Admittedly, I also went through a year of counseling, but that was only minorly related to this incident.

[Kestrel she/her]

I've been crying for the past twenty minutes and shaking so badly I just

I have a playing test tomorrow and I left both my flutes by accident at school in my locker so I can't practice for it

Had a pre cal test that I probably failed. I bet the grade is in i just dont want to check

Have a physics test tomorrow that I've been unable to get any of the concepts for so basically I'm screwed.

[Allomancy she/her]

My best friend is moving to the other side of the world. She will be there for 3-5 years.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Lark: I'm sorry. Eat some chocolate, and something salty. It won't change anything, but it always helps calm me down. With the playing test tomorrow, I'm sure you'll do fine. I believe in you.

Allomancy: That sucks. Which side of the world? Is she military?

[Kestrel she/her]

I'm just gonna go to bed. I'm so tired.

At least I made an 87 on my pre cal quiz so i guess thats fine ?

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

I'm just gonna go to bed. I'm so tired.

At least I made an 87 on my pre cal quiz so i guess thats fine ?

An 87 is really good, actually.

[Kaymyth she/her]

I've been crying for the past twenty minutes and shaking so badly I just

I have a playing test tomorrow and I left both my flutes by accident at school in my locker so I can't practice for it

Had a pre cal test that I probably failed. I bet the grade is in i just dont want to check

Have a physics test tomorrow that I've been unable to get any of the concepts for so basically I'm screwed.

 

I'm sorry I don't live close enough to you.  I'd totally have let you pop over and practice on mine.  And then you'd be looking at me all, "Dingdangity, woman, this Artley is a piece of crap!"

[Kestrel she/her]

Idk if that would help, bc i may or may not have also forgot my music at school oh

I'm not too worried about it tho. The music is hard, yeah, but if I at least attempt to pass it tomorrow I can always come in later and redo it for full credit. I just need to attempt though.

[Kaymyth she/her]

Idk if that would help, bc i may or may not have also forgot my music at school oh

I'm not too worried about it tho. The music is hard, yeah, but if I at least attempt to pass it tomorrow I can always come in later and redo it for full credit. I just need to attempt though.

 

OK.   And the grade on the precalc quiz came in alright, so all that's left is the physics.  Which I cannot help you with, but you have a thread for that is being answered by other people.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

I'm starting to think if maybe I'm not meant to have a dog.

The lady I call charges a ton and makes me feel dumb.

The rescue turns me down.

The pet store charges just as much.

And my parents said they want to help me, but...maybe it's just not meant to be. Maybe there WILL be some disaster that befalls my dog and this is just to prevent it from happening.

I know I sound all pretentious and crap. I'm sorry.

 

 

Edit: And I didn't get the Anchorage job. Not surprised. It sucks, but I don't blame them. 

Edited September 16, 2015 by TwiLyghtSansSparkles

[Mestiv he/him]

I got a parking ticket for parking too close to an intersection... On a pavement, my car wasn't event touching the asphalt, nor was it blocking any view for other drivers :<

[Blaze1616 he/him]

My mother is most likely moving out of state. This'll be the first time in my life where my mother will officially be unreachable in person. It's an odd feeling. I'm not sad, per say, but I do feel something. I think I'm more worried about her than I am anything else, as she's handicapped and now I won't be able to come help her if something happens.

[Delightful]

Twi have you reposted your crowdfunder recently? Someone might have intended to give but forgot.

You *should* be surprised you didn't get that job. You're fully qualified and awesome and there's no good reason they shouldn't have taken you.

Just hang on in there. Something will turn up.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Twi have you reposted your crowdfunder recently? Someone might have intended to give but forgot.

You *should* be surprised you didn't get that job. You're fully qualified and awesome and there's no good reason they shouldn't have taken you.

Just hang on in there. Something will turn up.

I've been posting it to Facebook, but it's been ignored lately. I did get a question about it from one of the older ladies in my church, but that was more of the "But...why...this is so dumb..." variety.

Thanks, but I know I botched that interview. I didn't get the Minnesota job either--not that I wanted it, but I felt that interview went much better, so I'm starting to wonder if I'm actually qualified for anything.

[Claincy he/him]

Thanks, but I know I botched that interview. I didn't get the Minnesota job either--not that I wanted it, but I felt that interview went much better, so I'm starting to wonder if I'm actually qualified for anything.

I'm not certain how comforting this is, but it's not a case of you not being qualified. It's just a case of there being so many people out there looking for jobs. Keep trying

[Orlion Blight he/him]

It took me a while to find a job as well (in a field I wasn't qualified for, no less!) You're doing good, you are getting to the interview processes pretty regularly! That means they looked at their massive pile of resumes and you were a semi-finalist! Keep going, you only have to win once  

 

And try not to let your vampiric parents suck the energy out of you... sheesh, with support like that, who needs sabotage?

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

It took me a while to find a job as well (in a field I wasn't qualified for, no less!) You're doing good, you are getting to the interview processes pretty regularly! That means they looked at their massive pile of resumes and you were a semi-finalist! Keep going, you only have to win once

And try not to let your vampiric parents suck the energy out of you... sheesh, with support like that, who needs sabotage?

My mom at least has been more supportive on this job hunt than on some other job hunts I've had, praying with me, asking how it's going, not blaming me outright for not getting the Anchorage job...(actually, on second thought, the last one doesn't sound supportive at all). And she and my dad both want to help me get a pug--they've said that if I go with one of the puppies at the pet store, they can put down the rest of the money and I'll pay them back. But in the past, what's happened is that I'll get upset about not getting a job, and she'll commiserate with me--until she reaches some point where she just can't handle my being upset and she'll tell me to get over it. So I'm afraid that if I don't get a job soon, or if I let her see how much this is stressing me out, she'll snap and Supportive Mom will be replaced by Taskmaster Mom.

[Kaymyth she/her]

I've been posting it to Facebook, but it's been ignored lately. I did get a question about it from one of the older ladies in my church, but that was more of the "But...why...this is so dumb..." variety.

Thanks, but I know I botched that interview. I didn't get the Minnesota job either--not that I wanted it, but I felt that interview went much better, so I'm starting to wonder if I'm actually qualified for anything.

 

You are totally qualified for things, it's just that the librarian job market is tight and there are a ton of people looking.  Keep at it.  Find someone who will help you practice interviewing.  The more you get used to talking to people and answering questions, the easier it's going to get.  Interviewing is itself a skill that may not necessarily have a rusted thing to do with whether you're the right person for the job.

 

I know that my husband totally credits his Toastmasters membership and experience with turning him into a interviewing rock star.  He's an extreme introvert.  This is not something that comes naturally to him, so he learned how to do it.  You can have all the qualifications in the world, but the more comfortable you are with talking yourself up to complete strangers, the smoother it's going to go.