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[Left]

I'd love to be a colonist for a space colony! I don't think geographer'll be top of that list though...conflicting dreams guys....

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

Whelp, it's been eight hours since my interview, and I've managed to convince myself I not only didn't get the job, but that I'm not cut out for library work and should just beg Outback for my old job back once I move back to Spokane with my parents.

Why does my brain hate me?

[maxal]

Whelp, it's been eight hours since my interview, and I've managed to convince myself I not only didn't get the job, but that I'm not cut out for library work and should just beg Outback for my old job back once I move back to Spokane with my parents.

Why does my brain hate me?

 

What happened?

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

What happened?

Nothing. That's the problem. I interviewed for a position in Anchorage, and aside from the fact that I was super nervous, I didn't make any huge mistakes that I'm aware of. But in the time since the interview, I've managed to convince myself I sounded like a complete moron who no library in their right mind would hire.

[maxal]

Nothing. That's the problem. I interviewed for a position in Anchorage, and aside from the fact that I was super nervous, I didn't make any huge mistakes that I'm aware of. But in the time since the interview, I've managed to convince myself I sounded like a complete moron who no library in their right mind would hire.

 

Oh but that's your perspective... Don't be so hard on yourself. Wait to have news.

[Orlion Blight]

Nothing. That's the problem. I interviewed for a position in Anchorage, and aside from the fact that I was super nervous, I didn't make any huge mistakes that I'm aware of. But in the time since the interview, I've managed to convince myself I sounded like a complete moron who no library in their right mind would hire.

Mark Twain wrote a long dialogue called "Man is a Machine" or something like that. Aside from being uber-depressing, he notes that there are times that the brain will run and have thoughts without you purposefully thinking or recalling them. Some people call it a "racing mind", I call it my brain betraying me... but it's normal. Know that you don't have to worry, it's too soon to know what happened... especially with how administrative bureaucracy works. I know it's difficult, I've felt it before as well... even after I was accepted to my current job, it took months for them to actually get me hired and I was thinking that they were changing their minds. There's no reasoning with your brain sometimes, but try to leave tomorrow till it comes...

 

And on that note, another old Rankin & Bass clip!

[Silverblade5]

Nothing. That's the problem. I interviewed for a position in Anchorage, and aside from the fact that I was super nervous, I didn't make any huge mistakes that I'm aware of. But in the time since the interview, I've managed to convince myself I sounded like a complete moron who no library in their right mind would hire.

Can you post a transcript?

[Kobold King]

Whelp, it's been eight hours since my interview, and I've managed to convince myself I not only didn't get the job, but that I'm not cut out for library work and should just beg Outback for my old job back once I move back to Spokane with my parents.

Why does my brain hate me?

Tell your brain to do something useful, like come up with hilarious WHOOCs or come up with exciting new pug video concepts. Because right now, it's worrying you over absolutely nothing.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

Oh but that's your perspective... Don't be so hard on yourself. Wait to have news.

Mark Twain wrote a long dialogue called "Man is a Machine" or something like that. Aside from being uber-depressing, he notes that there are times that the brain will run and have thoughts without you purposefully thinking or recalling them. Some people call it a "racing mind", I call it my brain betraying me... but it's normal. Know that you don't have to worry, it's too soon to know what happened... especially with how administrative bureaucracy works. I know it's difficult, I've felt it before as well... even after I was accepted to my current job, it took months for them to actually get me hired and I was thinking that they were changing their minds. There's no reasoning with your brain sometimes, but try to leave tomorrow till it comes...

 

And on that note, another old Rankin & Bass clip!

 

Thanks. I'm just going to try and stop thinking about it until I hear back. They said they plan to make a decision sometime next week, so one way or another, I won't have long to wait. 

 

Can you post a transcript?

 

Even if I were allowed—which I'm not sure I am, since that would mean posting interview questions online, which could lead to future interviewees resorting to dishonest means to answer them—I don't have a transcript to post. 

 

Tell your brain to do something useful, like come up with hilarious WHOOCs or come up with exciting new pug video concepts. Because right now, it's worrying you over absolutely nothing.

 

I did have a redeemed!Deathwish WHOOC floating around in my head.  

[Delightful]

Help.

I'm waiting to hear back about something I'm super nervous and excited about. And for no good reason my anxiety is playing up. Like, I feel nauseous and all. This shouldn't be happening.

[Left]

Help.

I'm waiting to hear back about something I'm super nervous and excited about. And for no good reason my anxiety is playing up. Like, I feel nauseous and all. This shouldn't be happening.

The best idea I've got is find someone to be super nervous, excited, and anxious with. Grab a sibling or friend and watch a movie. Play a boardgame. That kind of thing.

[Quiver]

And...having an OCD panic attack. This is...great. Just great.

The worst part is I know that what I'm worrying about is ridiculous. Its probably unfounded and -frankly- is dumb enough that I don't want to put it in print publicly.

...but still. I'm worrying about it. And I've gotten into a shouting match with my mom over it.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

And...having an OCD panic attack. This is...great. Just great.

The worst part is I know that what I'm worrying about is ridiculous. Its probably unfounded and -frankly- is dumb enough that I don't want to put it in print publicly.

...but still. I'm worrying about it. And I've gotten into a shouting match with my mom over it.

 

Does talking through them help? If so, we'd be happy to listen.

[Quiver]

Maybe? Urgh.

I'm worried because someone touched an electrical plug of something which I worry has a virus on it.

Its a dumb thing. I know its a dumb thing. Virus' can't travel through anything besides software. I -know- that.

...But all I can think about is that no one washed their hands after touching it, and now they're getting dirty stuff everywhere.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

Would wiping down the plug with a wet wipe or something help? 

[Quiver]

Fun fact: they handled it using a wet wipe. Pretty much the only reason I'm only panicking and not crying.

...and was just told that if I loved my family, I'd stop worrying and going on about it.

Thanks.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

You loving your family and this bothering you are two different things. Anyone who conflates the two may as well say, "If you liked beans, you wouldn't fold the towels like that!" Love of your family means….well, loving your family. Being upset because of a stray thought that won't leave your head does in no way affect your love for your family. 

[Quiver]

Sorry for complaining here. Like I say, I know...

I know its ridiculous. Its just...storming frustrating. I try to ignore it, and...

Like you said. Stray thought which is...insistent.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

No need to apologize for complaining. That's what this thread is for.  

[Voidus]

And...having an OCD panic attack. This is...great. Just great.

The worst part is I know that what I'm worrying about is ridiculous. Its probably unfounded and -frankly- is dumb enough that I don't want to put it in print publicly.

...but still. I'm worrying about it. And I've gotten into a shouting match with my mom over it.

Unfortunately the truth behind most people who suffer from OCD, trying to explain to someone who has OCD that their obsession is irrational is completely pointless, they likely already know that and it just makes things worse because it makes you feel like you're being judged in addition to being completely unable to rid yourself of those irrational thoughts.

Sorry you had to go through that. My only solution is what Twi said. Wet wipes are your best friend with alleviating some of the stress, plus if it gets too bad and you break into a sweat you have something to wipe it off with

Speaking of which it is now coming into spring here in Aus, which will inevitably lead to summer and I remember again why I hate the sun for 6-9 months out of the year. Why can't it just be winter all the time?

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

I hate my brain. 

 

Okay, you know how I promised I'd stop obsessing over the interview with Anchorage on Thursday? Yeah….broke that promise. I'll catch myself thinking about it and stop, only for another memory of that to come pounding at my brain a minute later. A bad memory, like one of the ladies I Skyped with leaning forward, resting her chin in her hand, staring at me instead of taking notes, which I know means I wasn't saying anything worthwhile. So I'll go online and check out some of the job boards I go to, only to find either 1) nothing I'm qualified for or 2) jobs I'm qualified for that are only part-time, and thus wouldn't pay enough to live on, so I'd have to be guaranteed a second job if I were to move to that city. 

 

Then I think, "Well, maybe I did get the Alaska job." To which my brain immediately counters, "You'll screw things up royally if you start working there." 

 

So I counter with, "Okay, maybe I won't. I'll at least be able to get a pug." 

 

"Haha, sure," says my brain. "Something will go wrong and that pug will have been better off elsewhere, mark my words. Or you'll have to give it up and traumatize the poor thing forever. Know how you promised you'd never give up a pug? Yeah, you'll break that promise." 

 

"Nooooo, I love pugs and I wouldn't do that to helpless animal!" 

 

"Circumstances, baby. They'll conspire to make you do it. Trust me. You're better off just not getting a pet. No matter how much you love it, it won't be enough. You're just too much of an idiot to own a dog or have a real job."

 

 

I try to stop this dialogue at the beginning, but it never works.

[Voidus]

I hate my brain. 

 

Okay, you know how I promised I'd stop obsessing over the interview with Anchorage on Thursday? Yeah….broke that promise. I'll catch myself thinking about it and stop, only for another memory of that to come pounding at my brain a minute later. A bad memory, like one of the ladies I Skyped with leaning forward, resting her chin in her hand, staring at me instead of taking notes, which I know means I wasn't saying anything worthwhile. So I'll go online and check out some of the job boards I go to, only to find either 1) nothing I'm qualified for or 2) jobs I'm qualified for that are only part-time, and thus wouldn't pay enough to live on, so I'd have to be guaranteed a second job if I were to move to that city. 

 

Then I think, "Well, maybe I did get the Alaska job." To which my brain immediately counters, "You'll screw things up royally if you start working there." 

 

So I counter with, "Okay, maybe I won't. I'll at least be able to get a pug." 

 

"Haha, sure," says my brain. "Something will go wrong and that pug will have been better off elsewhere, mark my words. Or you'll have to give it up and traumatize the poor thing forever. Know how you promised you'd never give up a pug? Yeah, you'll break that promise." 

 

"Nooooo, I love pugs and I wouldn't do that to helpless animal!" 

 

"Circumstances, baby. They'll conspire to make you do it. Trust me. You're better off just not getting a pet. No matter how much you love it, it won't be enough. You're just too much of an idiot to own a dog or have a real job."

 

 

I try to stop this dialogue at the beginning, but it never works.

*Interweb hugz for Twi*

Whatever happens this guy will still love you.

[Orlion Blight]

I hate my brain. 

 

Okay, you know how I promised I'd stop obsessing over the interview with Anchorage on Thursday? Yeah….broke that promise. I'll catch myself thinking about it and stop, only for another memory of that to come pounding at my brain a minute later. A bad memory, like one of the ladies I Skyped with leaning forward, resting her chin in her hand, staring at me instead of taking notes, which I know means I wasn't saying anything worthwhile. So I'll go online and check out some of the job boards I go to, only to find either 1) nothing I'm qualified for or 2) jobs I'm qualified for that are only part-time, and thus wouldn't pay enough to live on, so I'd have to be guaranteed a second job if I were to move to that city. 

 

Then I think, "Well, maybe I did get the Alaska job." To which my brain immediately counters, "You'll screw things up royally if you start working there." 

 

So I counter with, "Okay, maybe I won't. I'll at least be able to get a pug." 

 

"Haha, sure," says my brain. "Something will go wrong and that pug will have been better off elsewhere, mark my words. Or you'll have to give it up and traumatize the poor thing forever. Know how you promised you'd never give up a pug? Yeah, you'll break that promise." 

 

"Nooooo, I love pugs and I wouldn't do that to helpless animal!" 

 

"Circumstances, baby. They'll conspire to make you do it. Trust me. You're better off just not getting a pet. No matter how much you love it, it won't be enough. You're just too much of an idiot to own a dog or have a real job."

 

 

I try to stop this dialogue at the beginning, but it never works.

In response to the pug thing:

 

I hate when my brain does that. I'll be driving along and my brain will suggest, "Hey, you know... through your incompetence or no fault of your own, you can end up in an accident and die. You might have plans so you cat will be taken care of, but he will always go through his life wondering why you abandoned him."

 

Or: "You probably left something that he will choke on or strangle him or drown him or etc... and his last thoughts will be, 'Why isn't Orlion here to help me?'"

 

Take it as a sign you care, and also as a measure of your competency as a pet owner. People who are completely confident (arrogantly so) also tend to be way too incompetent to realize their incompetency (this is called the Donner-Kruger Effect). We at least can recognize the massive amounts of uncertainty and with that recognition, plan for it. Won't stop your brain from being an cremhole, but it'll help you deal with its foul whisperings.

 

Speaking of which, you could always pretend that these thoughts are being whispered into your heart by an evil genie that is afraid that you are about to fulfill your destiny and banish him to the Abyss!

[Kaymyth]

I hate my brain. 

 

Okay, you know how I promised I'd stop obsessing over the interview with Anchorage on Thursday? Yeah….broke that promise. I'll catch myself thinking about it and stop, only for another memory of that to come pounding at my brain a minute later. A bad memory, like one of the ladies I Skyped with leaning forward, resting her chin in her hand, staring at me instead of taking notes, which I know means I wasn't saying anything worthwhile. So I'll go online and check out some of the job boards I go to, only to find either 1) nothing I'm qualified for or 2) jobs I'm qualified for that are only part-time, and thus wouldn't pay enough to live on, so I'd have to be guaranteed a second job if I were to move to that city. 

 

Then I think, "Well, maybe I did get the Alaska job." To which my brain immediately counters, "You'll screw things up royally if you start working there." 

 

So I counter with, "Okay, maybe I won't. I'll at least be able to get a pug." 

 

"Haha, sure," says my brain. "Something will go wrong and that pug will have been better off elsewhere, mark my words. Or you'll have to give it up and traumatize the poor thing forever. Know how you promised you'd never give up a pug? Yeah, you'll break that promise." 

 

"Nooooo, I love pugs and I wouldn't do that to helpless animal!" 

 

"Circumstances, baby. They'll conspire to make you do it. Trust me. You're better off just not getting a pet. No matter how much you love it, it won't be enough. You're just too much of an idiot to own a dog or have a real job."

 

 

I try to stop this dialogue at the beginning, but it never works.

 

D'aww, no.  You're awesome, Twi.  You're good enough, you're smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like you!

 

These are patterns that your parents have programmed into your thoughtmeats.  It's taken years and years for them to be ingrained, so it will take time to untangle and remove them.  Getting out of the toxicness will be the first step, and then we'll help you sort out truth from programmed fiction, and then you will prove them wrong.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

*Interweb hugz for Twi*

Whatever happens this guy will still love you.

In response to the pug thing:

 

I hate when my brain does that. I'll be driving along and my brain will suggest, "Hey, you know... through your incompetence or no fault of your own, you can end up in an accident and die. You might have plans so you cat will be taken care of, but he will always go through his life wondering why you abandoned him."

 

Or: "You probably left something that he will choke on or strangle him or drown him or etc... and his last thoughts will be, 'Why isn't Orlion here to help me?'"

 

Take it as a sign you care, and also as a measure of your competency as a pet owner. People who are completely confident (arrogantly so) also tend to be way too incompetent to realize their incompetency (this is called the Donner-Kruger Effect). We at least can recognize the massive amounts of uncertainty and with that recognition, plan for it. Won't stop your brain from being an cremhole, but it'll help you deal with its foul whisperings.

 

Speaking of which, you could always pretend that these thoughts are being whispered into your heart by an evil genie that is afraid that you are about to fulfill your destiny and banish him to the Abyss!

D'aww, no.  You're awesome, Twi.  You're good enough, you're smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like you!

 

These are patterns that your parents have programmed into your thoughtmeats.  It's taken years and years for them to be ingrained, so it will take time to untangle and remove them.  Getting out of the toxicness will be the first step, and then we'll help you sort out truth from programmed fiction, and then you will prove them wrong.

 

Thanks, guys. I'm rereading Sorcerer's Stone as a sort of comfort read, and I think it's helping. It's just when I stop and think about jobs or interviews that things go….bad. 

 

And I know things can't be as bad as my brain is making them out to be. Back when I was interning, I spent the entire five months thinking I was barely one step ahead of total disaster, and when it ended, my supervisor said she wished they had an opening at her branch so she could hire me. That wasn't the first time something like that happened, either; I seem to make a habit out of seeing everything as being far, far worse than it actually is. I just can't seem to stop.

 

I like the evil genie idea, though.