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[Mestiv he/him]

Accidental downvote someone fix pls

Done.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

So far as boys go, I was the high schooler who desperately wanted a boyfriend, but always came on too strong of not strong enough. As a result, I was single until college.

And that's okay.

I didn't really know myself in high school, and those boys I crushed on didn't either. We were still trying to navigate our own opinions; any sort of relationship we'd have would have been murky. I thought the other girls at my school had it all figured out, but they were just as clueless as I was. And you know, that's okay too.

I say take things as they come. If you wind up with a boyfriend soon, great! Spend time with him, joke with him, learn about his favorite TV shows and least favorite bands. If things don't work out with him, then it doesn't have to last. Your first breakup will be hard, but it'll teach your brain how to cope with future breakups. And if you stay single in high school, that's great too! You have more time to figure yourself out and think about what you want in a future boyfriend.

Don't stress the dating thing too much. If it happens, enjoy it; if not, enjoy that too.

[Orlion Blight he/him]

The one thing to understand about dating, relationships, and so forth is that it starts out awkward. Having awkward pauses, awkward searching for topics, etc. are natural developments in learning about the other person.

 

As far as actually seeking a date, I prefer the "trick 'em" method. That means you do something like, "oh, hey! I need help studying for Calculus and we're in the same class, so let's study for that test this Blergsday at flem o'clock!" It's a trick, because you have ulterior motives, but it makes for a more relaxed atmosphere... sometimes. 

 

You could also get a cat

[Pestis the Spider she/her]

Boy advice?... Ehhh, my general advice is if you start to crush on somebody then just try to become their friend. If they're nice then you can become good friends and get used to each other and then maybe move on to more than friends. If they aren't actually the type of person you like, then it should be easier to back away un awkwardly. There's no rushing into anything and maybe putting them off this way.

 

That sounds really resonable, but how do you do that? I need some sort of manual to relationships for dummies, or something, because I can't figure it out. Every time I try this method the guy either wants to date me immediately (And I'm not ready! Absolutely not! That freaks me out a lot.), without this time to get to know each other, or after some time of being good friends he suddenly a.) refuses to speak with me anymore and plainly ignores me or b.) tells me he hates me without any explanation or understandable reason. I don't get it. Maybe it's because I'm already at uni without almost any dating experience, so maybe I just make mistake somewhere, and don't realise it? But to be honest it was like this my whole life. It's soooooo complicated. 

 

EDIT: Spelling.

Edited December 14, 2015 by Pestis the Spider

[Blaze1616 he/him]

Embrace the crush. Dating is like everything else; it takes practice. Also, your taste in potential life partners will be like your taste in food; you have to try to learn what you like and don't like. Yes dating can often end in pain, but it's the experience that truly matters. Most of us aren't lucky enough to meet our very special somepony on the first try. Plus, the experience also helps make you a better potential life partner.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

That sounds really resonable, but how do you do that? I need some sort of manual to relationships for dummies, or something, because I can't figure it out. Every time I try this method the guy either wants to date me immediately (And I'm not ready! Absolutely not! That freaks me out a lot.), without this time to get to know each other, or after some time of being good friends he suddenly a.) refuses to speak with me anymore and plainly ignores me or b.) tells me he hates me without any explanation or understandable reason. I don't get it. Maybe it's because I'm already at uni without almost any dating experience, so maybe I just make mistake somewhere, and don't realise it? But to be honest it was like this my whole life. It's soooooo complicated. 

 

EDIT: Spelling.

 

…..I dunno. I had this problem all through high school and college. Sometimes dating websites help, since when you meet up with a user IRL you both know you're on a date so there's no awkward nebulous phase, but you might not meet anyone you click with, and you might end up going out with someone you really dislike. It's kind of a crapshoot. 

 

For the time being, I've decided dating is stupid and have devoted that time to writing and pugs.  

[Mestiv he/him]

That sounds really resonable, but how do you do that? I need some sort of manual to relationships for dummies, or something, because I can't figure it out. Every time I try this method the guy either wants to date me immediately (And I'm not ready! Absolutely not! That freaks me out a lot.), without this time to get to know each other, or after some time of being good friends he suddenly a.) refuses to speak with me anymore and plainly ignores me or b.) tells me he hates me without any explanation or understandable reason. I don't get it. Maybe it's because I'm already at uni without almost any dating experience, so maybe I just make mistake somewhere, and don't realise it? But to be honest it was like this my whole life. It's soooooo complicated. 

 

EDIT: Spelling.

 

The problem is in the concept of friendzone. A guy you meet wants to start a relationship relatively fast, because he's convinced, that if he won't make it in a month or something like that, he'll just be your friend for ever. We live in times when relationships hardly ever start slowly, it's much more common to start fast and break up if things go wrong. No time to be careful.

 

The friendzone is also a problem for you, males can put a girl in a friendzone too, and you may not even know that you don't have any chances with someone you like for some time, before you'll find out and your friendship will be probably over.

 

I have no idea however where this "i hate you" part may come from... Maybe they think you put them in the friendzone?

 

From my experience, it's actually convenient to get to know someone pretty well online, before you go on a date. That's because:

0. You can verify if you even want to meet with this person.

1. After hours of talking online, you won't have problems with conversation topics when you meet.

2. If you don't like someone, you just stop writing, that's easier than escaping from an awkward date.

3. It's much easier to flirt when you don't see the other person in front of you

4. In case of teenagers I think that everyone, both boys and girls, are more themselves online than in school or anywhere public. You can have more honest conversations and get to know each other.

 

Actually, every date I've ever been on, was a result of extended online chats/text messaging, I've never built up the courage to approach a girl in person and ask her if she'd like to go see a movie with me or something. I'd probably be able to do it now, when I'm 26, but such a bold move was unthinkable for me when I was <20  

[Delightful]

Something someone told a friend when they were working together -

She's asked him out and he said no. He then pointed out that he wasn't friend zoning her, she'd ready boyfriend-zoned him.

Point being, it doesn't have to be a romantic relationship, it doesn't have to be a friendship. It can be either or none, but maybe it'll be better to go about is as "this person seems pretty great and I would like some kind of relationship with them, I don't mind what, let's just see how it goes".

I'm not quite sure how you'd communicate that to the other person though.

To change the topic.....another terror attack today. 8 people run over including a baby girl who's now in hospital; an armed civilian managed to shoot the terrorist before he could get out the car and continue attacking with an axe he had with him.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

To change the topic.....another terror attack today. 8 people run over including a baby girl who's now in hospital; an armed civilian managed to shoot the terrorist before he could get out the car and continue attacking with an axe he had with him.

 

Oh great Noodly One.  

[Pestis the Spider she/her]

Well, I get that is why they want to start relationship fast. But I can't do it. I am way too shy, I have trust, control and anxiety issues and I am generally socially incapable. I can do it, but I need to do it slowly. And dating someone or even just being friends with someone that can't possibly understand that I am shy and feel insecure is really difficult. To be honest, the way I see it is that some people are just desperate to be in relationship now, fast and instantly. I mean, if I agree to go for a date and clearly communicate that yes, I am romantically interested, then what's the hurry? If I wouldn't interested I would communicate that clearly the moment the first question about the date is asked. But apparently guys are desperate (or something) and they just need to meet everyday, make extra surprises (even when I said I'm gonna be busy) and in general (in my opinion) rush the relationship. And that makes me really uncomfortable. So uncomfortable that I actually break up the relationship even when I am still clearly in love with the guy, because I just can't take it. As Delightful said, I would actually just prefer how it goes, instead of trying to force it one direction, and that is what I feel that guys try to do to me. (Note: When I say "guys", I mean only a few, as I have terribly low dating experience.)

 

As for hating part: The guy that told me he hates me was actually the one, who put me in their friendzone (or so I thought, but I didn't really mind).

 

And internet is a blessing. Online chatting is really easier, but I am actually still to shy to even approach someone on a personal level. I am only find with forums, but as for private messaging I really need someone to approach me, as I have some problems with doing so (again, shy). The problem with online chatting and then changing it to relationship is proximity. I mean, maybe if I actually went on some dating sites I would fins someone with shared interests nearby, but otherwise it's difficult. I mean that for over seven years I have a crush on my longest known friend, who I know only online, because he used to live 400km from me when I was a teen, and now that I am adult he lives 2000km from me. Well, and he has a girlfriend all the time. I feel totally friendzoned. 

 

Life is hard. And yes, I know I have a lot of weird problems. Not everyone can be normal, right? 

 

PS Sorry, I noticed that you changed topic. It's just writing this post took me a longer time. 

[The Honor Spren she/her]

Wow. That topic caught on quickly. 

For now, I'll just go for friends. I have zero interest in dating.

Plus I just realized I've never even held hands with a guy, dancing excluded. And I'd like to keep it that way, just for now.

Thanks for all the advice guys! Sorry for the rambly response!

 

Edit: @Delightful Goodness    Having that happen is so awful, I almost want to downvote. All I can really do is pray that group is stopped soon. 

Edited December 14, 2015 by The Honor Spren

[ChickenPlague he/him]

That's very sad. Actually that is horrible. Actually this is stupid. Actually it's all of the above.

[Delightful]

That's very sad. Actually that is horrible. Actually this is stupid. Actually it's all of the above.

It's also hateful, inexcusable, barbaric, and I could go on but I won't because I like my blood pressure at normal levels.

And.....there's a ""small"" attack (ie one or two casualties, or the terrorist is stopped before they can actually cause harm) every couple days. You just have to block it out on some level so you can function as a human being in society. And I hate that. I want to sit and cry and hear stories about every single person who is hurt. But I also need to go out and dance and combat hate with love and fearlessness.

This life thing is complicated. I hope I'm doing things right.

[Voidus]

It's also hateful, inexcusable, barbaric, and I could go on but I won't because I like my blood pressure at normal levels.

And.....there's a ""small"" attack (ie one or two casualties, or the terrorist is stopped before they can actually cause harm) every couple days. You just have to block it out on some level so you can function as a human being in society. And I hate that. I want to sit and cry and hear stories about every single person who is hurt. But I also need to go out and dance and combat hate with love and fearlessness.

This life thing is complicated. I hope I'm doing things right.

 

That's just horrible.

People need to read more books I think. It gets you into the habit of putting yourself in someone else's mindset.

Make literature, not war!

[+Slowswift he/him]

That's just horrible.

People need to read more books I think. It gets you into the habit of putting yourself in someone else's mindset.

Make literature, not war!

 

New life motto.

[Mistrunner]

How.

How can someone do something so barbaric, so horrific, so inhuman and justify it.

How can they go to sleep at night without seeing the faces of the people they killed for no reason other than that they were not exactly like them, without imagining mothers and spouses and friends weeping over graves, without hearing the voices of children begging to see their parents again.

How can they live with themselves, knowing the anguish and pain and anger they've struck into people's hearts and knowing that it was their choice to do it.

How can someone possibly imagine that killing a busful of children is okay. How can someone, in their wildest dreams, think that this is for the greater good.

Tell me how.

I just can't. Not anymore. At first I was just sad when these things happened, and I still am. But now I'm also angry. I'm so angry at these lunatics.

And on a different reason it's a bad day, my aunt is dying.

She has a very aggressive, very rare form of cancer that's been steadily sapping away her life. They say she's got days. Maybe hours.

She's an amazing person. She stayed strong throughout it all, even though she was fighting a horrible disease that was probably very painful, as were the treatments. She's such a wonderful example and I know she'll be going to a better place where she'll never feel that pain again.

It still hurts for those left behind, though.

[Orlion Blight he/him]

I'm sorry Mist  

 

There's many things I reference in tough times, this time around I'll reference this John Milton poem:

 

On Time

John Milton, 1608 - 1674

Fly envious Time, till thou run out thy race,
Call on the lazy leaden-stepping hours,
Whose speed is but the heavy Plummets pace;
And glut thy self with what thy womb devours,
Which is no more then what is false and vain,
And meerly mortal dross;
So little is our loss,
So little is thy gain.
For when as each thing bad thou hast entomb’d,
And last of all, thy greedy self consum’d,
Then long Eternity shall greet our bliss
With an individual kiss;
And Joy shall overtake us as a flood,
When every thing that is sincerely good
And perfectly divine,
With Truth, and Peace, and Love shall ever shine
About the supreme Throne
Of him, t’whose happy-making sight alone,
When once our heav’nly-guided soul shall clime,
Then all this Earthy grosnes quit,
Attir’d with Stars, we shall for ever sit,
Triumphing over Death, and Chance, and thee O Time.

[Delightful]

The....the baby injured in the attack has lost his leg.

:,( noooooooo.

Mist runner: I don't know about elsewhere, but here, they firstly don't usually have to live with it because they're shot in the act, and regardless Palestinian society honours them as holy martyrs and they get streets and soccer stadiums named after them and their mothers go on TV talking about how proud they are that their children have died for Allah, and the PA pays the family a salary, and if a terrorist is imprisoned they get a salary from the PA too. Plus if they die they believe they get 70 virgins in heaven so, not much going against them.

Edited December 15, 2015 by Delightful

[kaellok he/him]

And on a different reason it's a bad day, my aunt is dying.

She has a very aggressive, very rare form of cancer that's been steadily sapping away her life. They say she's got days. Maybe hours.

She's an amazing person. She stayed strong throughout it all, even though she was fighting a horrible disease that was probably very painful, as were the treatments. She's such a wonderful example and I know she'll be going to a better place where she'll never feel that pain again.

It still hurts for those left behind, though.

I'm very sorry about your aunt.  It's so damned hard to watch someone you love waste away in a battle that cannot be won.  Words are so storming inadequate sometimes.  I watched my grandfather waste away from ALS.  I saw my old boss's wife (one of the coolest/best people I've ever known) slowly succumb to cancer.  Nothing anybody could have said to me back then would have helped, and so I'm not sure that anything I can say will help you.  Just--remember her, as she was.  Talk about your memories of her with friends and loved ones, to remind yourselves and each other of her.  So that in a way, she'll still be around.  And so that the memories can be strengthened, and you can share her with others in generations to come.

[Seonid he/him]

The....the baby injured in the attack has lost his leg.

:,( noooooooo.

Mist runner: I don't know about elsewhere, but here, they firstly don't usually have to live with it because they're shot in the act, and regardless Palestinian society honours them as holy martyrs and they get streets and soccer stadiums named after them and their mothers go on TV talking about how proud they are that their children have died for Allah, and the PA pays the family a salary, and if a terrorist is imprisoned they get a salary from the PA too. Plus if they die they believe they get 70 virgins in heaven so, not much going against them.

 

These sorts of attacks depress me.

 

I cannot fathom the worldview that spawns them. Not on any level. And in a future day, they will be held accountable for their evil. And we should do all in our power to find those who perpetrate them before they do and stop them.

 

With that said, #NotAllMuslims are like that. And especially #NotAllPalestinians. There is a lot of hate in Palestine, and a lot of it is directed towards Israel. This is true. But the (silent) majority of Palestinians want to live in peace. And the hate has reasons - none that justify terrorist attacks (at all!) - but the hate did not just spring up out of nowhere.

 

The Western world is in a war with militant/radical Islam. Anyone who disputes this is blind. But the billion and a half Muslims around the world are not the enemy. They are the battleground. And every time we tar all Muslims with the extremist brush - when we treat them as terrorists waiting to happen, the terrorists take one step closer to winning on that battleground.

 

There is a way out of this situation, but it requires everyone - on both sides - to see each other as real people, to understand that they have real grievances, to cease demonization and marginalization and to do the hard work of letting each other become vulnerable and building trust. The walls in our hearts (on both sides) have to come down. Or else there will never be an end to this.

[Delightful]

Not all Muslims, not all Palestinians. Maybe not even a majority. But a significant enough proportion of them, and when they glorify and honour terror, I don't see how they can stop hating us enough to actually give peace a shot.

You're right, the hate didn't come from nowhere. ISIS didn't come from nowhere. It's jihad.

There's a saying, and I don't remember who said it first: if the Arab world/Palestinians put down their weapons, there would be no more war. If Israel (/insert, the West) put down their weapons there would be no more Israel."

For all the people I know personally, and opinion articles etc from the Israeli side, this holds true. More than anything else Israelis want peace - more than the land that the Jews have yearned for thousands of years to return to. Most Israelis would hand over land today if it would bring peace, if it would mean we'd stop being attacked in the streets and there didn't have to be mandatory military service for everyone, if it meant that everyone would not somehow know a person killed in war or terror. There's just no one on the other side to bargain with.

Edited December 15, 2015 by Delightful

[RippleGylf she/her]

So, perhaps a bit lower on the scale of bad days, but my school got evacuated for the third time this year. Fourth if you include lockdowns. And what's worst is that the sub I had when we were evacuated wouldn't let me take my flute with me. So, guess I don't get to practice today. 

[Briar King]

As I feared with with the early screening yesterday of SW ep 7 people are blasting spoilers online. I knew it so I'm glad I went darkish on Net and plan to stay so till hopefully Friday if I'm lucky enough to get to see it then.

[Curious Anamaximder he/him]

Me today for no reason:

I'm so sorry Mist.

For everyone: Some baby memes:

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

My MacBook Pro has been running slowly lately. I've uninstalled Steam and a few other apps that were probably slowing it down, but I'll still get the spinning wheel of death after switching between Safari and Word, or when making a new paragraph on Word. It's been installing the same update for Word for the past ten minutes. I don't have all that much memory in use, and it's only two or three years old....argh. It's probably a simple fix, but I have no idea what.